I COULDN’T SLEEP. I tossed and turned, kicking the covers off, throwing them back on. It was that antsy feeling of wanting something you couldn’t have as your mind raced to figure out a way to make it happen.

With every day I spent with Ollie, it was just another day of trying not to reach for him. I was guessing he felt the same, since he’d kept our outings public, never taking me back to his place or coming to mine. Our time at the waterfall the weekend before still weighed heavily on my mind, my lips still tingling from the kiss I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about.

But he hadn’t kissed me again. Not during dinner on Monday, or at the movie theater Tuesday. He’d kept his hands to himself while we jogged beside each other Wednesday, and not seeing him on Thursday when he had to work overtime had been torture. And tonight?

I let out a frustrated sigh and rolled over. The clock on my nightstand said it was one thirty. He’d dropped me off only a couple of hours earlier after round two of bowling, in which I’d fared only slightly better than the last time, but already I missed him. That emotion was something I was coming to terms with—I missed Ollie when he wasn’t around. I missed the way he laughed. The shy way he ducked his head when I gave him a compliment. The way he was so damn nice to everyone we came across, from waiters to random people we passed on the street to my parents, who’d come out to say hello on our jog.

Even when he didn’t say a word, his presence was a constant comfort, and I wished there was a way to tell him, to show him that I wanted him around. I needed him around, and that truth should’ve knocked me over like a ton of bricks, but instead, that revelation was…freeing. Falling for him again had been so effortless that I hadn’t even realized it was happening, and somehow I knew that even if I’d never remembered moments from our time together before, I would’ve still come to this conclusion right here, right now.

As I’d gotten to know him again, things had…changed. It didn’t matter that I’d never been with a guy before him. That no longer intimidated me or gave me pause. It wasn’t about his gender at all, even though I’d been surprised at first at how powerfully my body reacted to the very male parts of his, parts I now craved to feel and touch. To me, he was just Ollie, my Ollie, the person who lit up the world around him with vibrant color, and yet he had no idea the effect he had on others…on me. No clue how special he was. Hell, the only fault I found with him was the fact that he was giving me too much space, when all I wanted to do was get close to him. And if I’d learned anything over the past few months, it was that you never knew when your time was up or when your life would change. It felt like it had taken forever to get to this moment, but somehow, I’d fallen for Ollie again, and I didn’t want to waste another day without letting him know exactly what he had come to mean to me.

I reached for my phone and pulled up a new text message. He was probably sleeping, but if he wasn’t…

Reid: Are you awake?

Almost immediately, he wrote back: You caught me. How are you still up?

Reid: Can’t sleep.

Ollie: Everything okay?

Reid: Was thinking about you.

Ollie: Ohh. Good thoughts?

Reid: VERY good thoughts…

Ollie: Care to share?

Oh, I want to share, all right, I thought, as an idea took hold. I opened my Uber app to see there was a car less than five minutes away, so I hit confirm pickup and threw on some shorts and a shirt. Then I quickly brushed my teeth and headed downstairs.

Ollie: Did you fall back asleep? Damn tease.

Reid: Sorry. Got lost in those thoughts again.

Ollie: That’s awfully selfish to keep it to yourself, Bluebird.

My skin tingled as I read over the nickname, and when the driver pulled up, I climbed inside the back seat, not up for conversation.

Reid: Who said I’d be keeping it to myself?

Ollie: …I’m waiting.

Reid: I was thinking about whether or not you sleep naked.

Three dots appeared, then disappeared, then popped up again, like he kept erasing what he wrote.

Ollie: I’ll tell you, but I’m curious what your conclusion was.

Reid: I remember very clearly that you never wore anything…at least when I was over.

Ollie: You’re right. What else do you remember?

Reid: The sounds you make when you come. You always said my name, and it was hot as hell.

Ollie: FUCK.

Reid: I remember that too. ;)

Ollie: Christ, Reid. I think you’re trying to kill me.

The driver pulled up in front of Ollie’s house, and as I got out of the car, my dick pulsed in time with my heartbeat.

Reid: Not yet. Will you do me a favor?

Ollie: I’m already touching myself.

Oh fuck.

Reid: Open your door.

Ollie: Open my door? Why?

Less than thirty seconds later, Ollie did just that, and the astonishment on his face when he saw me standing on his porch was priceless.

“I thought we could talk about this in person instead,” I said, a smile turning up one side of my mouth.

