“So one of the reasons I called this meeting, apart from spilling my guts to you all like a big crybaby, was to ask for your help. I’m gonna need you to tie up these last few loose ends on the album without as much input from me as you normally have. I need to take care of business elsewhere, you know? I’m going to be focusing on doing everything in my power over the next few weeks to get my house in order, figuratively and literally, so when London comes back from Down Under, she’ll see things have changed and she’ll consider letting me be part of hers and Squirt’s lives.”

“Wait, who the fuck is Squirt?”

I look across at Ryan.

“Well, dumbass, I don’t know if we’re having a boy or a girl, and have no contact with London to start thinking of names either way, so right now, I’m calling this baby Squirt.”

The boys snicker. I guess it is kind of an ironic name for an unplanned baby.

“First housekeeping priority is to end this shit show with Marnie once and for all. London is adamant that the split is less about the video and more about the craziness of my life in general. In her mind, the video is just one example of that. She has a point, of course. This shit has been our ‘normal’ for so long that it can be easy to forget how overwhelming it can all be if you’re not used to it.”

I guess it’s hard for any of us to think about it this way. We’ve been in the game since we were just kids. We basically grew up together in the industry, so this is almost all we know. While we realize it’s not how everyone lives, it’s hard for us to see it through their eyes because it’s been so long since we’ve seen it that way ourselves. It’s not like London is some country bumpkin straight off the bus from Kansas, either. Until her car accident, she was a professional ballet dancer, and like us, she’s toured the world for work. Having said that, I get the feeling that touring with a ballet company and with a band are two very different animals.

After shadowing us on the tour, I’m pretty sure London’s overall impression of us—with the exception of Jake—is that we’re feral man-whores rampaging around the world doing whatever and whomever the fuck we like. In some senses that’s a fairly accurate view, but in other ways, she’s so far off base, it’s not even funny. Even on a wild day now, we’re so much mellower than we were when we were starting out.

Jake has his wife and the kids, and is just about ready for retirement, the way he carries on sometimes. Stevie is a changed man now that he’s sober. Luke is… Luke. Ryan has always been way too smart to get into much trouble. Now that I have London, there’s nothing that gets my blood pumping—mostly straight to my dick—more than the thought of being with her. Whenever, wherever, however. Now with little Squirt in the mix, it’s a whole different ball game again. Our worst hell-raising days are well and truly behind us, for sure.

Of course it wasn’t always like this, and as young bucks on the road, you can be sure we took advantage of all the “delights” that the rock star lifestyle had to offer, and then some. There are stories I could tell London, but never will, that would have her refusing to speak to me for a whole lot of other reasons than the ones she already has. It’s a good thing that what happens on tour stays on tour. As for the shit that happens at home, I guess I’m just going to have to hope she never finds out most of that, either.

“She said she doesn’t care if Marnie and I did or didn’t get together again after I was with her, but I’m calling bullshit on that. Of course it fucking matters if I cheated on her, and with Marnie of all people. If I can categorically prove that I didn’t fuck Marnie or anyone else after we were together, it’s one more thing going for me instead of against me.” I look around the room. Everyone is listening intently, Luke more so than anybody.

“I guess that’s going to be life with London—a series of challenges designed to show her I’m not as much of an oxygen thief as I seem to the outside world. At least that’s the way it’s been so far. I guess until she can fully trust me, I need to be prepared to earn my stripes every fucking day. Who knew that all these years of embracing the bad boy thing would eventually come back and bite me in the ass? I guess it’s karma, but if it means I get my girl, I’m gonna pay my dues, no matter what it takes. It’s a small price to pay, right?”

Jake nods slowly. He’s really the only one who knows what it’s like to work hard to be with somebody. Things between him and Kris haven’t always been easy, but they’re rock-solid now after all these years.

“Basically, I want to shut the whole incident down and show London that it doesn’t mean shit—it’s just an unfortunate and badly timed blip. Really meaningless, and really badly timed. The sooner we forget about it and move on, the better. The lawyers are on the case as we speak, and I’ve told them to spare no expense and leave no stone unturned. I want this thing gone so we can move the fuck on with our lives.”

Luke looks at me as though I just filled his boxers with poison ivy. I hold his stare, daring him to say something—contradict me or question me. He remains silent, clearly valuing his head attached to his body.

“They’ve brought a private dick in to do some digging, and he has a team of techy geeks who do shit with data that I don’t even understand. He has already tracked her down, so at least we know where to serve papers to when the time comes. The nerds have also unearthed some interesting evidence about the video. It doesn’t look like Marnie was responsible for circulating it—she may have been hacked, and the video leaked. Still, I’m 100 percent sure she was the one who shot it, without my consent. And I can’t stop thinking about the fact that if it weren’t for her and her stupid fucking antics, London and Squirt would still be with me right now. Ironic, really, that London’s the one I want and she’s gone, while I’ve never wanted Marnie and she’s still hanging around.”

