Chapter Fifteen
Charlotte
Crushed. Smashed. Shattered. I don’t know which word best describes the way my heart feels right now. Last night, when Ryker had told me that he didn’t want me, that I wasn’t good enough for him, I didn’t even argue. What was the point? When he’d called me a mistake and said that I was just a fuck to him, my heart bled.
I knew our worlds were different, and I’d been so lost in the amazing way he made me feel, that I’d never stopped to think I wasn’t right for him – that he didn’t feel the same for me. At first, I’d been scared by his club and his way of life, but Ryker had done nothing but make me feel safe. I’d let myself get swept away by that. What an idiot.
I’m also angry. Ryker had played my heart and my body. I wasn’t just some woman he could fuck when he wanted then push to the side when he was done. I will never let myself be that woman – not for anyone. When James had broken up with me, all those years ago, I’d been sad, but it was nothing compared to the heartache I felt when Ryker called, what had been the most amazing morning of my life, a mistake. I’d been a fool to think we’d connected on a deeper level.
After gathering up my bruised and battered pride and telling Ryker to go fuck himself, I’d proceeded to the bedroom, where I had cried until there weren’t any tears left to shed. I would’ve left, but I had no car here, and no way home. I knew if I’d called a cab, he’d refuse to let me leave because for some strange reason, he still wants to keep me safe – to keep his conscience clear, most likely.
I hadn’t slept well and I’d stayed in bed until almost noon to avoid Ryker. It wouldn’t have mattered though because when I came out to use the washroom, he’d been gone. Tease had been in his usual spot, smoking a cigarette on the front step. After a cup of coffee and some toast, which was all my roiling stomach would allow, I went into the bathroom to get ready for work.
I looked like complete crap. It wasn’t hard to tell I’d spent the entire night crying. I made an attempt to fix my puffy eyes, then yanked my mass of dark curls into a messy bun before putting on my scrubs. When I’d come out of the house, Tease had frowned a little at my appearance, then shook his head before climbing onto his bike. Accepting the coffee and toast I’d given him, he’d taken me to work. He then dropped me off without a word, but the way he looked at me appeared almost concerned. I’d forced a smile at him before going into the building.
This brings me to now. I’d had an off day since I’d gotten here. I’d mixed up several charts and fumbled the pills a few times, even going so far as to drop an entire bottle of morphine on the floor. It had taken me almost five minutes to find all of them and put them back into the bottle. Several patients had asked if I was ok when I forgot something or had to keep retaking their blood pressure. My mind was on Ryker and my wounded heart. Finally, after scolding myself for the hundredth time, I decided that Ryker didn’t deserve any more of my head space. I had an important job to do, and I needed to be mentally present for it.
So far, I’m doing well at this, even though my guts are churning and my heart is sad. It’s helped that Jeremy is off today because I don’t think I could handle his kindness. I know he wants to be more than friends and at the moment, I want absolutely nothing to do with any man, including him.
Ten minutes before my shift ends, I get a text from an unknown number.
Unknown: It’s Tease. Got a meeting at the club right after 11. I have to be there. I’ll take you, then Ryk takes you home.
So many emotions from that one text flow through me. Anger. Ryker had given Tease my number because he was so done with me that he couldn’t even be bothered to give me that information? Nervousness. Ryker is taking me home? I don’t know if I can ride on his bike with him again. I don’t even want to see him, let alone wrap my body around his for the ride home. More anger. I’m done staying at Ryker’s house. I know he’s trying to protect me, but I just can’t be around him anymore. He’d told me that Krueger was gone so why can’t I just go home?
I don’t bother replying to the text. Like a good little girl, I climb onto the back of a noticeably worried Tease’s bike and accept the ride to the King’s clubhouse. Tease deposits me on a barstool and wordlessly gets me a cold beer before disappearing into another room. I can hear the sounds of a group of men coming from in there, so I figure that’s where the meeting is happening. I can’t hear what they’re talking about and I can’t say I even care. I nurse my beer and sit, lost in thought about how I can get out of going back to Ryker’s place tonight.
“You still fuckin’ here?” Those words said in such a nasty tone cause me to jump. I spin around looking for who spoke them. The club whore from the other day is standing three feet behind me, sneering in my direction. I frown at her, confused.
