Church
I knew I had to take the good with the bad from here on out, but there was some bad that needed a reminder that I could and would fight back. There was some bad that needed to know there was no place for it in my life or the lives of the people I loved. There was some bad that needed to learn I was bigger and badder than it could ever be.
Plus I’d made a promise to my little brother that I would show the fuck up and I wasn’t going to renege on it. In fact it was a promise I was more than looking forward to keeping.
I heard the rusted door to the trailer rattle and leaned forward on the ugly couch that was cream and brown with pheasants all over it. It was straight out of the ’80s and smelled like it. I rested my hands on my knees and didn’t take my eyes off the doorway as the door swung open and a burly man in dirty jeans and a torn white T-shirt stumbled in. It was the middle of the day but he smelled like cheap booze and there was no missing his blurry-eyed surprise when his gaze landed on me.
A sneer pulled at his mouth as he wiped the back of his hand across his mouth and he stumbled a little until his eyes hit the broken coffee table that was in front of me and the lethal black firearm that was sitting just inches away from my fingers. It was a clear warning so I didn’t have to waste time or words. After he’d shot and killed the crazy man that abducted and terrorized Dixie, Jules had located the ringleader of the crew that attacked Dalen at the bar. It took no time at all for the man to rat his cohorts out, including this guy. And while I was disappointed I didn’t get to have a chat with the man who’d taken the money to hurt a stranger just because he didn’t like the way they looked, I was grateful that Jules had given me enough of a head start that I could make my point with the muscle that had no qualms about beating on a kid.
“Whaddr you doin’ here?” The words were slurred together and he stumbled again, one beefy hand slapping onto the thin wall of the trailer to keep him upright.
I sighed heavily as I stared at him through narrowed eyes. He was too drunk for anything I was going to have to say to get through. The guy before him had taken one look at the gun and the look on my face and pissed himself in terror. I hardly had to utter a word for him to understand he had picked the wrong kid to mess with. He was curled in a ball on the floor of his pitiful one-room apartment in tears when Jules and his boys arrived right behind me with a warrant for his arrest. He was actually the one that gave up the location of this hidden trailer, deep in the valley and almost impossible to find. Luckily I had more time to make a point with him, since words would be wasted.
I sighed again and reached for the weapon. I made it disappear into the back of my pants and rose to my feet. The other man’s eyes went up … and up some more as he took in my height and the set of my shoulders as I crossed my arms across my chest. I had to ignore the pull in my still healing shoulder. It was going to have to suffer through far greater strain by the time I was done with this guy.
“My little brother isn’t going to be little for very long.” I watched his Adam’s apple bob up and down as he tried to straighten. I had several inches on him, but he was stocky and there was no telling how fear and alcohol would make him react.
A sneer worked across his face. Hatred was ugly. Hatred for no reason was silly. I felt my lips twitch and took a step to the side as he suddenly lunged at me.
“Get outta my house!” The words were furious and loud but they lost some of their power when he hit the edge of the already trashed coffee table and was thrown off balance. I shot a hand out so I could latch on to the collar of his T-shirt and used his momentum to drag him towards me.
He struggled in my grasp, hands lifting to pry at my wrists, but I was bigger, angrier, and sober.
“You were looking for me, you found my brother instead. You put a beating on a kid for a few bucks and because you’re a racist fuck. You wanna lay all that shit on someone, you lay it on someone that’s the same size as you so they can fight back. You lay it on a grown-up who has the experience to know the world is full of assholes like you.”
The hands continued to claw at mine as his eyes went wide and his stank breath started to wheeze in and out of lips that were making sounds but not words. I gave him a shake that snapped his teeth together and hefted him up so that just the toes of his boots were touching the filthy floor of the trailer.
“If I was a different kind of man, if I was a man like you, you’d have a bullet between your eyes. You understand the point I’m making?”
The man’s watery eyes blinked at me slowly as he tried to jerk himself free. “It weren’t like that.” His words were garbled because of my hold, so I gave him a shove backwards that sent him flying across the narrow living space. His arms pinwheeled and faltered but nothing could stop him as his big body hit the wall opposite me. He landed with a thud and then slowly slid to the floor with his legs extended in front of him.
