After spending time with Alex, I finished up my day at work and then went home to watch TV. Alex was great. He was so sweet and a very caring man, just like his brother. I’d spent more time with Alex than Jax, but I was still far more attracted to him over his little brother. I had no idea why. It made no sense to me. Maybe it was the way that he talked to me. The way that he believed in me more than anything. The way that he trusted me with his mother’s care. Without a doubt, I believed we were friends. Real friends. And even though I shouldn’t have, I wanted more.
Over the few days after that, the more that I thought about Jax being with anyone at all, let alone his dreadful ex, the more depressed I became. I knew it was a bad idea, but I wanted him. I was being selfish. I was no better than Kevin at that moment. I knew that I shouldn’t be with him because I was bad for him at that moment, but I wanted him anyway. That was the definition of selfishness, and I was ashamed of myself.
I needed to do my best to push things out of my head. It was getting very cluttered in there, and I didn’t like it. After gathering my things and getting dressed, I headed to the gym. I needed to work off some stress. When I got there, it was almost empty. Just how I liked it. I was free to roam and do as I please. It was pretty great. I’d been there for about fifteen minutes when he walked in. Brian just happened to walk by, and I grabbed him by the arm.
“What the hell is he doing here?” I asked.
“Holy…” Brian trailed off. “Elizabeth… I swear I didn’t sign him up. I’d have told you.”
“Kevin hates gyms. He always worked out at home. Why is he here?” I asked. The very sight of him angered me.
“I don’t know,” Brian said. “But I’ll find out. There’s not much that I can do, though.”
“I know,” I said. “I just don’t understand. Ugh! I can’t escape him anywhere.”
“Just try to finish out your workout. Don’t let this distract you. Seems to me like that’s the reason why he’s here. To distract you,” Brian said.
I nodded. “I’ll do my best, but I make no promises.”
We parted ways, and I walked over to the machines. In the past few days I’d been able to increase the weight that I was using on the presses. It was pretty great. It was amazing to see how I’d changed in such a short time. My mind occasionally wandered. It was because I’d catch Kevin out of my peripheral staring at me. It annoyed me, but also gave me a small sense of excitement. That last part I wasn’t particularly proud of.
I’d just gotten settled on the leg press when I got another surprise. As I looked up from what was only a few inches off the floor, I saw Jax standing above me. Was there a sign on the door? Were they calling people at this point?
“Hello,” I said, staring straight upward.
“Hey there,” Jax said. “Long time, no see. How are you?”
“Hot,” I said without thinking. “How are you?”
He smiled. Damn that smile. So beautiful.
“I’m doing just fine, thank you. I didn’t know you came here,” he said.
“I assumed you came here, but I’d never seen you. I thought I may be wrong about that one. Apparently today is the day for surprises, though. That guy over there staring at us is my ex. Kevin. He apparently goes here now, too. Just discovered that one today. He hates gyms, so I find it odd that he’s here. You, not so much.”
“I’ve been with this gym for a long time. I don’t come much anymore. I’ve been working a lot lately, and I’ve been busy,” he said.
Ha. Busy. Yeah… He’d been busy alright. With that psycho ex of his. When Alex and I had gone out to lunch, he’d told me she’d gone so far as to hit him before. Who does that? Especially a woman. I’d seen a lot of battered women in my time at the hospital, but to know that women could be abusive made me angry. Why add to the problem? It was bad enough for a man to hit a woman, but we didn’t need to add to the problem. The thought of him being with someone like that killed me, and I didn’t want to think about it.
“Well, it’s good to see you in here,” I said, hoping to end the conversation before I said something that I’d regret.
I relaxed back against the seat and raised my feet up to the wide plate. After pushing, I clicked the safety bar back so that I could actually lower the press and work out. I did a few reps before realizing that Jax hadn’t moved.
“Are you watching me?” I asked.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to. You’re doing great. Have you met with a trainer yet? Brian’s really good. He hasn’t been here as long as some of the other guys, but he’s a great guy.”
“Brian’s one of my friends, actually,” I said. “He’s the one that talked me into signing up. I’ve met with him once. I’m always so busy during staffed hours that I can’t. He showed me how to use this machine, but we haven’t trained on it or anything.”
“Care if I show you something?” he asked.
“Sure. Why not?” I replied.
“Always make sure to watch your knees. Make sure that they don’t go too far forward. Try to keep your knees from passing your toes while doing any kind of press, squat, or lunge.”
