Chapter Twenty
Charlotte
I’m going insane. Two weeks I’ve been in this stupid bed and stared at these same damned walls. Two weeks I’ve been staying at Ryker’s house, waiting for the doctor to remove his bedrest order. That also means, it’s been two weeks I’ve been sleeping in the same bed with Ryker, enduring his sweet and protective side; I need to get the hell out of here.
It turns out, Ryker is pretty amazing. He can be so gentle and kind. Both of these he has been in spades since I got out of the hospital. Each night I have nightmares. I wake up in the night screaming, still feeling Krueger’s blade at my throat or teeth on my skin, his voice still ringing in my ears. Each time, Ryker holds me and soothes me, eventually helping me get back to sleep.
We don’t talk ever about these nightmares. He knows what they are and I know they bother him. I can tell by the set of his jaw, and the look in his eyes when he asks if I’m ok. The truth is, I’m not ok. Though, other than the nightmares, Krueger never enters my thoughts. I don’t cower from men or have vivid memories of that night while I’m awake. He’s not the reason I’m not ok; the reason I’m not ok is Ryker.
He’d broken my heart. He’d used my body, and while I’d been falling in love with him, he’d pushed me away. Now, with him so near, it’s extremely hard to hold him at arm’s length. He’s in my space all the time. He brings me food and drinks, helps me to and from the bathroom, then waits outside the door, prowling like a mother lion, until I finish what I need to do. Each day is filled with us, in his bed, watching endless Netflix marathons and playing video games. Sometimes, he tries to talk to me and I can’t help but get sucked in.
He tells me about his past. His father was a monster and his mother’s death was tragic. He’d been through so much at such a young age. I know what it’s like to be alone after the death of a parent. He tells me funny stories about him and Jase, and growing up in the MC clubhouse. His childhood was so very different from mine. I answer his questions about my mother and sister, tell him about James and how I’ve never had many friends. He listens intently, as if soaking up every little piece of information about me he can.
During these talks, I realize that Ryker is funny and intelligent. He praises me over and over for being brave and strong. He also tells me that he wishes he had met my mother, because it’s clear from my stories that I get my strength from her. Maybe he’s right.
Through all of this, my heart keeps getting sucked farther and farther into a deep, irrevocable love for him. The heart that he’d broke slowly mends and it seems to forget what he’d done to break it in the first place. But my mind doesn’t forget. I remind myself constantly that he played me for sex, then screwed that skank the very same night. He said that I wouldn’t make a good old lady, and with the way he’d said it, I knew that he’d meant it. I know he cares about me, and it’s clear he was scared for me, but now I just need to go home.
Ryker and I have just returned from a trip to my doctor, who had looked me over, asked me a million questions and then, finally, granted me my freedom. I still have to take it easy. He’d stated that I was healing nicely, but rigorous exercise or movements could impede my healing. As long as I promised to follow his orders, he said there was no reason why I had to stay in bed anymore. Needless to say, I’d made that promise.
Now we’re back at Ryker’s house. He hadn’t said much as we left the office or when we got back to his house; he went right to the kitchen. I can hear him banging stuff around out there, and I have no clue what he’s doing, but I couldn’t care less. I have some packing to do.
Pulling out the small backpack I’d used the first night I’d come here, I start shoving my clothes into it. I search through every drawer and under the bed, wanting to make sure to leave nothing behind. That way, once I’m gone from here, I’ll have no reason to return.
There’s too much stuff to cram into my bag, so I start a large pile of clothing on the bed. I’ll have to ask Ryker if he has one I could borrow. I’m just about to go into the bathroom for my toiletries, when Ryker comes stalking into the room, a bottle of beer in each hand.
He has a slight smile on his face, but when he sees my bag and pile of clothes, his face creases with a frown. “What are you doing?”
I try to keep my tone light. “Packing my stuff.” He stiffens and places his hands on his hips. “You heard the doctor. I’m ok to be alone now, Ryker. I’m sure you must be itching to get your room back.”
“You’re not going,” he declares.
Um … what? I sigh. I don’t want to fight with him. “I am, Ryker. My stuff is almost ready to go. If you aren’t going to take me, I’ll call a cab.”