“I didn’t want to get dragged into that mess with those boys from Sassy’s but I didn’t have a choice.” He rubbed his elbow and scowled up at me. “I knew that kid wasn’t the right target, but those idiots wouldn’t listen to me. They were so fired up to get some cash and to make some kind of fucked up point.” He shook his head and rubbed his eyes as I continued to loom over him, hands on my hips. “The sheriff’s son … the fucking sheriff. Doesn’t matter what color he happens to be, you don’t go messing with a lawman’s kin. Idiots, all of them.”
I cocked my head a little bit and narrowed my eyes. “Why did you go along with it if you knew you had the wrong guy?”
He threw his head back and let out a dry and bitter laugh. “Drink too much. Gamble too much. Don’t got any family or any money. Got myself in deep with Sassy and her crew. It was go along with the lynching or get myself a new asshole torn. Do I look like a man that makes good choices?” He threw his hands up in the air and let them fall. “I ain’t got nothing good in this life, so I let all the bad stuff take over.”
I stared at him in silence for a long minute realizing I’d been really close to being in the same boat. It got way too easy to ignore the scrapes of good when they came because the bad felt so consuming and encompassing. I knew moving forward I had to make the effort to focus on what mattered and not what may or may not be lurking on the horizon. My stance shifted as my phone vibrated in my pocket letting me know that it was time to cut out before Jules’s boys showed up to issue the arrest warrant.
I stepped over his legs and gave him one last look as he stared up at the stained, dented ceiling of the trailer. “Goes without saying that you end up in a situation where you have to come after a member of my family again it isn’t going to end well for you.”
His eyes rolled to mine. “Don’t think it’s gonna end well this time either.”
He wasn’t wrong, but I didn’t have even an ounce of sympathy to waste on him.
I made my way down the back embankment behind the trailer and down to a little creek that ran behind it. Jules’s truck was parked behind a moss-covered outcropping of rocks and well out of the sight of the incoming cavalry. He was going to chew my ass when he saw the mud caked on the tires but I figured when I told him I was giving serious consideration to taking his suggestion and walking in his footsteps it would smooth things over.
I wanted to take care of people. I wanted to be the man he raised me to be. I wanted to put the years of training and sacrifice I’d survived through to good use. I wanted everything I’d learned to matter. It seemed like strapping on a badge and signing up to protect and serve was a good way to accomplish all of that.
When I drove out of the Holler and made my way back to town so I could get my girl, I drove past the cemetery where both my mom and Caroline had been laid to rest. I made a mental note to take Dixie by so we could both pay our respects before she went back to Denver. If those two women hadn’t loved me as fiercely and ferociously as they had I never would have figured out how to love the woman that felt like she was my everything. I owed them the world and I wanted to make them proud. I knew they would both be proud of the woman my heart picked.
I would hold Dixie while she cried, because I knew she would.
And I would let her hold me while I cried, because it was long past time I let myself really and truly grieve for all that I’d lost. Then I’d kiss her until neither one of us could breathe because it was long past time that I celebrated and reveled in all that I had gained.
DIXIE WAS WAITING when I got back to the hospital. I wanted to kick myself for not thinking ahead and grabbing her some of the unpronounceable flowers as well. I needed to up my romance game, needed to put some oomph in my wooing skills. Not that you would think I’d dropped the ball by the smile on her face. She glowed. She shined. She shimmered. She was so bright and vivid it was easy to overlook the bandages holding her together and the thick brace on her foot. Any day that I got to see her smile was my best day and I was looking forward to having a whole hell of a lot of them in the future.
She pulled me to her for a hug as soon as she saw me and I didn’t hesitate to return it. I was getting pretty good at being a hugger. It was nice to have my arms around someone I never wanted to let go of and it was nice to be held like she had no intention of ever letting go of me.