As he gave me instructions, he leaned over and gently grabbed hold of my ankle.
“Move this one right… here,” he said.
I did as he instructed and moved the other one to his specifications as well.
“With your height, this is where your feet should be, or even a bit higher. Just don’t go any lower. Also, if you keep your legs together, you’ll work the front, the quads. If you spread them out, you’ll work the muscles along the outside and your hamstrings. I’m a guy, so I hate leg day, but this one is my favorite for legs.”
Taking his advice, I did a few reps in each position and found that they were a lot more comfortable to do, but that they did exactly what he’d said they’d do. It was pretty great.
“Thanks!” I said.
“No problem,” he replied with a smile. “Have fun.”
He wandered off to the bathroom with a gym bag, and I went back to my leg presses. I was on my final set when he came back out. He was in one of those soft, tight workout shirts that make a guy’s arms look the size of tree trunks. Yeah. My knees wobbled a little, and I almost hurt myself.
He looked amazing.
My legs burned terribly, but I did another set just so I could watch him out of my peripheral. I didn’t want to look directly at him. I knew Kevin was watching, so that would have been bad, but I didn’t want Jax to know that I was interested either.
I hated myself at that moment. I hated my hormones.
After putting on his weights, he situated himself on the weight bench a few feet away. My breathing was already heavy, but he wasn’t helping. He began doing presses, and his arms quickly looked even bigger than usual. It was beautiful. I felt like a pathetic teenage girl. In my defense, however, it had been months since I’d been touched. That wasn’t helping. I was only torturing myself.
I got up and made my way over to the squat machine. My legs were on fire, but I didn’t want to tap out yet. I still had work to do. I began wondering how much it would cost to put a small functional gym in my house.
Two sets down on the squat machine, and I was done. My legs were not much better than rubber bands. It was kinda bad. I grabbed my bag and wobbled my way into the locker room, making sure to steal a glance at Jax then doing pushups. My entire body was on fire, and it wasn’t just from the workout. Getting a quick shower in and getting dressed helped keep my mind occupied. When I exited the locker room, Kevin was standing there – waiting for me.
“Hi,” I said.
“Hi, Lizzy,” he responded. “I’m sorry to corner you. I just wanted to tell you that you looked amazing over there. You look better than ever.”
You mean less fat, in your opinion. Jerk. My mind was rampant with a series of insults. The compliment was nice enough, but everything he said had a double meaning.
“Thanks,” I said flatly. “What are you doing here?”
“I’ve been coming for a while. I love the gym,” he said.
My eyes narrowed. “I recall you despising it. And Brian said that he had no idea you came here. He works here as a trainer, so I’d imagine he knows most.”
Kevin shifted nervously. “Okay, I lied. I didn’t want you to think I was being a creeper. I joined so I could hang out with you.”
That was kind of the definition of being a creeper.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Kevin,” I said. “I need space. I don’t think you really understand exactly how badly you hurt me. Not just with you cheating on me with Marilyn Monroe’s ugly little sister. I mean our entire relationship. You haven’t treated me nicely in a long time. That was just the icing on the cake.”
“I know,” he said softly. “I’m so sorry for that. I know I hurt you. Just let me think about it.”
“Kevin, this whole gym thing is crossing the line. I’m sorry, but it is. We split up. I don’t know what I want. The only thing that I do know is that I don’t want to date right now.”
“Is it him?” he asked, his eyes locked on Jax.
My heart skipped. That was part of it… kind of. It wouldn’t be right for me to get involved with Kevin again – even if I wanted to – while having feelings for Jax. I would have been no better than Kevin.
“No,” I lied. “He and I aren’t together, not that that is any of your business. We are friends.”
“Friends can do a lot more than just ‘friend’,” he said.
At that moment, my left brow lifted as an impressive list of names went through my head.
“I suppose you’d know all about that, wouldn’t you?” I said. “I’m the only one of the two of us that hasn’t been proven to be a lying jerk. So, when I say that he and I are just friends… that means we are just friends. I cared for his mother in the hospital. The most physical contact I’ve had with that man was a hug right after I literally saved his mother’s life. Regardless of that fact, none of that is any of your business anymore. If I want to go have sex with a whole platoon, I will. Back off.”
“You’re right,” he said. “I’m so sorry.”
While I liked seeing him squirm, I also didn’t like the kiss ass side of him. It was annoying. If it was genuine, it almost made me feel bad for him. The only thing that kept me angry was the logical part of my brain screaming at me to get away from him. I sighed.
