The first time I saw her my heart sank. She wasn’t just pretty; she was groomed and polished like some kind of beauty pageant contestant. She was blonde and skinny and bubbly and wore buckets of shiny silver jewelry and just …made me feel like a total underachiever.

When David had suggested I meet up with his friend’s girlfriend for a ‘girl’s day out’, I had only really agreed because I knew he was itching to take the kids go karting and didn’t want me sitting at home alone on my day off.

So here I was, making small talk with a woman a decade my junior who was called Kate and who was smiling so much it was beginning to make me feel nervous. Life felt like it was changing fast for me. I went from being a harried and overworked nurse who hadn’t had any in years to a woman who was fucking a gorgeous man every night of the week and surprisingly, amazingly, wanted even more still. I got a secret thrill of pride that he was mine somehow, that every evening we’d meet up and I’d be treated to that perfect, firm body of his, to his sweet lips, to his thick, juicy cock and to all those lovely little nothings he’d whisper into my ear as he stuffed every inch of it into me…

But truth be told, the transformation was still more of a behind-the-scenes kind of thing for me. I felt like a goddess in his arms but I still owned my same dowdy wardrobe I always did, and I still felt a little frumpy and unexciting next to this pretty woman, still a little out of my element in the notion that we could be friends somehow. But I smiled and we ordered some iced coffees.

She prattled on about how she had met David’s friend Max, and how Max always mentioned David, and she said more than once how I was welcome to pop into her new gym any time to try out a free class if I wanted. I wondered if she thought I was overweight. I told her about my work at the ER, which she thought was impressive although she probably had no idea how unglamorous a job it really was, and then I casually mentioned something about Andrew, and she paused, politely clinked her glass onto the table and looked at me.

She gave me a knowing look. I felt a ‘female bonding’ moment coming on and shyly avoided her gaze.

“You know, my ex was abusive too,” she said quietly.

“Oh, no no no, he wasn’t abusive,” I said and waved her off. She frowned her perfectly shaped eyebrows at me and gave me an almost-pitying look.

“He was a royal pain in the ass, that’s for sure, but he loved the kids and, to his credit, he never laid a hand on me…”

She was nodding sagely.

“I mean it, though, he wasn’t abusive.”

“Not physically, sure,” she said and took a sip.

It was mildly irritating that such a pretty woman should be so right and so quickly, but I had to nod.

“It’s hard to put my finger on it. It’s hard to really explain what was so awful about being married to him,” I said. But she was nodding her head again like she already understood.

“Girl, I know exactly what you mean. It always seems so obvious in books and movies, who the bad guy is. But in life it’s more complicated, isn’t it?”

I locked eyes with her.

“Yes… I… I think that all the time.”

“I get that. Women like us are too kind, that’s the problem. We can’t imagine someone being that bad, because we could never see ourselves acting that way, so we make up excuses for them, some reason to explain why they’re like that. To justify it all. And then it’s too late and we find ourselves in bed with the devil, if you’ll pardon the expression.”

“Or, you know, having the devil’s babies,” I said with a wry little smile.

“Shit, that’s dark.”

I looked at her again, and in an instant we were both laughing. Maybe I could see myself liking this girl after all.

“It’s just… he was like a worm or something. He always knew exactly the weakest place to burrow into. He always knew exactly what to say to hurt people.”

“Did we date the same guy?” she said. “Classic, I swear. And they say women are manipulative.”

“Exactly. For him, the world is just enemies, just everyone versus everyone, and then he looks at you and somehow he knows exactly how to divide you up against yourself.”

She was nodding quickly now, leaning in close so I could see the brilliant pink of her perfect lipstick in even closer detail.

“Like, as an example, he knew that I felt kind of old and unsexy, right? So he would say these subtle little things to me all the time. Little, tiny insults. And they added up. Nothing obvious, always things he could deny, but things that hurt anyway. And then he’d tease me for having low self-confidence. And because he knows about David and I, literally the first thing he goes for is how young David is, and how old and desperate and gross I must be, because he just knows I’d feel self-conscious about it…”

“What? That’s crazy. Girl, don’t worry, you have nothing to be ashamed of,” she said. But I shook my head.

“No, see, that’s where he’s really smart. There’s always an element of truth in the attack, you see. Be honest, I know I’m donkey’s years older than David.”

She smiled to herself and shrugged.

“Well… okay, I admit when I first saw you I was pretty surprised. But it’s not because you’re old or anything. It’s because David’s so young!”

I laughed.

“That he is. What do you think? Am I being stupid and a relationship like this can’t really work? I mean, I already have two kids…” I said and she giggled.

“Look, I don’t know David that well. I’ve only met him a few times. But I can tell you that Max isn’t like that. SEALs may blow hard, they may act all macho and full of it, I swear, but deep down they have stronger principles than many people understand. They have a brotherhood, as cheesy as it sounds. And if David is part of their team, and if what Max says about him is true, then I just know that he’s a good guy.”

“You really think so?”

“Oh absolutely. Look, I never saw myself with a military man, believe me.”

“Me neither!”

I sighed and looked all around the café. I had never explicitly thought of David as a “military man”, but that’s exactly what he was.

“I don’t know, Kate, I just want to do right by my kids. But who the hell knows how to even do that? The world just seems so messed up sometimes.”

“I can imagine. And when you meet someone, you’re not just thinking of them as a partner, but you also have to look at them with your kids in mind.”

“Well, David loves the boys almost more than he loves me, that’s at least true!” The smile on her face was really warm.

“Really? And you guys are happy together?”

“Yes. Of course we are.”

“Then what’s the problem? Go for it,” she said.

“Go for it? Even though I’m an old crone?”

“Come on, don’t say that.”

“Ugh, David is like a Greek god, he deserves a hot young thing… someone like you. Someone without the burden of kids.”

“Whoa whoa whoa, he chose you! He doesn’t want some mindless bimbo like me, believe it,” she said with a silly wink. “He wants someone of substance. Besides, have you ever thought that your kids are actually an asset? That he should be honored that he gets to know them and have them in his life?”

I shook my head. I guess I hadn’t.

“Haven’t they added so much value and meaning to your life?” she continued. I didn’t need to even think to answer.

“They’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, hands down,” I said.

She nodded.

“So, maybe let David decide what he feels about them, then. Maybe he feels that way eventually too, who knows. Not everyone has the picture perfect nuclear family. Maybe this is what it looks like for you guys…”

I sighed and sunk into my chair, surprised that I was having such a deep conversation with a woman when I had expected to chat about banal things like makeup or TV series.

“You are incredibly easy to talk to, you know that?” I told her. “And you give really good advice.”

She gave a gracious little bow of her head.

“Why thank you. Just sharing what Max has taught me. You know I always thought I wanted one thing and then I ended up being the most happy with something completely different in the end. Can I tell you a secret now?”

I looked at her mid sip.

“Sure.”

“Well, don’t say anything but—” she leaned forward and lowered her voice. “I’m pregnant.”

I laughed out loud.

“What? Oh wow, that’s incredible, congratulations,” I said, shocked.

Her face glowed as she traced a little fingertip round the rim of her now empty glass.

“Yeah, I know, it’s crazy. But… well, since you have two of your own, maybe you could give me advice?” she said.