“This is getting ridiculous, Lind.”
Lind looked up from where he was pouring over a detailed map of Los Angeles that was spread out over the table in the headquarters’ main room. His eyes were bloodshot from lack of sleep, but he had no intention of giving in to trivial needs such as the care of Morpheus.
“What is?” he asked distractedly, barely glancing at the man before he returned to his frustrating task. A cup of by-now-cold coffee sat forgotten next to his elbow. It was probably a wonder he had not knocked it over yet.
He heard Alec sigh, but he paid that no mind.
“Eve,” Alec said. “Lucas tells me she’s been getting more and more restless. It’s getting hard for the boys to keep track of her whereabouts; she has eluded them a couple of times.”
That got Lind’s attention. He looked up so sharply that it was a wonder he didn’t knock his own head off his neck.
“They lost her?” he growled out.
Alec openly rolled his eyes. “Relax,” he said. “She’s fine.”
The relief that those words brought did nothing to soften Lind’s anger. He felt as taut as a string. “They need to be more careful. Tell them if they lose her, they’ll have to answer to me.”
“Tell them yourself,” Alec snapped.
Lind blinked, taken aback by the sudden hostility. “Is something the matter?” he asked carefully.
“Everything’s the matter,” Alec said. “You are the matter. You’re getting insane.”
Lind scowled. Usually he would appreciate his friend’s candor, but right now he was in no mood for it. He had a potential psychopath to find and no clue as to where to find him. He grunted in dismissal and went back to the map.
A moment later, Alec’s palm was slapping smack in the middle of downtown L.A.
“Look at me,” the president of the MC growled. “I’m talking to you.”
Lind’s jaw twitched with the effort of reining in his temper. He looked up—slowly, deliberately. “What?” he all but hissed in Alec’s face.
“You can’t keep her cooped up forever,” Alec said. “You need to loosen the leash.”
“You know I can’t do that,” Lind retorted. “Not until we get the bastard.”
“And how long do you think that’s going to take? Another day? Another week? Another month?”
Lind looked away briefly, embarrassed by his own giant failure. “I don’t know,” he mumbled. He looked back at Alec, his eyes sparkling with crazed determination. “But it’ll happen. We’ll get him.”
“We will,” Alec confirmed, softening slightly. “But in the meanwhile, you need to let Eve live her life.”
“I’m not taking any chances,” Lind said stubbornly.
Alec’s sharp features hardened further. “Very well,” he said, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “But you’ll watch her yourself.”
Lind stared at him in disbelief. “Excuse me?”
“The boys are tired. You’re putting all of our resources in this mad 24/7 surveillance plan of yours, and we just can’t have it anymore.”
“I can’t watch her. I need to be looking for Douglas.”
“What do you mean, you can’t watch her?” Alec repeated, incredulous. “She’s your girlfriend!”
Lind glared. “I thought the club would always have each other’s backs, including those of members’ families and loved ones.”
“And we do,” Alec said, glaring right back. “You can’t accuse anyone of turning his back on you, Lind. But this has to stop. Either drag her over here where she can be safe without hogging the guys, or watch her yourself.”
“I can’t—”
“Make it happen,” Alec cut him off sharply. “I don’t care what you have to do, just make it happen. It’s an order.”
Lind clenched his jaw so tightly that he could almost hear his teeth grind. “Why are you being like this?” He was vaguely aware of just how childish that question sounded, but he couldn’t help it.
“Why am I being like this? Why are you being like this?” Alec retorted just as maturely. “Do you realize just how obsessive you have gotten since you got that letter? You’re freaking everyone out.”
Lind could hear the unspoken, “Myself included” in Alec’s words, and it stopped him cold. Alec Moore was not a man to get easily scared, let alone freaked out.
One always expects it to be some grand happening that will shake them out of their torpor, but the truth is, it’s always the little things that hit us the hardest and deepest. Presently, Alec’s unspoken words were like a truck slamming into Lind. Had he really gone that crazy over his need to protect Eve?
“When’s the last time you even saw her?” Alec asked quietly. Clearly, he could see that he was finally getting through to his friend, and he was more than ready to jump at the chance.
Lind shook his head numbly. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “Three days ago, four. I lost track of time.”
He cringed inwardly as he spoke. In his frantic effort to keep Eve safe, he had not been there for her at all. He had been so consumed with his frenzied, fruitless search that he had forgotten about the woman he was trying to protect. There was something ironic to the whole thing.
For the past few weeks, Lind had lived in a constant state of hyper alertness, almost of alarm. He didn’t sleep more than a couple of hours per night, and he obsessed over finding the man who was putting everything and everyone he loved in jeopardy. When he did sleep, he was plagued by nightmares. Sometimes it was Margaret Taylor dying, sometimes it was Alec. Sometimes it was Eve. And then he would wake up and do it all over again. His only thoughts were to find Douglas Taylor and to know where and with whom Eve was at all times.
“Shit,” he whispered softly, blowing out a long breath, the one that he had been holding in all this time.
