Finn and I don't talk much during the lead-up to the tournament.

Everyone's in head-down mode, trying to improve our times so we can get the best possible clear and win the grand prize. Since doing that involves the whole team working together like a well-oiled machine, Finn and I don't have a reason to work together beyond normal tank stuff.

And--honestly--we could probably use a reason. Even just for normal tank stuff. The groove we were in before is completely gone. We might as well be two randoms thrown together during a pickup raid for all the good the rapport we once had does for us.

I know I should be the bigger person and approach him; apologize for how I acted and ask him if we can put this behind us for the sake of the team. But I don't expect any kind of relationship to survive beyond that, and I guess my brain has made it all or nothing.

Either we're together, or we just go back to being rivals who can occasionally set aside our differences to accomplish a common goal.

Something has to give, though, because we're less than a week out from the tournament and constantly fucking up our roles. I don't know what it is for Finn. Maybe just the strain of having to work alongside somebody he doesn't respect.

For me, though, it's a little bit of everything. Victoria not only qualified for the tournament, but they placed as the second seed, right beneath us. So long as they aren't knocked out early, we'll have to face them for the win, and I'm not sure I'm going to be able to keep my cool with them firing off homophobic "jokes."

My dad's been in rare form, having HR contact me to follow up on those forms he sent--one of which he apparently filled out for me and just needs me to sign.

There's also the fact that being around Finn makes my heart ache in a way I've never felt before. I want to go upstairs, build the biggest blanket fort imaginable, and not let him or anyone else in.

Instead I just do my job, working long hours to try and overcome my wandering focus with muscle memory. The first raid tier is open to the general public now, so every night I've been using the group finder to tank for randoms, trying to do everything in my power to carry them through.

Sometimes it works. Sometimes--like tonight--the raid is undergeared and unprepared and we're decimated on the very first boss. Frustrated, I log off and look at the clock on my phone. It's only ten, but I may just go to bed early. Not like I have anything better to do.

I contemplate that while mindlessly browsing social media when I hear a knock at the door. A confusing mix of anticipation and agony sparks through me as my brain conjures an image of Finn on the other side.

"It's open."

As I sit there waiting, my leg shaking with restless energy, I can't help but wonder if he's just here for a casual fuck. The thought hurts, I just don't know if I'm principled enough to turn him down.

Fortunately, though, I don't have to. It's not Finn who walks through my door, it's Coach Singh.

"You're here late," I say, pushing away from my desk.

She pulls up a chair and sits nearby. "Team meeting."

Pain lances through me, because I immediately know why she's here. I'm not a part of the team. They've decided I'm too much of a liability to even be kept on through the tournament.

Instead of apologizing or groveling, I say, "Guess my invitation got lost in the mail."

"Finn and I thought it would be better for you and the team if we could freely discuss your contributions and your future with the Cyclones."

She's speaking so diplomatically, which I guess is better than her just coming to me and straight up announcing I've been canned; that nobody wants me around.

But it doesn't exactly feel great this way, either.

"Look, you don't have to try and be nice. I know I'm out. I'll pack up my shit and be gone by morning," I say, turning to start cleaning off my desk.

"If you want to leave, I'm not going to stop you," she says, "but the team unanimously voted for you to be made a permanent member."

That stops me in my tracks, and my gaze moves back to her, looking for some sign that she's just playing a cruel joke. "What? But I--"

"Made a mistake," she finishes for me. "Your emotions were running high and you made a mistake."

I just stare at her for a long moment, unsure what to say. This feels... shaky. Like somebody's going to pull the rug out from under me at any moment.

"You think this was some fluke thing, but this is who I am, Coach."

"A human, like the rest of us?" she asks, a glint of humor in her eyes.

I wish it were that simple, or that I could find any of this amusing. "A fuck-up."

Her expression sobers and she pushes herself up from her chair. Her arms are braced over her chest as her gaze distantly wanders my room.

"You know why I'm here, instead of practicing medicine in Calgary like my father wanted?" she asks, sending a glance my way.

"Because you didn't want to be saddled with a lifetime of student loan debt...?"

She laughs softly, her expression softening. "That too. But mostly it's because my dad--my whole family, actually--doesn't give a damn about what I want or who I am. They picked out a purpose for me before I was even born, and groomed me to fulfill that purpose all my life. When I told them I wanted to play and eventually coach soccer, they told me I'd eventually grow up and come around." Her smile turns wry, twisting something in my heart as I realize exactly how this story ends. "That never happened in their eyes, so now I'm the daughter and the niece and the sister who doesn't get mentioned at family gatherings. The one who isn't tagged in family posts. Who--if my parents weren't deathly allergic to causing a scene--wouldn't be a part of the family at all any longer."

"But you're successful," I say, knowing her family doesn't see it that way. "You coach one of the best teams in the world."

"I know that," she says softly, returning to her seat before me, "and that's why I've stopped trying to win them over. It's pointless, for starters, and it doesn't matter. I know I'm doing good; that I'm improving and helping to improve the lives of others. That's what matters to me."

As I sit there trying to think of why she's telling me all of this, something clicks. She knows about my dad. It'd be too much of a coincidence for her not to know.

"So who told you?"

"Finn," she admits. "He came to me a few days ago and asked me to go easy on you. Said that your father had probably gotten to you again."

I sit back in my chair, feeling like I've just been blown upright by a strong wind. It makes sense that Finn told her, but as a way to lobby for my continued place on the team? Why? Wouldn't it just be easier for him to push for me to be canned?

Unless...

"He really cares about you," she says, as if answering my thoughts. "The whole team does, Ryker. You're our family, and you don't turn your back on family."

I search her eyes for a moment, seeing the firm resolve there. Still, I can't help but say, "But your family did."

"Family's more than blood. And sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is sever ties with the people who are related to you."

She reaches out and squeezes my shoulder. My eyes meet hers, and she must be able to hear me silently asking for it, because she stands and pulls me into a tight hug.

And for the first time in what feels like forever, I let myself cry. Deep, ugly sobs that wrack my whole body, my tears soaking through her shirt as I bury my face against her shoulder. Everything my dad's ever said to me--and all the things he hasn't said--come flooding back, and I cry until I physically can't do it anymore.

Coach holds me the whole time, gently stroking my back. As my sobs taper off, I try to pull myself together. Standing on my own, I use the heels of my palms to swipe the tears away.

"Thank you," I manage, my voice scratchy, "for giving me a chance."

"You're worth it, Ryker. Never let anyone tell you you're not."

I almost cry again at that, but I manage to keep it under control. Coach Singh gives my shoulder another squeeze, then leaves my room so I can have some privacy.

As I sit there, not really looking at my computer screen, I realize I have a chance to make my life whatever I want it to be. And while I'm not sure what that life looks like, I believe one thing with my whole heart:

I need Finn to be a part of it.