Luke clears his throat a few times, and I shoot a look his way. What’s his fucking problem?

“Something to say there, douchey?”

“Yeah, as a matter of fact, I do.”

This should be interesting.

“Well, come on, dear brother of mine, don’t keep me hanging, I’m all ears. Shoot.” I can see a confrontation brewing, and if I’m not mistaken, it’s going to get ugly. I just can’t work out Luke’s angle.

“Look, don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m wondering if you shouldn’t cut Marnie some slack instead of going all A Few Good Men on her ass with a lawsuit. I mean, it just seems a little harsh after all these years of friendship. Surely there’s a better way to deal with the situation?”

“Are you for real right now? You’re reminding me about the years of friendship between us? Is that some kind of sick fucking joke? Where were those years of friendship when she was recording us fucking without my knowledge? Or how about when said footage was leaked to the press and drove a wedge a mile wide between me and my woman and our unborn child. Where was our friendship then? What about when I was trying to contact her to talk about it and she completely ghosted me?”

“She didn’t know about the baby. Nobody did.”

“But she knew I was serious about London. Am serious about her. She was the first person I told, for fuck’s sake.”

“She’s really sorry for what she did.” His voice is barely above a whisper.

“She can tell that to the judge when she finds herself in court over it.” Something shifts in my mind, and a thought suddenly comes to me. Like cherries lining up on a Vegas slot machine, everything falls into place in my mind. Fuck.

“Wait. How do you know all that?” I stalk toward Luke with intent.

“I’ve seen her.”

For a moment I feel like the world has tipped off its axis. Literally like the room is spinning.

“What the fuck did you just say? Because it sounded a hell of a lot like you admitted to having seen Marnie. But that can’t have been it, because that would make you a two-faced Judas motherfucker, posing as my responsible, loving, and loyal twin brother.”

“I have.” The silence in the room is so heavy you could cut it with a chainsaw.

Before I know it, I’m launching myself across the small space toward Luke. I don’t remember making a conscious effort to move, but nevertheless, it happens before I can stop myself. I want to kill this motherfucker. So much for new Zen Arlo.

Luckily, I guess, Jake and Ryan spring into action; Jake stands in front of Luke, barring my access to him, while Ryan faces off with me, shoulders and feet set firm, clearly not about to yield. In fact, he gets up close and personal, then starts walking toward me, forcing me to step backward each time he steps forward. He does this until I’m physically as far from Luke as possible in the tiny break room. I make a mental note that Ryan is definitely on my shit list for the foreseeable.

Luke carries on speaking from across the room.

“I worked it out a few days after she took off and we couldn’t find her. You know I went by the apartment a few times and she wasn’t there, and the modeling agency couldn’t or wouldn’t tell us where she was. I called back again, telling them I had concerns for her safety, which was true, and the chick I spoke to confirmed that they’d dropped her contract earlier in the year. I started to worry for real. I mean, if she wasn’t at her apartment and she wasn’t working, where the fuck was she? I figured she was probably at a hotel somewhere, which in this city would make finding her like looking for a needle in a haystack—and that was assuming she was here, not elsewhere in the country, or even the world.

“Then I had a flash of inspiration and remembered the old cottage her grandma had on Long Island back in the day. It seemed like the perfect place to go to lie low. I had only been there once or twice as a kid, but by some miracle, I managed to remember the street it was on. I went there on a whim, and when I arrived, I recognized the place straightaway. I knocked on the door, and sure enough, there she was. Since I found her, any time not spent here working on the album, I’ve been there with her.”

That makes sense of his absence from Rosemond House these past few weeks. Here I was thinking he was being his usual thoughtful self, keeping out of my way and giving me space to fix my shit, when in reality he’s been hiding out with Marnie, stabbing me in the back with her.

“Why the fuck didn’t you say anything? I specifically asked if you would tell me if you knew anything, and you said yes, you fuckstain.” I step forward, but Ryan moves toward me again, forcing me back. He can seriously go choke on a fat one.

“Yeah. I know. And at the time you asked me, I genuinely didn’t know where she was. Then I went to her, and I discovered that she’s not in great shape. She’s…. Maybe she’s having a breakdown, or a midlife crisis or some shit. I don’t know, man, but I do know that she feels terrible about what she did, and all the trouble it’s caused. That definitely wasn’t her intention. I know it looks bad, but I wasn’t doing it to betray you. I honestly just didn’t think it would help anyone—you, her, or London—to have you unleashing your wrath on her, so I made the call not to tell you. I mean, what were you going to say to her anyway? Were you going to try to get her to sign an affidavit explaining the nature of that video to London, or what?”

“Honestly, at that stage, I hadn’t gotten that far in my thinking. I had no fucking clue. I just knew I was angry as shit.”