It had become my new nightly ritual. Standing outside of The Heights for several minutes at a time during peak hours. I’d be outside smoking while I watched things from afar through the windows.
When nightfall hit, the lights inside the restaurant gave me the perfect view of the hostess stand. The glare on the windows meant she couldn’t see me watching her.
Being inside for long periods of time was too much for me lately. Plus, I needed to smoke even more, as if it were somehow going to take away this feeling that I couldn’t even describe inside of my chest.
I would smoke cigarette after cigarette, alternating between nodding to patrons as they entered and peeking in the window to make sure Gia was okay, that she wasn’t standing too much.
Everything had changed.
And yet nothing had changed.
I still felt everything I always had for her; the only difference was, I couldn’t act on it anymore. That fucking killed me. It killed me to admit to her that I wasn’t cut out for what she needed. It killed me to see the sadness in her eyes when I did. But I wasn’t going to risk letting down a child. That’s where I draw the line.
She would find her way eventually; she would. I just needed to help her land on her feet. Then, I’d encourage her to move back to the City once I knew she was gonna be okay—that they were gonna be okay. In the meantime, I wanted her here where I could keep an eye on her.
Smoke billowed out of my nose as I alternated between staring out at the water and over at Gia through the window.
I’d just put my butt out with my foot and blew out the last of it when I looked up to find two men lingering around the hostess station.
An alarm went off in my head. One guy was leaning into her and being too damn aggressive for my liking while the other just looked drunk, laughing like a fool.
A few minutes later, they were practically up her ass, blocking my view of her.
That’s it.
I was done watching.
Storming inside, I charged over to where they were standing. “Can I help you with something?”
“No, we were just enjoying the company of your gorgeous hostess here.”
“Well, she’s not here for your enjoyment. She’s doing her job. Give her some goddamn space.”
Gia interjected, “Rush…it’s really okay.”
I ignored Gia’s plea, vowing not to leave until they were out of her hair.
Both men refused to move from their spots.
I took two steps closer to them, clenching my first. “Did you not hear what the fuck I just said?”
“Dude, I heard you. I’m just not listening.”
Then his friend made the mistake of getting up in my face with his beer-infused breath. “Who the fuck are you to tell him what to do?”
I completely snapped, grabbing the man by the neck and dragging him with all of my might out the door onto the street. The other guy followed us outside.
“I own this place, motherfucker, and I can do whatever I want,” I spat in his face before releasing him from my death grip.
Oak, who had been up on the rooftop when all of this went down, came running outside.
“Keep these guys out,” I spewed before brushing past him without giving any further explanation.
All eyes were on me as I walked back inside. Not the most professional decision of my career. But that was the last thing I was worried about at the moment.
Gia looked alarmed as she returned from seating some customers. “Don’t you think that was a bit of an overreaction?”
“No,” I bit out. “Now get back to work.”
I spent the rest of the night alone in my office ruminating. While I didn’t regret throwing those assholes out, it was the bigger picture of what it represented that was eating away at me.
If I was gonna stay away from Gia, I had to stop being so emotionally invested in her—so damn possessive. It was a hard habit to break.
It was just before closing. I suddenly jumped out of my seat and walked through the restaurant without making eye contact with Gia or Oak.
I ventured straight out into the parking lot, got into my car, lit a cigarette then grabbed my phone. I scrolled down to her name.
Was I really doing this?
I needed to.
I typed out a text.
Rush: You around to fuck?
Barely a few seconds passed before a response came in.
Everly: What makes you think I’m still talking to you after the shit you pulled last time, standing me up.
Rush: Is that a no?
Everly: I wish I could say no to you.
Rush: I’m heading to your place.
Everly: I’ll be here.
I must have been going ninety miles per hour the entire way to her house. It wasn’t out of excitement to see her. I knew it was because a part of me wanted to get this over with, just to prove I could move on from Gia. Because I had to.
Everly opened the door dressed in nothing but Daisy Duke denim shorts and a bra. I walked past her without so much as a greeting, heading straight toward her fridge where I helped myself to one of the beers I knew she kept fully stocked there.
“Well, hello to you, too.” She laughed, leaning over the counter, her tits on full display.
After downing half of the bottle, I walked over to where she was standing.
Everly wrapped her arms around my neck. “I’m really glad you called. It’s been too long.”
The old Rush would have been pounding her against the wall by now. I just stood there staring at her with my body rigid, unsure if I could really go through with this.
It felt like I was cheating on Gia, and I could honestly say it was the first time in my life that I’d ever given a fuck about something like that.
She stepped back. “You’re sweating bullets. What’s going on with you tonight?”
My eyes trailed down her body. There was no doubt that Everly was sexy as hell. I shouldn’t have been overthinking this so much. But I wasn’t even hard because I was so freaking stressed.
“I think I know just what you need,” she said, dropping to her knees.
She began to unzip my jeans as she licked her lips readying to give me head.
I froze.
Taking my cock into her hand, she leaned in to take me into her mouth when I yanked on the back of her hair just before her lips were able to make contact with my skin.
“Fuck,” I groaned as I let her go and zipped up my pants.