Ryker breaks from his stance and stalks over to me. I watch him come, gasping when he doesn’t stop in front of me, like I expect. Instead, he sets both bottles on the dresser, grabs my arms firmly, using them to back me against the wall. His face lowers to mine until we’re almost nose to nose.
“Don’t go,” he whispers.
My belly flutters. Looking into his eyes, I see tenderness swirling through them. I need to ignore that. I need to leave. “I have to. I can’t stay here anymore.”
His eyes search mine. I can only hold his stare, unable to breathe. His closeness is wreaking havoc on my heart. Finally, he moves impossibly closer, running his nose along mine. “You’re still pissed at me.”
My belly stops fluttering, anger taking its place deep in my gut. Standing up straight, I place my hands on his chest and attempt to push him back. He moves only a little while he takes in my glare. “Yes, I’m still pissed at you!” I give him another shove. “Did you think if you were nice to me for a few weeks, I’d just forget?”
His eyes close and he rests his forehead on mine. He stays that way for several seconds before taking a deep breath and looking into my eyes once more. “I’m so fucking sorry, Charlie. I promised you that fucker would never hurt you and I fucked up. I’m mad at myself –“
“You think I’m mad at you because of Krueger?” I’m shocked. All this time, he’s been blaming himself about that?
He frowns, nodding but not breaking eye contact as I lean forward. “Krueger was not your fault, Ryker. Anna started that whole fiasco. That psycho getting ahold of me is not on you. It was me who ran away from you. I made it easy for him to get to me.” I pause, watching as he takes in my words. “And I ran, because I couldn’t be around you anymore. I still can’t.”
He lifts a hand, placing it against my cheek. I grab his wrist and squeeze it, trying to pull it from my face. “I don’t have a lot of experience with men.” He stills. “What I do know is, a man that can fuck me in the morning, like I was someone special, and then fuck some whore in the evening, proving I’m not, isn’t a man I want to be with.”
He rears back as if I’d slapped him. His eyes narrow. “What the fuck?”
I plant my hands on my hips. “Lucy told me everything, Ryker. She told me that she fucked you the night we were together. She told me that you said you were getting rid of me. And then you did. You said I was a mistake. You said I wasn’t fit to be your old lady. You broke my heart, but then continued to keep me close. I couldn’t handle it, so I left.”
Throughout my speech his breaths come out more and more rapidly, his face turning red. He looks pissed. Well good for him. So am I! “After I woke up in the hospital, I kept waiting for you to leave, but you just wouldn’t.” A tear rolls down my cheek. “I need to get away. Every time I look at you, my heart bleeds.”
“You done?” he growls.
Shocked, I just stare at him and nod, another tear escaping my eye.
“Good. ‘Cause it’s my turn to talk.” He takes a step forward, boxing me in again. “You are special Charlie, so get that shit outta your head right now. That morning was fuckin’ incredible. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. I’ve never felt that shit for anyone before.” My breath catches and my tears stop flowing. “I didn’t fuck that bitch. I haven’t been anywhere near her in months. She was fuckin’ with you. She didn’t know it then, but when she did that, she fucked with me too. I’ll deal with her nasty ass later.”
He didn’t sleep with her? She’d lied? Well, I admit, that makes me feel better. It still doesn’t erase the fact that he’d ended things with me after, what I’d thought, was the beginning of something special for us – after I’d already started falling in love with him. “You were never a mistake, baby.” My eyes shoot to his and he places a hand on my cheek again. “I only told you that because I was convinced my life would put yours in danger.” My forehead creases with a frown. “I told you about my mother. That shit happened to her because of my father and the club.” His eyes close and he shakes his head slightly. “I wouldn’t survive if it happened to you.”
My heart clenches. His reason makes complete sense, but I have to protect what’s left of my heart. There’s no way I can trust him after the way he slam bam thank you ma’amed me. “I can see why you felt that way,” I admit. “But that doesn’t change anything. You made me feel terrible about myself. Like a slut. Nobody’s ever made me feel that way before. I won’t let you do it again.”
