CHAPTER THIRTEEN

 

Thomas

 

The hotel was still beautiful. An untouched diamond among the rubble that surrounded it. The white exterior shone in the sun, and inside massive potted palms shaded the marble lobby. There were pieces of furniture against the walls that obviously didn't belong in the space—perhaps pieces townspeople had been able to save but no longer had a place to store. The sitting areas were filled with people chattering in Spanish and children ran around the wide marble columns.

We went to the front desk where more household items were stored behind the counters, and when I rang the bell, a woman came from the back, looking surprised to see us. I requested a room, and the woman nodded, saying they had only one reserved in the case of guests. "I am surprised to see anyone traveling in this area," she said as she checked us in.

"My wife and I were backpacking through Colombia when the earthquake happened," I lied. "Unfortunately, we lost our bags yesterday, including our camping equipment."

The woman nodded. "Ah." She gave me a knowing look. "There are many thieves looking to take advantage of anyone and everyone."

"I guess it's human nature."

"Ah, but no. Something has gone wrong with those people. This"—she gestured around the room where so many people who had found themselves homeless now lived temporarily—"is human nature. To help one another. The owner of this hotel is a very kind man."

Her words made something tighten inside me, but I gave her a nod in acknowledgment and took our keycard from her outstretched hand.

A few minutes later I unlocked the room on the second floor at the end of the hallway. It was small but filled with Spanish charm—painted beamed ceilings, tiled floors, and a balcony overlooking a courtyard where people mingled and chatted. The bathroom featured a large tiled shower with a low wall and a bench taking up one entire side of the space.

I checked the windows and looked in the closets, Livvy watching me with interest. "Do you do a once-over everywhere you go? Even when you're not working?"

I shrugged. "It's habit. I need to know my surroundings, where the exits are. I've crossed a lot of dangerous people. It wouldn't be wise to be complacent."

Her eyes lingered on my face, but she nodded, turning back to the bed where she'd placed the bag of her purchases. "I think I'll take a shower and get changed. It looked like they were serving food in the courtyard. Do you want to go down for dinner?"

"I'll be going out tonight," I said flatly. She turned toward me, a shirt gripped in her hands, her expression arrested. I wanted to flinch under the raw look of hurt in her eyes, but I didn't. She had to know this was the way it needed to be. Not only for me, but for her as well. Both of us were tense, confused, and spending time together tonight would only further complicate . . . everything.

"Out?" she whispered. It was the same look of hurt in her eyes when she’d confronted me about Carmen. She understood what I meant.

"Yes."

"I get it," she said. "I do." Her fists tightened on the fabric in her hands, knuckles turning white. "And you're . . . you're right. Of course. I'm not exactly . . . well, available." Her brows came together. "And you're doing a job. You're . . . well, I won't see you again after tomorrow, will I?"

"No."

A flash of pain moved across her gaze, a sort of internal flinching, and I felt something sharp slice through my own insides in response. "I'll take a quick shower then get us some food."

She nodded, a jerky movement and exhaled a quick breath. "Thank you. I should turn in early anyway. Tomorrow . . ." She left the thought unfinished, but I supposed it was enough. Tomorrow. The word sat between us like a living, breathing thing.

Our eyes held again for a beat before she nodded, turning toward the bed. Turning away.

I took the quickest shower possible, and when I came out Livvy was sitting on the bed, looking through the brochures that had been on the bedside table. I knew she couldn't speak Spanish, much less read it; she was doing it to make it easier for me to slip out the door. I was grateful. With a few muttered words that I'd be back, I left the room and headed toward the lobby. The same woman was standing in the middle of the space, laughing with a few other women, one of whom had a baby in a sling on her chest. She turned toward me with a questioning smile, and I asked about the food I'd seen being carried to the patio as we'd walked to the stairs. "It's a buffet. Help yourself to a couple of plates. People will be bringing things from all over town so it is a mishmosh." She laughed. "But hopefully you will find something to your liking, and to your wife's too, of course."

My wife.

I cleared my throat, attempting to will away the pain in my chest. "And, ah, can you tell me where I might find some . . . entertainment?"

The woman tilted her head, a look of disapproval coming into her eyes. She nodded. "There is a bar at the end of the street, if that is what you're looking for." I nodded once, though she'd already looked away.

