14
A sob tore through him, wet and broken. Rain pattered down in a steady drizzle, wicking away the blood on the pavement, soaking them both to the bone. Thunder roiled overhead. Thiessen shook so hard that his teeth chattered together, his fingers stretching towards his fallen boyfriend.
“Bo…”
Bo didn’t make a sound. He remained motionless, folded in on himself, his left arm twisted in such a way that shouldn’t have been possible. Slick white bone popped out from beneath the torn flesh of his elbow, its end sharp and jagged. His dark hair framed his pale face, his eyes closed in the silent peace of unconsciousness.
But the blood. There was so much blood.
Panic gripped at Thiessen’s heart. “Please. Please, don’t go. Don’t leave me alone. I can’t do this alone,” he uttered hoarsely. Squeezing his eyes shut against the pain radiating inside of him, he tried in vain to kick his own weak body closer to Bo. His skin scraped over the wet cement, but all it did was make the throbbing behind his eyes multiply tenfold.
A moan slipped free and he collapsed once more. Everything hurt. “Bo.”
The sirens were growing closer now. Did someone call the cops? He blinked the raindrops from his lashes and tried to focus. If he looked really hard, he could see the slight rise and fall of Bo’s chest. He was alive. He was hanging on by a thread, but he was alive, if only someone would help them.
“Hello?” he cried out to nothingness. His voice cracked. “Anyone? Please…” Tears burned hot at the corners of his eyes and he was helpless to stop them from falling. They were the only source of warmth in his world right that moment, and he began to cry all over again.
Please. Someone. Help us.
* * *
Thiessen woke with a keening wail, his face wet with tears. He thrashed in the sheets, which tangled around his feet. The ache in his leg throbbed with each beat of his heart, the pain of a wound that was no more. He couldn’t breathe. Where was he? Why couldn’t he breathe?
A grunt from beside him made his skin prickle with alarm. He wasn’t alone.
“Thiessen? Hey, it’s me. It’s just me. You had a bad dream.”
“Bo?” he whispered even as the dreams faded into obscurity, depositing him back into reality. No. Bo was gone. Bo wasn’t ever waking up again. He pinched his eyes shut. The spicy musk of familiar cologne touched his nose, calming his frayed nerves if only just a bit. He let out a shuddering sigh. “Jory.”
“Easy, sweetheart. Come here.” Strong arms enveloped him in a blanket of security and Thiessen let himself be folded into the embrace. He buried his face in the crook of Jory’s neck and tried to calm down. He was safe. He was okay. It was a dream. Just a dream. Jory kissed his temple. “Relax. I’m right here. You wanna talk about it?”
Thiessen snuffled out a short laugh. Bitter. “No.”
“I think maybe you should,” Jory replied gently. “Maybe not right this minute, but I think perhaps it would help you move on if you talked to someone about it. Doesn’t have to be me. Could be Peri. Could be a therapist—”
“I don’t need therapy. Been there, done that.” It hadn’t helped him cope any. All she wanted to do was dig under his skin and peel it away, layer by layer, until she found the pain hiding underneath. The agony had been unbearable, the wound too raw. He’d quit after a couple of sessions.
“It hurts,” he whispered, clenching at Jory’s shoulder. Anchoring himself. “I’ll never escape the memories, the dreams. Every time I think I’m doing better, they pop up again. It’s like a slap in the face, reminding me of what I lost. He was such a good person. He didn’t deserve it. I couldn’t do anything to stop them, Jory. I was helpless to save him and every time I dream about it, it’s like I’m there. I’m right there, reliving the pain and the hurt and the fucking sadness.”
“Bo?”
“Yeah.”
“Can I ask? How did he die?”
Thiessen clenched his jaws until the muscles twinged. That was the thing. He wasn’t dead—not legally, anyway—and that was why it was so damn hard. He’d spent months at Bo’s bedside after he’d recovered. Talking to him, begging him to come back, to open his eyes, to simply twitch a finger. Anything to prove that he could hear him. Anything to prove that he wasn’t gone.
But he was.