As he stood there frozen, my eyes swept over him. His wavy hair was slightly mussed on top, maybe from tossing and turning on his pillow, the same as I had, and he was bare-chested, though a fine sheen of sweat covered his pecs, like I’d just caught him in the middle of a workout. My kind of workout, I thought, looking down to see a pair of thin boxers peeking out from the unbuttoned jeans that sat low on his hips. It didn’t do a thing to cover his arousal, and it had my desire amping up.

“Are you gonna stand there staring, or are you gonna let me in?” I said.

Still in shock, it took him a second to move aside so that I could come in.

“Good surprise?” I asked, as he shut the door.

“You have no idea.”

“Oh, I think I have some idea,” I said, glancing down at the way his erection hadn’t subsided. Yes, coming over was a very good decision…

“And that’s exactly why I haven’t invited you over here before.”

Oh…oh shit. So…bad idea?

“Would you rather I leave?” I asked.

He shook his head. “No. I don’t want you to leave. Trust me, that’s the last thing I want.”

“But…?”

“But Reid… I’m not sure I trust myself around you if we’re alone.”

There. That was exactly the reaction I’d been hoping for. The look of longing was clear as day on Ollie’s face as he held himself back, like he thought it was the right thing to do, when it was not at all what I wanted. Not anymore.

Even though the plan had been to launch myself at him, I needed to set his mind at ease. I wanted him to know exactly where I stood, and that me coming over wasn’t some hair-trigger decision I’d regret in the morning.

Giving him some space, I turned and walked down the hall, and when I saw the piano sitting lonely in the corner, I headed straight for it.

“You bought this for me,” I said, remembering what my mom had told me.

“Yes.”

“For me,” I murmured, spreading my hands out over the top. “Because you wanted to make me happy. Because you believe in me.” I looked up. “Because you…care…about me?”

He stared at me and then nodded, and when he did, a slow melody filled my mind. I walked over and lifted the fallboard. Standing there, I played the notes as I heard them.

“That’s my favorite,” Ollie said quietly.

“You know this one?”

He nodded and came toward me. “You’ve played it for me before.”

“I have?” I played a little more, and the song that came out was a tender love song, sweeter than any I could recall. “This reminds me of you.”

“You said that too.”

I looked up. “I wrote it for you?”

He only smiled, but that smile unlatched something inside me. Something that was ready to belong to someone else. My heart.

“Ollie, I…I’ve never felt this way before. Not about anyone, and certainly not about a man,” I said. “That’s part of the reason why I held back from you even though I knew the way you made me feel. I couldn’t understand why I looked at you differently, but it all makes sense now. The memories I’ve been having lately, of our time together before my surgery…I felt so… I don’t know. Almost carefree. Which is strange, because I should’ve been anything but.” I looked down at where my fingers still moved across the keys, almost of their own accord. “Can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“Did it seem like I was happy to you after my accident? Not remembering? Having a fresh slate. No baggage to weigh you down or keep you up all night?”

He took his time answering. “It certainly seemed that way. You still struggled, so it wasn’t easy. You had worries for different reasons. I will say that it always surprised me how easygoing you were, and how open you seemed, not only to me, but navigating your new normal. But were you happier? I can’t answer that for you, but from the outside looking in, you came off that way.”

“I’ve thought about that a lot over the last couple of weeks. Because the thing about remembering is that you also remember everything that’s been ingrained in you for years. Everything others say is right or wrong, habits you’ve picked up, whether good or bad. Memories can make you realize how unhappy you were. And before my accident? I was miserable.”

Ollie’s eyes were full of sympathy as he leaned against the side of the piano.

“That’s what waking up after surgery was like,” I said. “Like I’d had the most incredible dream only to find out it wasn’t real. It wasn’t until you came around that my world came back to life.”

He sucked in a breath, and I stopped playing and folded my arms on top of the piano.

“Do you want to know what I’m more upset about than anything?” I said.

“Tell me.”

“It’s that I don’t remember our first time,” I said, staring at his lips as he bit down on them, and then I slowly perused his body. That corded neck, his strong shoulders, the tattoos that wound around his forearm. “I remember other times with you, but not our first. I don’t remember how it started or where it happened. If I was the one who made the first move, or if it was you.”

“That just means you get a new first,” he said, his voice dropping an octave as he pushed off the piano and came to stand in front of me. His eyes had dilated like the idea of giving me another first excited him, but he wasn’t going to push me. But screw that—I wanted him to push me.