He shakes his head. “I won’t, baby girl. I am so goddamned sorry for cuttin’ you loose. I convinced myself it was for your own good, but really it was for mine.” My eyes widen in surprise at his admission. “I was afraid. I don’t have a family. I don’t have people in my life that I care about. I’ve never had feelings for anyone before, and the thought of losing you ...” He squeezes his eyes closed and shakes his head. “Fuck. I really thought I’d lost you. Forever. I can’t lose you baby. You’re the only good thing in my life.”
It makes sense. Ryker’s actions were to protect me. What an ass. “Ryker?” He opens his eyes and looks at me. “You’re an ass.” His eyes flash and he opens his mouth to speak, but I cut him off. “What happened to your mother had nothing to do with the MC. What happened to your mother happened because your dad was a slut who couldn’t keep his dick in his pants.”
One look at his face tells me that what I’ve said has penetrated. “What happened to me was because Anna is a needy brat. Danger comes in many forms, for many reasons. I’ve always lived my life on the safe side. I’ve never gotten into any trouble, and I spent a lot of years being afraid. Afraid of people, afraid of disease … afraid of being alone. If nothing else, that night Krue …” I can’t even bring myself to say his name. “The night it happened, I realized I’ve always sheltered myself so much that I’ve never really lived. I’m so tired of being afraid, Ryker. I want to live.”
He crushes me to him, nose in my neck. “I want to live too, baby.”
The tone of his voice both breaks and mends my wounded heart. Ryker’s past had broken him too. I don’t know what to say so I just nod, my heart pounding wildly.
He stares at me for a moment, then his face splits into a wide, panty melting grin. And there it is. The dimple. “When did you get so fucking smart?”
I put my nose in the air. “I’ve always been smart. You were just too busy trying to get into my panties to pay attention.”
He chuckles softly. “Yeah. You’re right. They’re very sexy panties.” His smile fades as he brings his hand up, fisting my hair at the nape of my neck. “You were right about something else too.” I look up at him, belly fluttering all over again. “I’m an ass.” I can’t help it. Hearing him say that makes my face break out in a grin.
He looks at me with such intensity, my heart flip flops in my chest. “Charlie, I love you.” I suck in a breath. Did he really just say that? “I think I’ve loved you from the moment I first laid eyes on you. The way you handled Smokey; the way you were with me. Baby girl, you’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever met. To be honest, it did scare me. Fuck, it still scares me. When Krueger had you, and I thought you were going to die …” He squeezes my hair. “Fuckin’ agony.” He runs his nose along mine once again. “Don’t leave baby,” he whispers. “Let me fix us.”
Oh. My. God. Everything he’s said tumbles around and around in my mind. He loves me. He didn’t sleep with that skank. I’m not a mistake. And it’s worth mentioning again - he loves me. Looking back on everything he’d done since the first time Krueger had attacked me, I can see it. Everything he’d done was because he loved me. A man doesn’t do any of that for a woman he doesn’t love. My heart swells. Standing up on my tip toes, I place my lips softly on his. “I won’t leave, baby.”
And then he kisses me. A toe curling, earth shattering, need to get him out of those jeans kiss. I can feel everything in that kiss. All of his love, and his passion, and his fear that I’d almost died; I also feel his surrender, his acceptance and his relief. It takes my breath away. I tug his shirt out of his pants, hands shoving up inside to feel the smooth, hard flesh on his back.
Both of us are panting when he pulls away and smiles at me with pained eyes. “Over exertion, baby girl.” He adjusts himself, the outline of his erection evident through his jeans. “Let’s get you unpacked,” he whispers before kissing the tip of my nose.
***
Ryker
I can’t remember ever feeling completely happy. Content yes, but never happy. That night, laying in my bed, Charlie asleep on my shoulder, I am. We’d talked more over dinner and decided that she would stay with me for a while, at least until she goes back to work. That gives me at least four weeks to convince her to stay here permanently.
I want nothing more than to bury myself in her and let her feel what she does to me – how much I love her – but I can’t. The doctor had said that physical activity wouldn’t be possible for a few more weeks. That’s ok though; I can wait. As long as she’s in my bed, surrounding me with her smell, letting me kiss her when I want to, I’m ok with waiting.
