Kinley: Good luck tonight! Kick some ass on the ice tonight.

Brian: Thanks, babe, that’s the plan. How was your shift last night?

Kinley: It was okay. I was dragging ass all night. I feel like I’m getting sick.

Brian: Take it easy. At least you have the next few nights off, so you can sleep and feel better. Do you still want me to call you once I’m home?

Kinley: Yes! I feel like I haven’t seen you in days because of our schedules. I need to see your sexy muscles, even if it is on my screen. ; )

Brian: LOL, I’ll make sure to have my shirt off before I call you. Better yet, maybe I’ll just be naked. ; )

Kinley: Mmhmm, I like the sound of that!

Brian: I’m sure you do. I can’t wait until we can see each other in person again. I need to kiss and touch you all over. I miss you, babe.

Kinley: Sigh, I know… maybe we can figure out a time soon. This distance thing really sucks ass.

Brian: You could always move down here…hint…hint…then we wouldn’t have any distance to deal with.

Kinley: I know, and maybe soon. That’s just a huge step for me to make.

Brian: I know it is, babe. I don’t mean to cut this short, but I’ve got to finish getting changed into my gear and out onto the ice for warm-ups. I’ll FaceTime you once I’m home.

Kinley: Score a goal for me! Xoxo

* * *

Since returning from the Indy-Vegas-Nashville-DC trip with Brian, things between the two of us have been nothing short of amazing. He’s been the most attentive boyfriend I’ve ever had, even with all the distance between the two of us. Some days we hardly get in a few texts to each other due to our schedules, but so far, we’ve made things work for us. It’s not ideal, but it’s working. Not only does he keep bringing up the fact that I should possibly move down, but so does Becca. I’m starting to see the merit in the idea. I’d have my best friend back in my life all the time, and the incredible man who I can see a future with.

I’ve been feeling kind of off for the last few nights, but have chalked it up to not getting the greatest sleep lately. So tonight, I’m looking forward to curling up on the couch and watching the Eagles take on the Edmonton Oilers. The Eagles are once again kicking ass this season, and look to be on another roll toward the Stanley Cup. They haven’t quite secured their place in the playoffs, but as long as they keep up the winning like they have, there is no doubt in my mind they will be back there in a few more weeks.

While I wait for the start of the game, I put on some laundry and grab my kindle. I’ve already got the TV on the channel the game will come on, so I won’t miss the start of the game.

I get lost in my book for a while, before finally looking up just as the camera is zooming in on Brian. Seeing him on the screen sends tingles down my spine. I’ve known since our time in Vegas that I’m falling in love with him, and I have the feeling he feels the same way. However, neither of us had had the balls to say it to the other. I bite my tongue every time we are ready to hang up the phone or end a video chat, as I want to tell him when we’re in person and I can follow up the words with actions.

I put my kindle aside and focus on the TV. The guys are all lined up, ready for the puck to drop. I can see the jitters in the players as they all shake out limbs, readying themselves for the next sixty minutes of game play.

The ref finally drops the puck, and the game is underway. It seems so fast-paced on TV, both teams fighting to be the first one to score. I do my best to keep an eye on Brian as he plays, sometimes not the easiest thing to do, depending on where they are focusing the camera. He’s not that hard to spot on the ice, due to his height advantage over most of the other players. Not too many guys are six-foot-eight before skates.

The Eagles score early in the first, and carry that lead into the first intermission. I get up, feeling a little hungry, and decide to find something to eat, and change over my laundry during the break. Since my stomach has been on the queasy side, I just make some soup and head back to the couch, so I don’t miss any of the game.

I only get about half of my soup down before my stomach is rolling even more. I must have picked up some nasty bug from work; I hope it passes quickly. I fall asleep during the game, only to wake when I hear the goal horn blasting, and the cheers from the crowd coming through my TV speakers. I open my eyes in time to see the replay. Brian scored the goal! It was a beautifully set up pass from Scott, and the look of accomplishment on his face is worth a thousand words. I’m so proud and happy for him. He scored me a goal! I know he said he’d call me once he was home, but I grab my phone to send him a quick text.

Kinley: Nice goal, babe! You guys are kicking ass tonight!

I set my phone back down and turn my attention back to the TV, just as the ref is ready to drop the puck after the goal. My phone chimes with a new message. Picking it up, I see it’s a message from Becca.

Becca: Your man is on fire tonight!

Kinley: I know! That was an amazing goal he just got. I almost missed it ~ just don’t tell him that! I only saw it on the replay they showed.

Becca: Your secret is safe with me, girl!

Kinley: I knew I could count on you. LOL

Becca: FaceTime me tomorrow! I miss your face.

