On Monday morning Jake was standing in his new office added when they rebuilt the dairy barn after the fire and he heard the unmistakable chug of Vanessa’s mobile clinic pull up nearby. Earlier she had texted him letting him know she had forgotten a bridal magazine on the kitchen table with the picture of the dress she wanted. At first, Jake was all smiles, but he felt his grin faded into a scowl when he heard what Tucker was saying to her.

“Congratulations on the engagement again.”

“Thank you. I’m so excited,” Vanessa replied.

“I’m really glad he got the ring back,” Jake heard Tucker say.

“Got the ring back? What do you mean?”

“You didn’t know? That is why he ducked into the jewelry store to pick it up. He told you he was just picking up shoes, but he stopped by there afterward. He had it resized to fit you. It took him months just to get it back from Karen and then it was in police evidence,” he said.

“I’m sorry. What did you just say?” Vanessa asked. “Who is Karen?”

There was silence for a moment. Then Jake heard Tucker try to close the can of worms he had just opened. “Oh, shit. I’m sorry, Vanessa. I have a big mouth. I shouldn’t have said that. It’s not like you think,” he began to say, but it was too late. When Jake walked around the corner to explain Vanessa’s cheeks were red, and she was starting to shake. No doubt about it, Vanessa was furious.

She yanked the ring off her finger and threw it at him. “You gave me the same ring that you gave someone named Karen!” she yelled at him, not waiting for an answer before she turned around and stormed off toward the house.

Jake looked over at Tucker who stood peering at the floor kicking around the straw. “I’m sorry boss, I just assumed she knew about your ex.”

Jake picked up the ring and shook his head, calling out to her. “Vanessa… Vanessa, sweetie, let me explain,” but she ignored him. Instead, she headed straight through the back door and into his house. By the time he got inside, she was tossing her things in her overnight case that had been there, unpacked for months now.

Tears were streaming down her face as she looked up at him and yelled, “Why… Jake… Why didn’t you tell me about this?”

Jake slammed his fist down on the dresser top and boomed, “Vanessa, let me explain! Don’t do this!”

“Explain? Explain what!? When were you going to tell me my ring was re-gifted; that it was really Karen’s engagement ring! Do I really mean so little to you that you can’t be bothered to pick out another ring?” she barked at him.

Jake looked out the bedroom window and took a deep breath before he tried to explain again. “It’s not like that, Vanessa.”

“It is exactly like that. You gave me a diamond ring that you had already tried to give to someone else. That apparently didn’t work out, so now you just give the same one to me,” Vanessa hissed.

Jake gestured with opened arms appealing to her to stop and listen to him. “The ring has sentimental value to me, Vanessa!”

She had stopped sobbing now and was just enraged. Vanessa stomped her foot with her hands on her hips and yelled at Jake. “I will just bet it does. You give it to all your fiancées!” Then she grabbed her suitcase and brushed by Jake headed for the door.

When Jake got to the front porch, Vanessa was tossing the suitcase into the passenger’s seat and jumped behind the wheel. Jake was surprised that the old camper could peel out and throw gravel in the air — but it did. He pulled out his phone and tried to call her, but she ignored him. After several more attempts, he gave up.

Jake spent the rest of the day trying to figure out how he was going to explain this to Vanessa. The ring he had given her wasn’t just any old ring, and she was the one he wanted to have it. Her and only her. What was Tucker thinking when he mentioned Karen? Jake hadn’t thought about Karen for some time now, and here she was, fucking up his life just as much now as she did back then.

****

The next morning, Jake received a phone call from Heather at Vanessa’s office. He supposed she was the closest thing Vanessa had to a friend since she spent all her spare time with him. He had listened to Heather for a bit and then thanked her. After hanging up the phone, Jake grabbed his keys. A short time later, he stood inside the doors of a local breakfast hole looking around. Jake glanced up and saw Heather, so he made his way toward her. Then he stopped in his tracks when he saw that she wasn’t alone. Vanessa was sitting across the table with her back to him. When he walked up behind her he heard Vanessa saying, “I should have known better than to get involved with someone who had so much baggage hanging over them. What was I thinking.”

Jake stepped closer toward Vanessa and through gritted teeth said to her, “I thought you were thinking that you were in love with me. But it didn’t stop you from jumping to a ridiculous conclusion and backing out of our engagement the day after you agreed to marry me.”

Vanessa bolted upright in her seat. Heather looked down at her hands then stood. He could see that Vanessa was angry now that she realized her receptionist had somehow arranged this little meeting behind her back.

“Oh. You are just going to set me up to see someone I don’t want to talk to and then get up and leave,” Vanessa hissed.

Heather leaned down, gathered her purse and jacket then addressed both of them. “You know what, I see why the two of you get along. You’re just alike! Neither of you wants to talk about anything. You rather just jump to conclusions and find reasons to argue. The problem here is not me; it is the two of you. Now, I’m going to ask the waiter to take my breakfast to a different table. I suggest that the two of you sit here and talk this out like reasonable people instead of overgrown children,” Heather snapped at them, before walking away.