She stood up and glared at me. “What the fuck is going on with you, Rush? Seriously. You’re the one who texted me. What kind of a game are you playing?”
I knew between tonight and the last time I stood her up, if I walked out that door, I could pretty much kiss any hope of meaningless sex in the future with Everly goodbye. That fact didn’t mean shit to me…so off I went.
I just couldn’t go through with it.
This wasn’t a need for sex. This was a test. And I’d fucking failed.
Stopping in the doorway, I finally apologized. “I’m sorry.”
“Get the fuck out. And don’t even think about ever calling or texting me again.” She slammed the door in my face.
Her words didn’t faze me as I walked back out and got into my car. I didn’t start it right away, just stayed there staring out at the desolate street.
My behavior tonight blew me away.
Unlike the ride to Everly’s, I was driving back at a slower than average speed. That was probably because a part of me knew I wasn’t headed home.
After I parked, I must have sat in my car for over thirty minutes deciding whether or not to ring her doorbell.
What the fuck are you doing, Rush?
Why are you here?
My phone chimed.
Gia: Is there any reason why you’re parked outside of my house?
Rush: Stakeout?
Gia: Not buying it.
Rush: Pizza delivery?
Gia: My pizza must be awfully cold then.
Rush: I don’t know what I’m doing here.
Gia: Do you want to come in?
Rush: Yes.
Gia: But you won’t…
Rush: I don’t think I should.
Gia: Okay.
Despite my words, a few moments later, I was at the door knocking.
Gia opened, wearing a thin, white nightgown that showed off her enormous nipples. I had to pry my eyes upward because all I wanted to do was lift the material up and suck on them so badly.
It was quiet in the house as I looked around. “Where are your roommates?”
“Every one of them either is out or working. That rarely happens. I’m enjoying the peace and quiet.”
This wasn’t good. I really needed to leave.
She surprised me when she said, “Will you have some ice cream with me?”
“Ice cream…”
“Yeah.” She smiled, and I just melted at the sight of it.
Seemed innocent enough.
“Depends on the flavor,” I teased.
“Chunky Monkey…kind of like I’m gonna look in a few months?”
That thought should have turned me off, maybe, but it had the opposite effect. I loved her new curves and the idea of more. My affinity for her body only made my situation all that much harder.
“That’s my favorite flavor,” I said.
We sat in the living room, quietly eating out of the same container of Ben & Jerry’s.
She finally said, “Everyone was talking about your outburst earlier, how you threw those two guys out and then how you just left The Heights without saying anything to anyone.”
My mouth was full of ice cream. “Well, let them talk. I don’t care. I still stand by what I did. Those pricks had no place hovering around you like that.”
“Where did you go when you left?”
When I stopped eating and didn’t say anything, she drew her own conclusion. Maybe my guilt was obvious.
A look of worry flashed across her face. “You went to see a woman?” When I didn’t answer, she became more insistent. “Answer me.”
I still didn’t want to admit my stupidity tonight.
She continued to push, “You had sex with someone tonight?”
“No.” It came out louder than I’d intended.
“Then where were you?”
I didn’t want to lie to her.
“I tried to hook up with someone. I wanted to forget—forget about what happened at The Heights, forget about you.”
I hadn’t meant to be so blunt. But she wanted the truth. That was it.
Tears started to fall from her eyes. It fucking killed me that I was upsetting her. Why did I tell her the truth?
“But I couldn’t, Gia.”
“Why not? You might as well. It’s not like you owe me anything. You should be out having a fuckfest right now. You made your decision when it comes to me.”
“That’s not fair.”
“It’s the truth!”
“Just because I can’t be with you, doesn’t mean I don’t want to be with you. And it doesn’t mean I’m ready to move on, as much as I wish I could. Staying away from you is the hardest fucking thing I’ve ever had to do.”
We were both silent for the longest time, just staring intensely into each other’s eyes.
“I miss you,” she whispered.
I miss you, too.
I couldn’t resist bringing her into me. She buried her face in my chest. My heart was beating out of control. It was all too much: the softness of her skin, the recognition of her scent. The need to pick up exactly where we’d left off.
My dick hardened. I couldn’t get it up for Everly, but put this gorgeous, pregnant women in my arms, and my body was fully awakened. I wished her being pregnant turned me off, but I’d never been more turned on by anything in my life.
Coming inside the house was a mistake.
I let go of her, placing my spoon on the coffee table and standing up. “I have to go.”
As I was walking out the door, her voice stopped me. “I have my first ultrasound tomorrow.”
I froze. My heart started to pound faster. Hearing her say that really made it hit home that there was an actual human being inside of her.
She continued, “I’m really scared. Like what if they find something wrong…or there’s no heartbeat…or I freak out when I see it. I know this is going to sound crazy, Rush. Besides Riley, who’s out of state this week, you’re the best friend I have here. I haven’t even mustered the courage to tell my father yet. Anyway…do you think you could come with me?”
What?
Say something.
“I don’t know, Gia.”
“Please?”
How could I say no? She was scared, and aside from all of the complicated parts to this situation, I cared deeply for this girl. If she needed me to hold her hand, then I needed to suck it up and do it.
I let out a long breath and nodded. “Okay.”