She takes a few steps and comes right up beside me, pulling the beer from my hand and taking a swig. “Ryker said two nights ago that he was gettin’ rid of you.”
Shocked, I stare at her. Getting rid of me? I knew Ryker didn’t want to be with me, but knowing that he’d said that he was getting rid of me to this woman felt like a punch to the gut. And two nights ago was the same day we’d had sex.
She takes another long swig from my beer, grinning when she pulls the bottle from her lips. “Don’t look so surprised. He was balls deep in my pussy two nights ago. That man knows how to fuck like a stallion.” I mustn’t be successful in hiding my shock because she looks at me with a vicious smirk on her face. “You really think he’d want a fuckin’ uptight bitch like you, when he has me to fuck him the way I know he likes it?”
I can’t breathe. Ryker had sex with her two nights ago? I’d spent that night waiting for him to text me back, stupidly thinking we had something special, and he’d been here the whole time fucking Lucy. I’m such an idiot. I swallow thickly, trying to fight the tears back before answering. “Yeah, well … don’t worry. I’ll be gone soon. He made it clear we’re not together.”
She smirks and finishes off my beer, slamming it down on the counter. “Fuckin’ right he did. That’s ‘cause he has me.” She stabs her long, phony thumbnail towards her chest. “He always comes back to me. Keep your fucking hands off my man, bitch.” She puts her face right in mine, her finger positioned right next to my eye. “Or I’ll claw those filthy doe eyes right outta your head. Got me?”
I move to get off the stool, ready to rip this bitch’s fingernails off and shove them up her ass, when Jase comes strolling in. He sees Lucy in my space and scowls. “Luce. Back the fuck off of Charles before I throw your skanky ass out on the street.”
Lucy returns his scowl, but steps away. Looking back at me one last time, the warning clear on her face, she walks to the other side of the huge room. I glare back, fists balled at my side, anger burning in my chest.
Jase approaches, an easy smile on his gorgeous face. “Hey, Charles. Don’t let that whore bother you. You just gotta put bitches like her in their place so they’ll leave you alone.” He pauses, looking at me more closely and leans towards me. “You ok, honey?”
I peel my eyes from the back of Lucy’s bleached out head, forcing a smile I know looks as phony as it is and nod. “Peachy.” My voice is hoarse. The emotions tumble round and round in my mind like wet clothes in a dryer. I feel like I’m about to throw up.
Jase frowns and wraps an arm around my shoulders. “Talk to me.”
Before I can respond, Ryker and a few other guys come stalking out of the meeting room. “Charlotte! Let’s go!” Jase glares at him, his frown deepening at the way Ryker had barked at me.
I look up at him, forcing another smile, trying my best to reassure him. “Looks like I’m outta here.” I place my hand on his cheek. “Don’t worry about me, handsome. I’ll be ok.” I give him a wink and move towards Ryker, who stands glaring at us by the front entrance.
***
Ryker
Charlie climbs onto my bike without a word and I take her home. I do my best to ignore how good it feels to have her arms wrapped around me, thighs hugging my hips. The tension between us is like a physical force, laying heavy on my chest. Before getting on the bike, I’d looked into her eyes and what I saw there made it hard to breathe.
Charlie’s usually bright, brown eyes are dull and sad. She averts her gaze immediately, doing everything she can to avoid eye contact. The silence guts me. I couldn’t handle it if she hated me and it crushes me to see her look so wounded. I’d done that to her.
She’s been through so much in the last few days and my actions have only added to that. Her indifference to me is the hardest to take. I can’t imagine being around her while we search for Krueger, and have her look right through me like that; it will kill what little bit of heart I have left. I’ve distanced myself for good reason, but that doesn’t mean she has to hate me. I need to fix this.
After she’s gone to bed, I approach the room, knocking quietly on the door. My ears strain to hear any sign of her from behind it. After a second, she calls out, her voice hoarse. “Yes?”
Pushing the door open slowly, I see Charlie sitting in my bed, wearing a pink tank top and covered to her waist with blankets. The only light in the room comes from the table on her side of the bed. Her side? Funny how quickly we’d developed sides.
