Rebel

Fuck. Oh fuck. Blood drains from my face. I forgot about her birthday. She must be mad with me.

She always remembers about my birthday. She’ll give me her poem about birds or clouds and a kiss on the cheek as my birthday present. I always memorise her poems and recite them to her to make her feel happy. It’s been like this for as long as I can remember.

I get my shit together in an instant and show her my unconcerned expression. “I’ll take you to a students’ club tonight to celebrate your birthday.”

“To the Mandy’s Kiss?” Her eyes fill with excitement.

Yes, the club is famous for its good music and good atmosphere. It has a dark gothic décor—not my cup of tea, but the music is always enjoyable to me. Chicks that party there are very entertaining too.

I nod. “To the Mandy’s Kiss.”

“You know I can’t go. My dad won’t let me go, and anyway, the bouncer won’t let me in. I’m only sixteen.”

“Sneak out of your bedroom as always and don’t bother with the bouncer. I know him. He owes me a favour.”

She leaps towards me and clings to my chest. “Thank you.”

I love holding her in my arms. And I hate it. I started hating it when she turned fourteen and stopped being a child.

She is a young woman and when she’s clinging to me with her large tits pressed against my chest, dirty thoughts about her enter my mind. Thoughts I shouldn’t even have. She’s Star, my little bird, our president’s daughter. The only untouchable woman in the compound.

She’s forbidden.

No man will ever touch her. No man will look at her as they would look at any other woman. Gabriel is very clear about it.

I shove Star off me. “Get lost.”

She kisses my cheek, salutes me and walks off.

Star

I have a shower and put a dress on. The hem falls to my knees and the balloon sleeves and high neck make me look like I’m a princess. Dad buys all the clothes for me so I trust that he chooses only the dresses that make me look nice. He knows I don’t feel good in shopping centres. It’s been like this for as long as I can remember—he buys all the stuff for me once a month—loads of things I don’t need. I never tell him this though. He’s so happy when he brings all the bags from the shop and I love those happy flickers in his eyes.

Rebel also does some shopping for me when he’s in the compound but that is rarer and rarer.

I tie my hair in a high bun, secure it with a red band and open the window. With my legs swinging outside, I clutch the wooden frame with my fingers. The cold air pricks my skin as a cloud of vapour leaves my mouth. Stars twinkle in the navy sky that looks like a majestic expanse of magic.

Strong muscular arms encircle my chest, and I smell Rebel. He always smells nice. He always smells like he belongs to me.

“Got you,” he says, scooping me up into his arms.

I giggle. He’s so big that I’m weightless to him.

“Be quiet, Star, or your dad will chop my head off.”

“Sorry.”

He kisses the top of my head. “Smile. We’re going to have fun.”

He lets me slide down, and I put my feet on the grassy ground. I’m wearing ballerina pumps and my toes are numb. My muscles shiver. Rebel removes his cut and hoody.

“Put it on, Star.”

I nod and pull his hoody on as he slips back into his cut. The hoody smells of him—pine trees, light sweat, tobacco. Freedom and good memories.

We go to the shed that’s been my sanctuary ever since I can remember, and we sneak out through the secret passage that stretches below the compound wall. I don’t know who dug it, but only Rebel and I know about it. We started using it a long time ago.

It’s high enough for us to crawl on our hands and knees and smells of rot, but the floor is clean.

As we emerge from the passage, I notice Rebel’s bike parked by a pile of logs and we jump on it. The lamp casts a streak of light that illuminates three pine trees.

Rebel takes me to the Mandy’s Kiss.

As we park outside the club, the vibes of music hit me. Uneasiness sits on my chest, but Rebel grabs my hand and I feel better. Bolder. A young woman emerges from the crowd in front of the roofed entrance. She walks towards us and stops in front of Rebel.

“Angela,” Rebel says, helping me off the bike.

“Who is she?” Angela asks, her voice sharp like she’s upset.

“I’m his sister,” I say.

That’s true. Rebel and I grew up together. We’re like siblings. We played in the woods—we built huts there and pretended to be knights or travellers or space explorers.

Angela flashes me a smile. “Not too young that sister of yours, Rebel?”

“None of your business, love.” Rebel grabs my wrist.

Angela winces at this gesture. I have the impression that she doesn’t like me.

Rebel throws his arm around my back and we stand in the queue.

Angela leans towards him and kisses his cheek. “Missed you, bad boy.”

Rebel chuckles. “You miss your parties more.”

“You’re so mean to me,” Angela says in a sweet voice.

I think she should be offended by Rebel’s comment, but she isn’t.

I feel sad, out of place. I wanted Rebel to be only for me, but he has a girlfriend, who doesn’t want me here. Not to mention that my dress is very out of place. All the women I can see here have glittery dresses on and look like they’re models or actresses.

I take a sharp breath. My glance meets Rebel’s. His amber eyes are burning like he’s a wolf. He threads his fingers through his short black hair that needs a bit of trimming and scratches my forehead with his three-day-old beard. He’s so hairy. As hairy as his other dad, Mike. As tall as Mike, but a bit slimmer.

Rebel

Star shivers in my arms, and I stifle the urge to twist Angela’s neck. Well, that’s my fault in all honesty. I should have predicted this. Angela is a stupid cow.

Or maybe I’m stupid.

“Do you want me to take you back home?” I say to Star.

She shakes her head. “I want to go inside. I’ve never been in a club.”

“Sure,” I say. “Whatever you wish for, sweetheart.”

Angela’s face turns into a sour mask, and I know her days as my mouth to fuck have just ended.

Seth, one of the bouncers, shoots me a cold glance as we move closer to the door. I know he’s gay, but he has a pretty young wife. My knowledge makes me a pain in his ass so he’s always very nice to me. He doesn’t disappoint me tonight either. We don’t even have to show him our fake IDs.