“He didn’t die. He’s just…not here anymore,” he whispered finally. “The doctors said it was a lost cause, but his parents… They wouldn’t give up on him, not even when he started wasting away on life support. They clung to this stupid fucking hope that he’d somehow miraculously wake up and things would be okay again. They bashed his fucking skull in. I watched it happen, I saw the blood. Even if he did wake up, he’s never gonna be the same, no matter how much anyone prays.”
“That’s why it’s been so hard to let him go, huh?” Jory murmured, his lips pressed against Thiessen’s hair. Thiessen closed his eyes and nodded, unable to speak the truth. Maybe a little part of him had hoped for the best. Hoped for a miracle. Hoped that Bo would open his eyes and smile and it would only be a bad dream. “I’m sorry, Thee. I wish I could make it better.”
Thiessen’s laugh was strangled. “You have. You have made it better, that’s the thing. The more time I spend with you, the less I miss him and now he’s fading away. What if I forget his voice? What if I forget him completely, one day? What if his memory just…disappears? I don’t want to lose him.”
“You’ll never lose him, Thiessen. He’ll always be right here.” Jory’s wide palm flattened over his chest, where his heart thumped away. “With you. Just like Seth will always be with me. I loved him with all that I was. I married him, you know. I’ve never told anyone that, not even my parents know.”
“What?”
“Seth didn’t want to die. He had so many dreams. He wanted to get married, so after he was diagnosed, I proposed. I didn’t even have to think twice. We went down to the courthouse and for three short months, he got to live that dream. I took care of him and I was there when he died, holding his hand and telling him everything would be okay. I watched him take his last breath, but I have no regrets. I’d do it again and again, in a heartbeat. I loved him, just like you loved Bo, but sometimes we have to let them go. We have to set their memory free and live for them, because they aren’t here anymore.” Jory’s voice cracked and Thiessen realized he was crying.
He reached out and touched the silver ring suspended by a chain around Jory’s neck. “Was this his?”
“Yeah. I keep it with me, always.”
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t mean to make you sad.”
“These things happen sometimes,” Jory replied. “Until I met you, I wasn’t ready to move on either, but I knew I couldn’t spend the rest of my life alone. Seth wouldn’t have wanted that. He would want me to go out there and thrive, to fall in love again and make someone else the happiest person in the world. He would want me to live. So here I am. Living.”
“Will you ever do it again?”
“Get married? Someday, yes, when I find that person, the one who fills me with joy and love. I intend to marry the next man or woman who wins my heart. I’m not one to worry about my age, but I’m not getting any younger. I still want to raise a family. To teach my kids how to walk and how to play softball, to help them through first-love woes and drink with them on their twenty-first birthday and see them get married and start a life of their own. That’s how it works, Thee. When you find the one, someone you can’t bear to live without, you’ll know.”
Thiessen’s heart gave a pang. He knew it with Bo. He knew it the moment he set eyes on the other boy, with his ever-present smiles and his optimistic attitude. But Bo was gone, and Thiessen needed to move on with his life, no matter how hard it was.
With a soft sigh, he cuddled in and rubbed his tear-damp cheek against Jory’s chest. In return, Jory’s fingers played in circles over the small of his back, and for several long minutes, they just co-existed.
Could he be that person for Jory? The man he married and started a family with one day? Thiessen had never considered himself the husband type, not after growing up with his parents’ dysfunctional relationship, but there was something about Jory that made him ache with the sudden want of it.
He wanted to be the person Jory couldn’t live without, because the longer they were together, the more Thiessen wanted a future with this man. He might not’ve been the marrying type, but in that moment, he wanted to be.
* * *
Thiessen’s head thunked against the back of the couch as Jory’s mouth began its tantalizing path down his jaw, nibbling and sucking over his skin. When he focused his attention on the jumping of Thiessen’s pulse, Thiessen closed his eyes on a whimper. How could Jory have so much control over him with so little effort? His entire body hummed with his kiss-drunk pleasure, his mind a swirling vortex of wants and needs.
“Jory…” He barely breathed the word.
“Mmm?” Jory’s tongue traced the mark he’d no doubt left on Thiessen’s skin. “Talk to me, baby,” he crooned, but Thiessen was distracted by the palm now grinding against the crotch of his jeans. His cock rubbed against the seam, growing harder by the moment, and he hissed.
“We should… Ah… Shit.” He pinched his lower lip between his teeth when Jory squeezed over him. “You’re really not helping things any, Jor.”
