A door slams and my eyes struggle to blink open. It’s loud as fuck and Jesus Christ, my head hurts. Realizing my eyes don’t want to open on their own, I yell out at the noisy intruder,

“Can you fuckin’ keep it down?”

“Keep it down? You pass out drunk on my couch and you tell me to keep it down?” Instead of her usual angel-like tone, I hear the fire in Lyric’s voice. I’m confused, wondering why exactly she is in my apartment.

“What are you doin’ in my apartment?” I ask with barely a whisper. Oh my god, everything fuckin’ hurts. Did someone take a baseball bat to my fuckin’ head?

“Your apartment? Is that where you think you are? Well, let me fucking clue you in on a little something. You aren’t in your apartment, you are in mine. Where you came and woke me up in the middle of the damn night with your drunken nonsense! Now, I’ve had a real shitty night and you need to go.” All I can do is listen to her. Her footsteps trail off and I think maybe, just maybe, she is going to let me pass back out in peace.

“Shit, I wish I could just talk to her,” I mumble under my breath. The footsteps stop, and I hear her breathing. I am sure if I finally opened my eyes, and left the darkness that will forever surround me, she would be right there. Smiling at me with those beautiful dimples.

Holy shit. It’s cold. It’s wet. What the fuck? I jump from my comfortable spot on the couch, my eyes finally open, and she’s standing there with a giant empty cup in her hand. She fuckin’ poured water all the fuck over me! This bitch!

“I warned you,” Lyric sing-songs before walking to the kitchen and tossing the cup in the sink.

“You remember anything that happened before you passed out?” she asks me, and I’m honest when I say I don’t. I don’t even know how the fuck I ended up here, but it obviously wasn’t a good idea.

“We fuck?” I ask her nonchalantly, and the sting on my face gives me the answer. Her palm makes connection with my cheek and I know my visit wasn’t a good one. Shit! What the fuck did I get myself into this goddamn time?

“Damn, you can’t blame a guy for tryin’. The other night was good. Real good.” I lean in as I whisper the last couple words into her ear. Her skin begins to heat and her cheeks flush. We can dance around her fiancé, or whatever bullshit is thrown in between us, and we will always have that electric reaction to each other. I thought fucking her would get it out of my system, but it has only made me want her even fuckin’ more.

“I think you should go,” she says quietly.

I don’t reply, or even look back. I walk out of her door and wonder when I am going to see her again. After this I don’t anticipate it being anytime soon. I’m good at fucking everything up.

* * *

“You really are a useless piece of shit. Just like your father. When you grow up, I am sure you will be biker scum just like he was before that criminal put a bullet in his brain. That’s gonna be the same fate you see one day too, Ian.” She smells. I’m guessing liquor, and about a carton of cigarettes too. All I wanted was something to eat and clean clothes for school, but I should have known better than to ask her for anything. I hang my head in shame wondering if this is how all ten year olds are treated by their mothers? I’ve never known anything different.

“I just want to go to school and not be made fun of.” I plea with her. Maybe knowing that I will be out of her hair for seven hours a day will be music to her ears.

“School? Why do you wanna go to school? People like us don’t do that. We don’t get an education. You wanna do something fancy with your life, you little shit?” She stands from her perch on the old worn chair, and then I know I am in trouble. I debate on running, but I know if I do the beating is only going to be worse. So I stand my ground, even put on a brave face. I can cry later, once she passes out because it always happens. Every night.

“Listen to me, you little shit. People like us, we don’t do school. We don’t have good lives, we don’t deserve it. We are trash, you and I. And fuck you for thinking you can break the cycle. You were born biker trash and that is just how you will die. Alone with your motorcycle because that’s what men like you do. Now I’m gonna whip your little ass for thinkin’ you can leave and get an ‘education’ and I’m gonna whip you for your daddy leavin’ your dumb ass behind with me when he ran off with that MC and got himself killed!”

Right as my mother’s palm connects with my face, I wake up. The sting still feels fresh on my skin and I vaguely remember Lyric slapping the shit out of me earlier, but I have no idea why, how, or when we even ran into each other. The entire night is just one giant blur.