We enter the club, and Star covers her ears with her palms.

Right. My stupidity is endless. Star doesn’t like noise. It makes her retreat to the place in her brain no one can reach her.

I wrap my arms around her and move her to the quiet corner of the club. We stand behind a red leather booth.

“Star.” I stroke her head. “Do you want to go out of the club?”

She shakes her head. “No.” I see that her neck muscles have become taut. “I want to stay.”

“Do you want a drink?” I cup her face in both my hands.

“A glass of juice.”

“Sure.”

I shove her into the booth and Angela sits opposite her.

“Wait here, Star,” I say and go to the bar.

Star

“You think I’m stupid?” Angela says as she puts her elbows on the table and leans a bit forward.

“I don’t understand.” I flash the most polite of my smiles to her.

“You understand very well, you little slut.”

I know she just said something really nasty to me, but the music drifting through the arched passage starts hurting my brain. I want to escape as far as I can manage and I want to stay so desperately it hurts too.

I want to stay with Rebel.

He looks so handsome tonight. No, he looks beautiful tonight. And he belongs to Angela not to me.

Rebel returns with our drinks and drops into the couch beside me. Angela rolls her eyes and grabs her glass. She takes two sips and licks her lips, which is kind of disgusting, but maybe Rebel likes it when she’s doing this.

“Dance with me, Rebel,” she says.

“You can manage on your own,” he says.

His voice is so cold that I shiver.

“So this is it?” Angela says.

“This is it,” Rebel says and grins at her like he has fun at her expense.

“Asshole,” Angela says as she rises to her feet.

She growls and storms out of the booth. Rebel starts laughing.

“You’re not nice to your girlfriend,” I say, nudging his chest with my elbow.

“She’s not my girlfriend.”

“No?”

“You are my girlfriend.”

“I’m your little sister, Rebel. Don’t make jokes about me. That’s rude.”

He kisses my forehead. “I never make jokes about you.” He kisses my temple. “You want to dance?”

“I’d love to.”

Rebel grabs my wrist and drags me towards the dance floor bathed in the lacy streaks of grey smoke. Blue and green strobe lights blind me. The smell of sweat puffing from the people around me suffocates me. We elbow our way in the opposite direction from the stage where the DJ is, and Rebel buries me in his arms. He shelters me from all the people and even the music is kind of quieter.

I like it.

I’m a princess and he’s my knight.

I need something, but I don’t know what that is. All I know is that I have hollowness in my chest.

Rebel

I didn’t want to upset Star. Yeah, Angela has been my worst idea ever, but at least the bitch had some dignity. Others usually don’t.

Star and I sway in a perfect harmony, and I lower my head. My ears fish Star’s humming. She can hum like a kid—the songs of her childhood, the music she listens to.

She can’t sing for shit, but she’s so adorable. So mine.

Her arms rise and she puts her hands on my neck.

“Good, Star?”

“Very good.”

We are in a bubble, far from everyone else—in our perfect timeless void. We are as one.

I rest my forehead against hers and inhale her—green tea hinted by her own musk.

I wish I could kiss her.

I wish I could marry her one day.

I wish I could spend my whole life, holding her in my arms.

But, I know Gabriel will never give her to me.

I nuzzle my nose against her temple. I almost kiss her. She’s not aware of that. She’s not aware of my forbidden feelings for her—she’s kind of innocent like a child trapped in the body of a young woman. She’ll always be like this. She’s taboo. And you don’t touch the taboo. You don’t think about the taboo.

She’s untouchable. Pure. Forbidden. A marble statue you admire from the distance.

“I want to go home,” Star says.

I hear tiredness in her voice. Her breathing accelerates and she digs her fingers into my neck.

I stroke her head. “Sure. Let’s get you out of here.”

Star

We jump on his bike, and I cling to him. My heart is bathing in greyness. He doesn’t belong to me any longer—he belongs to all the people in the outer world. I’m only Star—his odd little sister, a nuisance. Why would he want to be in my cramped world in which there’s no room for other people?

I’m tired.

So tired that I want to go to my shed and curl up into a ball on my mattress.

We ride back to the compound and crawl along the passage. We clamber into the shed, and Rebel grabs my hand, dragging me to my house.

“I want to go to Daisy,” I say.

“It’s the middle of the night.”

“She said—“

“Star, you need rest.”

“I need Daisy,” I growl.

We stop.

Rebel strokes my head. “Alright. You need Daisy—you get Daisy.”

He walks me towards Mike and Daisy’s little house, and I knock on the door. Mike opens it for me.

He shakes his head and smiles at me. “Come in, sweetheart. Daisy is upstairs.”

He rests his forearm against the doorframe as I pass him. I flash him a smile and go upstairs. Daisy is lying on her bed, the bedside lamp giving the room a dim yellow aura. Her sleepy eyes slide over me, and she sits up.

I perch on the mattress. “Hi.”

“Hi. Something wrong?”

“Everything’s wrong.” I start shaking.

Daisy covers my hand with hers and waits for me to pull myself together.

“Rebel,” I start, my voice sharp. “You said… Remember? You said…”

“Don’t panic, Star. I’ll fix it.”

“But you said,” I growl. Tears prick my eyes. I’m angry and embarrassed by my outburst. “You lied to me.”

Daisy grips my arm and drags me towards the corner of the room. She sits me in the armchair and throws a blanket over me.

“I never lie to you, Star. And I’m going to fix it.”

“Thank you,” I shriek.

She flashes me a warm smile. “You’re welcome.” She nods. “Take a few deep breaths.” She sits on her bed and waits until I pull myself together.

Five minutes later, we open a box of chocolates and start watching a fantasy movie.