“I know, sweetheart. That’s the point, isn’t it?” Jory pulled back. His smile was wicked. “What shall we do? Go ahead, I’ll behave.” For now, was what he didn’t say. Thiessen knew. He could see that lusty glint in the man’s dark gaze, locked so intently on him. “Perhaps we should take this to bed?”
Thiessen’s breath caught. Yes, please. God, he wanted Jory in a way that he’d never wanted another man—more than he ever wanted Bo, and that was saying something. He inhaled sharply. “Yes, but… The dogs.”
“The dogs will be just fine,” Jory replied. “They’ve got their bones. See? Happy puppies. They won’t miss us for an hour or two.” He waggled his eyebrows and Thiessen laughed, though his face got hot and his palms a little sweaty. Fair enough. When he nodded again, Jory caught him by the hands and pulled him to his feet.
Nerves danced the Macarena in Thiessen’s gut the moment he shut the bedroom door behind them. The latch clicked, but all he could hear was the rush of blood in his skull. He unbuttoned his shirt, well aware of the way Jory was staring.
But he wanted this. He did. He’d wanted it since the other night, when he’d let Jory play with his ass in the shower. He’d never come so hard in his life. The man knew exactly where to touch him to set fireworks off in his skull, and damn…
Button by button, the shirt parted until he shrugged it off his shoulders. His jeans were next, shimmying them down his hips and kicking off his shoes and socks until he stood there, bared to Jory, wearing nothing but his prosthetic—and then that came off as well.
Jory growled. The heat in his eyes was unmistakable and it shook Thiessen to the core. He lay back on the bed while Jory quickly stripped from his own clothing, then climbed up onto the mattress to straddle Thiessen.
He wondered if Jory could hear the way his heart was beating double-time, because the man softened. His hand skimmed up Thiessen’s side, fingertips skirting over his ribcage to cradle his cheek in one hand. “Relax, baby. I won’t do anything you don’t want. Promise.”
But he wasn’t worried about that, not even as Jory knelt between his thighs and began to rub him off. Not even as the man’s body covered his, his mouth seeking out Thiessen’s, his tongue needing to taste, to explore.
He trusted Jory. Jory would never hurt him or push him past his comfort zone. He’d proved it time and time again—but this time, Thiessen needed that push. Months of wet dreams and fantasies and make-out sessions on the couch had culminated to this very moment in time, and Thiessen wanted this. He wanted Jory to take him, to bury himself so deeply inside of him that he’d never forget the feel of the man.
“Fuck.” The word was a hiss when Jory rolled a nipple between his teeth, tugging gently on the little nub. Thiessen’s back arched up off the bed and Jory groaned. Thiessen knotted his fingers in Jory’s hair and closed his eyes, focusing on the pleasure that swarmed through him with each wet, suckling drag.
He could feel the heat of Jory’s cock rubbing against his. The sweet glide of skin sent little shockwaves through him and he gripped at the man’s neck, suddenly defenseless to Jory’s attack. With each slow roll of their hips, Thiessen could feel himself building. “Jory…”
“Hush, Thee. Let me worship you,” came Jory’s husky reply, and he did just that. His lips and tongue caressed every scar that marred his skin, every last bump and imperfection. He kissed hot and wet, then whisper-soft and tender until Thiessen was left a trembling bundle of nerve-endings on the very precipice of desire.
“Please,” he whimpered, his head tossed back against the pillows when Jory finally—finally!—focused on his cock. The man fisted over him with slow deliberation, but Thiessen was strung too tightly. “Jory, please. Don’t make me beg. I want to feel you. I need you.”
Jory’s lips met his in a sweet kiss, the corners curving to form a smile. “You sure?”
“So sure,” he replied.
When Thiessen felt the cool press of lubed fingers against his hole, he had to force himself to breathe because it got clogged in his chest. Jory kissed him again and again, working a digit in slowly as he did so. “Trust me?”
Thiessen’s eyes fluttered shut. “Always.”
“God, I want you so bad. Wanted you for months now.” Jory’s voice was filled with yearning.
“You’re so patient with me.”