Vanessa watched as Heather approached the hostess stand and spoke to her. A moment later, an embarrassed looking waiter retrieved Heather’s food and took it to a table in a different corner of the restaurant. Vanessa said nothing nor did she look at Jake, who was still standing behind her chair.

He took a deep breath and let it out before walking around to the other side of the table and sat down. She still looked angry, but he was sure that he did too as they glared at one another without speaking.

Finally, Jake broke the silence that hung thick around them. “How could you ever think that I care so little about you that I would give you the same ring that I bought for Karen?”

“Because you did, Jake. Tucker told me.”

“Tucker told you only a small portion of the story. I’m not sure why he even thought it should be mentioned,” Jake explain in a calmer voice.

“What you neglect to realize in telling me this is that I am still right. You gave me Karen’s ring,” Vanessa snapped back at him, her eyes filling with tears.

“No. I gave you my mother’s engagement ring. My relationship with Karen was broken, and I couldn’t marry her. She killed everything I ever felt for her. I had taken it to the jewelry shop to get it resized and cleaned, plus I had them make a few changes to it so that it was still my mother’s ring, but unique to you. When I got shot, the police took it out of the glove compartment of my truck for evidence, along with several other things. That is why I waited so long after that to propose to you. I made arrangements the instant the police released it,” he told her.

“I don’t know what to say. Why didn’t you tell me about Karen? You’ve never mentioned her,” Vanessa replied.

“Because she is not relevant. Karen and I were supposed to get married before I left for the military. We hardly knew one another. I found her with someone else, someone who could give her something I couldn’t, something I wouldn’t.”

“And what was that?” Vanessa asked in a bland tone.

Jake leaned forward and gazed straight into Vanessa’s eyes. “Heroin. She was hooked on heroin, and I couldn’t help her. She never even loved me. Her mind was on marrying me so that she could spend my paychecks that would be sent home while I was off fighting a war. I’m just lucky I found out before it was too late.”

“You loved her.”

“I thought I did, but it was too easy to walk away when I found out what she was, who she was. I didn’t even know her. You know how I got my mother’s ring back?”

“How?” Vanessa asked in a softer voice.

“I found her in some little shit hole house in town with her drug dealer. They had pawned my mother’s ring to buy heroin. When I found Karen, she was naked with him and several other guys. I yanked her up and took her home to her father, who put her in rehab. Carl helped me find the ring and get it back.”

“What happened? Do you still talk to Karen?” Vanessa said coolly.

“No one talks to Karen. She checked out of rehab after only three weeks, went right back to her little druggie friends and overdosed.”

Vanessa dropped her head and said nothing. He waited for what she would say next, and nothing came. What was there to say really? Instead, he spoke to her.

“Please just say that you understand and still want to marry me, Vanessa. If you want another ring, we will get you one. You don’t have to wear my mother’s if you don’t want. I realize that it is special to me, but perhaps not to you since you know that Karen once wore it. It wasn’t something I really thoroughly considered. I admit that but I do love you with all my heart and I never meant for you to feel that you are anything less than the most wonderful woman in the world to me,” he told her.

Vanessa shook her head then covered her face with her hands. “I’m sorry, Jake. I thought the worst.”

“I know you did and I don’t understand that. I am obviously doing something wrong if you believed I would stoop so low as to re-gift an engagement ring,” he told her.

“No. It is not you. It was me,” she replied.

“Is that the whole truth?” Jake questioned.

“The whole truth is that I’m hopelessly in love with you and want to spend the rest of my life with you, but I’m a stubborn, jaded woman. I’ve been in bad relationships that left me wondering why I didn’t see the signs and how I could have been so stupid. So, instead of addressing the thing with the ring like an adult, I ran away as fast as I could to try to avoid the pain,” she told him.

“How did that work out for you?” he asked.

“Not at all,” she said, looking into his eyes. “You are a part of me and leaving you was like ripping out a vital organ.”

“The one that pumps life into the rest of you?” he offered.

“Yes, that one,” she said.

“I can relate. I think mine stopped for a while after you left. The last time I felt that much pain was when . . . well, a long time ago,” he said.

“Jake, why can’t you say it?” she asked.

“Say what?” he asked as if he had no clue what she was referring to. He knew exactly what she meant. Maybe he had been cutting off that thought for so long that it didn’t really occur to him that he was even doing it.

“Your parents died, Jake. You never say the words. Why is it still so hard?” she asked.

“I can’t have that conversation sitting at this table,” he told her quietly.

“Speaking of this table, how did you find me?’

“You know the answer to that. Heather called me. She said that you were struggling to get a grip and needed me.”

Vanessa smiled. “I owe her one,” she said, casting a glance toward Heather who was drinking coffee and looking in their direction. Vanessa turned to face her and held up her water glass as a silent thank you and nodded quietly. A few moments later, Heather paid her check and disappeared out the door.

