I can’t believe what just happened. I was not expecting the meeting to end up like that.

I feel something incredible in my body. It’s like… Well, I really have no idea how to explain it, or even attempt to describe it. It’s like the energy of a huge smile rushing up through my solar plexus. It’s like I feel light and each step is a breeze.

But that doesn’t last long.

My motherly instincts have kicked into high gear.

My foot’s pressing down on the gas pedal and I’m rolling quickly through stop signs, even though I know I shouldn’t be.

I know that Will’s going to be OK. It’s definitely just some virus. I mean that’s what kids do, they get sick. I mean, aside from playing and learning to speak and all that.

But Will hasn’t been sick that many times before, and I’m anxious about it. My heart’s thumping in my chest.

I park the car sloppily and quickly and rush into the house.

“Jane?” I say, shouting her name loudly.

“He’s OK!” says Jane, seeing my look of intense worry. “Don’t worry, he’s going to be fine. He just threw up once. I put him to bed and he’s resting.”

“Thanks,” I say.

“So how’d it go?”

“What go? Where? Huh?” I say, not sure what she’s asking me.

“The date. Shane. Remember?”

“Oh,” I say. “I’ll have to tell you about it later. Thanks again.”

I leave her standing there in the kitchen and rush into Will’s bedroom.

“Mom?” he says, waking up a little.

“It’s OK, Will,” I say. “Mommy’s here. I’m going to take care of you.”

“I don’t feel well,” says Will.

Even when he’s sick he looks impossibly cute.

Seeing him in bed makes me a lot calmer. He looks sick, but not that sick. It’s nothing life threatening, and I’m not going to be the type of mother who rushes to the emergency room because her kid is just a little sick.

Jane pokes her head into the room from the hall. “I gave him some water,” she says.

“Thanks,” I say, turning towards her. “I think I’d better take him to the doctor.”

“Already made an appointment,” says Jane. “They had a cancelation and they said they could see him in an hour.”

I’m floored. “You’re the best,” I say.

Jane just winks at me.

“I’ll see you later,” she says. “And don’t forget I want all the details about this afternoon.”

I blush a little despite myself, already giving too much away.

I spend a few minutes with Will, before getting him out of bed and dressed to go to the doctor.

The doctor is a woman I’ve been going to see since having Will. She’s older and competent. I like how she’s very professional, although she almost never cracks a smile.

She prescribes Will amoxicillin.

“Does it still come in that bubble gum flavor?” I ask.

Will looks curious at the mention of bubble gum.

“Don’t get too excited,” I say. “I don’t think it was that good. It was this weird pink liquid.”

“I’m afraid it does,” says Doctor Meeks. “That’s one area that we still need to improve on.”

I thank Doctor Meeks and head right to the pharmacy, taking Will in with me, since I don’t like the idea of leaving him in the car by himself.

We have to stand in line for almost half an hour before they give us the prescription. A surly pharmacist hands over the crinkly white paper bag.

“Thanks,” I say.

He doesn’t say anything. Instead, he just glares at me.

Whatever, I guess he’s had a rough day. Maybe a lot of people are getting sick right now.

I swipe my debit card. I don’t have a good enough credit score to get any kind of credit card with reasonable rates. So the money comes right out of my bank account. But it’s a good reminder that I can’t be spending too much. Money has been tight since I got out of college. That’s just the way it is, though. It’s not like I’m going to complain about it too much.

I take Will back to the car.

“Here,” I say, finally managing to remove the safety seal from the antibiotic bottle. I pour him a capful and hold it to his face.

“Smells funny,” he says, scrunching up his face. He looks impossibly cute like that and I try not to smile.

“It’s good,” I say. “I used to take it all the time.”

“You said it was bad.”

“Trust me,” I say. “It’s really good. And it’s going to make you feel a lot better.”

I finally get Will to take down the liquid, and I start driving us home.

On the way back, I pass a group of people standing on a street corner. Each carries a picket sign that reads “McKinney for City Counsel.” They stand in place and don’t move much. They don’t look happy to be there, the signs of trouble and turmoil easily read on their faces even in a passing car.

I shrug and keep on driving.

We drive by one of Will’s favorite parks, but he doesn’t even look out the window.

“You want to hear some music?” I say, glancing at Will in the rear view mirror.

He nods.

I press the radio button and adjust the dial until the classical music radio station comes on. Will has always loved classical music, as well as jazz. It’s weird, but he just doesn’t seem to like music that has any words in it at all. I can vaguely remember being the same way as a kid. But my own childhood feels like it was eternity ago.

