Elam regarded himself in the small bathroom mirror, wincing as he carefully trailed his fingers over the big knot on the back of his head. Good one, idiot. Excellent way to start off his year, the grand year he’d been building up in his mind for the past month. Plotting and planning and dreaming of making everything perfect. A perfect mess.
He hated that he looked so bedraggled too. Why it should matter, he wasn’t sure. Liar. Elam huffed out a low curse, chastising himself over how foolish he was being. After meticulously planning a safe space to be alone with his thoughts, to consider his future without the influence of a man or any romantic involvement—what did he find himself doing? Fantasizing over the smoldering sexiness that was Nic. My rescuer.
Not continuously staring at Nic had been a challenge, but not blushing around him had been a total fail. God, what the hell is wrong with me? He’d blame it on hitting his head, but he knew better. When Nic moved around the cabin in his snug jeans that showcased his muscular, round ass, when he’d crouch in front of the fireplace, reach into the bin to retrieve a piece of wood to add to the fire and his biceps flexed—his corded muscles moving beneath his almost porcelain skin—Elam’s dick had had the nerve to get hard as if he hadn’t just suffered an injury and should be thinking of anything but some hot guy.
Elam finger-combed the tangles from his hair as he tried to make sense of the compelling attraction he had to Nic. Sure, smokin’ hot guy and all, but Elam wasn’t prone to being taken in by a pretty face and hunky bod so quickly—let alone to the point where he ached to kiss and touch him, to be close to him, be held by him as if they were meant for each other. To gaze into his ice blue eyes for hours as if they could reveal the inner workings of his soul. He snorted. Ridiculous.
Elam glanced up at his reflection and decided he’d done the best he could under the circumstances. The suitcase Nic had retrieved wasn’t the one with his grooming case and even though the storm still raged, Nic had offered to get it for him. When Elam had protested out of concern for his wellbeing, he’d noted the confusion crossing his features, as if he’d been surprised at how adamant Elam had been.
It was rather silly. After all, as Nic had said, he’d lived in the area his whole life—the last ten years of it alone at the cabin—and was obviously more than capable of taking care of himself. The ‘alone for ten years’ part had perked up Elam’s ears too, but he wasn’t sure Nic realized what his off-hand comment had revealed about his circumstances. In the end, Nic had instead given him a spare toothbrush.
And he’s quite gifted. Elam had been shocked to discover that Nic had not only built the beautiful open-beam log cabin himself but had crafted the pine dining table along with several other pieces. Apparently, he sold many of his creations in a pricey furniture store with outlets in the larger towns. He’d even had work commissioned by tourists who wanted the one-of-a-kind items Nic created to be shipped to their homes. Nic’s workshop was separate from the cabin, but due to the weather conditions, Elam had barely been able to make out the structure.
Elam sighed as he regarded his scruffy appearance one more time, his only saving grace being that although they were wrinkled, at least his clothes were clean. His emerald green flannel shirt was nice and comfy, but sadly, he was back in his own jeans. Wearing Nic’s sweats had been almost decadent.
“Enough of this nonsense,” he muttered to himself.
He was in Alaska for one reason only. To clear his head so he could get his life back on track. A life he chose and had nothing to do with another man. He’d given up too much of himself to make Andy happy. He wasn’t about to make the same mistake twice. And anyway, its not as if Nic is interested. The guy could have anyone. He pushed aside the nagging voice in his head, the one reminding him that Nic had been alone by his own admission, as he pushed open the door to the bathroom.
As Elam passed through the bedroom, his eyes strayed to the bed. Nic’s insistence that he take it had been unexpected, and Elam had assured him it wasn’t necessary. However, Nic wouldn’t take no for an answer. His offer had come off sounding a tad gruff, but Elam had thought it sweet of him, nonetheless. In someone else, Elam might have thought Nic’s behavior bossy, but he’d caught the undertone of worry in his voice. Elam had given in almost right away. He’d been exhausted with a pounding headache along with still being a bit queasy, and he’d spent most of the rest of the day napping.
As Elam entered the main area of the cabin, Nic glanced up from where he was perched on the dining room table, his feet resting on one of the chairs where he was once again carving a small piece of wood. When Elam had woken from one of his naps the day before, emerging from the bedroom for some water, he’d been greeted with almost the same scene. Nic had said it kept him busy, since he didn’t have television or even a computer, and that he carved small, decorative pieces to sell during the harshest winter months when using his workshop was out of the question.