“How are you? Did you get that door closed?” She curled her good hand around mine as a woman dressed in scrubs rolled her and the wheelchair she was seated in out of the room and towards the elevator. It didn’t surprise me one bit that every staff member we passed knew her name and wanted to wish her well and a speedy recovery. That was simply the effect she had on people.
When it was time to put her in the truck I didn’t give her the chance to try to lift herself up while she balanced on one leg. I picked her up and hefted her into the cab as she laughed in my ear and curled her arm around my neck so that she could strangle-hug me. I kissed her hard on the mouth and lingered a little longer than I’d intended. She didn’t seem to mind as she slid her tongue between my teeth and gave it a little flick.
I pulled back and smoothed a hand over her cheek. “I should have brought you flowers or a balloon.”
She grinned at me and leaned forward so her lips could touch mine. “I liked the kiss better.”
God, how could you not smile at that?
I climbed into the driver’s side of the truck and headed home … well, home for now. That was a conversation we were going to have to have sooner rather than later.
We were on the outskirts of town and settled into what I thought was a comfortable silence when I felt her staring at the side of my face. I looked at her out of the corner of my eye and watched her watch me.
“What?” She jumped when I asked the question and lifted her hand to her throat.
“Nothing.” She tilted her face back around so that she was looking out the windshield but her lips were pressed tightly together and she was tapping her fingers nervously on her knee. It was all very un-Dixie-like, so much so that I kept an eye out for a place to pull over and when I found one I drove the truck off the road, found a little spot that was secluded and out-of-the-way, and parked behind an outcropping of cypress trees that had branches that touched the ground. She gave me a curious look but didn’t say anything as I twisted around to look at her.
“What’s working in that pretty little head of yours, Dixie?” I stretched an arm along the back of the seat and touched the tips of my fingers to her hair.
“I was just thinking. It’s nothing important and it can definitely wait until we’re back at your dad’s place.”
“It’s not nothing. It has you fidgety and quiet. Lay it on me, pretty girl. I told you there is nothing you can say that is going to scare me off.” I watched as she bit her lip and then stuck it out in a pout. The plump little curve was slick from her tongue and I wanted to put my teeth into it.
She took a deep breath and then started talking so fast that it made my head spin. “Well, I love you and you love me, but I have to go back to Denver. Because I have a job that I might not be able to do because of my shoulder, an apartment which is nothing special, my dog who I really do miss, and my sister who is still in a mess and who still hasn’t told Wheeler she likes girls. You haven’t mentioned if you want me to stay there or come back here, and you haven’t said anything about where you’re planning on living long-term or what you think you want to do for a job, because it’s clear you don’t want to be a bouncer forever. And your family is here, so I’m sure you don’t want to leave, but I don’t want to overstay my welcome at your dad’s place, and I want to get married and have babies, but I don’t know if that’s what you want because you didn’t even know you could love me back until like yesterday and it’s all just a lot. I don’t want to scare you away but some of it I’ve been thinking about for a long time, the rest just recently when you told me you loved me back.”
I watched her as she looked everywhere but at me. “Is that all?”
Her head whipped around and she narrowed her eyes at me. “Do you need more?”
I chuckled and slipped out of the truck and walked around the front end so I could pull her door open. She gave me a questioning look but didn’t pull away when I picked her up and carried her to the back end of the big 4x4. It was a little tricky getting the tailgate down one-handed but I managed and got her propped up on the surface so that I could put myself between her legs. She had an arm wrapped around my shoulders and her eyes locked on mine and I leaned forward and kissed the end of her nose.
“I told you that you deserved to come first, so I’ll be wherever you want to be. You want to stay here then we’ll stay. You want to go back to Denver then we’ll go. You want to move to Austin and be Jet and Ayden’s neighbors then we’ll go there. I want you to be happy, Dixie.”
Her eyes got wide and it was like drowning in chocolate. “Oh.”
I brushed some of her hair to the side and nuzzled along the curve of her neck. She tilted her head back to give me better access and rubbed her fingers through the short hairs on the back of my head. “Nothing needs to be decided right now. We will figure it out.”
She muttered something into the air above my head then yanked on my ear to get to me look up at her. “I’m serious about getting married and having kids, Church. I want you, but I want it all with you. You keep telling me to put my own wants and needs first, well, that’s what I want.”
