Randi
My feet hurt, and I couldn’t remember where I was.
I could feel a man’s chest under my cheek, though. His heartbeat was strong and steady. Rome. Streaks of sun were shining through the cracks in his blinds, and I blinked. Had I gotten drunk at the reunion and made a booty call?
I tried to remember. There’d been lots of dancing, then Jenny acting all nasty in the bathroom. I’d taken off my shoes at some point. Then we’d gone out on the deck so Peaches could smoke. That’s when I’d gotten a call from Lexi, and—
Suddenly it all rushed back, hitting me like a brutal punch to the stomach.
My mother was dead.
She’d died in the hospital last night. I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, couldn’t anything because the wave of pain was so intense. I wanted my mom back and she was never coming back and this hurt too much it needed to stop—
“Randi.”
Rome’s arms tightened around me, and I started to sob. I couldn’t believe the agony. It was like some kind of awful, terrible dream, except it wasn’t. She was dead—really dead—and I’d had a fight with her yesterday morning. How could this be happening?
“Randi,” he said, again. He said something else, too, but I couldn’t understand the words. I was busy crying. Ugly crying, with snorting and streaks of black makeup across the backs of my hands. Crying like my whole world had ended, because in a way it had.
I’d been angry last night. Terrified.
But my mind had been sheltering me from the worst of it, I realized. Somehow, I’d dammed up all this pain and held it together for the rest of the family, but no dam could hold forever. Now it was all coming out, and the endless flood of agony wouldn’t end, no matter how much I wanted it to.
I don’t know how long it lasted.
Rome held me the entire time. Eventually he called someone, talking to them quietly. I didn’t pay attention to what he said. Probably telling Tinker that I’d fallen apart. Lexi and Kayden were still with her, so I knew they were safe. They’d want me to come back soon. I needed to pull myself together somehow, yet I had no clue how to do it.
After what felt like hours, Rome got up and walked into the bathroom. I heard the shower turn on. Then he came back out and picked me up. He carried me into the small room and set me down on the toilet, then dropped down to pull off my shoes. I heard his breath hiss when he saw my bloodied socks.
They’d dried to my feet, and now they were stuck.
Pulling my dress up and over my head, he lifted me again, and stepped into the shower. The water ran over both of us, washing away my tears and softening the dried blood. He’d taken off his clothes, too, but we didn’t kiss or anything like that.
He just held me and let me cry.
Eventually, the water started to cool. Rome brought me back to the bed, laying me down. That’s when I realized the crying had stopped. Not that the pain was gone… I could still feel it deep inside, throbbing and twisting, trying to break free. And it would at some point. I knew that.
But for now—this minute—I had it under control again.
Rome handed me a towel, then tugged gently on one of the socks.
“Thanks,” I said, then hissed as the fabric pulled free. Rome gave a low whistle.
“Your feet are shredded,” he said, the words blunt. “What happened?”
I tucked the towel around myself awkwardly.
“I didn’t have any shoes on when Lexi called me at the Eagles,” I told him. “I just ran out the door. Didn’t even notice. Not until I was back at the apartment. You guys took off, and we needed to get to the hospital, so I found some shoes and socks. Then we left. Totally forgot about them after that.”
Rome nodded, lifting my foot for a closer look.
“This is a mess.”
I laughed, struck by the absurdity of the whole situation. “My whole life is a mess, Rome. Why should my feet be any different?”
He glanced up at me, studying my face.
“You’re gonna get through this,” he said.
“You don’t know that,” I insisted. “We aren’t in control, remember? Sometimes people just die, and now it’s all fucked.”
“Look at the window.”
“What?”
He nodded toward his bedroom window. The blinds were still closed, although there were more little streaks of light gleaming through the cracks now. “What do you see?”
“Nothing? Light? They’re closed, Rome. I can’t see anything.”
“The morning after my brother died, I had the hangover from hell. Woke up because the sun was shining on my face,” he said, starting on my other sock. “Pissed me off. Damon was dead, and even the fucking sun was out to get me. Came up the day after, too. Didn’t matter how much I drank or fought or whatever—fuckin’ thing was there every morning.”
“What’s your point?”
Rome gave me a steady look.
“Damon’s gone, but I’m still here,” he said. “Sun still comes up every morning, too. Life goes on whether we want it to or not, which means you’re gonna get through this because that’s just what people do. So will Lexi and Kayden. And some day, you’ll all be hanging out together and playing Uno—or whatever the hell it is your family likes—and someone will tell a story about her and it won’t hurt so much.”