There is one thing I do know… I hate those memories. I hate the thought of my mother and all the damage she did to me as a boy. It was just me for so many years until the whore got knocked up by another biker piece of shit. I grew up hating the Satan’s Rejects. I’ll go out of my way today to make sure they all pay for the fuckin’ life I was forced to live as a child. Yeah, Chrome helped me out of a shitty spot, but it was personal too. That is why going to war with those motherfuckers would be the highlight of my life.

“I need you on your toes today, yeah?” The voice comes from behind me, but I would always know Chrome’s voice.

“I know you got shit goin’ on but this is important, a‘ight?” I can only nod. It felt like there were two midgets wrestling in my head. All I can think about is Lyric and how fucked up everything is. I want to push it all away, but it has completed enveloped my entire mind. I can’t focus on this shit. It’s a bad goddamn scene.

“I feel you.”

“I don’t know what happened with Lyric last night, but you gotta keep that shit under wraps, brother. I can’t have her makin’ scenes in the building like that,” Chrome lectures me. Scene? I don’t remember shit. My face must show my lack of recollection; he starts to take me on a walk down memory lane.

“I don’t like being woke up at five in the morning by my horny wife, let alone your girl squawking in the hallway. I don’t know what you did to get her that bent but the two of you need to keep that shit under wraps. She’s engaged to someone else. Y’all gotta be more fuckin’ discreet.” Hearing the words come out of his mouth brings me back to last night. Her words. Her actions. A vague memory of her calling off her engagement.

“Shit. I gotta find her.” I slowly rise from the couch, looking around for my boots.

“She’s gone, brother. She left for Paris two hours ago. Whatever you gotta say is gonna have to wait. We got bigger shit to deal with anyway. All this bullshit with the Rejects revolves around you.” Me? The fuck it does! I haven’t done shit to a single one of those motherfuckers. I keep my nose clean. Yeah, I’m a drunk and disorderly disaster but I keep club business to myself.

“Yeah?” I ask Chrome, wondering how any of this could involve me.

“The name Cole Adams mean anything to you?” It is a name I haven’t heard in ages. Hell, it is a name I wish I would never hear again.

“Aye,” is all I can reply with.

“Who is he to you?” Fuck. I knew one day it would all come back to bite me in the ass. I had hoped I could ignore him. Pretend as though he never fuckin’ existed. But, at this point, it’s not in the cards. Chrome knows, which means it won’t be long before everyone knows. The rumor mill will churn and the cat will be out of the bag.

“I only ask because he is the one starting the beef between our two clubs. He says you’re his brother. If that is the truth, I need to know. Now.”

“By blood, he is my half-brother. I couldn’t give a shit less about that motherfucker. He’s dead to me, just like my cunt of a mother.” The memories of all the trouble he caused me during my teen years comes flooding back to me. He was the reason I ended up in jail. I took the fall for him, and when he had the chance he threw me right under the bus. He let me take the rap for stealing that car. He didn’t know what it was like to be loyal to anyone. He was just out for himself, didn’t matter who else got hurt or fucked over. I wonder how he ever found his way into a club. Loyalty is the only thing you need in a club and that motherfucker could never have a single ounce of it.

“He told the President of the Rejects that his brother is a Renegade. You know what kind of a problem that poses for all of us, yeah?” It causes a big problem for all of us. Brothers are supposed to be exactly that- brothers. Blood or not. Which is why in the club we called each other brother. Our club and all clubs are a form of brotherhood and when two brothers turn on each other in the way Heavy and I have, it causes big problems. Problems no President wants to be involved with.

“I don’t know why he would open his mouth about that. I’ve been a Renegade for how long? Nine years? Now he decides he wants to start a war. Somethin’ don’t add up. It’s more than just that.”

Truth be told, I haven’t seen Heavy in years. Or Cole, as he went by the last time I laid eyes on him. He was strung out in my mother’s house upstate; they had taken to shooting up together like that was the only thing those two low lives could bond over. Not surprising. Pretty fuckin’ sad when you are such a douche bag that quality time with your baby boy includes heroin. With the way I grew up I shouldn’t have expected anything different from either of them. Another reason I chose to not have anything to do with either of them. I don’t need trash like that causing more problems than I already have. They’ve always been problems.