Outside the sun was setting, washing the patio space in shades of gold, the painted tiles gleaming in the last light of day. Dishes of food were being placed on a long table in the shade of an overhang. There was grilled meat, roasted vegetables, arepas, empanadas, plantains, and a pot of red beans. "Help yourself," a man said, smiling as he placed a large steaming bowl of coconut rice on the table. "It is for everyone." I nodded, dishing up two plates.

When I entered the room again, the sound of the shower greeted me, steam coming from the crack in the door. I hesitated, setting Livvy's plate on the bedside table. I took a few bites of mine, but even though I was hungry, the food went down like sawdust. I forced myself to finish most of it.

I listened to the water drum on the tile floor as Livvy cleansed her body. My dick swelled, and I suddenly felt hot, trapped. I needed to leave before Livvy emerged from the shower, wet, her skin shiny and pink from the heat of the water. Ah, God. Fuck. I grabbed the pad of paper next to Livvy's plate of food and wrote a quick note telling her I'd be back later, not to wait up. Please don't. As I leaned back up, I glimpsed Livvy's reflection in the mirror through the crack in the bathroom door. Her head was tipped back under the spray of the water, her arms raised to her face and her naked breasts on display. They were full and round, peaked by tight rose-colored nipples. My breath hitched, and I almost moaned, growing harder. If I walked in there right now, what would she do? If I stepped into the shower and—fuck. I dropped the pen and stood straight, forcing my eyes away from that small view of Livvy.

Turning, I headed for the door, not giving myself a chance to change my mind.

 

**********

 

The bar was dark and smoky, rowdy and loud. It's what I was looking for. Music played, a sensual beat that helped drown out my tumultuous thoughts. I took a seat at the bar and ordered a beer, bringing the bottle to my lips as I took a casual look around. I drank the beer and ordered another. After an hour or so, a woman at the end of the bar caught my eye, looking away and then back. I gave her a wry tilt of my lips and her eyes flared as she stood, moved closer. She was young and pretty with brown hair, golden skin, and dark eyes, a little curvier than I normally went for. But she was looking at me with the interest of a woman, and I needed the distraction. I needed to ease the awful sexual tension inside me, and this woman would help accomplish that. I let my eyes move down her voluptuous body, letting her know I was interested too. "You strike me as a man looking for trouble," she said as she approached me, a teasing glint in her eye. 

"Yeah?" I murmured. "Maybe I am."

She tilted her head, smiling flirtatiously. "Dance with me?" She took my hand, and I followed her to the small, crowded dance floor where she began moving to the beat, pressing her pelvis to mine rhythmically.

That felt good. She was soft, and she smelled nice. I could do this. I brought my arms around her, pulling her closer. We danced to one song, two, her eyes growing smoky, her hands more brazen, moving over my arms, my ass. "Mmm, you are hard everywhere, aren't you, mister?"

Yeah, I was. And I wasn't thinking about Livvy. Livvy with her sweet—no. "Is there somewhere we can go?" I asked the girl, leaning in to her ear, my voice more harsh than I'd intended. Desperate. Desperate to stop my spiraling thoughts, the yearning for a woman I couldn't have. I only needed a room, a closet, hell, a fucking alcove somewhere I could lift this woman's skirt and fuck her against the wall, quick and dirty. Mindless. She was pretty and available. There were no strings here. She had long, shiny hair and supple skin. She had delectable breasts that spilled out the top of her shirt, and nicely rounded hips.

The woman stepped back, smiling as she took my hand, leading me up a back staircase. I watched her ass sway as she walked, the way she glanced over her shoulder at me, licking her lips.

We spilled into a room, her laughing as she pushed me into a chair and closed the door. She went onto her knees in front of me, fumbling with my belt buckle, running her hand over my crotch. "You are so nice and big," she purred. "I knew you would be." She continued to fumble with my buckle as she shot me a heated look. "Is this for me?"

I watched her as she waited for my answer, my blood cooling. Yes, I wanted to say. I should want her. I should want what she was doing.

But I didn't want her because this woman didn't have eyes that widened in delight when a dragonfly landed on her hand. This woman didn't have a tiny cowlick at the front of her head that stuck up straight in the morning, and a laugh that made my heart flip in my chest. This woman wasn’t sunshine and light. This woman didn't have scars on her arms that she wore as a badge of honor, of hope.

