A kiss on my cheek woke me. Rogan had crawled in the bed next to me, silent and stealthy. My stomach dropped, and my body heated as his strong form inched closer. His hand landed on my belly and slid up under my breasts. I grabbed his wrist and he froze.

"Tess…"

"Who is Chantal to you?"

"She's my stepsister."

"She didn't seem like a stepsister."

His body tensed, and he squeezed my middle.

"You've been with her."

"Tess…"

"Was she your first?"

He sighed. "We were teens. We're friendly now. Don't be jealous."

"You've dated all these exotic women. Tori and Chantal…"

"No comparison." He kissed my nose. "I never wanted anyone half as much as I want you." He pressed his lips to my neck.

I ignored the shiver racing down my spine and turned my head to search for his eyes in the shadows. "But was she your first?"

"Yes." His voice was thick in the darkness.

"Tell me."

"You want me to tell you about the girls I dated when I was a teenager?"

"Yes. I want to know. I told you everything."

"Chantal and I had a brief fling when I first moved here. But she's my stepsister. We quickly fell into the role of siblings after that. No big deal."

"Your mom mentioned your wife."

He clicked on the light and sat up with his back against the headboard. "She did."

"Is that why you swam for hours?" I propped up on one elbow and looked up at him. "Are you still married?"

His brow furrowed, and he stared over my head.

"Do you love her?"

"Let it be, Tess."

"Is she who you think of when you stare out the window?"

His lids lowered, and he shook his head. "Why this? I've given you so much. Why do you need her too?"

"Because I think this is the most important part of you. Is she why your heart isn't free?"

I climbed out of the bed and pointed at him. "Why have you been chasing me if you're married? Did you think I'd be okay with sharing you? Did you think the poor girl with a polygamist father would—"

"Fuck!" He shot up and stalked to the door.

"What, Rogan? Are you gonna call me stupid and flee to the desert to get yourself killed?"

He stopped and spoke with his back to me. "Stay here. Wait for me."

I flopped back into bed and clutched a pillow to my stomach. Waiting for him was torture, even for a few minutes.

When he returned, he opened a small blue velvet bag and poured the contents onto the nightstand. "This. This is what I think about when I stare out a window, when I swim, all the fucking time."

"Diamonds?"

He picked up a ring with a tarnished silver band. A petite square diamond in a simple setting adorned the top of the ring. He held it flat in his palm. "This is her. This is my love for her."

He scooped up a handful of polished diamonds and dropped them slowly onto the nightstand. They pitter pattered, a few falling to the floor. "This is us."

"I don't get it."

"We're bigger overall. More valuable. But scattered."

"Please, tell me about her, Rogan. I want to know."

He ran his hand over my head to my neck, where he gave me a gentle squeeze. "No one can ever know the story I'm about to tell you. Lots of reasons, but mostly your safety. The people I've gone up against have a long memory. The few that are still alive could come after me. Or you."

"I promise."

He sat next to me in the bed and settled us so my head rested on his hip. "The special ops unit I told you about is called Delta Force. We refer to it as "the unit." The most skilled marksmen from all of America's military are pooled together to create an elite hostage rescue and counterterrorism team. Delta Force is above the law, sheltered by the CIA. We go where traditional troops can't. No one in the unit has a wife back home. If you do, you don't keep her long. You eat, sleep, and breathe your mission."

"Okay."

My head rose and fell with his deep breath.

"After my tenth combat deployment, my commanding officer invited Falcon and me to his house for dinner. Said he was recommending us for Delta Force as a sniper team. We were thrilled as fuck."

"So how'd you meet her?"

"Eden was my commander's daughter. Ten years younger than me. Only nineteen years old. Too young. She was wild, an Army brat. I never should've approached her, but I had a lapse in judgement. I was so full of myself, high with the thrill of the recommendation from her dad. We fell in love and got married within a few weeks of knowing each other. The timing couldn't have been worse."

"Love happens when it happens. We can't control it."