“Did you find everything okay? I left some deodorant and fresh towels on the stand in the bathroom while you were asleep.” Nic set down his knife and the piece of wood as he lowered his eyes and turned his head. “I hope I didn’t disturb you.”
A shiver ran through Elam at the visual of Nic in the bedroom while he was unaware. Did he stare at me too? The thought of such a thing should creep him out, yet it didn’t.
“N-no, you didn’t disturb me, not at all.” He struggled to keep his voice from cracking. “And I did find everything, thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” Nic had responded in the brusque manner that Elam had determined was his normal way of speaking. “I’ll start some fresh coffee.”
Nic slid off the table then padded toward the kitchen, the roll of his hips as he’d maneuvered off the piece of furniture and the assured manner in which he moved making Elam’s throat dry up even more. He ran his palm over his mouth then down his chin. Oh boy. He needed to snap out of it. Who knew when it would be possible for him to leave the cabin to get to his place? He was sure Nic wouldn’t appreciate some drooling stranger he was stuck caring for ogling him all the time as if he were a big slice of chocolate cake.
“Hey, can I help with anything?” Elam gave a shaky chuckle. “I feel bad about the way you’ve been waiting on me.”
Nic’s back was to him as he filled an iron kettle with water. “Don’t worry about it. You should rest. Go on and have a seat and I’ll cook up some breakfast.” He peered over his shoulder without making eye contact. “You like your eggs scrambled or over easy? That’s about what I can do.”
Elam furrowed his brow. He was being such a bother to the poor guy. “Scrambled is fine, but please, don’t go to any trouble.”
Nic was back to speaking to the wall. “No trouble.”
Elam nodded even though Nic couldn’t see him. They’d made small talk the night before, the basic niceties that people shared when meeting for the first time. Other than his untimely confession about Andy, they’d kept the conversation to mundane topics. He sighed, Of course we did. They were strangers. But even though Nic hadn’t been animated when he’d spoken the night before—his deep voice monotone, his sentences clipped, the timbre sometimes coming out with the hint of a sexy growl at the end of a sentence—he’d somehow seemed friendlier than he was in the new day.
Maybe it’s finally dawned on him he might be stuck with me for a while.
Elam made his way to the table then sat down next to where Nic had set the piece he’d been working on. He didn’t want to touch the wood carving, as if it would be too intimate of an act. A portion of Nic’s heart had been poured into the object. It only held beauty due to his deft hands. Elam narrowed his eyes, leaning closer to the piece to see if he could work out what it was supposed to be. It’s a bear. A grizzly, I think.
Nic set a mug of coffee in front of him and Elam gasped, abruptly straightening as if he’d been caught doing something wrong.
“It’s for my nephew. His birthday’s coming up.” Nic was already halfway back to the stove. “I hope you don’t mind that the coffee’s black. I don’t have any cream, but if you want, I have some honey.”
Elam wrapped his hands around the mug, absorbing the delicious heat. “Black is fine.” He shifted on the chair, restless from not being allowed to help Nic, and if he was being truthful, a bit embarrassed by it too. Sure, his head still throbbed dully through the veil of painkillers, but he was no longer queasy or wobbly.
Nic returned with two plates piled with fluffy scrambled eggs and some sausage links. He set them both down, placing Elam’s in front of him. Elam took a sip of his coffee, wanting to wait until Nic had his first bite before digging in. Nic glanced up after stuffing a forkful of eggs in his mouth, frowning at Elam as he chewed.
He swallowed. “If your stomach is still upset, don’t feel you have to eat anything to please me.”
Elam almost choked on his coffee, so set it down before he could make a mess. “Oh, I…” Is that what I was doing? “No, my stomach’s fine.” He offered Nic what he hoped was a reassuring smile. “Looks great, thanks.”
Nic narrowed his eyes almost imperceptibly then gave him a quick nod before returning to his food. Elam set about eating his breakfast, realizing after the first few bites that he’d never be able to finish the amount that had been piled on his plate. By contrast, Nic was wolfing down his large meal as if he hadn’t eaten in days.
I don’t know what he was thinking by giving me the same amount as him.
Elam ate as much as he could but stopped before he overdid it. He doubted Nic would appreciate him hurling up what he’d just prepared. Elam set down his fork, his breakfast only half-eaten, while Nic had already returned to the table with another helping.