He couldn’t even imagine how Eve must be feeling. He must have been scaring her almost as much as the unnamed threat that hung over her head.
“Yep,” Alec said gently. “You screwed up.”
Lind shot him a scorching glare, but he found that his friend was smirking, clearly teasing him.
“Look, I want Eve safe, too. Believe it or not, she’s kind of grown on me,” Alec admitted. “And I want the son of a bitch found and dealt with, too. But this is not the way to do it. You’re exhausted. Even if there was a clue as to where to find Taylor staring you in the face, you would be too worn out to see it. As for the rest of us, you haven’t exactly let us in on your progress. We can’t help you if you don’t let us.”
Lind cringed some more. It was true. He had taken this on all by himself, feeling like it was his sole responsibility. As usual. He didn’t know what prompted him to not let anybody in—even when it mattered. Shouldn’t he be trusting his brothers enough to let them help him by now?
“There’s not much progress to speak of,” he admitted. The words and the failure they spoke of tasted bitter on his tongue. “I’ve looked everywhere I could think of.” He pointed at the crossed out spots on the map.
Alec leaned over and peered down at it. He took a long look, and then he nodded. “Why don’t you let us take it from here, at least for today?” he suggested. “You should go to your girl and get some rest.”
Lind hesitated.
“Relax, you’ll still be involved,” Alec said, guessing his thoughts. “Come back bright eyed and bushy tailed tomorrow and we’ll all work on this together. Ok?”
After another moment’s hesitation, Lind finally nodded. He was surprised to find that it felt good to relinquish control, even if just for one day.
“It wasn’t your fault, you know,” Alec said after a moment.
Lind looked at him, puzzled.
“What happened to Margaret. You couldn’t have stopped it.”
“I could have found another way,” Lind said.
Alec shook his head. “We both know it was the best option we had to take down the Italians.”
“Was it, though?” Lind retorted. “No matter how much I try, I just can’t convince myself of that. There must have been some other way.”
“I don’t think so,” Alec said. “And even if there was, you can’t keep torturing yourself forever with ‘what if’s.’”
Easy for you to say, Lind thought bitterly. You weren’t the one to come up with the stupid idea.
Out loud, he didn’t say anything. It didn’t matter because Alec was not done talking.
“More importantly,” he said, gently but firmly, “you can’t project your guilt on Eve.”
Lind blinked, completely thrown. Was that what he had been doing? Was that why he had been so obsessive? Was he projecting all the remorse he still felt over the death of Margaret Taylor onto Eve? He wanted Eve safe, which was only natural. But he supposed Alec was right; the way he had been going at it was not the right way to do it.
“Do you really think that’s what I’ve been doing?” he asked.
“Do you really think it isn’t?” Alec retorted.
Lind exhaled slowly, blowing out the weight of all the realizations he had experienced over the past few minutes. “I guess it is,” he finally admitted. He stared at his friend in wonderment. “When the hell did you get so smart? Have you been taking psychology lessons from Lucas?”
Alec grinned. “I’ve always been smart; you’ve just always refused to see it.”
Lind shook his head, but he sobered up quickly. “I love her, you know,” he said after a moment. He tasted the words on his tongue, and he found that he liked the taste. He should tell Eve, he decided. If the words tasted this good when speaking them to someone else, he could imagine how heavenly they would taste if he spoke them to the woman in question. “I’ve never loved anyone the way I love Eve.”
For a moment he thought Alec might tease him, but he didn’t. There was a time when he would have, but fatherhood and marriage truly had changed Lind’s best friend. He had become a more mature man, one that didn’t necessarily run from emotions anymore—his or anyone else’s.
“I know you do,” Alec said. He hesitated. “Does she?”
“I don’t know,” Lind admitted.
“Well, have you told her?”
“No.”
“Then maybe you should.”
Lind nodded. He definitely should.
“Now get out of here before you pass out.”
Lind gave his friend a grateful smile. “Thank you,” he said sincerely. He didn’t have to add the, “For everything”; it went without saying. It was unspoken, and Alec heard it as loud and clear as Lind had heard his friend’s unspoken words from earlier.
Alec nodded gruffly. “Now go,” he mumbled.
Lind smirked. His friend might be willing to finally embrace emotions and feelings, but that didn’t mean they didn’t still make him uncomfortable. He patted Alec’s back as he walked past him and out of the room where he had spent the better part of his nights over the past few weeks.
As he left the room and finally allowed himself to relinquish control over his mission, he felt lighter than he had in a while. Yes, all the realizations he had just experienced had packed a punch, but it was a hit that he had needed to take. Despite the sleep deprivation, his head felt clearer than it had been in days. He was finally putting things in the right perspective. The way he had gone about protecting Eve had been the wrong one, but he knew exactly what to do now to make it right again.
He trusted Alec enough to let him handle the matter of Douglas Taylor for one day. Today, Lind decided, his priority would be Eve. Like it should have been all along.