“So how was it?” Lexi said, smirking as she grated cheese for our special macaroni. “Did you do anything stupid?”
I thought about my afternoon with Rome. After that first explosive time together, we’d gone slower. He’d kissed every inch of me, driving me crazy with his tongue until I thought I might die. Then he’d done it again.
“Probably,” I admitted.
“And how many times did you do this stupid thing?”
“More than once, not that it’s any of your business,” I said, stirring the pot. We liked to start out with the packaged stuff as the base, but over the years we’d added extras. Sour cream, sharp white cheddar. When the budget was flush, I’d spring for some parmesan across the top. Special macaroni and cheese was the shit. “But I do have something to tell you. Something important.”
“What’s that?” she asked, setting down the cheese. I glanced toward the living room, making sure that Kayden wasn’t listening. The kid had his earbuds in and he was busy playing Minecraft. I took a deep breath, then hesitated. Once I told her, I was committed. Was I ready?
Yes. Yes, I was.
“I’m moving back to Hallies Falls,” I told her. A flash of excitement crossed her face, then she clamped it down, wary.
“That’s not funny,” she whispered. “Don’t say that unless you mean it.”
“I’m moving back to Hallies Falls,” I repeated, the words slow and steady. “I’ll give notice when I get back home. Even if I don’t get that job I interviewed for, there has to be something I can do around here. We’ll stay in this apartment until I make some money. Then we’re going to find something better. I promise.”
Lexi crumpled, flying into my arms and hugging me so tight I could hardly breathe. “Thank you. Thank you so much! It’s been so hard here. I can’t even tell you how hard.”
“I know.” Rubbing her back, I thought about all the years I’d spent taking care of the kids while Mom was out partying. She’d usually held down a job, right up to the day her back blew out. I had to give her credit for that. But I’d still been the one cooking dinner, scouring thrift stores for clothing, and making sure everyone got their homework done.
I’d done well, too. Aiden and Isaac had both graduated high school, and they were building real lives for themselves.
Lexi and Kayden deserved the same chance.
“Please tell me this isn’t about Rome,” she whispered, the words muffled. “I know you like him, but he’s going to be trouble—you came back from your first date with a black eye. He’s going to break your heart and then you’ll leave us again.”
I thought about my afternoon with him, wondering if she was right—not about me leaving them. I’d made my decision. But the whole broken heart thing… That could definitely happen.
But it wasn’t like he’d made any promises—he just wanted me to give it a chance. I wasn’t used to taking chances. Taking chances meant taking risks, and most of my life had been damage control. Doing the right thing. Being the grownup. And now I had a lot more adulting ahead of me.
Having a little fun along the way might just save me.
“This has nothing to do with Rome,” I told Lexi, and it was the truth. “I’d already decided this morning. I’m going to try dating him, but I’m not counting on anything from him. My priority is us. You, me, Kayden, and Mom. But let’s not tell Kayden yet, because it could take a while. I have to give notice and deal with my apartment and stuff.”
Lexi pulled back, revealing dark streaks of mascara running down her cheeks. She looked just like she had years ago, when I’d caught her playing in my makeup. Back then, she’d been crying because she’d thought she’d turned into a beautiful princess.
Then Aiden told her she was an ugly clown.
I’d wiped her cheeks and told her how wonderful her life was going to be. How someday, she’d be prettier than anyone Aiden had ever seen, and she wouldn’t even need makeup.
I’d been right, too. Lexi was gorgeous under all that shit, even when she was crying. I just wished she still believed what I’d told her. She didn’t need makeup to be beautiful, and those boys who liked her push-up bra would never understand she was supposed to be their princess.
That’s why you’re moving back here, I told myself. Someone needs to remind her and Kayden how wonderful they are, every day.
“You have to make me a promise, though.” I reached up, wiping at her cheek with my thumb. I’d miss my life in Missoula, but I’d missed this, too. Being with my people.
“What?”
“Use that two hundred bucks to buy something special,” I said. “Something fun. You’re too young for a push-up bra. You should enjoy being a kid while you still can.”
“You can’t tell me what to wear,” she snuffled defiantly, then dropped her head down on my shoulder, starting to cry again.
“I know,” I whispered. “Never forget how much I love you, okay?”
“I love you, too, Randi. I’m so glad you’re coming back to us. We’ve missed you so much.”
“How do I look?” I asked Mom. I wore a little black dress that had bare shoulders and enough skirt to flare up as I spun around.