“Can we talk?” She looks at me, uncertainty and anger swimming in her eyes before she nods. I move to her, sitting on the edge of the bed beside her feet. “Look, I know you’re pissed at me.” She snorts and rolls her eyes before looking back at me, eyebrow arched.
Fuck. This sucks. My mind races, looking for something to say that’ll take that pained look from her face. “Charlie, I’m just not good with this shit.” I open my mouth to continue, but she cuts me off.
“And what shit would that be, Ryker?” She says my name, sarcasm dripping from her voice. I squeeze my eyes closed, taking a deep breath. It wasn’t even three days ago, she was saying my name in ecstasy; now she says it like a curse.
“Just … I don’t know.” I spear my fingers through my hair. I’m such a dick. “I don’t want you to hate me.” She snorts again, but holds my gaze. “It would kill me if you hated me.” I sigh. “Baby girl, I – “
“Don’t you call me that! Don’t you ever call me that,” she grinds out in anger. I can only nod. Fair enough. I did this.
“Charlie, I want you to be safe.” I clench my fist and place it over my heart. “I need to make sure of it. In the meantime, I would like it if we could be … I don’t know … friends?”
Sitting up straighter, she cries, “You want to be friends?”
“I think we could be friends if we tried.” I sound like a fucking pussy right now.
Another snort from her. “Sure, Ryker. Let’s be pals. What do you want to do now, buddy?”
I ignore her sarcasm. “I don’t know. I guess we could just talk. Maybe tell each other about our day or somethin’?” I’m nervous. I’ve never been so nervous, but I need Charlie to stop hating me.
She sighs, shoulders slumping in defeat. “Ryker, you don’t want to hear about my day. It was a shit day anyways, and I’m so fucking glad it’s over.”
I agree with her. It was a shit day for me too. “Mine too.” She snorts again. This isn’t going well. I need to change the subject; get her talking. “I heard from a buddy in Montreal today.”
Her eyes shoot to mine and she watches me silently, waiting to hear more. “He said your sister is a real piece of work.” I give her a half-hearted smile; she doesn’t return it. “They set her up workin’ as an office manager for their garage. Said she had a lot to learn, but the customers like her better than the old lady they had workin’ there before.”
She smiles then; soft and wistful. “I needed to hear that. Believe it or not, Anna is a good person, and she deserves to be happy.” She picks at some invisible lint on the blanket. “She got herself a little lost along the way, but I know that given the chance, she can turn things around.”
I’ve been wondering about their story since the minute I met Anna. She’s so different from Charlie, it’s hard to believe they share the same parents. “What’s her story anyways? I mean, you turned out great but she …” I search for the right words, not wanting to offend her now that she’s finally talking to me. “She’s kind of a mess.”
Charlie pulls a deep breath in through her nose. “It’s a long story.”
“I’ve got all kinds of time, bab –“ She looks at me then, anger reappearing on her features, but I press on. “I’ve got time.”
Her eyes narrow, the anger still on her face. “Maybe I don’t want to share it with you.”
Ouch. “Even if I say please?”
She sighs and flops back against the pillows. “Why do you even care? I thought I was a mistake? Just some bitch you fucked.”
My jaw clenches. Does she really believe that shit? I lean forward, grasping her wrist and growl, “Don’t say that.”
“Why not? You did.” She leans into me, eyebrows raised. “What did you call my sister again? A warm body that will spread her legs for anyone? You, Ryker, are a dick.”
Fuck. I can’t believe she’d been in this bed with me the other day, and didn’t know in her heart that it was different for us. “I never said that shit about you, Charlie. Never about you.”
She watches me for a moment, eyes narrowed. “Anna’s a good person you know. If you only knew ...” She trails off and looks at me before nodding, apparently coming to a decision. “She’s three years older than me, but somehow, it’s always been me taking care of her. About six months after I was born, my dad took off. We never heard from him again. My mom was good to us; maybe too good. Anna got away with murder.” She chuckles softly, caught up in the memory, while I watch her, anxiously waiting for her to tell me more.
“My mom worked hard to keep us fed. She worked two full time jobs just to pay the bills. We never had much left for fun stuff, but that was ok with me; it was never ok with Anna. She wanted everything and resented my mom for not giving her all the things her friends had.” Pausing, she shakes her head. I wait silently for her to continue. I don’t know much about her past, but suddenly, I want to know everything about her.