“Um, I was thinking I could save the rest for later.”
Nic regarded him. “Don’t feel like you have to finish on my account.”
Elam squirmed in his chair again. “I’m very grateful for all you’re doing for me and it seems rude not to eat what you’ve gone to so much effort to prepare.”
Nic set down his fork, then gestured for Elam’s plate. Worried that he might have pissed off his rescuer, Elam handed it over without a word. His eyes widened as Nic scraped the remaining eggs and sausage on top of the second helping he’d begun eating.
“Like I said, no big deal.” He offered Elam a quirk of a smile. “I eat a lot.”
How the fuck does he burn it off? The guy was all tight, solid muscle. Not an ounce of flab on him, yet he wasn’t enormous either. Elam couldn’t fathom how he was using up so many calories stuck inside a cabin in the winter.
Elam fiddled with his coffee mug and smiled back. “As long as it doesn’t go to waste.”
Nic made a small grunting sound. “Not much chance of that.”
Taking a sip of his lukewarm coffee, Elam searched his mind for an appropriate topic of conversation. He’d already rejected queries such as ‘what’s a hot guy like you doing all alone?’ and ‘would it be rude if I kissed you?’.
“I was going to get some more coffee. Would you like some?”
Elam’s ass hadn’t even left the chair before Nic had shot to his feet.
“Stay there. I’ll get it.”
What the…? “Nic, it’s making me very uncomfortable the way you keep waiting on me like this.” Elam let out a chuckle. “I can get coffee. I’m not an invalid.”
Nic whirled around from where he stood at the small kitchen counter, his expression radiating anger. “I won’t have you making yourself sick. You’re supposed to be resting!”
Elam’s jaw fell open, his gut clenching, his mind struggling to comprehend the bizarre outburst. “I’m very confused right now. I don’t see the harm in me getting us some coffee, for heaven’s sake.”
Nic’s eyes widened, and he held a hand to his mouth. After a moment, he let it drop as he exhaled on a long sigh. “I… I apologize. I hope you can cut me a break. I’m out here alone most of the time, my family already knows what a grouch I am and I tend to blurt out whatever’s in my head without thinking first.”
Elam could see where the guy was coming from, but it still didn’t explain why he’d freaked out over him getting coffee. He decided to let it pass. After all, he was an unexpected guest who’d be out of Nic’s hair in no time. Then they’d probably only run into each other on occasion after that. It didn’t matter. Elam swallowed. Except it feels like it does.
He offered Nic a small smile, hoping to mask the inexplicable sadness his thoughts had caused. “I understand. It’s difficult isn’t it? Two strangers thrown together like this, not accustomed to each other’s rhythms. That’s bound to make getting to know each other better more difficult, make it easier to misinterpret intent.”
Elam bit his bottom lip to keep from blabbing any more philosophical nonsense while Nic arched his eyebrows in apparent confusion. The awkwardness of the moment stretched into silence as Elam wracked his brain for a subject-changer.
Nic cleared his throat then glanced away. “So… long as I’m up. I’ll grab us both some more coffee.”
Elam held in a groan. Everything about being in Nic’s presence rattled him. But as he’d already reminded himself, he’d soon be at his own place and anything involving Nic would no longer be a concern. Elam rubbed at his chest, grimacing. Except that only makes me feel much worse.
* * * *
Nic had given up on doing anymore carving for the day. Being distracted by the delectable Elam while using sharp objects no longer seemed advisable. Instead, he’d busied himself rubbing oil into the pine framing the fireplace hearth while Elam napped. In my bed. Nic usually waited for spring to do wood maintenance, but the tedium of the job was needed. Until Elam was out of his cabin for good, his brain would remain mush.
He rubbed more vigorously with the soft rag, frowning at the stab of pain hitting his chest at the thought of Elam leaving.
He’s feeling it too.
Nic had assumed that since Elam was a human, the mating pull wouldn’t be an issue. He’d reasoned that all he had to do was exercise restraint around him until it was time to take him to his place, then he would speak with the pack’s spirit guide and healer, maybe figure out what was going on. Instead, Elam had shocked him by how eager he was to please, how he would stare at him when he thought Nic wasn’t looking, and the way his luscious scent strengthened whenever they interacted.
