Ryker's tweets spread like wildfire, even after he deletes them. By the end of that night, everybody and their brother's responded not just on Twitter, but on YouTube, Facebook, and every other form of social media that will give them a platform to talk about how much of a cancer Ryker Winthrop is.

It's pissing me off almost as much as what Ryker actually did. Only in his case, I know there must be some underlying reason for it. He wouldn't jeopardize his spot on the team like this. At least I don't think he would. Then again, I didn't think he'd snap at me like some caged beast when I called him out, either, so maybe I just don't know him at all.

Maybe this is what it's going to be like every time we have a disagreement.

It's hard not to wonder, even as I'm doing damage control with Coach Singh. As disappointed as she is in Ryker's actions--and as much as he broke the rules of his probationary contract--we both know he can't be fired before the tournament. We don't have anyone to replace him, and the guys with tanking sets aren't practiced enough at the new fights to make a showing.

We'd have to forfeit, and that would hurt the whole team.

That same day, during that same discussion, Coach calls Ryker into her "office" to let him know. He immediately starts off as a violent ball of hostility, just seconds after he walks through the door.

"So am I packing up my shit now, or can it wait 'til morning?"

"Curb the attitude, Ryker," Coach Singh says, sounding more tired than anything. "You're not fired yet, despite the fact that you broke contract."

His eyes widen a little, and he looks at me. It's like he's silently asking if I did this for him--if I stuck my neck out for him after he shat all over the team. It grates on me, and makes me forget to be a captain first, and a jilted lover second.

"The only reason you're still here is because we don't have time to train a replacement before the tournament."

I immediately feel guilty when his face absolutely falls, that entitled tough guy routine falling away to reveal somebody I've hurt--deeply. Swallowing hard, I look away from him, unable to face those feelings.

Coach Singh handles the rest of the meeting--such as it is--and as soon as it's over, Ryker leaves. I hear the front door open, and I know he's either going to the gym, or out for a run.

Maybe he's going home. Maybe you hurt him so bad he doesn't want to be in the same house as you.

"Finn," Coach Singh says, her voice soft. When I look up at her, her brown eyes are showing nothing but sympathy. "If you ever want to talk..."

"I know." I force a smile and stand from my chair. "I'm good. And I won't let my personal feelings affect the team."

"That's not what I'm worried about..."

I wave her off and play it down, finding the quickest conversational route to excuse myself. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to unpack everything I'm feeling. I just want to put my head down and do damage control so my team suffers as little fallout as possible.

I have a few hours of peace to do just that, but eventually Rosa shows up at my door and invites herself in. She sits on the edge of the bed, right behind me, and even though she's silent for now, I know she won't stay that way.

"Did you need something?" I ask, trying to force some patience into my voice.

"Yeah. I need to know what the hell's going on with my friend."

I let out a puff of breath and glance briefly over my shoulder. "Your friend's trying to do damage control. And unless you want to help, I need you to leave me to it. Please."

She's quiet for a moment, before saying, "I meant what's going on that made you act like such a dick to Ryker earlier."

I'm not usually the type of person who gets defensive and flies off the handle--that's more Ryker's style--but right now I whirl so fast in my chair that it threatens to come off the hydraulic base.

"I'm sorry, did you not see what he did?"

"I saw," she says, keeping obnoxiously calm. "Everybody saw. Nobody but you reacted that way."

I scoff at that. Seriously? "Because nobody else has to clean up the mess."

She winces, but schools her expression into something more neutral, her arms folding over her chest. It's almost like she's protecting herself from me, and why wouldn’t she? I'm being an absolute dick.

"Mm-kay. Gonna ignore the fact that you're implying no one but you is responsible for the team." I cringe, shame flooding me instantly as I realize exactly what I said. "What is this really about, Finn? You two were happy. You're like the perfect fucking couple. You work great together, and you were loud enough at night to let us all know you play great together, too."

My cheeks burn and I clear my throat, not able to look her in the eyes. It's more than just Zed who heard us, then.

"Did something else happen between you two?" she asks, reaching out to put a hand on my arm.

Her question makes me aware of the fact that... no, nothing happened. Nothing new, anyway. Anything that happened before is water under the bridge. At least that's what I thought. Now I'm not so sure, because the fact that I went off on Ryker tells me there's more at work here. I let myself think about it--really think about it, without all the bullshit--and the ache of it all lances through me as I try to explain myself.

"I guess him doing this... it feels like a betrayal. It feels like what he did to me during the world boss, but a million times worse because I actually care now. I mean, really care." I look at her again, and I can feel tears starting to sting my eyes. "I think I love him, Rosa."

I've known for a while, but saying it out loud lends a weight to it that just presses down even harder on my heart, practically suffocating me. This should be a light and happy moment, but instead it’s tainted by all these feelings of hurt and betrayal.

"You know he didn't do this on purpose," she says softly. "I don't know the guy all that well, but even I can figure out there's something else going on."

I let out a dry, humorless laugh. "If he did it on purpose I could just go back to thinking he's an asshole and be done with it. I know there's a reason. I know why he cares what people think. I just... thought I was making a difference."

I'm not naive enough to think I could ever erase the damage his father's done, but I thought I'd helped. I thought he'd started to focus more on his future--with the team and with me--instead of what his dad decided was best for him.

"I can't have a future with him if he's going to do this every time some asshole says something mean on Twitter. I can't shelter him from it--we're in the public eye all the time. And I obviously can't make him see it doesn't matter," I say weakly.

"Dude." Rosa pats my arm and gives me a small smile. "It's not going to happen overnight."

"I know," I say softly.

And in that moment I have to face the real reason I'm so upset. It's not just because of Ryker. It has nothing to do with the way he's treated me in the past, and everything to do with the way I've reacted. He's the only person on the planet who's made me lose my cool repeatedly; who's made me act like a spectacle instead of the team captain I need to be.

I feel like these past few weeks have made me better, but what if I'm wrong? What if I'm just seeing what I want to see and ignoring what's really there.

"I'm afraid that the next time he does this, I'm going to choose him over the team."

Rosa frowns at me. "Not everything has to be about the team, Finn. You're a good captain. You deserve to have a life outside of us."

I want to believe her, but deep down I know Ryker makes me... different. I've never obsessed over anyone the way I obsess over him. He makes me selfish, and I don't want to be selfish.

It feels like a flaw--like something I have to overcome to be a better person and a better leader, even when my heart is screaming at me that all of this has nothing to do with Ryker, and everything to do with my own doubts and insecurities.

But as Rosa pulls me in for a hug, I can't help feeling like I'm going to have to choose, sooner or later. And I'm not sure Ryker and I will survive the choice.