I chuckled into her ear and pulled back so I could see her face. She was deadly serious and had every hope and dream she’d ever had shining out of her eyes. “I don’t have a ring, so I’m not going to drop on a knee and propose right this minute, Dixie.”
Her gaze shifted away, but I nudged her under her chin with my fingers to get her to bring it back to mine. “But that doesn’t mean it won’t happen. It needs to be right. I’ve screwed a lot up over the last few years, pretty girl, so this is something I’m determined to get right. The right time, the right place, the right everything. But you have to know that you will always be the right girl for this completely wrong guy.”
Her lips twitched a little and some of the seriousness fled. “I can wait for the right time and the right place because you are the right guy for me, Church. There is no wrong anywhere in that.”
I lifted my eyebrow up and leaned into the cradle of her hips, careful not to put any pressure on the brace around her ankle. I slid a hand up her back on the side where her good arm was wrapped around my shoulders. Her injuries were on opposite sides of her body, so I had to handle her with the utmost care. Her skin was warm and soft. So were her eyes as they melted and went liquid with lazy desire and languid passion. “So your sister digs chicks now? That’s an unexpected turn of events.”
She laughed, her teeth flashing and that glow that was so much a part of her bursting out. I knew as long as I lived I would never tire of her constant cheer. I’d been sad for so long that I don’t think I ever would have remembered how good happy felt if it wasn’t for her.
“Yeah, I don’t know if she told Wheeler yet, but she was having an affair with a woman. I mean, it’s still cheating and she still should have been honest about what she was feeling and her doubts, but I’m hoping that overall the fact that it was another girl will lessen the blow.” She let out a little sigh as I curled a hand around the side of her neck and used the side of my thumb under her jaw to tilt her head back so that I could touch my lips to hers. When I pulled back she slicked her tongue over the moisture left behind and smirked at me. “Out of all of that I just threw at you, that was the part that stuck out?”
I put my forehead against hers and moved a hand to her hip so I could pull her even closer to the edge of the tailgate. We were pelvis to pelvis, hard to soft, and my dick was achingly aware of the fact that the only thing separating it from her velvety center was my zipper and the flimsy cotton of the sundress she was wearing. Elma had procured emergency provisions for Dixie so that she wouldn’t have to struggle into her normal uniform of silly T-shirts and jeans. The gauzy material clung to all of her curves and had adjustable ties at either shoulder so she didn’t have to maneuver her damaged shoulder in and out of an armhole.
“Everything else we’ll handle as it comes. We’ll cross all those bridges together so that we’re both always standing on the same side or walking towards each other to meet in the middle. The info about your sister isn’t a problem you are required to handle or worry about. She’ll do the right thing and come clean to the grease monkey, or she won’t. That’s not your situation to set right. They gotta get there on their own. Plus, if your sister looks anything like you then the idea of girl on girl is pretty hot.” I fake grunted as she lightly head butted me with her forehead against my chin.
“Not funny.” I disagreed. I thought it was plenty funny but I wasn’t laughing when she gave her hips a little wiggle that pressed her even closer to the erection that wasn’t even trying to be discreet behind my zipper. Her breasts pressed into the center of my chest as her arm tightened around my neck where she was holding on to me. She rubbed her forehead against my chin where it was already resting and let out a whispery breath that tickled the front of my throat.
“I could have died.” Her body shuddered and I smoothed a hand down her spine to soothe her.
“Not your time to go, pretty girl.” And when it was I would make sure I was by her side. I would be there and I would be everything she needed me to be, because the love I had for her was far more powerful than the fear I had of losing her.
“In the moment I wasn’t afraid at all. I knew I was doing the right thing, knew it was the best option but after—” she shook her head and her entire body quaked against mine “—all I could think about was how risky it was and everyone that I would have left behind.” She pulled back and looked at me, tears making her eyes shiny and bright. “The idea that I would never get to be with you, to touch you, to tell you I love you while we were making love, that hurt almost as bad as the sprained ankle and the sliced-open shoulder. I want you to know I love you always, not just when I’m worried I won’t get the chance to love you anymore.”
