It only took a few minutes to reach Rome’s condo. He parked the car and grabbed the keys, ignoring my outstretched hand. Instead he climbed out, then came around to my side and opened the door for me.
“What are you doing?” I demanded.
“Waiting for you to get out so I can lock up,” he replied. “Unless you don’t care if it’s locked. I don’t lock mine, but I figure since you’re from Missoula now, you’ve probably gotten in the habit.”
I stepped out, lunging for the keys. He held them up and out of my reach, and I heard the car beep as it locked. Then he started walking toward the stairs. What the actual fuck?
“You said you’d give me the keys!” I shouted. Rome stopped, turning back to look at me.
“I will. First thing in the morning. Come upstairs and get some sleep, Randi.”
I stalked after him, furious. “You’re a lying asshole, Rome.”
“Yup, I’m a lying asshole,” he admitted. “And you’re angry because your mom died. I totally get it—when we lost my brother, I smashed my own motorcycle with a baseball bat.”
“I’m angry because you won’t tell me what happened.”
“Fine,” he said, throwing up his hands. “Come inside and I’ll answer all your questions. But you know what? It won’t make you feel any better, because you aren’t really pissed off about me borrowing your car, or what happened in the ambulance. You’re mad because you lost your mom way too young, and now you’ve got two kids to take care of all by yourself.”
“You stole my car,” I insisted, refusing to listen.
Rome ignored the accusation. “You’re mad because it isn’t fair, and some people are a lot better at fighting than crying. So if you want to fight, we can fight. But there is no way on earth you’re getting these car keys back until you’ve had some sleep. The last thing Kayden needs is for his mom and his sister to die in one night because you insisted on driving.”
He held out his arm, gesturing for me to go ahead of him. I stomped up the stairs, still furious, even as part of me wondered if he was right. My mom was dead, but I wasn’t crying.
Wasn’t I supposed to cry?
No. If I started crying, I’d fall apart and I couldn’t do that right now. This wasn’t about me—it was about him. He’d been distracting me because he didn’t want to talk about what’d happened in the ambulance.
Rome unlocked the door and I walked inside, crossed my arms, and glared at him.
“Tell me the truth,” I said. “Did you know my mother was dead when you met us in the ER?”
“Yes and no,” he admitted.
“What the hell does that mean?”
“I’m just an EMT,” he said, shutting the door. “It takes a doctor to declare someone dead. Under extreme circumstances, we can opt not to transport someone who meets obvious criteria. Like, if they’re decapitated, I’m not going to try and give them life support. But your mom had a pulse when we got to her. Her body was still alive.”
“I know. The doctor said her heart stopped in the ambulance.”
“Let’s sit down,” he said. I followed him to the couch, trying to stay calm. But my anger was like a living thing, twisting and turning inside of me. It wanted a target. We sat, Rome facing me. He wore a strange expression, but I didn’t care. I wanted answers.
“So her heart stopped in the ambulance,” I prompted.
“No, it arrested,” he said, like that was supposed to mean something different. He saw my confusion. “Stopped means stopped—zero electrical activity. There’s not much we can do about that. But your mom’s heart was still fibrillating, so we shocked her and tried to get a rhythm. We did CPR. A few minutes later, we reached the hospital and they took over. They were still working on her when I went out to meet you. She was technically alive. But here’s the thing, Randi. I knew it wouldn’t work. Even if they’d saved her heart, she wasn’t going to make it.”
“How could you know that?” I asked.
“I’ve seen a lot of people die,” he explained, his face shadowed. “And it’s more complicated than you think. Your mom was down for a long time before we got there. Probably twenty, twenty-five minutes. She didn’t have any corneal reflex at that point, which means her brain was already dying. If we’d gotten her heart going she could go on life support, but the odds of her ever waking up again… I tried to save her, Randi. I really did. But I was relieved when I heard that the doctor finally called it. Her brain was gone, and once they’re gone, they don’t come back.”
I tried to process his words, my anger wavering. He was telling the truth—I could hear the sadness and certainty in his voice.
“So that’s it,” I said. “She never had a chance.”
“Not that I can see. Not unless we’d gotten to her a hell of a lot faster.”
The anger dissolved, and my stomach clenched. For a second, I thought I might puke…
Lexi had waited to check on her, and now Mom was dead.
Oh, this was bad. Really bad.
