There were very few sounds that Lind Addams hated more than the beeping of machines in a hospital. One of them, ironically, was the sound of gunshots. He kept imagining it over and over, as he sat by his best friend’s bedside. The fog of alcohol-induced stupor had lifted the minute he had walked into this room and seen Alec in this bed. The sight had filled him with an anger so strong that it had cleared up his mind for the first time in four months, three weeks, and five days.
It didn’t take a genius to figure out that Gary Merchant was responsible for this. Alec was hurt, and Eve was nowhere to be found; no one else could be behind it. Lind wanted nothing more than to upturn the whole city until he found Eve, but he knew he had an obligation to his friend first. He had managed to send Linda home after she took a twenty-four hour shift by her husband’s bedside, and now it was just Alec and Lind in the room. As much as he wanted to spring into action, Lind couldn’t bring himself to leave just yet.
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly to the still form on the bed. “I fucked it all up, and you paid the price. I’m so sorry.”
There was a soft knock at the door, and Lind looked up to find Lucas framed in the doorway. He nodded and the kid walked in.
“I just spoke to his doctor,” he said in a quiet voice. “He said he’s going to make a full recovery.”
Lind stared at him. “Really?” It seemed unlikely. Alec was looking so fragile and weak; Lind didn’t think it was possible to receive any good news.
But Lucas nodded. He carried the chair by the door over to where Lind was sitting and took a seat himself. “He said the first twenty-four hours were the most critical. He said that now that he has gotten through them, he expects his condition to improve very soon.”
Lind blew out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding. The relief was so strong that he felt dizzy with it. “Did you tell Linda?”
Lucas nodded again. “She’s on her way now.”
Silence settled over them. Lind only broke it when the weight of what he had swirling within his chest was too much to bear.
“This is my fault,” he said, his eyes trained on Alec.
Lucas frowned. “How is it your fault?”
“If only I had been sober, it would never have come to this. Eve wouldn’t have left and Alec wouldn’t have had to go after her.”
Lucas hesitated. “I don’t think it was your fault.”
Lind whirled around to face him. “How can you say that?”
“Revenge is a powerful thing,” Lucas said, carefully choosing his words. “If Merchant wanted your girl bad enough, he would have found a way whether you were there to try to stop him or not.”
Lind was silent for a moment, mulling Lucas’ words over in his head. When the whole thing registered, he hurried to clarify, “She’s not my girl.”
Lucas grinned. “Isn’t she?”
Lind glared at him.
Lucas stood and clasped a hand around Lind’s shoulder. “Come on, big guy. We have things to do.”
Lind nodded and stood, too. “Where should we start looking, do you think?” he wondered aloud.
“That’ll come later.”
Lind looked at him in confusion.
“First,” Lucas said, grinning from ear to ear in anticipation, “we have to get you clean.”
Lind followed him outside. The prospect of cleaning himself up terrified him. He had never allowed himself to become addicted to anything before. No matter how many vices he had, he had never allowed them to control him. He wanted to be lucid, no matter what. But that was before. It was different now. He could already feel the pull.
Yet, he knew he had no choice. The thought of Eve being in Merchant’s hands filled him with rage and dread. He had the feeling he would use her for leverage, but that didn’t necessarily mean that he would leave her unharmed. He couldn’t bring himself to even begin to contemplate the possibilities of what he might be doing to her right now. Time was of the essence, but he also knew that getting clean wouldn’t happen overnight. He would do his best to speed up the process, but he wasn’t sure he could do it in time.
As he rode his bike back to the headquarters, Lind let the air and the road contribute to clear his mind. Thoughts were chasing each other in his head—thoughts of Eve and of Alec and of remorse. How had he let things get so out of hand? How did this happen?
He tried to cling to the good news that Lucas had brought him, but it did nothing to ease the knots in his stomach. He had let down the people he loved the most, in the most spectacular, disastrous of ways. He tried to think back on the past four months, three weeks, and five days, and he found that it was all a blur. How many women had he had sex with? What kind of drugs had he taken, and how often? How many beers had he drunk? How many bottle of Jack?
How many fights had he had with Alec? How many helping hands had he knocked away?
How much of himself had he lost in his strive to not be?
The more he thought about it, the more Lind convinced himself that he was beyond salvation. There may be some part of his old self that could be salvaged somehow, but he just didn’t think it was worth it. He just didn’t think he was worth it.
One thing was certain, however. He may be beyond salvation, but he would make damn sure that Eve would be saved.