This woman wasn't Livvy.

Ah, fuck. I was fucked.

I stood, just as the woman got my belt buckle unfastened. "Mierda," I rasped. "I can't do this."

The woman looked up at me, eyes wide, confusion clear in her expression. "What do you—?"

I shook my head, moving to the door. Fuck, fuck! I wanted to roar with frustration. "Sorry. It isn't you," I said again as I opened the door, letting it close behind me and moving swiftly down the stairs into the smoky bar.

I walked toward the front door, but the crowd was moving against me, toward an exit that led to some kind of alley beyond. "Where's everyone going?" I asked a man passing me.

"To the dog fights," he said. "They fight to the death." He laughed, passing me, my muscles going rigid. I could smell it—the blood, the fear. The suffering.

I burst out the front door, inhaling the fresh ocean air, stumbling away from that dank place, across the street to the cliff overlooking the ocean. I put my hands on the back of my neck, looking at the starry sky, the moon full and bright overhead. I wanted to yell, I wanted to fall to my knees. Instead, I leaned forward, braced my hands on my thighs as I took deep, calming breaths.

I heard the dog's barking, that feral growl I'd blocked from my memory, and I headed back to the hotel, back toward Livvy, though I couldn't, I couldn't go to her. I shouldn't.

I walked, feeling lost, confused, a clawing in my gut I didn't know what to do with. Another woman hadn't helped.

Nothing would help.

I hadn't meant to walk back to the hotel, and yet somehow I'd ended up there anyway, pulled to Livvy like a moth to a flame. I wouldn't go to the room. I'd sleep in the courtyard, on the beach, somewhere. Anywhere.

Outside. Alone.

I glanced at the window to the room where I knew she was, taking in a quick breath when I spotted her standing on the balcony. I could see her outline, could see she was pressed against the railing, looking at me, and though I couldn't see the details of her face, somehow I knew we were looking at each other. The knowledge hit me square in the gut, a flame bursting to life. An awareness I'd only ever felt with her.

With Livvy. 

I heard the distant barking of the dogs, the yelps, the tearing. And I suddenly felt that old longing inside, the one I'd tried to pretend was no longer a part of me, the one I'd thought I'd left behind long ago. But no, it was still there, and it rose up in me. I felt like that little boy staring at the house where the rest of my family was, warm and together. I felt the old familiar wanting, a heavy yearning for what wasn't mine.

But now . . . now it was different. Couldn't I feel the same tendrils of want reaching toward me? Beckoning. We were watching each other now, I could feel the electricity connecting us even from the distance. And if I reached out, if I just reached out, I could quench this raw, aching hunger for the woman I really wanted.

I moved toward the hotel, drawn, my strides long, my blood humming with purpose, with need.

I let myself into the room, shutting and locking the door behind me. Livvy was just coming inside from the balcony, and when she saw me she stopped, her mouth opening once as if to say something, then closing as she stared, her hands clenching and unclenching at her sides, her pulse thrumming under the skin of her throat.

My breathing picked up as desire—hot and pulsing—flowed through me, the thickness in the air increasing.

"It's not even natural how much I want you," I rasped. She looked at me, her eyes questioning, her gaze moving over my face as if trying to figure out what I was thinking. I couldn't answer. I didn't even know myself.

"It's okay," she said, her voice quiet, soothing.

A breath gusted from my mouth. "It will change everything," I said, my voice tense as I held myself still by sheer force of will. My body was screaming at me to step toward her, to take her in my arms, to make her mine tonight because tomorrow would be too damn late. I'd tried to stop myself—I'd tried—but I couldn't. I couldn't. But maybe she would and maybe that would be for the best. I waited, filled with both dread and hope, a swirling cocktail of needy yearning for her to make her choice.

She paused and my heart stuttered, gaze locked on her face, held by those expressive eyes. "I . . . know," she said, and her voice was breathy, soft. She nodded her head, taking a step toward me. "I know."