“Lexi can’t find out,” I said, looking up at him. “She said she heard a loud thump, but she was taking a bath and Mom was drunk… She didn’t think it was a big deal. She’ll hate herself forever if she learns she could’ve saved her.”
Rome shook his head.
“You can’t think like that,” he said. “Even if Lexi had gotten to her right away, it might not have been enough. Her lung function was shit, Randi. Once it gets that bad, it’s a vicious cycle. She needed steroids to breathe, but you take enough and they start to destroy the body. Bones die. The meds can cause heart damage, too. We have all this advanced technology and we like to think we’re in control, but we’re not.”
Easy for him to say.
He wasn’t the one who’d left his little sister at home so he could spend the night partying.
“My brother, Damon, was a hell raiser,” Rome said, his voice quiet. “We both were. Born to cause trouble. Dad has us jumping out of planes and racing motorcycles when we were barely in our teens. For a while, Damon rode bulls and we both fought fire. People said it was crazy. That we’d end up dead, and you know what? They were right. Damon died. Guess what took him out?”
“What?” I asked, remembering Rome and the other bikers during the bar fight. Had his brother been a Reaper, too?
“It was my mom’s birthday, and we were playing Uno,” he replied. “Mom used to love Uno. God, I hate that fucking game. But it was her day and that’s what she wanted, so that’s what we did. Damon was winning, and I’d just flipped him off behind her back when he got this funny look on his face. He said his head hurt really bad. Then he fell over. It happened that fast.”
“Rome…”
“Cerebral aneurysm,” he continued. “He was twenty-six years old. No symptoms, no warning. And you know what? I saved him. I started CPR and the ambulance came. We got lucky. He didn’t die. Except he was already dead, Randi. Like your mother. We just didn’t realize it yet. And we had to stand in that room and watch while they turned him off.”
I swallowed, my mouth dry. How awful, and beyond sad. I reached out and touched the side of his face, wishing I could take away some of the pain in his eyes, and that’s when it hit me.
Rome understood exactly what this felt like. No wonder he’d seen through my anger.
“I’m sorry, Rome.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry too,” he replied. “And I’m sorry about your mother. Sometimes people just…die. And you think life isn’t going to go on, but it does. That’s why I want you to get some rest, babe. Because you’ve got two kids who need you, and it’s already tomorrow morning.”
He was right, but my brain was still spinning. I couldn’t go to bed like this. I couldn’t do anything like this.
“Rome, can I sleep with you tonight?”
“Sleep or fuck?” he asked bluntly.
I opened my mouth to say sleep, but the word wouldn’t come out. Maybe sex would help. Maybe it would make me feel less…empty.
“Sex.”
I don’t know what I expected. Maybe that he’d sweep me off my feet and into his bedroom like Rhett Butler. Instead he gave a low laugh and shook his head.
“What the hell?”
“There is no way we’re fucking tonight,” Rome said. “Not when you’re going through this. I’ll admit it—I stole your car. I needed to get home. And it’s true I can be an asshole. But even I have lines I won’t cross. I’m not gonna be the guy who used your mother’s death to get laid.”
I snorted, biting back a laugh. Rome gave me a wary look, but the man was so far off target about this situation that I hardly knew where to start.
“I know you’re not trying to use me,” I finally said, leaning in closer. I raised a hand to his chest, pressing against his heart before letting it slowly slide down toward the front of his pants. “I’m trying to use you, dumbass. I don’t want to be alone, because you’re right about all this stuff. I’m tired, and tomorrow I have to figure out how to handle everything. Lexi and Kayden need somewhere to live. Oh, and we have to plan a funeral but I don’t have any money for a funeral.”
My hand reached his cock, and I gave it a squeeze. Rome swallowed and for the first time that night, I felt a sense of power. Control. Swinging one of my legs over his, I settled onto his lap, then leaned forward to give him a soft kiss. His arms came around my waist, strong and secure.
For long seconds, I savored the comfort of his mouth under mine. Then I pulled back, catching his gaze.
“You know what the weirdest thing is?” I asked, pressing my pelvis forward into his. I felt him stir between my legs, and then an answering sensation deep within my own body. “I still haven’t cried for my mom, Rome. So far, I’m mostly just scared and angry. I feel sad for my brothers and sister, of course. Telling them was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I felt like I was ripping their hearts out with my bare hands, and that hurt.”