Her words wound their way into the parts of my heart that were held together by frayed strings and pulled the mangled thing back into some semblance of order. She made it beat the way it was supposed to. She made it hum with life and anticipation. She shaped it into something that was far stronger than it had ever been before her gentle touch.
“I know you love me, Dixie.” I took her precious and adorable face between my hands and kissed her until neither of us could breathe. I tasted every misstep and every triumph on the tip of her tongue as it flicked against my own.
“You wouldn’t have gotten on the back of my bike even though it made you nervous enough to shake if you didn’t love me.” I slipped a finger under the tie at her shoulder and lightly traced her collarbone. She sighed and lowered her hand so that it was resting on my heart and tapping along to the rhythm that was beating a love song she orchestrated.
“You wouldn’t have left your family, your friends, your dog and come on this crazy trip with me if you didn’t love me.” I pulled the dainty little bow loose at her shoulder and watched as the thin fabric uncoiled and released. She didn’t have a bra on and the rosy tip of her breast was immediately bared to my hungry gaze. The little peak pulled into a tight little pebble and goosebumps dotted the soft, pale globe as I visually traced a pattern across her freckles with my eyes.
“You wouldn’t have put my dick in your mouth without caring where we were or who might come across us if you didn’t love me.” I used a knuckle to brush that pink tip and bent so I could kiss her again.
“You wouldn’t have put up with Elma’s initiation and the hostility between me and Dalen while we figured out how to be brothers again if you didn’t love me.” I lowered my head so I could flick my tongue over the sensitive flesh I uncovered and feathered soft kisses all across her chest. I loved on each bruise, each mark that marred her perfect skin, as she tossed her head back and looked up at the trees that shrouded us.
“You wouldn’t have risked your life to save the people you know matter most to me if you didn’t love me. Everything you’ve done, every move you make tells me how much you love me, Dixie. I never doubted it, I just didn’t want to see it because I knew there was no way I was going to be able to not love you back. I loved you long before I almost lost you, pretty girl.”
I slipped a hand under the hem of her dress and slid it up the silky skin of her thigh. She shivered into my touch and her eyes encouraged me to keep on going with my words and with the deliberate caress. I couldn’t manhandle her in her current condition, couldn’t be rough and forceful. She needed a tender touch. She needed soft hands and an open heart. She needed to be loved, not fucked.
My lips quirked up into a grin that made her smile back at me as she tugged on the material of my T-shirt. I leaned back so I could pull the thing off over my head and bunched it up and put it behind her in order to keep the metal of the truck from rubbing against her bare ass as I hooked a finger in the side of her panties and started to work them carefully down her legs.
“I didn’t do it right because I was out of practice and it scared the ever-living shit out of me, but I loved you from the get-go.” Once I had the nothing scrap of fabric free of her feet I tucked it into my back pocket and put both my hands on her hips as I shifted my cock so that it pressed insistently against her center. Her good leg wound its way around my hip as she leaned back in my hold so that her good hand was free to trace over the muscles on my chest. She used the tip of a fingernail and roughly ran it over my nipple. The motion made me suck in a breath and had desire unspooling throughout my limbs. “And now I’m going to love on you because we are both here, together, and that’s something I won’t ever take for granted.” That was the main lesson I learned in all my mistakes and fuckups. Make the most of the time you had with the people that mattered because tomorrow wasn’t a guarantee and the memories you made with them could keep you warm or leave you out in the cold.
Everything with Dixie was warm. Her smile. The expression in her eyes. The skin on her hip and belly as it quivered under my hands and the touch of my tongue. The brush of her fingers as they wrapped around my dick when she finally wrestled my jeans out of the way. Her lips were hot as they landed on the side of my neck and she practically burned between her legs as my thumb slipped along the bend of her thigh and arrowed in on her damp opening. Her muscles clenched, her pussy fluttered, and pleasure soaked my fingers. I used my thumb to slip through silky folds and found her distended clit. I brushed the little nub lightly as she continued to nibble her way along my neck. I didn’t want to jostle her or move her any more than necessary. I was careful of her bad shoulder as I brushed the tip of my nose along the ridge of her good one. I whispered promises I was going to keep into her sweet skin. I growled all the dirty things I was going to do to her once she was better into her ear. I planned a future out between kisses as she panted in time to my stroking fingers and worked her hips slowly and carefully against my hand.