“Please just give me some space,” I said. “If you truly want me to think about what you said, then give me space. I want to trust you. Deep down, I really do. I just need some space, right now.”
Kevin apologized again before grabbing my hand and kissing it. He grabbed his bag and left, having barely worked out at all. Proof to me that he basically showed up because he saw my car there and wanted to talk to me. Corner me, as he put it.
“Are you okay?”
I turned and saw Jax standing there, eyeballing Kevin on his way out the door. There was a hard look on his face as he watched the entrance door close.
“Yes,” I responded flatly.
“What was that?” he asked.
“It was nothing,” I said. “He’s just trying to get me back.”
“I thought I heard that,” he said. “But I wanted to make sure. You can’t seriously be considering that, can you?”
I couldn’t believe the words that just came out of his mouth.
“Are you serious?” I asked.
“Yes. Very. You don’t need someone like that in your life. You are better than that. Better than him. I heard you tell him that you’d think about it. That you wanted to trust him. Elizabeth, you can’t let him control you.”
“As opposed to what you’re trying to do right now?” I asked. “Because, right now, it seems like you’re the one with all the attempts to control.”
“That’s not what I’m doing at all, and you know it. I am just trying to make you see that trusting him would be insane. He can’t be trusted,” he said.
“And you’d know all about who and who not to trust, don’t you?” I sarcastically asked.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You know exactly what it means. You’re standing there arguing with me about Kevin when you’re back with Becky! Do you know how hard it was for me not to call you and tell you that you’re an idiot? At least I’ve said no. At least I turned Kevin away. Unlike you. You have no room to talk to me about who I should and shouldn’t be with when you have someone just as crazy, a little worse even, than I do.”
I stared at him then, watching his facial expressions change. I could tell that he wanted to say something, but he didn’t. Honestly, that was probably best. I was on a roll, and I didn’t want to that little argument to escalate any further.
“I’ve been needing to talk to you anyway,” he said. “But I was nervous to. And when I saw you in here, I thought it was a wonderful coincidence. For whatever reason I’ve felt the strong need to talk to you about my life and what’s going on in it. I feel… Well, that doesn’t matter. Have you talked to Alex?” He laughed then. “Wait. Of course, you have. Otherwise you wouldn’t have just made that incredible speech you just did.”
“Yes. I’ve talked to Alex. He came to the hospital the other day to get your mom’s shirt. That was the last I’ve seen or talked to him though.”
“Then you know she elected to have the surgery. We are having a party for her. She wanted one, so we are throwing her one. My mother has always been a very respectable woman, but my sister offered to throw her a booby themed party and she loved it. So, apparently, we will be eating boob cake. If Alex hadn’t invited you already, I wanted to. Seeing as we are so angry at one another right now, however, wait… We are angry at one another right now, right?”
He had a smart grin on his face. He wasn’t angry at all.
“Yes. Yes, we are. Very angry, actually,” I said.
“Oh. Okay,” he said, making a show of losing his smile just before clearing his throat. His voice deepened with fake hostility and his brows furrowed. “Well seeing as we are so angry with one another, I guess I’ll just drop it. No need to bother you with it.”
“Thanks,” I said. “I’m assuming your little girlfriend will be there?”
“Yes,” Jax said. “She will be.”
“Do I get to hit her in the face with boob cake?”
His lips tightened as he tried not to smile. “No. No boob cake to the face.”
“Then I don’t want to come,” I said.
“You know,” he said. “If I didn’t know better, and if I didn’t know that you were so angry and hateful toward me right now, I’d almost think you were jealous. Not mad.”
My brows lifted as my eyes widened.
“Well, I’m glad that you do know better! Not only am I not jealous, nor do I care about your psycho girlfriend, I’m going to take Kevin up on his offer. Because it will give me closure. One way or another.”
“Oh, will you?” he asked, his voice light.
“Yes. I am. I’m still smarter than you, though,” I said. I couldn’t believe the childishness of the conversation.
“Oh, are you? Please, do explain.” He crossed his arms and leaned in, exaggerating the level of attention that he was paying to me.
“I may be taking him up on his offer to talk about things, but I’m not dumb enough to bring him to family functions.”
“Hmm. You’re right. You certainly are much better than I,” he said.
Rolling my eyes, I walked away.
“Goodbye, Jax,” I said.