Kinley: Will do! I miss your face! Enjoy the rest of the game! I’ll just be here watching it all lonely on my couch. ; )

Becca: Aww, you know I’d be there with you if I could be…or you could be here with me enjoying this fancy suite.

Kinley: Yeah, yeah, yeah…Brian keeps trying to convince me to move down. I’m just nervous. It’s a big decision and what happens if I move down there and then he decides this isn’t what he wants?

Becca: Then you still have me, and we figure things out. I thought the two of you were doing great?

Kinley: We are, it’s just me being a worrier and second-guessing if I’m enough for him.

Becca: Kinley, you know that man worships the ground you walk on.

Kinley: I know, I’m just so confused. And sick, maybe this bug I’ve picked up is making me delirious.

Becca: I hope that’s the case, and I hope you feel better soon! Don’t forget to FaceTime me tomorrow! I need to see your face, even if it is over a screen.

Kinley: Love you, Bec.

Becca: Love you, too, girl.

I’ve only just set my phone down when my stomach rolls, and I go flying off the couch and to the bathroom. I almost don’t make it in time before I start puking in the toilet. Fuck, I hate being sick, and puking is the absolute worse.

I clean myself up, grabbing a bottle of water from the kitchen, before settling back on the couch. I missed a goal the Oilers made, bringing them within one goal of tying up the game. There is still plenty of game left, so anything can happen at this point.

Thankfully, my stomach calms down after my one trip to the bathroom, and I’m hopeful it stays that way. I stay bundled up on the couch, watching the rest of the second period. The guys are fighting to keep that one goal lead going into the third period.

I fall asleep again, missing the remainder of the game. I don’t wake up until my phone is ringing on my end table. I’m a little groggy when I reach for it, and shocked when I see Brian’s trying to FaceTime me.

“Hey, sweetheart!” he greets. “What’s wrong?” His voice changes as soon as I come into view.

“I’m sick. I must have fallen asleep watching the game. The last thing I remember is you guys leading going into the second intermission. I must have slept through the entire third period.”

“Babe, I’m sorry you’re not feeling well. I wish I was there to take care of you.”

“I’ll be fine. I’m sure it’s just some bug I picked up at work. I already vomited, and my stomach actually feels a lot better since.”

“I still don’t like not being there.”

“Did you guys win?”

“We did. Took until a shootout to get it done.”

“I’m sorry I missed it. What happened to your eye?” I ask, just now noticing the butterfly bandage on his face.

“Just a little scuffle,” he says, a shit-eating grin on his face. “Don’t worry, the other guy looks a lot worse.”

“So, you’re telling me I’m going to have to go search for the video of said fight to see how bad it was?”

“I’ll see if I can find a link to send to you. But it wasn’t that big of a fight. He was being a punk ass, trying to take out guys left and right, and I finally had enough of it; showed him that with a few knocks to the face. He only needed a few stitches.”

“And how long did you have to sit in the penalty box?”

“Just the five-minute major for fighting.”

“I don’t know what I’m going to do with you,” I say, shaking my head at him.

“I can think of quite a few things you could do with me,” he quips, wagging his eyebrows at me.

“Ha, ha, ha.”

“What are your plans for tomorrow?”

“Sleep. Hopefully I’ll be feeling better by morning. I was supposed to have dinner with my parents, but if I’m still not feeling great, I will cancel. I don’t want to get them sick.”

“I hope you’re better come morning. Why don’t I let you get back to sleep? You can call me when you’re up tomorrow. We don’t have practice, so I’ll be around all day.”

“Sounds like a plan. Have a good night,” I tell him on a yawn.

“Goodnight, sweetheart.”

I blow him a kiss before disconnecting the call, and stand to make my way to bed. I’m feeling better, but not great, so I’m hopeful that a full night’s sleep will be the trick to getting back to normal.

I wake the next morning, unfortunately running for the toilet again. I’ve only consumed water since my bout last night, so not much in my system to come out. I clean up and climb in the shower, to see if that will help me feel better, and it does slightly. It’s when I get out and reach for my lotion that I see my box of tampons, realizing I haven’t had to use any since before my trip.

My blood runs cold, and panic starts to set in. Holy shit. I can’t be pregnant. No, no, no, this isn’t happening. I’m on the pill, and we’ve never not used a condom. Even in Vegas, when Brian forgot to pack some, he used the ones from the mini-bar.

I immediately toss on some clothes and head to the nearest Walgreens to buy a pregnancy test. I grab a couple and head straight home to take the tests. The three-minute wait until they’ll be ready feels like a thousand years, and when the timer on my phone goes off, I’m almost too scared to look at the multiple tests I took.