I touched her with every ounce of care I could muster. I fondled her with every bit of reserve and restraint I possessed. I played with her like she was something rare and treasured, because she was. I watched her desire build, slowly and steadily. I watched as pleasure started to work its way across her pale skin and found its way into her dark eyes. Her chest rose and fell with quick breaths and the light hold she had on my dick tightened as her body shifted and turned more towards mine. A grimace of discomfort crossed her features and some of that pleasure turned to pain. I kissed the furrow that found its way to her brow and trapped her slippery little clit between two fingers and gave it a little tug. “Easy, pretty girl. This is supposed to help, not hurt.”
She grinned up at me and used the heel she had resting against my backside to pull me closer. Her wetness coated the head of my cock and the sensation made me groan. “It is helping. It feels so good it made my toes curl and right now that hurts. You’re too good at what you do, soldier.”
“You will always get my best.” I pressed into her and we both groaned as flesh parted and heat speared through both of us. “But now I plan on giving it to you in all ways, not just when we fuck.”
She rolled her eyes at me as I started to move in and out of her gripping channel. Her body pulled at mine, squeezed it and flexed around it. My cock jumped at the attention and thumped with the need to let loose. My balls ached. Pleasure pulsed hard in my blood. A tingle started at the base of my spine and spread upwards along my back, making my shoulders bunch and bulge with the effort to stay slow and careful.
“You’re loving on me, not fucking me, remember?” The words were broken and breathy. She was moving against me as much as her injuries allowed. Our pelvises bumped into one another and it made her moan. I kept one hand open wide on the center of her back to keep her upright and braced, and moved the other back between her legs so I could give her the friction and pressure she was wildly searching for.
“Gonna give you my best when I love you and when I fuck you, Dixie. Don’t ever doubt it.” Her mouth dropped open a little at the declaration and I took advantage of that to kiss her wetly and messily. Our bodies were hardly moving, grinding against each other seductively and sensually, but I took her mouth with the way my body was screaming at me to have her. I bit at her, I licked her, and I probably bruised her in my voracity. I made love to her body but our mouths fucked furiously and frantically.
I felt her inner walls start to flutter. I felt her get wetter and wetter. I felt her hand clutch at the rigid arm that held her and I felt her thighs tense and lock stiffly around my gliding hips. She muttered my name against my lips and I swallowed her strangled scream as she burst all around me.
I was riveted by her beauty.
I was stunned that I could make her feel that way.
I was honored that she wanted me and planned to keep me.
I was captivated by the life and love that shined out of her.
She told me she loved me and I lost it. Raw and unrestrained I let loose inside of her, flooded her with every ounce of desire and passion she inspired in me. I held her close as my heart raced and rested my cheek on the top of her head as reality started to swirl and settle around us.
Her hand was on my ribs and she was tracing one of my many scars. “We might be walking across one of those bridges sooner than you planned, Church.”
We hadn’t used protection and when I finally stepped back and separated myself from her the evidence of the fact was there, glossy and slick on her skin. I rubbed a thumb across her cheek and smiled. “We’ll make our way across it. Don’t worry.”
She nodded but she didn’t look convinced, so I decided it was well past time I give her something she always gave to everyone else … I needed to give her happy
“Hey, Dixie.” I helped tie her dress back up around her shoulder and sacrificed my shirt so she could clean herself up.
She looked up at me, her strawberry brows arched. “What?”
“You good?”
Her lips twitched and she leaned forward so her cheek was resting against the part of my chest where my heart beat with a renewed rhythm. “Yeah, Church, I’m good.”
She was better than good. She was the best, and nothing bad that could or would happen was ever going to change the truth of that.