It was all I needed. I closed the distance between us, and we came together, our quickened breath mingling, our gazes locked, so much moving between us that I couldn't begin to name it. She tilted her face to mine and I lowered my mouth, brushing it over hers. She was trembling, and a fierce need to protect her, to calm her, roared through me. I had tried to scare her, but now I couldn't bear it. I didn't want her to be scared, not of me, so I took her face in my hands, rubbing my thumbs along her delicate jaw before I kissed her again, moving my tongue between her lips slowly, tasting her, the nectar of her mouth already familiar though I'd only kissed her once before.

I was hot and throbbing, my body compelling me to thrust and take, but I moved slowly for her, feathering my mouth down her neck as she tilted her head back on a feminine gasp of pleasure. My blood heated, molten, and I pulled the strap of her tank top down her shoulder, kissing and licking over that silky, smooth slope. Livvy's breathing had increased; her exhales came in small pants. She wove her fingers through my hair as I dipped lower, pushing her tank top over the peaks of her breasts to kiss between them, running my tongue along those creamy slopes. "Yes," she moaned. I ran my tongue lazily around one hardened nipple, a growl of satisfaction muffled against her skin. She was already aroused.

"Tell me you want me too."

"Yes," she gasped. I pulled her taut, silky nipple into my mouth, giving it a deep suck as she cried out, pulling me closer and hooking a leg around the backs of my thighs. Oh Jesus. This woman. The feel of her. The scent of her. I felt wild, completely untamed, shaking with a need I'd never known before. The need to claim. With the realization came a buzzing thrill and a jolt of terror, but it was too late now. I couldn't have stopped even if I tried.

Livvy pressed her nipple into my mouth, guiding my head with her hands, her fingers raking over my scalp, causing goosebumps to explode on my skin. Goddamn, I was so hard. The sheer curtains billowed in a waft of air and fell back into place behind Livvy.

Her body shuddered and her eyes opened, dark and dilated with lust. I pulled away, her leg sliding down my body as I stepped behind her, pulling the doors to the balcony halfway closed. I turned, and she was watching me now, biting on her lip. Her breasts were bared, her nipples still hard and reddened and wet from where my mouth had been. My cock throbbed. My eyes roamed her body, greedy, and she shivered beneath my stare, her arms fluttering up as if to cover herself. I stepped forward, catching them. "Don't."

She dropped her arms, her expression vulnerable. "I thought you were going to make love to another woman," she said quietly. I paused. Yes, that had been my plan, the desperate attempt to push Livvy away, and I hadn't been able to do it.

I let out a breath, shaking my head. "It wouldn't have been making love."

"Sex then. I thought you were going to take another woman to bed and I . . ." She flinched. "I hated it. I pictured what you were going to do to her and I wanted to hit someone, to claw their eyes out . . ." Her cheeks flushed and she looked away.

I regarded her, that expressive face that whispered all her secrets. "What, Livvy?"

She turned her head toward me, her eyes downcast for a moment before she met my gaze.

Heat surged between us, crackling. "What, sweetheart?" I whispered. I brushed a piece of hair over her shoulder, bringing my hand back and brushing the backside over her pebbled nipples, back, forth.

She moaned, her eyes falling shut as she bit at her lip. "Don't hold back with me, Thomas. Whatever you were going to give them . . . give me more. I want it. I want you. All of you."

Fuck. Me.

She gasped as I walked her backward, pressing her against the wall next to the bedside table, bringing her hands over her head and pressing my erection against her stomach, kissing her.

For long minutes we devoured each other, the sounds of our combined moans, the wetness of our mating mouths rising above the soft whir of the ceiling fan. The room felt hotter—despite the cooling breeze off of the ocean still coming in through the half-opened doors—and inside my blood sizzled through my veins.

I reached between us, sliding my hand into the loose waistband of the cotton skirt she'd bought earlier. She was silky smooth, hairless, and she wasn't wearing underwear. I grunted, desire arcing through me. "Jesus."

"My underwear is drying in the bathroom," she said. "I washed them."

What? I could barely make sense of what she was saying and the meaning of what she'd uttered melted away completely when I slid one finger into her slippery opening. "Oh, God, Livvy. I can't wait much longer. I've already waited too fucking long."

"Then don't."

"I don't want to take you against a wall, sweetheart. I want you in a bed. I want you under me."