I blinked, then nodded, hoping he was right.
“So how do you get from here to there?” I asked. “I don’t even know where to start.”
Rome set my foot back down.
“You ask for help,” he said simply. “From your friends. Your community. For me, that was the Reapers. Me and Damon were both prospects when he died. They stepped up, gave me all the time I needed and kept me safe when I was out of control. Hell, they even mowed my parents’ lawn a couple of times.”
I thought about Tinker’s husband, Gage. He’d always kind of scared me, but he’d been gentle with Lexi and Kayden last night.
“Peaches told me about what you did Friday night. During the fight,” I said, thinking about his club. “She said you only went back into the fight to save that guy—I should’ve realized that. She said you’re a hero, and I think she’s right. Last night you were my hero. You’ve been really good to me this weekend.”
Rome raised a brow.
“What?”
“Peaches is full of shit,” he said. “I jumped back into that fight because I thought my brothers needed me. I didn’t even see that guy until I stepped on him, and I had no business taking you to a dive like that. Every time I see that black eye, I feel like a jackass.”
My jaw dropped. “Last night at the reunion, Peaches told Jenny Woelfel that you saved his life. She said you kept him from bleeding out all over the floor.”
“Let me guess—Jenny was saying something nasty about bikers. Bet she talked about the bruise, too. Treated you like trash?”
I nodded, stunned. “How did you know?”
“Because she’s a bitch, and her husband’s out playing grab ass at the Starkwood almost every weekend,” he said. “She’s jealous of Peaches, she hates the Reapers, she hates Brett, and she hates… Hell, she probably hates baby bunnies in the spring. You can’t listen to what people like that say, Randi. You gotta form your own opinions. About me, about my club. About the bunnies.”
Rome’s mouth quirked, and something inside me clenched. He was so beautiful. I really wanted to keep him, I realized. He’d asked me to give us a chance, and I wanted to. I really did. But I couldn’t start dating someone, not now. There was too much work ahead of me.
He deserved someone who actually had time for him.
My phone buzzed, and I leaned across the bed, grabbing it. It was Lexi, asking when I’d be at Tinker’s house. I texted her back, promising to come soon, then caught Rome’s eye.
“Do you have some socks I can borrow?” I asked, looking back down at my feet. “Lexi and Kayden need me.”
“No,” Rome said. “But I’ll bandage them up so they don’t get dirty while we find a real doctor.”
“It’s fine,” I insisted. “I have way too much to do. I can’t worry about it right now.”
He ignored me, leaving the room. I looked around, wondering where he kept his socks. Once I had those, I could leave for Tinker’s… Of course, he still had my car keys.
Maybe Tinker would give me a ride.
Rome came back in, carrying a big first aid box. Dropping down to a crouch, he started pulling out gauze. I frowned at him.
“Rome, it’s not that bad. I really need to go.”
“You can’t take care of business if you can’t walk. These are gonna get infected.”
“It’s not your problem, Rome,” I insisted. It didn’t matter how much I wanted him. The timing was wrong. “You’ve been a great friend, but—”
“I’m not your friend, Randi.”
“Excuse me?”
“I’m not your friend,” he repeated, his voice firm. “I’m the guy fucking you. Big difference. You can have lots of friends, but only one guy fucks you.”
“My mom died last night, Rome. I don’t have time for dating.”
He stilled, then sat back on his heels, catching and holding my gaze.
“I know she died, Randi,” he said quietly. “I was there.”
My eyes started to water. Without a word, Rome stood up and crossed the room, opening the blinds. Sunlight flooded us. Then he grabbed a box of tissues off the dresser and handed them to me as he came back.
“We’ll date later,” he told me, dropping back down in front of me. “Maybe next year. Until then, I’ll be the guy fucking you. And the guy who bandages up your feet. You can cry on me, too, but I’m not gonna let you dump me until we’ve had a real chance. Sooner or later, you’ll be ready to live again. I can wait.”
I opened my mouth to argue, then closed it again.
Rome was right. We weren’t friends. I hardly knew the man, yet on the worst night of my life, he’d been there for me.
Not only that, we had something in common. Something big.
“Okay,” I said, offering him an unsteady smile. A flash of movement caught the corner of my eye, and I turned to look out the window. A bird had landed on the ledge.
The sky was bright blue, and totally clear. Gorgeous.
Mom would’ve loved it.
I felt a tear roll down my face.
Rome had been right. The sun had still come up this morning, and it would tomorrow, too. I’d get through this. And then some day—once my head was clear—I’d be ready.
We’d finally have our chance.