“Ollie,” I whispered, placing my hand on his chest. The muscle there was so firm, and it made me want to trail my fingers down to the other parts of him to remember how hard he was everywhere.

“I think…I want you to touch me,” I said, my eyes dropping again to his lips. Beneath my hand, Ollie trembled.

“If you want me to touch you, you’d better be sure.”

“I’m sure,” I said without hesitation, and looked up at him. “Touch me, Ollie.”

His hand covered mine as he searched my gaze, and then he brought my fingers up to his lips and kissed them softly—but that was the last gentle move he made. Because then, with an urgency that felt like he’d been holding back for years, he drew me toward him, his grip unyielding as one hand went around my waist and the other held the back of my head. His kiss made me dizzy, sucking the air out of my lungs, but it didn’t matter that he took my breath, my tongue, even my heart, because Ollie’s mouth was on mine, and nothing had ever felt so right in the world.

My nails dug into his back, and he angled his head to tangle our tongues even deeper, the velvet softness of him so intoxicating that I thought my legs would give out. When the backs of my knees stumbled into the bench, Ollie angled me slightly, and my ass hit the keys, pounding out a cacophony of notes as we devoured each other. His cock felt like steel against my lower stomach, and I lifted my right leg onto the bench to give him better access. He rubbed himself against me as my hand snaked down beneath his boxers to grab his ass.

“Fuck. Reid…”

With fumbling fingers, I shoved his jeans down his hips, and he kicked them away, his wallet and keys sliding across the kitchen floor, instantly forgotten.

“I want more,” I said, breathless, and Ollie smirked against my lips.

“Then wrap your legs around me.” The husky tone of his voice demanded that I comply, so when he lifted me, I circled my legs around his hips, and fuck—it was the perfect position as his dick pressed into mine. His arms went under my ass, and as he walked us back to the bedroom, I undulated against him, rubbing our cocks together in a delicious bit of friction that had my eyes practically rolling back in my head.

He threw me on the bed and I landed on my back. I lay there, trying to catch my breath as he took lube and condoms out of a side drawer and tossed them on the bed.

Oh God, I wanted this. I hadn’t realized how desperately my body had been craving his until this very moment, and like he could see the desire written all over my face, Ollie stripped out of his boxers. Pushing up to my elbows, I took in the trimmed auburn curls that surrounded his long, thick shaft, and when I licked my lips, he gripped the base of his dick.

Sitting up, I peeled off my shirt and then had my shorts off in record time. I hadn’t worn boxer briefs under them, which had Ollie’s eyes widening. But he didn’t make a move like I expected. Instead, he stared at me as he worked his erection and said, “You’re the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever seen.”

The truth in his eyes made me swallow hard before I could speak again. “Then why are you so far away?”

Ollie dropped his hand and placed a knee on the bed. His gaze ran over me from my feet to the top of my head, and when he’d climbed onto the mattress beside me, he leaned down and kissed me in a way that made me glad I was lying down.

“I’ve missed you,” he said against my lips, as his hand stroked its way down my side. My fingers came up to caress his face, the stubble there reminding me of how good it would feel against my thighs, like he’d promised in my memory.

“I won’t leave you again. I promise.”

“You’re mine?” he said, a small smile on his lips.

“All yours. For as long as you want me.”

“Good.” He nibbled and sucked on my lower lip. “Forever, then.”

In all the memories I had of us together, never had I expected the enormity of how I’d feel when we finally came together. It was all so much more than what I’d merely seen, the emotions running through me putting what I thought had been a strong case of lust to shame.

His fingers wrapping around my cock brought me out of my head, my hips bucking up to chase his hand as it reached the tip before sliding back down again.

“That feels…amazing,” I said on an exhale. Every time his grip moved down my dick, I had to hold my breath, because the urge to come already was too strong, and there was no way I wasn’t getting inside him first before that happened. Or maybe…

“Ollie?” I stopped his wrist. “Can we try something…different?”

He sat back on his heels, a grin on his lips. “Anything you want.”

I lifted myself up, and when I took his hard length in my hand, his body quivered. “I want to feel you inside me this time. It can be just this once, but it’s all I can think about. You taking me.”

His nostrils flared, and I could feel the blazing heat that emanated off him. “Are you sure that’s what you want?” he asked, his voice so deep and thick it sounded like a growl.