I can’t turn him. Nic frowned. Can I?
The burn in his arms as he scrubbed even harder couldn’t stop the thread of hope stealing its way into his mind. So what if Elam felt the pull of his Alpha? He wouldn’t understand what it meant, would be terrified if he knew what Nic was. It’s not as if it was the old days when the world was less modern, and most people still believed in magic and the mysteries of the unknown. No, it was ridiculous to even consider. The pack spirit guide would counsel him on how to proceed and that would be that.
I can keep an eye on him from a safe distance.
His heart calmed a bit as he slowed his movements, the circles he made as he tended to the wood no longer as wide and misshapen. Elam wouldn’t think anything of a wolf being nearby—should he be spotted. At least Nic could see his mate from afar and fulfill his duty of protecting him.
But what if he goes back to Seattle?
Nic fell back on his haunches, tossing the rag onto the floor. He wanted to scream at the unfairness of it all. He’d spent so many years convincing himself he was better off alone, that he wasn’t the type who would do well with a mate, that things had turned out for the best. But now that he’d met Elam? Fuck, all he wanted to do was hold him close and never let go, breathe him in, kiss him, make love to him… Build a life together.
Yet, none of that could ever happen because fate thought it would be hilarious by giving him a human as his one and only.
Dammit.
The sound of feet shuffling nearby jostled him from his agonizing thoughts. He glanced up to see Elam, yawning and stretching, the edge of his tee pulling up enough that a tantalizing patch of belly emerged, the smattering of dark hair around Elam’s navel drawing his gaze.
“Hey. What time is it? I left my cell out here.”
Nic swallowed a couple times to get his too-dry throat to work. “I think it’s close to six. Are you getting hungry yet?”
So far, all they’d done was eat, talk and play cards. At least it had prevented him from doing other things that would get them both in lots of irreversible trouble.
“A bit. I’d offer to help, but you know…” Elam quirked a brow, the hint of a smile tugging at his lips.
Nic barked out a laugh and it sounded foreign to his ears. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d made such a noise. “Well, I suppose you have been awfully good by getting your beauty rest.”
Elam blushed, but recovered nicely by continuing the banter. “Does that mean I get to play in the kitchen this time too?”
Nic snorted out another chuckle as he rose to his feet. “Yes, it’s so much fun. Come on.” He indicated to the kitchen area with a jerk of his head. “We can figure out something to throw together. The venison stew is officially gone.”
Elam grinned and followed him across the room. “Do you catch all your own meat? Or is it more of a supplemental thing?”
If you only knew. “Most of it. I maintain a low overhead, which I prefer.” Nic glanced at Elam. “Much fresher that way and I guarantee the whole carcass is used, that nothing is wasted.”
Elam nodded thoughtfully, the idea of Nic dismantling a carcass not seeming to bother him. He is a nature guy. Somehow, he’d assumed that Elam would be more skittish about such things, maybe disapprove, berate Nic for killing off his photography subjects.
“I like that. What you eat isn’t processed, you’re making use of the whole animal—like you said—and the economics of it makes sense too.” Elam sighed. “I don’t know how good a hunter I’d be, but part of my idea of getting out of the city was to live closer to the land, be less dependent on industry, more self-sufficient.”
That doesn’t sound like someone anxious to go back to Seattle. Nic gave himself a mental shake. Yeah, but give the guy another few weeks living out here in the middle of nowhere and he might be begging you to drive him to the airport.
Nic checked his cupboards for what they had to work with. He typically provided part of his fresh kills for his sister and her kids now that her mate had died. Then, she’d give him her jarred preserves and whatever else she might have grown then canned.
“Well, haven’t done much of the minimal shopping I do in a while. And I need to hit up sis for some more of her canned stuff, but there are a few potatoes and an onion left. I could fry that up then add the rest of the sausage.” Nic checked Elam for his reaction.
“Not much of a vegetable guy, are you?” His question had been filled with mirth.
“Well… potatoes and onions are vegetables, right?” He frowned, trying to bring to mind something Elam might enjoy. He kept forgetting that humans ate leafy green things and that sort of stuff on a regular basis. Not that he never partook, but only on rare occasions when his non-wolf would get a craving. His gaze landed on a jar that had gotten pushed to the back of the cupboard. He retrieved the container then held it up in triumph. “I do have some apple butter.”
