Chapter Twenty-Five

Elijah

 

The house was coming along nicely. It was coming along so nicely that I barely recognized it. With the couch my dad passed out on gone and the pool sparkling and full in the backyard, it didn’t feel like the hellhole I’d ran from when I joined the service at eighteen any longer. I could still hear my dad’s voice though, his yelling, his insults. I saw his fist coming towards me, and sometimes, I could even feel it smash against my cheek.

All those thoughts about my dad made it tough to make the decision about Bailey, about being a father. I still didn’t know what kind of father I would be, that I could be. Xander’s words rang in my head, and I knew I needed to make a decision, even if it wasn’t the one he thought was right. I was the only one that could make the right decision.

I knew Taylor was eager to get back to work, and since it was Monday, she’d be talking to Milton, and then doing his shopping for the week after work. We’d spent an entire week together; with both weekends it was actually nine full days. I wouldn’t push her to see me, not tonight. I knew she’d be worn out after her first day back, and I had things to sort out in my head anyway.

 

I thought about that night in the tent, where I heard her tell me she loved me. I’d said it too, but I was certain she hadn’t heard over her own moans. I hoped she hadn’t. I wasn’t sure what I was feeling. It had been a great week, and we’d grown really close. The time spent with Xander, talking about her dad, memories of Tommy, and the decision about Bailey, it all had me twisted.

I turned off the floor sander and picked up my phone. I at least had to see Kellie, to talk to her; maybe that would help me make the decision. “This is Kellie,” her voice was high-pitched and nasally.

“Hey, Kellie, it’s Elijah,” my voice cracked as I spoke.

I cleared my throat. “I was wondering if I could meet up with you and talk.”

“I’m at the beach right now, but Bailey is with me,” she explained.

“Would it be okay if I brought you lunch?” I asked, knowing that seeing Bailey was beneficial to me committing to a decision.

She hesitated with a long pause, and then agreed, giving me her location. “I’ll be there in thirty minutes,” I said.

My heart raced as the reality sunk in. I wasn’t ready to be a father, but that wasn’t fair to this little girl. She didn’t ask for any of this. “Man up,” Xander’s words sounded in my head.

I stopped at the burger joint by the beach and picked up three burgers, an order of chicken nuggets, and three fries. I wasn’t sure what kids ate, but the only happy memory I could think of as a child was when my dad stopped at the burger place on the way home.

I parked across from the beach and sat in my car while working up my nerve to go find them. I took a deep breath, stepped out of my car, and walked towards the sandy beach. It wasn’t crowded, it never was, but there were enough people spread out on the sand that I didn’t see Kellie or Bailey at first glance.

The sand pushed into my sandals and under my feet, between my toes, and then up my ankle as I began to sink in the soft surf. “Elijah!” I heard my name called and turned towards the sound of Kellie’s nasally, high-pitched voice. I assumed we didn’t talk much the night we hooked up. There was no way I could keep an erection with that noise squawking in my ear.

Kellie’s arm waved high in the air, motioning me towards where she sat. As I got closer, I noticed the little dark-haired girl playing in the sand a few feet from where her mother had spread out a large blanket. She was building a sand castle diligently, even though the soft sand lost its shape and fell before her walls could be built properly.

“I brought burgers and nuggets,” I said, handing Kellie the bag.

I sat down beside her, staring out at the little girl for a moment, lost in my own thought, my own torturous thought. “Looks like she’s having fun,” I said with a smile.

“She loves the beach,” Kellie said, staring at me intensely as she spoke. Her stare made me nervous, and I knew she wanted an answer from me. I didn’t have one. Not yet.

“So, why didn’t you ever tell me?” I asked, curious as to why she never tried to reach out, to at least tell me I’d created a life.

“You were deploying the weekend we hooked up. We were both drunk, stupid, and I didn’t think you’d be excited to find out you had a kid to take care of as you left to go overseas,” she explained.

“But, I could’ve helped, sent you money, something,” I pointed out.

“I didn’t need your money,” she sighed.

I’d forgotten Kellie was the daughter of the richest man on the island. He ran the local airport, owned over a dozen planes, and flew people, mostly tourists, from island to island. He’d cornered the market when he was just eighteen, and by the time he was thirty, he’d already been featured in Forbes magazine twice. “Still, you could’ve told me,” I protested.

Bailey was still working on her sand castle, building and rebuilding the same wall over and over again. I wanted to go help her, to show her how to use the damp sand so it would pack into a sturdier shape. I knew it was best that I didn’t. Not without knowing what I was going to do.

“So, why tell me now?” I asked.

Kellie sighed and reclined back on her arms. “I wasn’t planning on it, but then I ran into you. It isn’t fair to Bailey to deny her a strong male role model, but it isn’t fair to her to give her one that is weak and uninterested either,” she snapped.

Wasn’t fair to Bailey? What about me? I get this dumped on me without warning. Boom, you’re a dad, and she’s already three. I hadn’t had the chance to bond with her since she was an infant like Kellie had. How would I know if she even liked me if I decided to be in her life?

Bailey ran over to us, stopping to stare at me with dark, large eyes. “I know you,” she smiled.

“I know you, too,” I smiled. “I brought burgers and nuggets. Are you hungry?” I asked.

She wrinkled up her nose. “Do you have any sushi?” she asked, her little voice almost as squeaky as her mothers, but somehow not offensive at all. It was sweet. Something about it melted my heart and made me want to reach out and grab her, protect her from the world, but I didn’t. I still wasn’t sure that she didn’t need to be protected from me.

“I don’t. I’m sorry,” I half-laughed, surprised that the three-year-old had such a sophisticated and finicky pallet.

“She’s not a big fan of fast food,” Kellie explained.

It just made me feel that much more distant from the child. I didn’t even know what she ate; how in the hell was I supposed to know what was best for her, for me?

Bailey bored quickly of us and ran back to her sand castle. I watched her, my heart tugging hard as I noticed something in her familiar, something that resembled me when I was a kid. I wasn’t sure if it was her eyes, her posture, or her mannerisms, but there was certainly something that made me feel she was mine.

“So, you coming here, does that mean you’ve decided what you want to do?” Kellie asked, not beating around the bush at all.

“I haven’t,” I admitted. “I just needed some answers I guess. Can I let you know my decision Friday?” I asked.

“Sure,” Kellie agreed graciously. I was impressed, and a little shocked at how easy she was being, how flexible. This was her child’s life we were talking about, but she told me to take all the time I needed. “I don’t want you to make a decision you’ll regret, for Bailey’s sake,” she added.