“Yes,” I said, swirling my thumb over the head of his cock. “That’s what I want.”

“Then put the condom on me.”

I picked up the packet and tore it with my teeth. Then I pinched the tip and rolled it over him, wondering how it would feel to have every inch of him inside me. He didn’t have to ask for the lube; I had the lid flipped open and the cool liquid pouring out into my hand in a matter of seconds, and he chuckled at my eagerness.

“I need to stretch you first,” he said, swiping some of the lube from my hand with two fingers and then leaning against the headboard. “Straddle me, handsome.”

I did as he said, hovering over his lap as he spread my cheeks apart with one hand, while the other came around to tease in between. Without meaning to, I tensed when one finger grazed my tight pucker, but then I forced my hips to relax and sank back down.

“That’s it,” he said, running his fingertip along the outside again. “Try to keep yourself relaxed for me.”

With my hands on his broad shoulders, I kissed him as he continued to massage my hole, and then his lips pulled away from mine and he said, “Now breathe out.”

As I exhaled, he slid a finger inside, and I had to force myself not to tense up again. The feeling was so foreign that my body wanted to reject it at first, but my mind had other ideas. I wanted this man, and I wanted him to mark me and claim me for his own. Ollie repeated the move several times, and when he added a second finger, I cursed.

“Mmm, so fucking hot, Bluebird,” he said, the use of my nickname causing me to shudder as he sucked on the tender skin below my ear. All the while, he stretched me, getting me ready for the steel rod kicking against mine.

My head fell back as I got used to the intrusion, and I rolled my hips in time with his talented fingers. Then he bumped up against my prostate, and I dug my fingernails into his shoulders. “Oh fuck, Ollie. God. I need more. I… How do you want me?”

“Every fucking way I can have you,” he said, nipping at my lobe. “But we’ll start with this.” He lined himself up with my hole, and then I felt the blunt head of him nudge my opening. I wasn’t sure how I was going to manage to fit all of him inside, but I didn’t care if I died trying.

“Let me in, Reid,” he said, breathing heavy as he entered me, and then his strong hands took hold of my hips. Then he kissed me and grinned as he gave up control. “I’m all yours.”

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, I thought, as I breathed out and sank slowly, ever so slowly, over the top of him. He was so big, but I’d expected the pain, welcomed it even, and it wasn’t long before he was fully inside me. I went to move, but Ollie held me still as his eyes slammed shut.

“Hold on,” he said, like he was the one in pain. “You feel too good. Way too damn good.”

Like a cat who caught the canary, I grinned, thrilled with the fact that I could make him lose his mind. When his hold on my hips loosened, I lifted up slowly before sinking back down, relishing the way he filled me completely. It took me a few unhurried minutes of getting used to the way he felt inside me before I could move any faster, but when I did, it was on.

The guttural sounds escaping Ollie’s throat had to be the sexiest, most gratifying thing I’d ever heard, and so was the way he’d pretended to give me control by straddling him, when really, he was the one fully in charge.

And Ollie fully in charge was so fucking hot.

With his hands busy setting the pace, I reached down to stroke myself in time with his thrusts, but shit, it was too much to have him inside me while I worked my cock. The orgasm came out of nowhere, spilling onto Ollie’s stomach in hot white jets of cum that seemed never-ending.

“Oh fuck, Reid,” he said, groaning as his hips moved faster, the rhythm becoming erratic as he got closer to his climax. I was grateful in that moment that he’d wanted us face to face for this, because it was then that Ollie came with a roar, my name on his tongue and his head falling back, and that was a view I wouldn’t have wanted to miss for the world. He was simply spectacular in his ecstasy, his skin flushed and his green eyes almost completely eclipsed by his blown pupils.

Before he could catch his breath again, I gripped the back of his neck and stole a kiss. Still inside me, he wrapped me up in his huge arms, holding me so tight that I didn’t think he’d ever let go. I hoped he wouldn’t.

“That was perfect,” I said, leaning back just enough so I could look into his eyes. “You’re perfect.”

He was the missing piece, the part of me I had felt was lost, to the point where I’d lashed out at everyone and everything out of sheer frustration. I never would’ve imagined that Ollie would be the one to give me the answers I’d sought. That he was the only one who could make me feel whole again. It was that truth that had set me free. I’d never felt more complete or more loved than I did in Ollie’s arms. And now that I knew my place, I never planned to leave.