“You look beautiful, even with the black eye,” she said, smiling at me. Wow—someone was in a better mood tonight. She sat on the couch, playing cards with Kayden, looking so healthy you’d never think she’d had an asthma attack that morning. Then I spotted the glass on the coffee table… Ah, that explained it. Rum and Coke always cheered her up. “Lexi, you did a great job on her hair. I swear, kiddo. You got a gift. I still think it’s missing something, though.”
“What?”
“Come with me,” she said, pushing to her feet with effort, then reaching down for her glass. I followed her back into her bedroom, where she opened her closet. “Grab my jewelry box—it’s up there on the top.”
I pulled it down, handing it over. She set it on the bed and started digging through it. Reminded me of all the times I’d watched her getting ready for a night out. She always started with rum and Coke—that set the mood. After her second glass, she’d let me play with her jewelry, and by the third I was allowed to put on as much of it as I liked. My favorite had been a bunch of thin silver bangles. I loved to jingle them and pretend I was a Gypsy fortune teller.
Mom pulled out a small gray box and handed it to me, swaying slightly.
“These were your grandmother’s,” she said, and I caught a hint of moisture in her eyes. “She gave them to me right before she died, but I think it’s time for you to have them. They’d look beautiful with your dress.”
Opening the box, I found an antique-looking necklace with a large green pendant surrounded by tiny diamonds. Nestled next to it was a pair of matching earrings.
“They’re real,” she said softly. “Emeralds.”
“How?” I asked, stunned. “They never had any money. There’s no way Grandpa could buy these.”
“You know they ran off together, right?” she asked. “Her family was fancy people, from Chicago, and they didn’t approve of my dad. Thought he was trash.”
“Yeah, she told me once.” It’d always made me sad, because my grandparents had adored each other, right up to the end.
“Well, these came from her grandmother,” Mom said, touching one reverently. “She sent them to her after they got married. Said they were her inheritance. She told her not to feel guilty about selling them if she needed to—the original note is still folded up in the bottom of the box if you want to see it. Anyway, no matter how hard times got, they always managed to find a way to pay the bills. She gave them to me right before she died. Told me the same thing.”
I looked around the tiny bedroom, thinking about the kids and all the things they didn’t have.
“Why haven’t you?”
She gave me a sad smile. “I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. And now they’re yours… I’ve never had much to give you, but I can give you this. Consider them insurance for when things get bad, and don’t feel guilty if you need to sell them. But if you don’t, they should go to your daughter someday, okay?”
I pulled out the pendant, turning so she could fasten it around my neck. Then I hugged her, wondering how it was possible to love someone so much, even as I smelled the booze on her breath.
“Lexi told me that you’re moving back to Hallies Falls,” she said, sighing. “I know I fucked up, baby. I tried, but can’t seem to pull it together and now I can’t do anything anymore. It’s not fair to you, but I’m glad you’re coming home.”
I wasn’t sure how to respond, so I hugged her harder. We stood like that for long seconds, then finally I pulled away.
“I need to get going. I don’t want to be late.”
My mother smiled at me.
“Hey, if anyone gives you shit about that black eye, tell ’em to fuck off,” she said. “Then send them to me. I’ll kick their asses.”
With that, she reached for her glass, giving me a quick salute before polishing it off with one swallow.
The reunion was a blast, even if it was sort of small.
There’d only been forty-eight kids in our graduating class, total. Of those, maybe twenty-five had come back. Nowhere near enough to rent a big hotel ballroom or anything, which worked out fine because Hallies Falls didn’t have any real hotels.
We’d taken over the upper floor of the Eagles Lodge for the night, instead. It wasn’t particularly special, just a small stage, a dance floor, and some banquet tables. They’d done a good job decorating, though, and the drinks were cheap. Mark Barron, our senior class president, served as DJ. It was just like being in high school again, except all the social barriers that’d been so important back then were gone.
Everyone was friendly, and in the mood to have a good time.
Still, I’d felt self-conscious about my eye at first. Especially after I’d caught several people sneaking looks. Nobody said anything, though. That might’ve been because Peaches—who was also rolling single for the night—seemed to have decided I needed a guard dog. She’d attached herself to my side early on, as if we were long lost friends reunited.
This was funny, because we hadn’t been close at all, growing up. Maybe she felt responsible because I’d gotten hurt at her bar. Or maybe she was just a nice person. Whatever her reason, I was discovering that Peaches Taylor was a hell of a lot of fun. I wished I’d known her better during school, but we hadn’t been the same kind. While she’d been cheerleading, I’d been volunteering in the school library.
None of that mattered tonight.
