Chapter Thirty-One
Colton
I wave goodbye to Colby and Fiona from the front porch as they follow Nora and Hank down the walkway for a day at the beach. They invited me to join them, but since I have been crashing in their guest room, I thought they could use a break from me. I turn to head back inside when a familiar voice saying hello stops me in my tracks. Slowly I turn to see Lucy standing at the end of the walkway. I step down from the front porch and meet her halfway down the walk. Before I can say anything, she leaps into my arms. The force knocks the breath out of me. I hug her tight against my chest and lift her off her feet. Tears stream down my face.
“I’m so sorry Colton.” Her voice cracks.
“You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m the one that is sorry for not giving you some sort of warning.” I tighten my grip around her. I’ve missed the way she feels in my arms.
“No amount of warning would have prepared me for seeing you alive again. I shouldn’t have kicked you out the way I did. I was so freaked out that I didn’t know what to do.” She sniffles. I set Lucy back on her feet and wipe the tears from her cheeks.
“You did what you had to. You needed some space to process. I’m just glad you are here.” I smile, feeling relived that Lucy came to see me. When I heard she was leaving town for a few days, I wasn’t sure if I was ever going to see her. Me coming back throws her entire life off course, just like it blew up the life I had been building with Kara when I was Christian. “Let’s go inside and talk.” Out of old habit my hand rests on Lucy’s lower back, guiding her inside.
Once in the kitchen, Lucy takes a seat at the kitchen island. “Would you like a cup of coffee?” I ask.
She snorts. “Do you even have to ask.”
“Some of the memories are still missing, and apparently the one where you like coffee with your oxygen was one of them.” I chuckle.
“I’ll give you a pass this time,” she teases. “How have you been doing through all of this?” she asks.
I pour a couple cups of coffee, slide one to Lucy, and hand her the creamer. “I have two sets of memories merging in my mind, and it’s all so confusing and frustrating trying to sort it all out. It feels like I was living someone else’s life, but yet parts of me were still there, I just didn’t know it at the time. I do have to tell you something. I was with another woman during this time.” It feels like a weight has been taken off my shoulders admitting to Lucy that I was with Kara.
“I figured as much. Ten years of living this new life, of course you would meet someone. What’s her name?” she asks very calmly.
“Her name is Kara. I met her about a couple months after coming home. When we met, I was in a really dark place. I didn’t know who I was other than who the doctors told me I was. There was no family or friends to help me get through the depression and PTSD I was suffering from. The night we met, I was actually contemplating killing myself.” I choke back the emotions bubbling up in my chest.
“Oh my God, Colton, that breaks my heart.” Lucy’s voice cracks. Her eyes gloss over with tears, her bottom lip quivers with emotion. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that.” Her comforting hand lays over mine. “I hate that I couldn’t be there for you.” Lucy brushes the tears falling down her cheeks.
“I know but, unfortunately, that option was taken from us. I was lucky enough to have met the one waitress that actually cared about her customers. Kara was there for me, she kept me talking that night. She was the listening ear I needed. Kara saved me that night.”
“I need to meet this Kara and thank her. She sounds like an amazing woman.”
“She is. She has a big heart. So big, she still wants to be there for me even after finding out I’m not really Christian.”
“Do you still love her?” she asks. This is a question I have been asking myself over the last couple of days. I love the memories I have with Lucy, but having been separated for all this time, that love is just that, memories. I’m stuck in the middle of two different lives, not knowing which one is really who I am.
“Honestly, I don’t have a definitive answer. Before all of this happened it would have been an easy yes…I just don’t know. I still feel the connection we had, and the feelings are still there, but I’m not Christian. I’m not the man she fell in love with anymore. And there is still the matter of us and everything we had before.”
“Your name might not have been the right one, but deep down it was still you. Your heart and your soul were connecting with hers. Let’s take our relationship out of the equation for a moment. If there was no me or Bailey to consider, would you pursue a relationship with Kara?”
“Yes,” I answer honestly. My heart aches saying it to my wife. “It guts me to even say that.” The regret and the guilt rips through me. I made a promise to love, honor, and cherish her for the rest of our lives, and here I am in love with someone else.
Lucy gets up from her chair and walks around the island to where I am standing. She takes my face in her hands. “Don’t feel guilty for listening to your heart. We aren’t the people we were in the past. We have both changed and grown, so why wouldn’t our hearts change, too. In all honesty, I have met someone else, too. That was one of the things I wanted to discuss with you.” Her hands fall to her sides, and I can hear her take a deep breath. It doesn’t surprise me that Lucy had moved on. She thought I was dead, and who wouldn’t give their left arm to be with her.
“It’s still fairly new. I hadn’t really dated much since you’ve been gone. Hunter is the first man I have felt a real connection with since you. The morning you showed up at my doorstep was the morning after Hunter and I said we loved each other,” she admits. I get a slight pang in my chest knowing I really fucked up her life by showing up again.
I step back until my back hits the fridge. “I sure know how to fuck shit up.”
“You do have impeccable timing,” she says with a little giggle. “Maybe this is fates twisted way of saying we weren’t meant to be together. Or maybe we were only supposed to be together for a short time. Long enough to bring our sweet Bailey into the world. I don’t think we are the people we were all those years ago.”
“I was a completely different person for a while.” We both laugh. “Maybe you’re right. We got married so young, neither one of us had much time to really know who we were or what we wanted to be. What does this mean for us?”
“I think it means the big D, divorce. This doesn’t mean we aren’t still family. You are a huge part of my life, and the father of my child, so there is no getting rid of me completely. I want you to spend as much time as you want with Bailey, you both deserve a chance to get to know each other.” Her soft smile eases my heart.
“I would like that very much.” I’ve missed so much with Bailey already. I don’t want to miss anymore of the big moments in her life.
“I’m glad you said that, because…” Just then the doorbell rings. “There is someone here that would really like to meet you.” Lucy turns and moves through the kitchen back to the front door.
I slowly follow behind with my heart pounding in my ears in anticipation. The last time I saw Bailey she was sleeping in her stroller, sucking on her pacifier, blissfully unaware of what was going on around her. The door slowly opens and in walks the most beautiful little young lady I have ever seen, with Lucy’s bright eyes and my nose. She looks right at me and smiles. “Hi Daddy.” Her soft voice is the sweetest thing I have ever heard.
I let out the breath I’ve been holding and drop to my knees in front of her. I cradle her little face in my hands and just take her all in. The baby I left behind is no longer a baby. She has grown into this perfect mix of me and Lucy. She is absolutely beautiful. I scoop her into my arms and hold her tight. “I have missed you so much,” I whisper with tears streaming down my face. I’m never letting this little girl out of my arms again.