CHAPTER 1
KEVIN

“Daddy! Daddy! Look! The ocean is so blue!”

“Just like those pretty blue eyes of yours, Sydney,” I said.

“I have blue eyes like you, Daddy,” Sydney said.

“No way, your eyes are way prettier than mine,” I said.

“Can we go swimming?” Daniel asked.

“All you want,” I said.

“How long can we stay, Daddy?” Sydney asked.

“The entire week. How does that sound?”

“Swimming for a whole week! Yeah!” Daniel said.

As my four-year old twins peered out the windows of my private jet, I smiled at their excitement. This was what made my business worth it. This was what made all the mistakes I’d made up until this point worth it. The woman I had loved and lost. The heartache I’d gone through with my children’s biological mother. Seeing the joy in their eyes when I could treat them to things I knew I’d never experience as a child made every minute of work and every second of dealing with investors worth it.

They were hitting that age where everything was wondrous and cool and awesome. And I loved that I could be there for them as a father. Growing up without my father made me appreciate time with my kids that much more. I knew he was successful, but that was about it. That was all that mattered to my father and it compromised the family he had created. I didn’t want to be that kind of father to my kids. I wanted to be successful, sure. But I also wanted to be present.

My father dropped the ball, but I sure as hell wouldn’t, at least not intentionally.

Unfortunately, there are still moments when I struggle to play the part of single dad and businessman. I did my best to be 100% focused on them when we had our time together, but I often wondered if I was doing a well enough job, or if I let work get in the way too often.

They were like miniature spiritual teachers. My children were at the stage where they gasped at everything from Christmas lights to big bodies of water. Hell, sometimes they would sit in a chair out back and squeal at the squirrels hopping from limb to limb. Their childish wonder was always a reminder to me to stop and appreciate the little things.

Especially since my life moved at such a fast pace.

Especially since I chased my success in a fruitless attempt to prove myself to my father.

“Come on, guys. We need to strap in. We’re about to descend. That means we’re about to land,” I said.

My kids scrambled to buckle their seatbelts as the plane started its descent.

The two munchkins were bouncing around in their seats, anxious to get to our vacation home so they could go out and swim. Sydney and Daniel were due back at their preschool next week, but I wanted them to enjoy some time away during spring break. My security company had been in overdrive taking on a flood of new high-end clients, and I had my driver pick them up from school and drop them off at my office more often than at home.

We all needed a break, and I was ecstatic they were so excited.

We disembarked underneath a gorgeous blue sky. There was not a cloud in sight and the air smelled of sea salt. I hauled the bags as the kids ran for the car, sliding across the soft leather seats.

“Come on, Daddy! Hurry up!” Sydney said.

Tossing everything into the trunk, I turned around with a big smile on my face.

One week of just me, the munchkins, and their excitement. I’d take them to see everything; the secret lagoon with the waterfall they could play in, and the crystal-clear waters with snorkeling goggles so they could see the fish. I’d take them jet skiing and bodysurfing and let them try all of the wonderful local foods Nassau Island had to offer.

I was ready to make memories and put work behind me for a while.

We pulled up to the vacation house I’d recently purchased, and the kids gawked. I’d known they would love it from the moment I found it online. It sat right on the edge of the beach and had steps that came off the porch and went right into the water. There was a slide on the side of the house that jutted out a good fifteen feet past the shoreline. The porch was made of a thick glass so you could sit and watch the sunset while fish swam underneath your feet, and each bedroom lined the back of the house, so everyone would get an ocean view in the morning.

“Oh look! A waterslide!” Daniel said.

“Can we go down it, Daddy? Please!” Sydney said.

“Of course, you can. Let’s get inside and get changed, then the two of you can have at it,” I said.

“Do we have to wear floaties this time?” Daniel asked.

“I don’t like those,” Sydney said.

“Well, you’re going to be wearing them. But do it without whining and I’ll have a surprise for you guys tonight,” I said.

“A surprise? What is it?” Daniel asked.

“Yeah, what is it?” Sydney asked.

“Well it wouldn’t be much of a surprise if I told you what it was,” I said.

“Come on Dad!” they whined in unison.

“Nope, you’re gonna have to wait. Now, let’s get inside and get changed. I wanna try out the waterslide, too.”

“Can you go down with me?” Sydney asked.

“As many times as you want,” I said with a smile.

I grabbed everything from the trunk and sent the driver off. When I got to the bedrooms to dump the kids’ bags, I found them jumping on a bed. Their curtains were thrown open so they could look out at the ocean.

“Having fun?” I asked.

“Daddy! Watch me butt-slam!” Daniel said.

“Not on your—!”

“Daddy! Daniel hurt me!” Sydney cried.

“Sister,” I finished, breathlessly.

I scooped Sydney up in my arms and she wrapped herself around me. I buried my face into the crook of her neck, shushing her to get her to stop crying. I shot Daniel a look and he got off the bed, his head bowed as he sat on the chair in the corner. My little princess was sniffling, her tears wetting my shoulder as she cried.

“You okay, sweetheart?” I asked.

“Daniel hurt me,” Sydney said again.