She moaned, long and low, pressing herself into me, riding my hand as she gripped my shoulders, her nails digging into my flesh. It helped to dispel the lust fog I was in by a small measure, and I slipped my finger out, pulling her with me to the bed. She looked dazed as she sat.

I kicked my shoes off, and pulled her skirt down her legs, tossing it aside. Her loose tank top was already around her waist so I pulled that over her hips, Livvy lifting slightly as I slid it under her. Holy Christ, she was gorgeous. Her skin shone in the low light, creamy and dewy from the heat of the room, from us. Her cheeks were flushed, her lips swollen and pink from kissing. Her hair was splayed around her head in a wild tangle, that cowlick sticking straight up toward the ceiling. Despite my raging arousal and the immediate need to seek relief, I smiled, tenderness washing through me, followed by a sort of ebullience I'd never associated with sex before. Livvy watched me with heavy-lidded eyes as I pulled my shirt over my head, unzipping my pants and letting them drop to the floor, my erection, springing free, jutting out in front of me. Livvy's eyes moved down, widening right before I moved on top of her.

"God, you feel good," I said, her naked skin silky and hot against mine. I rubbed myself against her, tipping my head back and letting out a hum of pleasure.

Livvy opened her thighs, creating room for my hips, bringing our cores together, my hard shaft meeting her soft wetness. I brought my lips to hers again, our tongues tangling, dancing as I slid my cock along her slit, gliding easily with the aid of her silken moisture. She was as turned on as I was. I used my cock to circle her clit, breaking from her mouth for a moment so I could watch. Livvy pressed her head back into the mattress, a strangled laugh mixing with a groan. "My God, I'm going to come."

"Not yet, baby. Let me get inside you first. I want to feel you."

Her heavy eyes opened as she looked at me. God, she was beautiful like this. The most gorgeous creature on the face of the earth.

Mine.

I positioned myself at her entrance, our gazes locked as I pushed inside little by little, her lips parting when our cores met. She felt like heaven, like a goddamn dream. Wet and tight. Hot. I started moving, slowly, not wanting this part to end, wanting to prolong that climb, drag it out, to heighten it so the fall was an intense rush of insane pleasure.

Livvy locked her ankles around my hips, tilting so I went deeper, and I let out a deep moan of pleasure. God, this was good. Too good. I sped up my pace, my body taking over, sweat breaking out on my skin. Livvy suddenly cried out, tilting her head back into the mattress as her hands fisted in the blankets. Her muscles pulsed around me, contracting, milking me, and I couldn't hold on any longer. The pleasure spiraled, rose, and then exploded in a delirious burst of bliss. I'd never been a noisy lover, but I couldn't help the yell of pleasure as I climaxed explosively and then collapsed half on and half off Livvy, moaning out the rest of my orgasm, shuddering and then stilling, my breath rasping from my chest. Holy God.

For a while, the only sound in the room was the whirring of the fan, the very faint music coming from the courtyard, and our mingled breathing as it slowed. My heart rate evened out, the sweat on my skin drying and I lifted my head, staring at Livvy. She looked sleepy, but satisfied, her gaze held no regret and a ribbon of relief wound through me. "That was . . . God, what was that?" she breathed.

"Us." I kissed her again, nuzzling her ear. She smiled sweetly, reaching up and moving my hair off my forehead, running a finger along my grizzled jaw. "You need a shave."

I chuckled, turning my head to nibble at her finger. She laughed. "I'll shave later." I ran a finger over her breast, the nipple hardening under my touch.

"Mmm," she hummed, a smile in her voice. She yawned, running her foot slowly up and down my lower leg.

"But first," I said, yawning too, "sleep."

We both took a minute to use the bathroom then I pulled the blankets back to the end of the bed, and we climbed between the cool sheets. I felt half drunk on satisfaction and a different feeling I wasn't sure how to categorize and didn't really want to right then. The things we'd have to face were still there, between us, but they could wait. For now, they could wait. We were both exhausted, and we needed to sleep, to recharge. I'd figure out what to do in the morning because now, just as I said it would, everything had changed.

Livvy's breathing grew heavy, even, her body warm and still against my own. I lay in the near darkness, the twinkle lights from the courtyard below barely making their way through the gauzy curtain. I pulled her against me, this woman who'd buried herself under my skin so deeply I was terrified I'd never get her out—especially now. She stirred in the darkness, but didn't wake. I smiled, closing my eyes. Sleep came quickly.