The only thing my mother was nice enough to gift me with was my hate for drugs. And with my genetic predisposition for addiction, I was better off in the long run.

“What do you think it’s about?” I ask Chrome with genuine curiosity. I don’t know what Heavy could be up to, and I really don’t want to be in the center of this bullshit. I haven’t done shit to him. Fuck, I haven’t even looked in his direction in nine fuckin’ years.

“I think it’s just an excuse for territory. They are trying to expand, and we’re in the way. You come to the sit down with me. We’ll make it the two of us with them.” Chrome is a fair man, and a very patient man. There is no way I could ever take his place because I would walk into every situation with guns blazing. I don’t have the conscious he has, another one of my problems.

“And about Lyric… leave it alone, brother. You both need time to get your shit straight without leaving a trail of blood, and broken hearts.” Ain’t that the fuckin’ truth. I try to put on this hard front like I really don’t give a shit what happens in the long run, but I’m pissed she left for a week in another country without saying goodbye. Not like she owes me any parting words, I just wish I knew what the fuck actually happened last night.

I nod at Chrome, telling him I understand exactly what he is getting at before getting dressed for the sit down I wasn’t ready for. Somethin’ has got to give so I can get in my right frame of mind before I end up dead.

* * *

Looking around the deserted park-n-ride I get an eerie feeling that somethin’ bad is about to happen. Yeah, nothin’ good ever came of these meetings but for once in my life I have this intuition that we shouldn’t stick around and see what exactly these guys want. At least not just the two of us.

“Let’s get out of here, yeah?” My words come out in a cracked voice like a boy going through puberty again. My balls are apparently completely fuckin’ gone. I just can’t shake this feeling.

“What’s the problem?” Chrome asks, his cold eyes looking straight through me and down the long winding highway. Like he is waiting for the guys to pull up any minute.

“Somethin’ ain’t right. We stay here… we call a couple more brothers.” I’m not the one to make the rules or even try and put my two cents in ever but this is about survival — not callin’ the shots.

“If you say so.” Chrome pulls out his phone and makes a variety of text messages while we sit and wait in the parking lot. The cold spring air whips down the highway corridor as the sun slowly sets in the distance. The hair on the back of my neck stands on end. I run my hand around the waistband of my jeans and clutch the grip of my gun, reminding myself it is still there. Like I needed the added comfort of my piece.

Engines roar in the distance while I send up a silent prayer that they are Hell’s Renegades backup and not those piece of shit Satan’s Rejects showing up for the meeting. Just a couple extra minutes could make a world of difference to me. To us. The bikes pull into the parking lot one-by-one. The red bandanas tell me everything I need to know… they aren’t our brothers. They are the enemy. Taking a deep breath I stand a little taller and try to calm my nerves.

Chrome nods, welcoming the men and I follow suit.

“Chrome, Ryker.” Crusty, their President greets while my brother takes his place next to him, followed by another guy I’ve never seen before to his right. Heavy looks like shit. I can tell the party lifestyle is getting the best of him. He looks damn near twice my age. Cheeks sunken in, missing more teeth than he has, and the dark circles around his eyes are huge.

“You called this meeting, Crusty?” Chrome asks him, getting straight to the point of the meeting.

“I did. Ya see, we have a problem between our two clubs because of these wayward brothers.” Crusty nods between Heavy and me.

“Ya see both of their fathers were Satan’s Rejects, which is where the problem starts. Kids of Rejects become Rejects. Ryker broke the rules joining the Renegades from the get-go.” Funny thing about growing up a bastard is the fact that you never know much about your father. I never knew anything more than his last name, Rutledge. That’s even if the name on my birth certificate matched the DNA of the sad sack of shit who knocked up my pathetic cunt of a mother.

“It ain’t a problem,” I interrupt before I go on.

“I never knew my Dad. He walked out before I was old enough to know anything about him. Problem solved, time to move on.” I shouldn’t be a smart ass, but it comes naturally to me.