“I know he did. And he’s going to apologize. Right?” I asked.

“I’m sorry,” Daniel said.

“Can I go swimming now?” Sydney asked, suddenly recovered.

“Of course, you can.”

Miraculously, her tears dried up, so I put her down and she went to go pull out her swimsuit. I helped them into their gear and fought them every step of the way to get their floaties on. I hauled my stuff into my room at the end of the hall and changed, then met them at the top of the house by the waterslide.

“You guys ready?” I asked.

“Can we go down together?” Daniel asked.

“On three,” I said. “Come on. Get in my lap.”

I pushed us down the waterslide that jutted off a small balcony at the top edge of the house. We rounded down, the water pushing us as we went careening toward the ocean. We tumbled off the side and went underwater, the salted mixture engulfing our bodies.

The sound of my twins giggling warmed my heart as they emerged.

“That was awesome!” Daniel shouted.

“I wanna do it again!” Sydney added.

“Then go on! Do it again! I’ll watch you guys from here,” I said.

I stood in the waist-deep water and watched my kids slide down over and over again. They were having the time of their lives and it filled me with joy.

Their mother didn’t know what she was missing out on.

Her fucking loss.

After hours of playing in the sun and realizing I didn’t put enough sunblock on them, I got my kids inside and washed up. My stomach was growling for some food, and by the time I had them ready to go it would be dinner time. I got us all dressed and loaded into the golf cart I’d purchased to ride around the island in, then we set off into the small Caribbean town in search of food.

I nearly drove off the small cart path when my eyes landed on the woman standing just off to the side.

No. It couldn’t be.

Fuck.

Standing there, not ten feet in front of me was my ex-wife, Sarah; the absentee mother of my children. Of all places to run into her after all these years. “Kevin,” she said, looking as surprised to see me as I was to see her, “What brings you here?”

“Spring break. With my kids. You?” I asked.

I made sure to emphasize the ‘my’ in case she got any ideas.

“I’m here on vacation with my boyfriend,” she said. “I guess this place has always been my favorite after you introduced me to it. It always feels like home.”

I felt my kids press into me as I wrapped a protective arm around them.

“Glad I could help.” I said, flatly.

“How—are things?” Sarah asked.

“Good,” I said.

“How’s your company doing?”

“Just fine.”

Her eyes fell to the kids again and I searched her stare for any sign of remorse or guilt, or maternal feelings of any sort. I felt the kids press deeper into me as Sydney gazed up at her. The little girl was the spitting image of Sarah, except she had my eyes. Thankfully, Daniel looked just like me, not an ounce of his mother in his features.

I wondered if they knew who they were looking at. Was there some sort of innate bond between a mother and her children that made them gravitate toward one another? Because it wasn’t like I kept pictures of her around the house or anything.

Sarah was a selfish child, at best. My mind could always come up with more fitting words to describe her, but I chose not to go down that rabbit hole given she was the biological mother of my children.

She’d abandoned us when being a mother became too much. It had taken all of the convincing in the world for me to get her to carry them and give birth instead of terminating her pregnancy when we discovered her birth control had failed.

She looked at her children with such apathy. It made me sick.

“I’m glad you’re doing well,” she said, her eyes finally returning to mine.

“Daddy? Who is this?” Sydney asked.

I watched Sarah’s face falter for just a second as I drew in a deep breath.

“No one,” I said. “Just someone I used to know.”

“No one,” Sarah said, breathlessly.

The look of hurt in her eyes took me by surprise. It wasn’t like she wanted to be a part of our lives. What the hell had she expected me to say?

Hey kids this is your mommy. But you don’t remember her because she never wanted you and ran off and left you never to be seen again.

No, ‘no one’ was exactly who she was to them.

And to me.

"Wow, I think that might actually be the meanest thing anyone has ever called me,” she said.

I took a breath before I replied. “People who abandon those they are supposed to love don’t really get—”

“You knew I didn’t want—”

I stood up from the golf cart and completely shielded my kids from her.

“I knew exactly what you wanted. But what I expected you to do was step up. Grow up. To own up to the path your life took and stand by me. But you didn’t. You’re the one who chose to leave, and that’s on you. We haven’t heard from you in years. So you don’t get to be upset that they don’t know who you are. It’s a privilege to be in their life, and it wasn’t one you wanted to have.”

I spoke with a low voice, hoping to fuck my children couldn’t hear what I was saying.

“Well,” Sarah said. “Good seeing you, too.”

“Have a nice trip,” I said curtly.

I watched her walk away before I sat back down with my children and quickly drove off to the other side of the island, trying to find us a different place to eat.

Thankfully, being four years old came with a short memory. They were already over the awkward encounter by the time we pulled up to the seafood place overlooking the ocean. Their eyes lit up and smiles spread across their faces, and the tension from this already tumultuous day slowly began to subside.

I had shut the door on Sarah a long time ago and I refused to let her back in, even just to annoy me.

But as I sat and had dinner with my kids, one woman did keep popping up in my head. I couldn’t help but wonder if I would run into Brooke again.

It had been years since our breakup, but I thought about her all the time.

I’d give anything just to see her again.