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Return to Paradise by Simone Elkeles (34)

Maggie

aggie, can I come over?" Caleb's voice comes .through the phone. He doesn't sound happy.

"Sure. What's wrong?"

"I'll tell you when I get there."

My mom and Lou are right downstairs. I haven't told her about Caleb. I wanted to. To be honest, I've been stalling because the last thing I want to do is upset her when she's still trying to figure things out with my dad and Lou.

It's time I confess to my mom the truth about me and Caleb.

Lou and my mom are in the kitchen. They're both chopping vegetables for some sort of soup concoction they're making. She's still not wearing his ring, but he's come over every day and is really fighting for the right to be with her forever. She made my dad postpone his move here ... indefinitely.

"Mom, can I talk to you?"

My mom, complete with flour in her hair and a carrot in her hand, looks up from the cutting board. "Is anything wrong?"

"No. It's just that ... if it weren't for Caleb, I might have given up on life."

My mom stops chopping. "What?"

"After the accident, it was Caleb who made me realize life was worth living."

"Maggie, that's a bunch of nonsense."

"No, Mom, it's not. You want to know why?"

"I'm sure you're going to tell me no matter what I say."

I don't know how she's going to react. She's not exactly happy, but at least she's listening. "Because he pulled me out of my depression. You didn't even see it because you were so happy I was home and not living in hospitals anymore. But I wasn't happy. I was miserable until Caleb came back from jail and helped me realize I was worth something even though I had a disability."

"Why are you telling me this now?" my mom asks.

"Because he's coming over, and I want you to be prepared..." The doorbell rings. "That's him, Mom. Just, be nice and don't judge him until I tell you everything."

I rush to open the door. Caleb's bloodshot eyes greet me. He doesn't say anything; he just pulls me close and hugs me tight right on the front steps of my house.

"I saw my mom today," he mumbles into my hair. "Oh, God, Maggie, it was so awful. Leah told our parents she was the one who hit you."

I know that was probably the hardest thing Leah has ever done. "How is she?"

"She was crying. A lot." He pulls away, but holds on to my hands. "She's determined to turn herself in. I don't know what's going to happen. I just called Damon. He's coming over tomorrow to advise us on what to do."

I touch Caleb's forehead to mine. I can see in his face how much this is tearing him apart. "I'm sorry. I'll go with you. Whatever I can do to help, I will."

"What's going on?" my mom asks, confused. "I don't know why you're here," she says to Caleb. "And pray tell, why are you two holding hands?"

I take a deep breath and squeeze Caleb's hand. We're going to do this together. I lead him inside my house and stand before my mom and Lou. "Caleb and I have something to tell you both." I look at Caleb through watery eyes. "I know this is going to be a shock, but try and understand..."

This has got to be one of the toughest days of Caleb's life. While he's freeing himself from blame, the reality is that he's incriminating his sister at the same time. "I wasn't the one who hit Maggie," he says. He clears his throat. "Umm..." He holds my hand tight. "It was Leah."

"You're lying."

"He's not, Mom," I tell her.

"Why?" my mom asks, tears now streaming down her face. I'm crying, too.

Caleb gives a half-shrug. "I thought I could handle it better than Leah. I thought I was sparing her from going through something that would ruin her. I could handle going to jail, but my sister couldn't. The whole thing just kind of spiraled out of control, and I realized I was wrong, but it was too late." He looks at me. "And Maggie was caught in the middle of it all."

Lou walks out of the room for a minute, then reappears with a box of tissues. He hands a few to my mom. She dabs her eyes with the tissue. "This is a lot to take in. Maggie, did you know about this?"

I nod.

"How could you not say anything? I'm your mother."

"I didn't figure it out until right before Caleb left. I didn't say anything because I wanted Caleb to be the one to reveal it. Somehow I felt it was his secret to tell. Besides, I was desperate to stop reliving the accident. I wanted it over. I needed to move on for my own sanity." I look up at the boy who filled the void in my life. "Caleb helped me realize I couldn't stop living my life because of my disability."

My mom shakes her head. "I need time to digest this. This is just... too much for me. I need to be alone right now.

She hurries up the stairs. A minute later, I hear her door shut, and I wince. I never wanted to hurt her or make her feel betrayed by either of us.

The Re-START program really brought home the fact that accidents affect so many people ... they're like avalanches, affecting everyone and everything in their wake.

I look over at Lou. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset her."

"I know. I think it'll take a while to sink in. Give her some time and she'll come around." Lou turns to Caleb. "You were brave to come back here."

"I don't feel brave right now. My home life is kind of a mess, and I have two guys staying at my parents' with me 'cause they're dealing with the same kind of fallout I'm dealing with."

Lou pauses for a moment, then smiles. "I have a proposition for you," he says to Caleb. "My mother's house is vacant. If you and your friends want to stay there for a while, and pay enough rent to cover the utilities and taxes on the property, it's yours."

"Are you serious, sir?" Caleb asks, totally shocked.

Lou nods. "I know my mother thought you were a good kid and wanted to help you. I figure this is fate; it's the way my mom would want it. What do you say?"

Caleb shakes Lou's hand vigorously. "I'd say you've got yourself a deal."

When I'm walking with Caleb back to his house so we can spend time with Leah and give the good news to Lenny and Julio, Caleb says, "Lou's a good guy."

"I know. I hope my mom gets over her fear of loving someone other than my dad."

"What are your fears?" he asks. "About us, I mean."

"After today I have none, because"-I give him the honest answer, which I've held in for way too long-"because I love you."