Everyone was laughing and dancing and having a good time. Most of us had been in school together for the full twelve years, and it was fun to learn what happened to all these people I’d known as children, then as awkward young adults. With Peaches at my side, I found myself letting go in a way I’d never been able to back then.
By midnight, I’d lost my shoes and my voice was hoarse from singing along while dancing. That’s when Peaches announced—loudly—that she needed to pee like a Russian race horse right as a song ended. The whole room fell silent and my stomach clenched for her. Then Peaches started giggling, and someone else joined her and suddenly the whole room was laughing.
She spun around, then gave a graceful curtsy. Grabbing my hand, she dragged me off to a tiny women’s bathroom tucked behind the stage. It only had one stall, and there were five of us waiting in line, including the one girl in our class that I’d truly disliked, Jenny Woelfel.
Jenny was a mean girl.
She’d sat behind me in third grade, and I’d never forget the day she cut off my ponytail because Brett Anderson had given me a scratch-and-sniff sticker. It’d paid off for the bitch, too. She and Brett were married now, with three kids.
“It’s nice to have someone serving me drinks for once,” Peaches declared, fluffing her hair. “Last night was a fucking nightmare.”
“I heard about that,” said Jenny, and I stilled. There was a hint of something nasty in her tone. I reached up to touch my hair, reassuring myself that it was all still there.
“Danica Caldwell works dispatch at the sheriff’s office, and she told me that a bunch of guys got arrested,” she continued. “Randi, you were there with all the Reapers, right? I never saw you as that type of girl…”
“Um, yeah,” I said, glancing toward the stall. Whoever was inside, I wished she would hurry up already. I’d forgotten how fast small town gossip could spread.
“I couldn’t help but notice your eye,” she added. “You know, Rome McGuire may be cute, but that whole family is trouble. You’d think he’d learned something when his brother died, but instead he took up with those bikers. You’d better be careful or you’ll end up like your mom. How many kids did she have? Five? But never a wedding ring…”
Wait, what?
Rome hadn’t said anything about his brother dying, only that they’d hauled stuff up to the loft together. Why hadn’t he told me? And what the actual fuck was she trying to say about my mother?
I turned slowly toward Jenny, and studied her with fresh eyes.
We were adults now, not third graders, yet for some reason she was still trying to cut off my ponytail. I noticed she’d put on some weight over the years, and her hair wasn’t as sleek as it used to be. Faint, unhappy lines were forming at the corner of her mouth. Her eyes held more than a hint of desperation.
When I’d seen Brett earlier, he’d given me a hug.
A tight hug.
And now she’d gone after me in the bathroom.
Jenny Woelfel was nothing more than a small-minded, petty, jealous little bitch. Why was I letting her bully me?
She crossed her arms defiantly, staring me down like she hadn’t done anything wrong. That’s when Peaches turned on her, offering the sweetest, scariest smile I’d ever seen.
“I’d think you of all people would know better than to listen to gossip, Jenny,” she said, her voice like honey. “Especially about the Starkwood Saloon. I saw Brett there just last week, and it seemed odd, because you weren’t with him. What—”
Jenny’s face turned pale.
“Shut your mouth, Peaches Taylor,” she snapped.
Peaches raised her hands innocently. “Hey, no need to get upset. We’re just a bunch of old friends talking, right? I mean, it’s so sweet of you to be looking out for Randi.”
Jenny took a step back, her mouth tightening. Peaches pretended not to notice, going in for the kill.
“Oh, and for the record, the fight didn’t have anything to do with the Reapers,” she continued. “Of course, we were lucky they were there. Rome probably saved a guy’s life, did you hear that part? He was like a super hero or something. He pushed through the fight and found a safe place for Randi, then he went back to rescue some innocent guy who’d gotten knocked out. It sucks that Randi got a black eye, but that was more of a fluke accident, later. She wanted some fresh air, and Rome was too busy literally preventing a man from bleeding to death on the floor to walk her out.”
Peaches turned to me, offering another sweet smile. “Brett sells fertilizer these days, did you know that? Didn’t I hear he’s up for assistant manager again this year, Jenny?”
Jenny swallowed, taking a step back.
“I’m not feeling very well,” she managed to say. “I think I should find Brett and go home.”
With that, she turned and marched out of the bathroom. Peaches burst out laughing, and so did everyone else. Not me, though. I was too busy thinking about Rome and his brother. Why hadn’t he told me?
“Oh my God, that was priceless,” said another girl. Tamara Deems. I remembered going on a campout with her during sixth grade. Something to do with a church youth group…
“You have to ignore Jenny—that had nothing to do with you,” she continued. “Brett’s been cheating on her their entire marriage, and for some reason she takes it out on everyone but him.”
