TEARS CURTAINED MY eyes. My stomach churned. Raw emotion nearly doubled me over as I stumbled back out into the busy corridor at the Verizon Theatre, my arm thrown protectively across my waist.
Don't be sick. Walk away don't run. Exit the venue with your remaining dignity intact.
“Raven.” I jerked upright at the sound of his voice. His lying cheating voice. No lead singer croon at the moment, just ‘I got busted’ conciliatory whine. “It's not what you think. Come back inside and we'll talk it out.”
“It is exactly what I think." I threw a long length of my hair back over my shoulder pretending to be indifferent, amazed that I was able to string together coherent words while my mind kept replaying the scene of that two timing bastard doing another woman doggie style on the dressing room floor. I would never be able to Clorox wipe that image from my memory.
“It's over." My voice warbled. We had been through so much together. I had begun to nurture hopes of a future for the two of us, though I hadn't shared them with him. Thank God, I was spared that humiliation. "We're through." I threw a hand on my hip brandishing sass I didn't feel. “Don't bother calling. I sure won’t."
“C'mon, baby. Don't be like that.” Ivan Carl, the frontman of Heavy Metal Enthusiasts leaned his tattooed forearm against the dressing room door while holding up his unbuckled jeans. "Come join the fun. Expand your horizons. Try a little spontaneity for once, instead of planning every single thing you do down to the nth degree."
“I don't.” I huffed.
“Oh yeah you do,” he retorted. “It’s that way with everything. Especially sex. It's the same position, the same two damn days every week when I’m home. Maybe I need more. Maybe I just wanted to shake things up a bit. Rattle your cage. Get back the girl I knew at the beginning, the one who knew how to relax and have a good time, the one I started out with a year ago."
That girl was gone. She wasn't ever coming back. I thought he understood. He had been so patient while I had regrouped and tried to put the shattered pieces of myself back together. I thought that he had loved me. I believed that he had been faithful. But who the hell knew after something like this? Maybe he had been cheating on me all along. My world careened on its axis. The blood drained from my face. Forget my mind. I suddenly wanted to sanitize my entire body.
"How many other women have there been?" My fingers clenched into fists, my nails biting into my palms.
“Only Clarissa. Honest to God.”
I glared at him. So doggie had a name. The knife already lodged in my abdomen twisted in so deep that it seemed to sever my spine.
“I can't believe you're being like this.” He sighed, his dark brown eyes shimmering with emotion. Regret, perhaps. Too freakin’ late for that. He ran a hand that visibly trembled through the chestnut strands of his medium length hair. I think he was beginning to see how this was going to play out. The ‘that's-all-folks’ had been pretty clear to me from the moment I had caught him fucking someone else.
"So help me Ivan. If you gave me a venereal disease I'll lop off your dick with a pair of hedge trimmers.”
He winced. “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I wore a condom. Besides, it was only this once.”
“And it didn’t mean anything.” I cut him off, finishing his sentence for him.
“Exactly, baby.” Biting down on his silver hoop lip ring, he stepped closer to me, his hips hitching with the cocky swagger I had once found so irresistibly sexy. But his hand holding up his pants reminded me yet again that his cock had just been inside someone else. That sobering fact negated the I'm-so-sorry pleading expression. It negated all the hopes and dreams I had built for us. I straightened my shoulders, not all that impressive, but it was the best show of strength I could manage at the moment. I would build stronger defenses later. For now, I stood up to his bullshit rock star charm. I recognized it for what it was. Cheap pyrotechnics and lyrical subterfuge. I should have known better. I should have listened to my father, my best friend, and even my brother. They had all seen through him. Why hadn’t I?
“Don't touch me.” I backed further away when he reached for me. His big brown eyes glistened like melted chocolate, but I ignored the temptation, spinning on my Steve Madden heels and running smack into a cart stacked with amplifiers.
“Sorry, Raven,” Peter apologized. I knew all the roadies by name, even fashioning Navajo dreamcatchers for them as Christmas gifts. “I didn't see you." He moved toward me. “Hey, why are you crying?” He frowned. “Did I hurt you?"
“No.” I shook my head.
“What's wrong then?” Peter pressed while Ivan’s presence loomed behind me.
“It’s nothing,” I mumbled. “I gotta go.” I slid my cell out of my bag to call my best friend. I had her number dialed before I hit the metal bar and opened the door to the blast of heat from the parking lot. "Marsha, it's me,” I said as soon as she picked up. “You were right. Ivan is an asshole. I need you and tequila stat."