Jake nodded. “Looks like she is a friend to both of us.”

“It would seem so.”

“Come on, and we will get out of here. I know a quieter place to have breakfast,” Jake suggested.

****

Thirty minutes later they had returned to the ranch and Jake was placing the carton of eggs out on the counter to start their omelets. Rather than sitting at the breakfast bar, Vanessa set the small table out in the glassed sunroom. It wasn’t long before they were enjoying a quiet breakfast as they watched the morning sun melt away the frost.

Jake sat sipping his coffee and took a bite of toast, looking over at her he gazed into Vanessa’s beautiful eyes. “You know, I missed a lot of time with my parents. I hated the ranch growing up… always surrounded by hay and manure, getting up at dawn to do chores around here before I went to school and then afterward I came straight home and repeated the routine. I had no life outside of this place and few friends other than Tucker,” Jake explained. “The life of a rancher, slash dairy farmer is not an easy one.”

Vanessa put down her fork and leaned closer to the table and asked, “Didn’t you ever have a dream… I mean a dream of doing something else. Like I always dreamed of being a vet?”

Jake nodded and replied, “Yeh, I wanted to sail… build my own boat and sail somewhere far away.”

“I never pictured you as a sailor,” Vanessa laughed.

“Anyway, as soon as I graduated from high school I wanted to select a university that offered Navy ROTC. But that never happened. Dad was dead set against it. He wanted me to go to the local community college and still live here on the ranch but he finally agreed I could attend the University of Arkansas as long as I came home almost every weekend to help out. At that time, all I could see was four more years of my life spent as his unpaid laborer.”

“Sounds like it was pretty unfair to you.”

“I thought it was at the time. Truth was Dad needed me, but I couldn’t see it. And after all, I got almost anything I wanted… a truck, decent clothes, a college education… it wasn’t that bad. Then Mom passed in my senior year. So, I ran away again this time to the military. The Army recruiter was quick to get me signed up. When I came home, Dad was so sick he could hardly walk.”

“You didn’t know?”

“I didn’t. Dad had kept it from me. I was in Afghanistan on an eighteen-month tour when he found out he was sick. He made Tucker swear not to tell me either. I didn’t know until I got back and it wasn’t long before he died.”

“I’m so sorry, Jake.” Vanessa reached out and squeezed his hand.

“It’s just life, isn’t it? But it was my selfishness that eventually stole my time with Dad away. I could have spent more time with my mother! I could have spent more time with my father! Instead, I spent all of my time trying to get away from them. I guess they showed me, huh? In the end, it was my time that ran out, and it was them that left me!” Jake turned away and peered out the window.

“Jake that kind of thinking is unhealthy.”

“That’s why I don’t talk about them. I can’t. If I do, all the hard feelings come flooding back again. So, when you ask why I don’t talk about them, now you know.”

“I understand, but Jake, you can’t blame yourself for their deaths,” she said softly.

“Yes, I can. What if my not being there somehow made them less healthy in a way that led to their demise. I blame myself for them, and I blame myself for Karen,” he replied.

“Why Karen, too?”

“I was too wrapped up in my own shit and didn’t give her the attention she needed. She coped by drinking instead, and eventually, that got out of control. Then she turned to drugs. By the time I saw the light, it was too late. Karen’s life was on a dead-end course, and when she needed me the most I turned her over to her father… who had molested her as a child. So I abandoned Karen too and volunteered to go to the Middle East so I would have a good excuse to call it quits,” Jake explained.

“Oh, Jake. You can’t carry around all this guilt. It is eating you up inside. You have to let it go and move on with your life,” she told him.

“I was trying. I resisted my feelings for you at first. I was afraid I would only fail you like I did my parents and Karen. I was afraid that you would hurt me and I wasn’t sure how much more of that I could stand either. It was only after almost losing you that I began to see how little the potential for hurt was compared to how I felt watching you every day and not being able to tell you how I felt,” Jake told her.

Vanessa grabbed both of his hands. “I’m here now, Jake, and I love you more than I have ever loved anyone in my life. If you don’t want to be on this ranch, then you don’t have to. I know you feel an obligation to the people that work here, but you could sell it and let the new owner keep them on. It’s not like the person who bought it wouldn’t need ranch hands too and the ones already here are well trained and acquainted with the daily activities and layout,” she told him.

Jake shook his head. “I don’t know where else I would go, what else I would do.”

“Well, perhaps you should seriously consider a change. Whatever you decide I will support your decision,” Vanessa said softly.

Jake nodded quietly, leaning forward to kiss her before slumping back in his chair. After a few moments, though, Jake stood up and stretched. He felt more relaxed somehow, still a bit sad but heartened that he had been completely honest with Vanessa and had cleared the air between them. Now, Jake felt they were on the right course. He was looking forward to spending the rest of his life together with Vanessa, happy.