I paused, closing my eyes and leaning my forehead against his. One of his hands started rubbing up and down my back, and I rolled my hips. His dick was getting harder, pushing up at me through the fabric of his jeans. It felt good. Reassuring. Everything else in my world might be falling apart, but at least this one thing was still working right.
“A couple of hours ago I kissed my mom’s dead body goodbye. Lexi cried, but not me. I held her hand, Rome. I felt her fingers getting cold. But I’m still not crying. That’s not normal. I think there might be something wrong with me.”
I ground myself into his center. He groaned, his other hand catching my ass, squeezing it tight. I thought he might be trying to stop me, but I was tired of his chivalrous bullshit. Less than twenty-four hours ago, he’d fucked me senseless in that barn. The whole world might’ve changed since then, but I was pretty sure one thing was still the same—Rome McGuire had the ability to take me away from reality, even if it was only for a few minutes.
“I need to stop thinking, because otherwise I’m going to go crazy,” I whispered. “And I need to sleep, but my brain is spinning way too hard. So if you really care about me, I’d like you to quit being such a good guy and let me borrow your penis for a few minutes, okay?”
Then I covered his mouth with mine again, taking what I needed. He opened for me, and I thrust my tongue deep.
* * * *
Rome
Jesus Christ, but I was an asshole.
I wanted to do the right thing, but I had no fucking clue what the right thing was. What I did know was that Randi’s mouth sucked on mine like her life depended on it. Maybe it did. I remembered when my brother died, and how I’d needed to forget.
I’d smashed things, started fights. Fucked every girl I could find.
None of it solved anything. I’d wake up the next day and my brother would still be dead. But finding a way to forget—even for an hour—that’d made a big difference. Maybe I could give her that tonight.
I just hoped she wouldn’t hate me for it later.
Randi’s arms were wrapped tight around my neck. I caught her butt with both my hands, then stood up, thankful for all the hours I’d had to kill lifting weights at the station. Even so, carrying her into the bedroom was awkward.
Not because she was heavy—Randi was just a little thing, and I sorta liked hauling her around like this. But at that moment, my dick was so hard that it physically hurt, and she kept rubbing against it like a cat.
We reached the bed and I tried to lay her down, but she wouldn’t let me go.
Her legs held my waist tight, and her hips bucked up at me. The black dress she’d been wearing had ridden up high and then her hand was down between us, tugging at my fly.
She ripped it open and reached in, grabbing my cock. Shit. That was good—too good. This was supposed to be about her, not me, but all I could think about was getting into her body. So deeply fucked up and wrong. This wasn’t about me getting off, or at least it shouldn’t be.
But that sweet pussy of hers was right there, hot and wet and ready to go. I couldn’t think.
“Condom,” I managed to gasp, leaning toward the bedside table. I couldn’t quite reach, and it took another second to convince Randi to let me go. She kicked off her panties while I ripped the package open, then I was covering her again.
Her hand caught my dick, lining it up, and then I slammed home.
I could try to explain how right it felt, being inside her. How hot and tight she was, or the way her fingernails raked down my back like fire, but none of that compared to the look on her face. She’d thrown her head back, closing her eyes. Her hand came down between us, rubbing furiously at her clit as I pumped in and out of her body. I could tell she wasn’t going to last long. Probably a good thing, because I wasn’t sure how much longer I’d last, either.
“More,” she gasped, head rolling back and forth. Her tits kept trying to jump out the top of her dress as her pussy squeezed me hard. My balls tightened. Shit. I started counting backwards from a hundred in my head, determined not to blow my wad until she got what she needed.
Suddenly Randi stiffened, every muscle in her body clamping down at once. Her mouth fell open, and for the first time that night, the tension left her face.
Thank fuck for that.
I let myself go, managing to thrust into her three more times before I came. It was explosive. Almost painful in its intensity, and exactly what I’d needed. Tonight had been bad, and tomorrow wouldn’t be easy, either. But right here, right now, we could forget.
Waves of exhaustion overwhelmed me.
Long hours weren’t anything new in my life, and neither was watching someone die. But tonight had been tiring in a different kind of way. This girl had gotten under my skin.
Randi gave a small, snuffling snore and I realized she’d fallen asleep.
Good.
Pulling out carefully, I got rid of the condom, then tucked myself in next to her without bothering to take off my clothes. I pulled the blanket over us both, noticing for the first time that she was still wearing a pair of white socks and some running shoes.
Weird.
Closing my eyes, I decided I’d worry about it in the morning. Now it was time to sleep.