“Can’t fault no one with that.”

“Your momma knew. That’s why your brother is where he is today. Living by the code, not makin’ his own rules as he goes along like you are,” Crusty says. Heavy smiles, showing a mouth full of gaps. I wanna punch him in the mouth and see the last few teeth he has fall to the pavement.

“Funny story… I don’t know shit about my mother either. Haven’t had anything to do with the bitch since I was fourteen. Again, problem solved.” I shrug my shoulders and turn for my bike.

“This is bullshit. Y’all got shit you want to say, don’t fuckin’ pretend it has nothin’ to do with me or the useless pieces of shit I got stuck with as parents. They have been dead to me for a long time. You want a real business meeting, you fuckin’ talk business not bullshit. This all… it’s bullshit,” I snap. I shouldn’t have, but I did. I know Chrome won’t blame me either. The low hum of motorcycles in the distance begins, and I know it won’t be long before our backup is here.

“Your lack of loyalty is a problem, Ryker,” Crusty responds, spitting in my direction. From the corner of my eye I see Chrome reach for his side piece.

“You wanna talk about loyalty? Look at your second in charge there. Strung out and ready to throw anyone under the bus. Even his own family. I did time for that little shit, not you. So I know exactly what kind of untrustworthy piece of shit you got on your hands.” The last word slips from my mouth just as I hear the click of a round entering the chamber of Heavy’s gun. He points the barrel at me at point blank range. And I laugh at him. It’s slow menacing laughter, taunting him to shoot me because I know he doesn’t have the balls to actually do it. Death doesn’t fuckin’ scare me.

“I think you should have your boy put away his piece before he starts some trouble. We don’t want no problems,” Chrome says to Crusty. But the fucker doesn’t bat an eye at him. I continue to laugh and taunt Heavy. Because at the end of the day, I know he is as much of a coward as our mother.

I take a step back and spread my arms wide, giving him full aim at any part of my body he wants to take out. In between the laughter I call him out.

“Do it, Cole. You know you want to! You’ve always wanted to! Shoot me and fuckin’ get it over with already. Make Mommy proud!” Guns cock left and right, I can hear the familiar noise in the air as I close my eyes and wait for the shots to ring out.

More motorcycles pull into the parking lot, and the much needed backup we’ve been waiting for is finally here. Judge, Lucky, and Vegas pull in and are off their bikes in seconds. Crusty holds a gun to Chrome while Vegas, Judge, and Lucky watch. Except unknown to Crusty, Judge has a gun drawn and pointing right at him.

Fuck, this is a mess. We need to fuckin’ get out of here before shit gets any worse. I am seconds away from panic.

“Walk away, Crusty. He ain’t worth shootin’ me over and you of all people know that,” Chrome coaxes, trying to talk him down. It’s the truth. Heavy ain’t worth much to the Rejects and if they make a move on our President, of all people, they won’t live to see their next birthday.

“Fuck you,” Crusty says and the shot rings through the air. Chrome clutches his stomach and hits the ground, but no sooner does Crusty fire his gun then a hail of bullets begin. Judge shoots him in the back of the head and he falls face first on to the ground, hitting the gravel with a thud. Blood and brains splatter all over the front of my shirt. FUCK! I’m pissed. Not the slightest bit disgusted. The last man standing throws his arms in the air, essentially standing down and leaving his leader, and brother, dead on the ground in front of him.

Lucky laughs and takes a shot at the asshole’s knee cap and he joins the other two on the ground screaming like bitches in pain. My pulse rockets as I panic looking at Chrome. Pulling my cut off, and stripping the sweat shirt I had on, I press the gray material to the spreading red spot on his white shirt. The thick blood soaks through so damn quick.

“Leave the bike. Get him on the back of yours and get him down to Doc fuckin’ ASAP.” Judge starts barking orders. “It looks like a clean shot. In and out. Yeah, Chrome?” The poor guy just nods, trying not to scream out in pain. He’s one strong motherfucker but I’ve never seen him go down like that.

“FUCK!” I scream into the cool night air and wonder why all this shit had to fuckin’ circle around me.