I woke to the delicious feel of Livvy's hands on my cock. Moaning, I pressed myself more firmly into her hand, sliding between her grip. Oh God, yes. "I want you," she whispered. "Can you . . . I mean . . ."

I let out a tortured chuckle, my voice thick with sleep. "God, yes. Can't you tell?"

Before I could move, she climbed on top of me, lowering herself onto my erection, sheathing me snugly as she let out a long moan. "God, you feel good," she breathed. "We fit so—" That thought ended on a gasp as she started to move. I gripped her hips, dug my fingers into the soft skin of her ass as she rode me, up, down, gliding slowly, gracefully. Whereas our first time had felt wild, desperate, this lovemaking was slow, dreamy. Except for the quickened beat of my heart, I still felt half-awake, drifting in an erotic fantasy that might be real and might not. The lights in the courtyard had been turned off so the only light shining in the room now was that of the full, round moon. The dim yellow glow bathed Livvy in shadows and pale yellow light, made her look ethereal, a goddess with flowing hair and alabaster skin. Even the moon loved her. How could it not?

The sheer curtains billowed in the heightened breeze coming off of the water, and in the silence of the night, the waves could be heard crashing on the shore, pounding, rhythmic, like the blood through my veins.

The pleasure rose, my body meeting her thrusts of its own accord. I let it. There was no thought, no holding back, only the giving in, the surrender. She moved faster, rising and falling, leaning forward so I could suck at her nipples as she gasped and moaned, crying out her pleasure, which in turn brought on my own orgasm. The pleasure washed through me so intensely I bucked my hips, my fingers digging more firmly into her hips as she collapsed on top of me, breathing harshly, our skin stuck together.

I brought my arms around her, my breath gusting over her hair, our heartbeats pounding. We dozed, or maybe we didn't. Time stretched, dreamy and unreal. I stroked her hair, massaging her hips, the place where I'd surely bruised her. She'd wear the evidence of this night on her body in the morning, and at the half-formed thought, a fierce surge of satisfaction, of possession, surged through me. But something about the thought also caused a feather of unease to waft over my skin. In the morning . . . Ah God.

"Livvy," I rasped.

She stirred on top of me. "Hmm," a contented cat purr as she snuggled into my chest. We were still connected.

"I have to tell you something."

She stilled, and I sensed a higher alertness in her, the subtle spice of fear. She lifted her head, her eyes a deep midnight blue in the low light. She traced my lips, kissing me softly and running her thumb over my cheekbone. "No, not tonight. Tonight is only about us, nothing more. Let it all fall away. I know things will change tomorrow. I know. But please, this is ours. This night will always be ours."

A large wave crashed, the sound reverberating through the room as the curtains billowed in a gust of wind once again, bringing the scent of salt and sand, lush vegetation. It mixed with the smell of sex in the room, of the way our bodies combined to form the singular scent of us. I stared in her beseeching eyes. "Okay," I murmured. Tomorrow then. Tonight the rest would fall away . . .

The ocean surged and retreated below us, and Livvy and I spent the hours of darkness that were ours in fits of sleep and bursts of pleasure. I woke her with my tongue between her legs as she gripped my hair and writhed against my face, crying out so loudly that I growled against her flesh, causing her to jolt and gasp. Then pushing into her softness, the long rolls of climax overtaking me before I'd begun to thrust.

As the sky changed to a softer shade of black, Livvy returned the favor, bringing me from the depths of slumber with her mouth on my hardened flesh, her hands under my thighs. I moaned, a sound that was half pleasure, half disbelief. I hadn't known my body was capable of a night like this. Afterward, we curled in to each other, my body spooned around hers, my palm cupping her breast.

This night will always be ours.

This night will always be ours.

I came to slowly, hours later as the sun broke over the mountains, spilling light into the room. Sometime during the night, I'd turned toward the window. I rolled, drowsily, seeking Livvy, but I was in bed alone. Jolting, I sat up, called her name, my voice gritty with sleep, my eyes moving quickly around the room. Her shoes were no longer by the door.

She'd left without telling me.

She was gone.

And I couldn't fucking let her get to Alec before me.