I finally grab one that has lines and sure enough, two pink lines are in the window. I grab the next one, its digital screen saying Pregnant. I look at the last one, and it also has two pink lines. Fuck, fuck, fuck. What am I going to do?

I start pacing my bedroom. I have to tell Brian. I just hope he doesn’t freak out and think I’m trying to trap him.

I finally calm down and pull out my phone to call him. I sit there for a good five minutes, debating if I should just call him, or if this should be done over FaceTime. I finally decide I need to see his reaction, so FaceTime it is.

He connects the call within seconds. Shit. I don’t know if I can do this.

“Hey, sweetheart, feeling better this morning?”

“Ummm…kind of?” I shrug my shoulders.

“What’s wrong, babe? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“Not a ghost, but I do know what’s making me sick.”

“I’m listening.”

“Are you alone?” I don’t need this conversation with an audience.

“Yes, why?”

“Because I didn’t want to have this conversation with anyone around.”

“You’re scaring me a bit here, Kinley. Are you okay? You’re not sick sick, are you?”

“No, I’m…I’m pregnant.”

“Seriously?!”

“As a heart attack.”

“And is that a bad thing?” he asks tentatively.

“I don’t know, you tell me.”

“I think it’s amazing. I know it’s not something we planned – at least, right now – but I’m going to be a dad! God, I wish I was with you right now.”

“So, you’re not mad at me?” I ask, scared of his answer.

“Why would I be mad at you, Kin? You’re giving me one of the greatest gifts possible.”

“I was just worried you would think I was trying to trap you.”

“Really, babe? That’s where your thoughts went when you found out? And why didn’t you call me before you took the tests? I could have distracted you while you waited for them.”

“It just hit me this morning, when I realized I hadn’t had a period since before Vegas. So, I literally ran out to the store and came back, peed on all the tests, and then called you within a few minutes of getting the results. I’ve known for only a few minutes more than you have.”

“This is the best news, Kin! Oh my God, baby! I love you so much.”

“You do?” I say, not able to hold back the tears.

“I do, baby. I love you more than I can ever tell you. And now that we’re having a baby, I will love him or her just as much. Please tell me you will now consider moving down here. I need to be able to take care of the both of you, and see you every day I’m not on the road. Get to go to doctors’ appointments and ultrasound appointments with you.”

“You really want to be that involved?”

“I want everything, Kin. You’re it for me. You, me, and that baby are going to make one happy little family. I’ll give you time to catch up, but don’t think, one day, I won’t put a ring on that left hand of yours and change your last name.”

“I love you, Brian. I’ve wanted to tell you since Vegas, but I was trying to hold out until we were together again.”

“Me, too, babe, me, too.”

“I think I will call and get a doctor’s appointment with my doctor here, just to make sure everything is okay and verify the due date, before we make any more decisions about me moving.”

“I think that’s a good idea. Now, do I have to keep this a secret, or are you going to tell anyone?”

“I think, for now, I would like to keep it just to us. Maybe wait until after the first trimester, when the risk of miscarrying goes down. I will have to tell my boss, as there are some things I can no longer do at work with being pregnant.”

Tears are still falling from my eyes; my nose is running, and I look like shit. But none of that matters. Brian is happy, and I’m slowly realizing that this baby isn’t going to be a detriment to him, but something he cherishes and loves. And he loves me. I had convinced myself he would be mad about the news and break up with me over it, but thankfully, that’s not him. This man wants me, us, our baby.

“Baby, don’t cry, unless they are happy tears.”

“They are happy tears now. I’m just so overwhelmed, yet excited, and nervous all at the same time. I think I’m still a little bit in shock as well. It will all sink in over the next couple of days.”

“I know, babe, I’m shocked, too.”

“Yeah, so much for the $25 mini-bar condoms.” I try and make a joke about how expensive the “intimacy kit” was.

“Hey, I think we got a pretty kick ass souvenir from that trip, even if we were not expecting it.” He winks at me.

“I’ll remind you of that when the baby isn’t sleeping through the night, and we’re delirious because of our lack of sleep.”

“Hey, I promise you now, I will help you with anything I can when I’m home. If that means two AM feedings and diaper duty, then so be it.”

Swoon freaking swoon – ovaries exploding. Where did this man come from? And how did I get lucky enough to call him mine?

The pregnancy hormones have already taken over because now I’m crying again. I don’t know how I’m going to keep the tears at bay, or deal with the emotions that the hormones bring up for the next eight months.

"Okay, sweetheart, I'll let you get going. Promise me you'll let me know when your doctor’s appointment is."