“The man is a total douche,” Peaches agreed. “You wouldn’t believe how many times he’s grabbed my ass at work. I had to hit him over the head with my tray last week.”
Everyone laughed again. I waited for someone to say something about my black eye, or Rome, or even my mom. Jenny had blown all of them wide open, just to be a bitch. Instead, Tamara gave me a bright smile.
“So I hear we’ll be working together soon,” she announced.
“What?”
“I thought you knew already!” she squealed. “You totally nailed your interview with Dr. Andrews. I do some part time stuff for him. Mostly paperwork and billing. He asked me to call your references yesterday afternoon. I assumed he already offered you the job.”
I blinked, totally startled. “No, I hadn’t heard from him. That’s wonderful news, though.”
She grinned. “Okay, so when he calls, you have to pretend I didn’t tell you. We’re all really relieved you applied for the job, by the way. The last hygienist was… Well, she didn’t fit in around here. Grew up in a city, always bitching about how there was nothing to do in Hallies Falls. Having someone local will be a thousand times better.”
“Thanks,” I managed to say, still off balance. The stall door opened, and suddenly it was my turn to go inside. Closing it behind me, I tried to wrap my head around what’d just happened.
I’d been viciously attacked for no reason. Someone I hadn’t even realized was a friend defended me. And now I had a new job.
Oh, and I was a local.
I’d grown up in Hallies Falls, but in a town like this, you weren’t local unless your family had been here for at least three generations. I’d always been that outside girl who didn’t quite fit in, the one who wore thrift store clothes and couldn’t afford to get her hair highlighted. Or at least, I’d felt that way.
But these girls I’d grown up with—they didn’t seem to remember it that way. They were excited for me to move back, and when they told stories about our days back in school, I’d been in those stories.
Maybe I hadn’t been such an outsider after all.
Finishing up in the stall, I stepped out and washed my hands. For a second, I considered asking Peaches about Rome’s brother. Then I decided against it, because for some reason he hadn’t told me when he’d had the opportunity.
I hated it when people gossiped about my family, and I’d be damned if I’d do it to him.
“You ready to go dance some more?” Peaches asked.
“Let’s get a drink first,” I told her, smiling. “I have a new job to celebrate.”
An hour later, I was done.
My feet were covered in blisters, my hair was damp with sweat and I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had so much fun. (Okay, my afternoon had been pretty fun, but for an activity that involved wearing clothing, this was right up there.)
“I need a cigarette,” Peaches announced. “Come outside with me.”
She took off down the stairs and I followed her through the lounge on the ground floor. Beyond that was a patio overlooking the river. It was covered with cheap plastic chairs and tables, with maybe ten or fifteen people talking quietly as they shared a drink or a smoke.
“I lost my shoes,” I told Peaches, settling into one of the chairs to put up my feet. “I know I set them under one of the tables, but now I can’t remember which one.”
She waved her hand. “They’ll turn up.”
“Yeah,” I said, leaning my head back to look up at the stars. I reached up to touch my emerald necklace, thinking about my mom. She’d already had three kids by the time she was my age, and she’d been pregnant with a fourth.
I couldn’t even imagine.
“Your phone’s going off,” Peaches said, blowing smoke out of the side of her mouth. I frowned, reaching for my purse.
Lexi.
“Hey, what’s up?” I asked.
“You have to come home!” she shouted, her voice cracked and broken. In the background I heard noises—were there people in the apartment? “You have to come home right now! I don’t know what to do and I think she’s dying!”
Next to me, a group of men burst out laughing and I covered my ear, trying to hear better. “Lexi, calm down. You need to tell me what’s happening.”
“It’s Mom,” she said, and I heard a sob. “Kayden, sit here. Sit here, I’m gonna hold you until Randi gets home. She was blue, Randi. I found her on the floor and she was blue!”
My stomach clenched. Oh fuck oh fuck oh FUCK!
“Did you call 911?” I asked, my voice steady, even though my heart felt like it might explode.
“They’re here now.”
“Okay, give me five minutes. I’m on my way.”
“Don’t leave us,” she begged, her voice going soft. “I’m so scared, Randi. We need you. This is really bad and—”
“I won’t leave you,” I promised, grabbing my purse. Then I was running through the lounge, out the door, and into the parking lot. Peaches shouted something behind me, but I ignored her. Lexi started sobbing into the phone. As I ran, her words repeated in my head with every step, over and over and over again.
She’s blue.
She’s blue.
She’s blue.