“You’re so worth it. I told you that before and I meant it.” His lips ghosted over Thiessen’s jaw. Thiessen shivered when he heard the sound of the condom wrapper being torn, anticipating Jory’s next move, but he didn’t open his eyes. No. He needed to let himself feel this, let himself experience this moment.
“Are you ready?”
“Y-Yeah.”
“Don’t be scared, Thee,” Jory whispered, squeezing Thiessen’s trembling thighs, which spread for him. “Relax.”
Thiessen swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded, breathing through the spike of anxiety when he felt the blunt head of Jory’s cock rub over his entrance. He slowly pushed in. There was a pinch, followed by a burning pressure, but Jory was careful with him. As if Thiessen were something fragile that he didn’t dare break.
“Oh god…” The words tumbled free when Jory was fully seated inside of him, his body clenching around him. Jory groaned and placed a hand on Thiessen’s chest to steady himself, breathing hard as if it physically pained him to go slow. “Jory. Fuck.” Thiessen’s head spun.
“Okay?”
“Okay.”
“Not hurting you?”
Thiessen shook his head. “No. Just…” When Jory rocked their bodies together, the sensation of his cock rubbing the deepest parts of him made heat pool in Thiessen’s groin. “Fuck. Do that again.” He Thiessen grabbed at Jory’s arms, his fingers curling around his biceps. “Oh, fuck. Wow. That’s…”
Jory chuckled. “Good?”
“Yeah.” More than good. With each slow thrust, Thiessen’s cock twitched against his abdomen. He reached down with one hand and began to stroke himself off. Jory continued his steady drive, picking up pace the moment Thiessen needed it, like he could somehow read it on his face, or in the way Thiessen was whimpering and clenching at Jory’s shoulder.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” He pinched his eyes shut and let Jory’s body crash into his.
“Right?” Jory groaned, grabbing Thiessen by the hips to anchor himself. “You feel fucking amazing, Thee. God, I just wanna fuck you like this forever.” He jerked, driving himself deep before he pulled back again, and that delicious drag of their bodies made Thiessen beg for more, babbling now.
“Please, fuck, please. Jory!” He didn’t care that he sounded like a complete slut—he needed it. Needed more. Jory growled his name and shoved his legs up, angling himself in deeper, and Thiessen cried out. With each sharp thrust, Jory pounded against that spot inside of him that his fingers had sought out a week ago, and Thiessen couldn’t control himself.
Everything screamed inside of him, rising to a fever pitch. Blood pounded in his cock and with a pop of pleasure, he cried out Jory’s name on his release. His cock pulsed, splattering his chest and stomach with his orgasm, and he shuddered beneath the man. Jory only fucked into him faster.
“Close,” he grunted. Thiessen grabbed at his neck, holding on as Jory drove himself to completion. He felt the burst of heat when Jory came and he couldn’t help but wish he would’ve taken him raw. God, the idea of Jory’s cum leaking out of him made him ache all over again.
“Jesus Christ, Jor.” Thiessen sagged back into the sheets, his mind hazy from pleasure. Jory groaned and pulled out. Thiessen hissed at the pinch, but the pain was fleeting. Jory disposed of the condom and curled up behind him, his arm looped around Thiessen’s waist to draw him closer. His breath came short and hot against Thiessen’s sweaty neck, giving him a slight chill.
Jory kissed his nape. “Good?” he whispered.
Thiessen closed his eyes on a blissful sigh. “I’m so glad it was you.”
“Me too, baby. Trust me.”
They lay like that, cuddled together, for what seemed like eternity. Thiessen wanted to lose himself in this bubbly feeling, but emotion was quick to rise to the forefront.
What if this was it? This feeling of completion, this feeling of being the other half of a whole. What if that was what Jory had meant? He’d felt something like this with Bo, but it was never so intense. It never gripped his heart in a vice and squeezed until he feared it might explode from happiness.
Jory could be it for him. Jory could be his happily-ever-after.
“Do you think we’ll get married someday?” he mumbled, still a bit love-drunk.
He was met with a silence so quiet it sobered him up, quick. Fuck. Had he said that out loud? Goddamnit, he might as well have confessed his undying love for the man.
“Thiessen…” Jory sat up and rubbed his face.
Thiessen’s stomach knotted with dread, because he had the bad feeling he’d just fucked everything up. Again.