"I will," I say.

"Once we know, I'll do what I can to swing a trip, even if it's just for the day. I want to see you, and be there for the appointment."

"I love you. Thank you for calming my nerves," I tell him, smiling.

"I'll do anything for you, Kin. I love you, too."

I call my doctor’s office a little while later, and they happen to have an opening next week, due to a cancelation. I take the opening and text Brian the information. He’s going to have to see if his coach will excuse him from a practice and if so, then he can fly up for the appointment. If not, then I will just have to update him with what the doctor says after. It warms my heart so much how involved he wants to be. I never would have pegged him to be this big a softie.

* * *

Morning sickness is no joke and has been kicking my ass the last week. Brian arrives tonight, and my appointment is in the morning. He’s able to stay two nights, but has to fly out the following morning, straight to an away game in San Jose. I’m glad it worked out for him to come. I miss him so damn much, and am ready to see him again. I just hope everything goes well at my appointment.

I’ve only told my charge nurse at work, as I can’t be dealing with trauma patients because of the portable x-ray machines that are possibly used on them. Work has been okay the past couple of nights, but I’m glad to be off again for the next few days.

It’s been so hard keeping this a secret, especially from Becca and my parents. I pushed off the puking to a stomach bug, and have been downplaying how bad I actually feel when I’ve talked to them. Thankfully, with having just worked a string of nights, I haven’t had much time to talk to them, so I haven’t had to lie about not feeling well. I’m hopeful that either the morning sickness starts to go away, or my doctor can prescribe me some medicine to help with the nausea.

Once I’m up for the day, I keep myself busy with cleaning my apartment, grocery shopping, and doing laundry until it’s time to head to the airport to get Brian. Standing outside security waiting on him is torture, but the moment I see him makes it all worthwhile. I’m waiting right at the exit, not wanting to have to wait any second longer than needed to be in his arms. As soon as he reaches me, he picks me up in his arms, crushing his lips to mine.

“God, I’ve missed you so damn much,” he says once we break apart. “How are you feeling today?”

“So-so. Right after I get up is usually the worst time of day for me. But no vomiting now for a couple of days, so I’m calling that a win,” I tell him, as he sets me back down on my feet.

Since he is here for such a short trip, he’s only got his carry-on bag. His equipment bag will go with the team, so we’re able to head straight for my car.

Brian grabs my hand, linking our fingers, as we walk out of the airport. I didn’t realize until I saw him and was in his arms just how much I needed this visit, how much I really did need to see him in person. Seeing the excitement in his eyes when he swept me off my feet was the nail in the coffin, cementing how much he really loves me and wants this baby.

We head straight home, not needing, nor wanting, to stop anywhere. We have such a short time together that neither of us wants to waste it; we just want to be together.

Once we’re inside, Brian sets his suitcase in my bedroom and ushers me to the couch. He sits first, pulling me into his lap, and brings his hands up to cup my face.

“I’m here to take care of you for the next thirty-six or so hours. So, tell me what you need or want.”

“I don’t really need or want anything right now. I just want to be in your arms.”

“That’s easy,” he says, shifting the both of us so we are lying down on the couch. I’m on my side, facing him, and he’s got one arm wrapped around my back with his hand on my hip, and the other hand resting on my lower belly, as if he’s trying to protect our baby. It’s the sweetest damn thing to see.

“How were your flights?”

“Just fine. I was a little concerned I was going to miss my connection due to the delay with my first one, but I lucked out and they were only a few gates away from each other.”

“I was worried, too. I kept checking the tracking of your first one and was relieved when you texted that you were on the second one.” I run a finger over Brian’s eyebrow, along the small scar that’s formed. “Your eyebrow has healed nicely.”

“I told you it would,” he says, squeezing me a little closer.

We fall into a comfortable silence, both melting into each other’s embrace as we lie here. I drift off to sleep in Brian’s arms for a while and wake to the low hum of the TV. Brian has turned on his usual sports highlights while I slept.

“Feel better?” he asks, once he notices I’ve woken up.

“Yes, sorry about falling asleep.”

“No reason to apologize, babe. I will take you sleeping on me any day, and you need your sleep. You are growing a human, after all,” he reminds me.

“Why do you have to be all perfect?” I ask, poking him in the ribs.

“My momma raised me right.” He smirks at me.

“That she did.”

“Are you hungry? I can make us some food, or we can order something, if you prefer,” he offers.

“Whatever you prefer. I haven’t been eating much lately, as nothing really sounds all that appealing.”

“I don’t want to order something that’s going to make you sick. You’re sure there’s nothing you’re craving, or really want?”