Charlie’s been asleep for a while, but I can’t fucking sleep. She’ll be awake soon. Every night, after about two hours, she wakes up screaming. Each of those nights, I hold her. I rock her and whisper to her and tell her that she’s safe. I won’t fall asleep until that happens because I don’t want her going through that shit alone.
As if on cue, Charlie bolts upright in bed, eyes wide but unseeing, a scream ripping from her throat. Sitting up, I place my hand on her back, soothing her with my words. “It’s ok baby. You’re safe. I’m right here.” Seeing her like this rips me to shreds. I hate knowing that she lives with these memories.
When her body relaxes, I pull her to my chest and lay back down, stroking her hair with one hand while the other squeezes her tightly to me. Usually, she lays like this for a while before sleep finds her again; tonight, she looks up at me with tears in her eyes.
“Ryker?” Her voice is small and full of uncertainty.
Yeah baby?”
“I need you to make love to me.” My body freezes and she rushes on. “Please. I know that the doctor doesn’t want me to exert a lot of energy, but I can’t stop thinking about him.” Anger churns in my gut. “Every night I wake up and remember him touching me. Getting ready to …” she swallows. “Rape me. I want you to touch me. I need you to. Please just love me and wash it all away.”
God. How can I say no to that? But I can’t do it – she’s not ready. “I can’t do that, baby.” I hear her frustrated and sad exhale before I continue. “But I’m sure I can come up with something.”
I roll her to her back, placing my hand on her smooth, silky thigh. I love that when she’s here, all she ever wears to bed is one of my tees and her panties. It’s one of the sexiest fucking things I’ve ever seen. Leaning forward, I take her lips in a hard, frantic kiss, swallowing her gasp of surprise.
My dick is already hard. Fucker. He’s gonna have to wait awhile. This is about Charlie. Slowly, I pull up her t-shirt, exposing her flat belly, and then her perfect tits. Fuck. This is going to be difficult. I’m going to need a cold shower afterwards.
The glow from the nightlight Charlie insisted on shines across her body, highlighting each and every one of her curves. I see the faded yellow shadow of bruises left by that monsters teeth, surrounding her nipple. That son of a bitch. I want to kill him for touching her. For marking her. I lean forward and lave my flattened tongue across her nipple. She squirms, letting out a low moan. Pulling back, I give her a stern look. “Stay still baby, or I stop.” If she moves, I will lose what little fucking control I have.
She nods and grabs the back of my head, pushing it back down towards her tit. I can’t help but chuckle. My naughty girl. I pull her nipple into my mouth, flicking it with my tongue. She doesn’t move, but her moans get louder.
I focus all of my attention on those full, round tits. Worshipping them; worshipping her. I glide my hand across her belly, carefully avoiding the still healing wounds, and slowly reach down inside her panties. She tilts her hips just a little, causing my balls to ache with the need to release. I growl at her, nipple still in my mouth; she stops squirming.
Parting her flesh with the tip of my finger, I graze her clit lightly. Fuck. She’s so wet. My dick screams at me, but I ignore it. I slide my finger deep inside her, hooking her in that perfect spot. Using the heel of my hand to rub her clit, I nip and lick at her swollen nipples, using my finger to drive her over the edge.
She moans from deep inside her throat. I know she’s close when her body starts trembling. Watching Charlie come is fucking incredible. Her hair is wild, lips swollen and a deep shade of pink. The flush on her cheeks has spread down her neck and across the creamy white flesh of her breasts. She is magnificent. Her body tenses, calling out my name with her release.
Slowly, I withdraw my hand, looking into her eyes while I suck her pleasure from my fingers. “Fuckin’ delicious, baby girl.”
Seeing her staring up at me like that, eyes hooded, cheeks flushed even brighter, just about makes me come undone. Fucking Christ. I need to cool off.
I pull back, pausing to kiss the tip of her nose. “That’ll have to do for now. As soon as the doctor clears you, I’m gonna bury myself deep inside that pretty little pussy of yours and I’m not comin’ out for days.” She grins at me then, her face lighting up in that way that never fails to knock me on my ass. That light she had lost is back in her eyes.
“Sounds like a plan to me,” she whispers.
I grin back, then flop to my side, ignoring the raging hard on I’m sporting. Pulling her against me, I bury my nose in the crook of her neck. “Now sleep, baby.”