Chapter Thirty
Lucy
The steam from my cup of coffee warms my cold cheeks while I sit and watch the morning fog dance across the water. Fall has to be hands down my favorite season. The trees are painted in beautiful shades of golden yellows, soft oranges, and crisp reds. And the clothes are the best, big cozy sweaters, leggings, and hoodies, don’t forget about the hoodies. With fall comes corn mazes and pumpkin everything. Pumpkin lattes, pumpkin cookies, and my favorite, pumpkin cream cheese bread. But the last few days I have found it hard to enjoy the little things of fall I love so much.
I’ve gone over every scenario of Colton being home in my head. I’ve examined every feeling and emotion I once had for him to see if the love we once shared is still in me somewhere. I’ve even done pages of pro-con lists. But at the end of it all, my heart still beats for Hunter.
When I was twenty-two, Colton was the love of my life. We were young and crazy, trying to make our own path in the world together. At that time, I had no clue who I was going to be outside of being a Marine’s wife. My job was to keep the home fires burning while Colton was gone. I volunteered at the VA Center, I ran a book club with the other wives in Colton’s unit. I kept our home clean and raised our daughter. Everything I did was for him and the life he chose for himself. It wasn’t until he was gone, and it was just me and Bailey, that I realized I had no clue how I was going to get by without him. I had lived in Colton’s shadow for so long, that I forgot who I was.
He was gone, and it was up to me to make the money, pay the bills, and keep Bailey alive. Colton and I had talked about opening my coffee shop and it fell to me to make the dream come alive. The shop was the one dream I had that was mine alone, and I worked damn hard to get it. I didn’t have anyone to help me deal with the bank when I needed a business loan. I had to create a business plan, something I knew nothing about, but I nailed it. And when I couldn’t get the full loan amount, I had to put my big girl panties on and ask Hank for the rest, of which I paid back within the first year the shop was open. Every day, even on the bad days, I feel a massive amount of pride in myself for making my dream happen on my own. Something I never thought I could do without Colton.
In a way, the mix up with Colton’s records was a bit of a blessing in disguise. If he had come back, I would still be relying on him for everything. I would be known only as Colton’s wife and still be living in his shadow. Since he has been gone, I’ve grown and changed so much. Things that used to make me happy no longer do. I’m not that naïve girl anymore. To be honest, if I were to have met Colton now, I don’t think we would have gotten together. Colton came into my life when I needed someone to take care of me. Today, I can take care of myself, and what I need the most is someone to be by my side and that is what Hunter is for me. He is the man I see walking by my side.
The time Colton and I had together will always be a huge part of me. I don’t regret marrying Colton. He was the man who taught me how to love and what it was to be in a relationship. We were happy. I was happy, but that happiness has changed.
As the fog begins to fade in the morning sun it is becoming clear what I need to do and what I want. Hunter is my world, he is it for me. I will always love Colton for the life he gave me, and I will be there for him but as a friend. I still want him in my life and especially in Bailey’s, she deserves the chance to get to know her father, and that is going to start now.
****
I walk down the hallway in my parent’s house to the room that was once my mine. After I’d gotten my head in the right space, I knew it was time to let Bailey know about her father. I am completely terrified. Bailey was too young to remember who Colton was. All her memories of him are the stories I told her, so I have no clue how she is going to take this news.
My hand hesitates for a brief second before knocking on the door. I hear Bailey say, “Come in,” and I slowly turn the handle. She looks up at me from over her book and smiles. “Mom, you’re back.” She sets her book down on the bed and climbs out from under the covers to give me a big hug. “I’ve been so worried about you,” she says, squeezing me a little tighter.
“Why have you been worried about me?” I slide a hand under her chin and lift her eyes up to mine.
“Because I know when something is wrong with you. You might put a smile on your face, but I can always see the sadness in your eyes,” she admits. Damn there is no hiding anything from this girl.
“You are right, there is something that has been going on and I needed a few days to figure some things out. Let’s sit down.” We both take a seat on the bed and I keep her hands in mine. “I don’t really know the right way to say this. I practiced different ways in the car on the way here, but none of them sounded right. So, I am just going to say it.” I close my eyes and take a deep soothing breath. “Your dad is alive.” As the words come out tears trail down my cheeks.
My eyes open to find Bailey with a blank stare on her face. “Dad is alive,” she says in a soft voice.
“After you left with Hunter for school the other day, your dad showed up on our doorstep. You know how I told you the convoy your dad was heading back to base with was hit.” She nods yes. “During all the chaos, your dad’s records were switched with another soldier’s. The mistake was never realized because he woke up not remembering who he was. It wasn’t until a week ago that he got his memories back, and now he is here to see us.”
Bailey slips her hands from mine then leaps into my arms. “Daddy’s alive.” She sobs into my shoulder.
“Yes, sweetheart, he’s alive.” I stoke her hair as we both cry in each other’s arms.
Bailey lifts her head up to look at me. “Are you doing okay, Mom?” she asks.
“I’m doing better now that I have had time to think things through and figure out how your dad is going to fit into our lives again.” I wipe the tears from both our cheeks.
“What about you and Hunter? What is going to happen now that Daddy is back?”
“Would you be upset if daddy and I didn’t get back together?”
“I don’t remember you and daddy together. I’ve only seen you with Hunter. I would be sad if you weren’t with Hunter. He makes you happy. You and Hunter are better together.”
“I’m glad to hear you say that, because I want to be with Hunter. I love your dad very much, because he gave me you, and I want to make sure you get to spend as much time with him as you want. You both deserve to get to know each other. He just won’t be living with us.”
“When do I get to see him?”
“Well, if you want we can go see him today. I know he wants to see you.” I tuck the loose strands of hair behind her ear. “I just have to talk to him first.”
“I want to go with you. He will need lots of hugs after you guys talk.” This conversation has gone better than I imagined. I’m glad she isn’t upset about me and Colton not being together. She never got the chance to get attached to me and Colton together like most kids do with their parents. So that image for her isn’t ruined by us not being together anymore. She is a lucky girl to get her father back, and I want to make sure this second chance isn’t wasted. If I have to fly her out to Charlotte every other weekend so she can have time with Colton, I will happily do it.
“I think he would take all the hugs you can give him.”