Will falls asleep to the sounds of the music. I think it’s Bach, but I’m not sure. I’ve never had the time to learn the names of all the composers or anything like that.

I think back, for some reason, to the books that Shane mentioned briefly. What were they? Ginsbrg or something like that? And some Spanish author? Robano or something like that. Frankly, I feel kind of dumb and silly for not know those authors. Or were those the titles of the books? I’m embarrassed to admit, even to myself, that I don’t even know that.

It’s not like I have a lot of time to read. Or watch TV. Or do just about anything that’s not taking care of Will, cooking for him. Or cleaning the house. If it’s not that, I’m at work.

When there’s the occasional slow shift at work, I might pick up one of the old romance books that’s been lying there forever and read a few pages. It’s something to take my mind off things, something light and maybe even a little silly. But sometimes I find myself getting so drawn into the story that I’ll take the book home with me and read it far later into the night than I should.

We arrive home and Will’s sound asleep. I carry him in my arms to his bed and tuck him in. I put the bottle of medicine in the refrigerator, after reading the direction carefully.

It’s getting dark outside, and I sigh as I enter the kitchen, realizing that I should cook something. But I’m tired. The days sometimes seem to just take it all out of me. I’m young. And I always think that I shouldn’t be tired.

Age is just a number, though. Usually that means that older people can act younger. But for me, it means that I feel sometimes older than I am.

But this afternoon, with Shane… that made me feel young. Like I was back in my last year of college.

My phone rings.

I rush over to get it. I don’t want the ringer to possibly wake up Will. Sometime he can sleep through anything. And sometimes he’s a light sleeper.

“Hello?” I say. I don’t bother to check the caller ID before picking it up, because I’m so concentrated on getting the ringer to turn off.

“Hey there sexy,” growls a deep voice.

It can only be one person. One man.

Shane.

I giggle, not quite knowing why.

I head into my room and close the door behind me.

“I didn’t expect to hear from you so soon,” I say. I speak in a low voice so that there’s no chance I can wake up Will.

“I just wanted to check and see how your son was doing.”

“He’s a lot better, thanks. I took him to the doctor. He got some antibiotics.”

“Any chance he got that bubble gum medicine?”

I laugh. “He did,” I say. “I can’t believe they’re still making that stuff.”

“That’s good to hear. I loved the taste of that. Glad to hear it’s still in production.”

“Are you serious?” I say, laughing. “That shit is gross.”

He laughs. “I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree on that one. Because that’s one opinion I’m not changing.”

“I never knew you had such strong opinions,” I say.

There’s a pause.

“So that was crazy this afternoon, right?” says Shane.

“Yeah,” I say. “I don’t know what came over me.”

“I know what came over me,” says Shane. “You.”

I laugh. “Gross,” I say.

“You didn’t think it was gross when you were doing it.”

I laugh.

“So you want to come over tonight? I’m don’t know about you, but I’m ready for round two.”

“Uh, I’d love to, but I’ve got to watch Will.”

“Oh, well maybe I could come over there then.”

“Uh,” I say. “I don’t know. It’s kind of a cheap apartment.”

“I don’t care about that.”

“I know, but there’s not really any… soundproofing, if you catch my drift.”

“Got ya,” says Shane. “Well, what about if I just come over and we just talk.”

“Just talk?” I say, laughing. “I don’t believe that for a second.”

“I’m serious,” says Shane. “I don’t need to constantly get inside you, although of course I don’t mind… Are you sure we can’t just be quiet?”

“I don’t know,” I say. “The walls are pretty thin.”

“Do you have a porch or something?”

“I’m not doing it on the porch!” I say, laughing even harder. “You’re completely crazy.”

“I didn’t mean that. I just mean we could talk on the porch and not wake your son up.”

“Oh,” I say, feeling a little silly. “Yeah, come on over then.”

“Great,” says Shane. “Text me your address and I’ll be over soon.”

“OK,” I say, but he’s already hung up the phone, presumably already halfway out to his car.

I put the phone down and slump down onto the couch. I’ve been standing up, pacing back and forth, the way I do sometimes when I’m on the phone and I’m nervous.

My mind turns to the whole confusion, the whole huge, muddy situation.

How have I ended up here? The father of my son doesn’t know he’s the father of anyone. And now I’m dating him? Or just hooking up with him?

I have no idea what’s happening. And I know that I need to tell Shane sooner rather than later. Maybe I should tell him tonight.

Yeah, I should tell him tonight. But my heart starts beating rapidly just thinking about doing that.