He stroked my hair behind my ear. "We'd only been married four months when I got deployed on my first Delta Force op, an extremely high risk mission in Kabul Province. She freaked out. Said she'd follow me to Afghanistan. We fought over it, and I left her at the airport with strict orders to stay put. Not three days later, I was preparing for the mission at a forward operating base outside Kabul when I received a message she was in the Stan, waiting for me at a safe house in Kabul City."

I sat up and stared at him. "She flew to Afghanistan?"

"She did. She used her father's credentials to get in through the military base."

"That's crazy."

"It is. I was so pissed, she had me questioning my decision to marry her."

"So what'd you do when you found out she was there?"

"I went AWOL. Ran nine treacherous miles to her. I had to get her on a plane back home. She wouldn't leave. Said we needed to be together. We were uh, talking, when I heard a noise out on the street. I'd been followed. They came in the front, so I sent her out the back. I never shoulda done that. I should've gone with her. But they were in the house. I had to hold them off so she could make it to the car. But they got her anyway. After they were dead, I found her car empty behind the house with the keys in the ignition. They took her."

"Rogan…"

"I searched for her for forty-eight hours, banging down every door in that village. I confessed the whole story to Marla Brightman. She was director of the CIA then. She flew to Bagram to help. We made contact with them. Their leader hated me. Ahmed Hakim Osmani. He called himself Mustafa, the chosen one. Special Ops Command assigned him the codename Jericho, the fallen one. He posted a video. He raped her, my wife. The video…"

He hung his head and smashed his forehead with his palm. "She was wearing my T-shirt."

I blinked through my tears. They tortured Rogan too. They raped him and tortured his soul. They broke the unbreakable man.

"I'm trained…" His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed. "I'm trained to withstand anything. Rape me. Fuck me up the ass. Cut my guts out, but leave her the fuck alone." His voice dropped to a harsh empty gasp on his last word.

A sob bubbled in my chest and erupted from my mouth in a burst of air. I pressed my hand over his heart as it thumped a frantic beat in his chest.

"It wasn't a random kidnapping. Jericho planned it out to target me. The Executioner. I led them right to her."

"It's not your fault."

"When we sign up to serve, we vow to die for our country. But not her. She was innocent. She was supposed to be outside it. She never should've been there." He rasped out his words through clenched teeth. "Jericho demanded seven million in exchange for her release. Marla Brightman tried to feed me some protocol bullshit. When I saw the rape video, I lost my shit and she had me confined on the base. I was helpless. Nothing I could do."

"What happened?"

"I escaped."

"You escaped?"

"With the help of Alpha Squadron. Diesel, Blaze, Falcon, Ruger, Oz. They busted me out. The same men who went back with me in July. They took on the mission to save her with me. Diesel pinpointed their location from the website video. We surrounded Jericho's compound. Ready to raise hell and get her back."

He paused and I gave his hand a squeeze to let him know it was safe to tell me.

"Before we could enter the compound, a random group of Afghan rebels launched grenades in there. I watched the place light up right in front of my eyes. Watched Jericho and his brothers run out of the building and escape. I charged in, praying like fuck she'd survived. Koda found her. Injured. Injured bad. Her intestines…"

He must have read the shock and pain in my face. "I'll spare you that part. I carried her out to our helo. She died in my arms in transport to base. I kissed her goodbye. Her blood coated my lips."

"I'm so sorry."

"They shipped her body back to the States. Had to watch her parents bury their daughter because she fell in love with me. They'd already lost a son." Twisted anguish creased his temple and forehead. "Her father pressured Brightman to rain down on me for all the shit I stirred. I'd gone AWOL twice, gone rogue against all kinds of orders, risked the lives of many men. They were considering the death penalty."

"No!" They couldn't kill Rogan. No!

"Brightman called me for a one-on-one meeting. She was torn up about it. The toughest woman in the White House closed her eyes and cried for my loss. We struck a deal. She granted me clemency in exchange for my future service on Delta Force. The government wouldn't persecute me for going AWOL or my other crimes if I agreed to take on specialized high risk—highly illegal—missions and be available and ready whenever they called me. If anything went wrong, I had to say I'd gone rogue and face the consequences. They wouldn't back me up. I accepted their terms with the caveat we go after Jericho, and my team and I got to kill him. She told me she'd get my request through if she was elected secretary of state and let me know when it was approved. We crafted a public story of honorable discharge. I'm still enlisted. I'm still Delta Force."