Elam snorted then bit his lip as if trying to hold back a laugh. “That’s okay, the sausage skillet sounds great. And you’re right. Potatoes and onions definitely count as vegetables.” Elam broke into a wide smile, the grin lighting up his face and drawing Nic even deeper under his spell.
“Uh…” Nic blinked a few times, barely able to process any rational thoughts as he gaped at the beautiful man before him. My mate, dammit. Mine! His sister would laugh her ass off if she saw him like this—all tongue-tied and ready to dissolve into a pile of goo over the guy.
As if on cue, his radio crackled to life and the broken-up syllables of his sister’s voice cut through. Shit. He’d tried to check in with her while Elam was sleeping in case she let anything slip while they talked, but he hadn’t been able to rouse her.
Nic shoved a couple potatoes at Elam. “That’s my sister. Mind peeling these while I grab this?”
Elam nodded. “Sure. No problem. I can dice up the onion too, while I’m at it.”
Quit being so perfect. “Cool. But sit at the table so you don’t wear yourself out.”
Elam shook his head, chuckling. “It’s a deal.”
While Elam got settled, Nic crossed the room to his makeshift desk next to the bedroom door. The thick, wood table housed the short-wave radio and his business files.
“Hey, Alex. I’m here, over.”
After a brief pause, she responded. “Hey bro, did you catch any fresh meat before the storm hit? I was worried about you shif—”
Nic broke out in what he imagined was one of the worst bouts of fake coughing in history. “Sorry about that. Uh, listen. Can’t stay on too long, I’m making dinner right now with my guest. Elam just arrived in Alaska and got caught in the storm, so he’s bunking here for a few days, over.”
The pause lasted even longer that time. “Gotcha. Everyone’s safe, then? Over.”
“Yeah, we’re fine. You and the kids? Papa and Artur? Over.”
“Uh…” Static covered part of her words. “…next time we get together, over.”
Nic rubbed his forehead, concern nagging him as his wolf senses went on alert. “You cut out a bit there, sis. Do I need to figure out a way to get to you? Over.” He could leave Elam safe in the cabin while he shifted, then figure out a plausible explanation later as to how and why he felt the need to travel in a raging blizzard.
“No, there’s nothing to be done right now. I just want to have a chat with you once the storm subsides and it’s possible for you to get here, over.”
That’s a good one. She knew damn well he could get there but was being coy due to Elam’s presence.
“I’ll check in with you in a couple days, then. Over.”
They said their goodbyes then Nic returned to the kitchen. Elam glanced up from his task as Nic padded past him.
“Please don’t let me keep you from talking to your sister. I can go in the bedroom or…” He glanced around the room. “Yeah, I’m in the way all right.” He peered up at Nic. “Sorry.”
Don’t put your arms around him, don’t caress his cheek, don’t take one fucking step in his direction. “No, you’re not. The radio isn’t the best way to have a conversation anyway. This storm should blow through in a couple days, then once you get settled at your place, I can head out to see her then.”
Elam lowered his gaze, angling his body back around as he went back to peeling. “Yeah, a couple days. Maybe even less if the storm lets up early. You might get lucky and I’ll be out of your hair in no time.”
The sound of Elam’s melancholy tone made Nic ball his fists, his body tensing as he again resisted the urge to reach out and comfort his mate. Yeah, he’s my mate. And what am I doing? Instead of claiming him, taking what’s mine—I’m fighting against what’s meant to be, against what we both need. Nic let a groan rumble out. I can’t turn him. Not without talking to the guide first. Which meant he was considering it.
Nic wiped the back of his hand across the sweat building on his upper lip as Elam’s head jerked in his direction.
“Is anything wrong?” Elam’s eyes radiated genuine concern.
“No. Just… it’s a little hot in here. I think I got carried away with the fire.”
Elam’s easy smile returned and something in Nic’s spirit settled. His mate shouldn’t ever be sad or afraid. Or alone.
“It is a bit toasty. I’m fine, I promise. You know, if you’d rather let it die down a bit.”
Elam bent to his task again, his demeanor no longer one of sorrow. After giving him one more appreciative glance, Nic retrieved the cast iron skillet from the cupboard, leaving it on the counter so he could ready the wood stove. With Elam at the table preparing the ingredients for their meal, a flash of what his future could be like tore through his mind.
Don’t do this to yourself. Not yet.