“The only thing that sounds appealing to me right now is breakfast.”

“Then we’ll have breakfast. I can either cook or we can go out. What would you prefer?”

“Let’s go out. That way you can get something else if you want.”

An hour and a half later, we’re back, full and satisfied. I was a little nervous the smells of the restaurant would set me off, but I made it through just fine, and ate more than I thought I would be able to. And it really perked me up.

I can tell Brian is trying to be very gentle with me, but I’m only pregnant, and I’m not going to break. We settle in on the couch and turn on a movie, lying in what I’ve come to love as our normal position together. I don’t think I will ever get tired of the feeling of Brian holding me and that security he provides, that I never realized I crave.

As the movie comes to an end, Brian lowers his face into my neck and starts to lightly kiss my neck, sucking it lightly, placing small love bites as he moves around. I bolt up, shocking him a little.

“Is everything okay?” he asks, worried.

“Everything is fine. I just want to move to the bed. Give you better access.” I smile at him.

We make our way to bed, and I immediately slide into Brian’s arms, hoping that he will pick up where he left off on the couch. When he doesn’t, I decide to take matters into my own hands. I place kisses along his chest, up his neck, finally bringing my lips to his.

“Kin, what are you doing?”

“Trying to start things. Isn’t that what you were doing out on the couch?”

“Not really. I didn’t think you would be feeling up for sex. Can you even have sex right now?”

“I feel fine! And yes, I can have sex. Why wouldn’t I be able to?”

“I didn’t want to just assume. You haven’t been feeling good lately, and I didn’t want to push you into anything.”

“I’m not made of glass, I’m just pregnant.” I chuckle at him. “Sex is perfectly fine while knocked up, unless on bed rest or pelvic rest, and that would be something later in a pregnancy. And just think, it isn’t like you can knock me up again right now, so you can go without a condom, if you’d like.”

“Bareback…I’ve never not worn a condom,” he stutters out. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure, unless you don’t want to.”

“Oh, I want to,” he says, rolling me over, and hovering above me.

“Well, then, what are you waiting for?” I sassily ask, gazing up at him.

“I love you, Kinley,” he says, lowering his lips to mine. He takes his time, exploring me in no rush at all.

He continues this slow exploration, like it’s his first time seeing me. The way he strums my body is a magical ride I never want to end.

After what feels like forever, he’s inside me with no barriers between us. With him here, inside me, I feel complete. I feel like this is where I’m meant to be forever. With him, loving him, living life together.

* * *

The next morning, we both wake, sated from our lovemaking last night. I also wake with a crazy bout of morning sickness that has me running for the toilet, dry heaving. Brian is right at my side, holding back my hair as I hack up what little bit is left in my stomach. When I finally feel like I’m not going to die, I get myself cleaned up and ready for my appointment that’s scheduled for mid-morning.

“Can I make you anything to eat?” Brian asks, as I come out of the bedroom. He’s already made himself some breakfast and is sitting down to eat.

“I’ll just make myself some toast.”

“Sit down and let me do it for you. You’re still looking a little green.”

“It takes a bit for my stomach to settle down. I’ll be fine in a bit,” I tell him, as I take a seat at the breakfast bar next to his seat, while he gets up to make me some toast.

“Would you like something to drink? Juice? Coffee?”

“Maybe a small glass of juice.”

He brings me my buttered toast and juice, kissing my temple as he sets everything down in front of me before sitting back down.

My toast settles my stomach and we’re able to make it out the door without any more bathroom stops. After checking in with the front desk and filling out a new pregnancy packet, we’re finally called back by the nurse. After the normal vitals, and peeing in a cup, she shows us to the exam room where we wait for the doctor.

The exam goes well, and my doctor pulls out her portable ultrasound machine, so she can date the pregnancy and give us the first picture of our baby. I grab Brian’s hand, interlocking our fingers as she inserts the vaginal wand. Instantly, the screen fills and I can see the flicker of the heartbeat. Tears start leaking from the corners of my eyes. I look at Brian and his face mirrors mine; tears are escaping his eyes as he looks at the screen in astonishment.

The doctor explains what measurements she is taking and tells us that we are approximately seven weeks along, giving us a due date around mid-November. Once she’s finished checking everything, she prints us out a couple images that we can take home with us.

Brian is still on cloud nine when we make it back to my place. He made sure I was okay with him taking one of the ultrasound pictures with him when he leaves tomorrow, wanting to keep a piece of me and the baby with him at all times. We settle in, relaxing together for the remainder of his time here. My doctor did give me some meds to help with my morning sickness, so I’m hopeful that things will start to turn around and I’ll feel better soon.