“While Anna was out with her friends and going to the mall, I stayed back to help my mom with housework and chores. I did everything I could to make things a little easier for her. She was always so tired. I hated that. When I was about fifteen, Mom got sick.” Her voice shakes. “She began missing days at work and spent a lot of time in bed. It was a couple of months before she told us she had leukemia.” Tears fill her eyes. Watching her stare down at the clenched hands on her lap, I almost tell her to stop, but I don’t. I need to hear her story; I need to know her better.
“Mom quit her job when the treatments began, and she started receiving a disability check each month. I got myself a part time job after school, to help with the bills. Anna was always getting into trouble; she was hardly ever home. I covered for her when I could, but I hated lying to my mom almost as much as I hated how upset Anna was making her. We fought about it; all the time.”
A tear escapes, sliding down her cheek. Her tears gut me. I’ve seen her cry so many tears since I met her. I want nothing more than to hold her and make it so she never needs to cry again. “Two years into Mom’s treatment, we found that it wasn’t working anymore. There was nothing more they could do. Chemo had killed her liver and her heart was failing. I took some time off school so I could stay home to take care of her. We didn’t have the money to pay for private nursing, and there was no way I was letting my mom die alone in a hospital. I pulled my bed into her room and spent every second I could with her.”
Life is so fucking unfair. Charlie had been through so much at such a young age.
“Mom died when I was seventeen. Anna may have been gone a lot growing up, but when Mom passed, she was there for me. She held my hand and helped me get through it. I was a wreck. After a couple weeks, I got a job working after school until midnight, five nights a week and another working weekends. I finished high school and went to college right after, to get my nursing degree. Anna went back to partying all the time and doing whatever she wanted. I never had a clue where she got her money, but I refused to give her any whenever she asked.”
Another tear falls. “One night, she came home wasted and brought a bunch of friends with her. I got home from work and found they’d eaten every bit of food in the house. I didn’t get paid for another week. I don’t think I’ve ever been so angry.” She swallows thickly. “Anna and I got into a huge fight and I kicked her out of the house. It was a couple of weeks later that she came back and we talked. She promised to straighten up and pull her own weight, and she did, for the most part. She got herself a job as a waitress in a bar, started helping me with bills. She never stopped living wild, but at least I had some help.”
She shrugs then, looking up at me. “My sister and I haven’t always had it easy. I love her; she’s the only person I have left.”
I swallow down the bowling ball that seems to be lodged in my throat. She’s just as alone as I am. All her life, she’s been taking care of everyone else but had nobody to take care of her. I wish more than anything that I could be the one to do that. Doesn’t matter though – I may wish it, but I can’t do it. I had made a decision and there’s no going back. As much as it hurts, she needs better than me.
“Pretty heavy stuff. You’re an amazing woman, Charlie. After everything you’ve been through, you’ve still managed to make something of yourself and take care of your sister at the same time.” I tilt my lips up in a small smile. “You don’t need to worry about Anna. My buddies will make sure she earns enough to pay back the Devils, and that she’s safe while she does it.”
She nods, looking reassured. “What about you? Do you have any brothers or sisters? Besides the ones that ride motorcycles?” She smirks at me and I realize then that we might just be ok. Maybe we can be friends after all.
“Nah. It’s just me.”
“What about Jase? You guys seem close.” At her mention of my best friend, I remember back to the clubhouse that very night, when the two of them were standing close, his arm around her shoulder. I had watched them together until I’d seen her place her hand on his face. Fucking Jase. Jealousy washes over me.
“Not much of a story there. We’ve been buddies for as long as I can remember. Jase is a lot of fun, but I warn you now, stay away from him. He’s been known to break more than a few hearts.”
She looks surprised at first and then her eyes go blank. I’ve lost her. “Yeah. Wouldn’t want my heart to get broken, would we?” She closes her eyes and a single tear rolls down her cheek. “I need to go to sleep now.”
Fuck. I sigh, running my hands through my hair and stand. “Night, Charlotte.”
She twists and turns out the lamp, blanketing the room in darkness before whispering, “Night.”