"So that's why you tell people you're retired military?"

"Yes. It took four years for her to get Operation Devil's Gate clearance. During that time, I worked for Dallas Monroe managing his personal security. He knows about my wife's death and my involvement in Delta Force. We have an arrangement where I have long unannounced periods of leave to go on missions. All the guys in the unit made similar deals with Brightman and Monroe."

"So, you shut down your whole life waiting for Brightman to get you clearance to avenge Eden's death?"

"I didn't see the purpose of trying to live again until Jericho was dead."

"That's a long time to wait."

"I'd wait as long as it took."

"Is that when you dated Tori? While you were waiting?"

"I didn't date her. She showed interest. I'm still a man and I gave it a try. I thought she might be the catalyst I needed to pull me out of the depths I'd made my home for years. On the night of Dallas's wedding, Tori ended up caught in the crossfire of an enemy of Dallas Monroe's. Totally my fault she was shot."

"I don't believe it was your fault."

"I gave up on Tori after she was hurt. I'd finally learned my lesson. When I try… with a woman, it leads to disaster. Every time. That's why I had to leave you alone. I'm no good for you." He shook his head and rubbed his hand over the nape of his neck.

"That's not true."

"Last year, five months after Brightman took office as secretary of state, she sent me Jericho's location. Operation Devil's Gate was a go. Brightman took a huge risk approving the mission. The U.S. military was drawing down in Afghanistan. Sending in a revenge team to kill a low-profile terrorist was not an appropriate use of U.S. resources. If anyone found out, she'd lose her position and face jail time. It would cause a huge scandal for the administration and the CIA."

"She must have felt terrible for holding you back when you were trying to save Eden. She was trying to make it up to you."

"I appreciate that. Doesn't bring her back but feels good to know the government did right by me."

"So, you went to get him?"

"Once I got the order, the men of Alpha Squadron assembled, and we took off on the mission to kill Jericho. A week of surveillance, we never saw you."

"They didn't let me outside."

"Right. So, we engaged the guards out front during a shift change. Blew off the front door and the roof."

"I remember the explosions. I was terrified."

"We didn't find Jericho. We killed his brother Zulu and a few of his men, but we didn't get him. Koda discovered you tied to the bed under the stairs and fuck if I didn't see Eden's face in yours. I had to fight seeing your innards on the floor, seeing you raped by some deranged jihadist who thinks he's the chosen one. I managed to lock it down and get you home."

I rested my cheek on his pec and rubbed his shoulder.

"You were a complication. The plan was to drop you off at the airport and be done with it, keep my hands clean. But on the plane, you intrigued me. After all you'd been through, you managed to make my dog smile. When you told me about the Brotherhood, I couldn't unload you at the airport like luggage. I had to protect you from your dad."

"You didn't have to, but I'm glad you did."

"After you gained your strength, you drew me in. Couldn't keep my eyes off your hair, your smile, your dancing in the kitchen. You filled that dreary apartment with blinding sunshine." He ran his hand over my hair. "I treated you like shit. I'm sorry. But you were young and starting out, ready to take on the world. And I knew I'd destroy you with the shitstorm that hurts the women I touch."

I shook my head and sat up. I traced my hand along his strong jaw, but he remained still, his gaze focused far away. I touched his lips, and he turned his eyes to mine.

"I was attracted to you too. Even the first night, when you took off your boots and talked about Takoda. I knew then I liked you. I felt the current between us from the beginning."

His hand curled behind my neck under my hair, and his thumb stroked below my ear. "Me too. The second I saw you in my tee after you showered, all kinds of need to possess you raced through me. You had a clean slate to fly, experience all the colors you'd been denied your whole life. I couldn't taint your beauty with my black."

"I see it now, why you left. I had no idea you were battling with all this."

"I left to kill him, but I was also running. Running from you."