Chapter Twenty-Eight
One month later.
Emily woke to the smell of bacon. Cozy in bed and with the covers over her, she kept her eyes closed. Until she felt a nudge inside her belly. She rubbed the spot where the baby had kicked. It seemed to poke her more now, or at least the bumps felt stronger. The little life insider was definitely growing.
She turned over onto her back and stretched. The pressure on her bladder grew. Whether she liked it or not, she had to leave the comfy bed.
She sat upright and looked around her bedroom. The queen-size bed seemed small in the large suite, but felt big as she lay in it. She would’ve bought a smaller mattress set had Matt not talked her out of it. Since she would never sleep with another man, she didn’t see the need for a large bed. He’d told her to think bigger in case the child wanted to sleep with her in the early years. Matt was a smart fellow.
A dresser backed up to the wall to her left. Windows took up most of the wall to her right. The thin curtains allowed the sun to light up the room. A wide-screen television hung on the wall facing the bed. Matt had mounted it for her. Not only was he smart, he was a handyman.
The former Marine had many skills. He’d closed on the house almost two weeks ago and then they’d moved in. She’d purchased bedroom furniture, TVs, a kitchen table, a washer and dryer combo, and kitchen essentials. The rest of the house lay bare. She hadn’t felt up to shopping much. Each day seemed a wee bit better, but many times she succumbed to the grief threatening to devour her.
The doctor had visited her three times since she’d returned to Utah. He pressure had been elevated the first two visits. He ordered bed rest. She had been happy to obey. Her last checkup had been before the closing on the house and he’d given the okay for her to conduct light activities. Shopping had been easy with her laptop.
Matt had become her caregiver since they’d left Texas. He fixed her meals, ensured she ate properly, kept her active, made certain she slept enough, bought groceries, did laundry, and handled other menial chores. He never complained. He always smiled. He attempted to make her laugh and she had once. For the most part, he seemed in good spirits, but a few times when she’d gone through dark spells, she saw the sadness in his eyes. Unlike her, he remained strong, supportive, and comforting. She was grateful to have him as a friend and she was lucky he put up with her.
She left the bed and headed to the large bathroom. It seemed so empty and cold without Andrew’s supplies or his towel. She shook the thought from her head and released the pressure on her bladder. The tiniest thought would morph into a memory. With the memory came the tears, the sadness, and the realization he wouldn’t return. She’d ventured into the grim rabbit hole too often and struggled to stay out of it.
After washing her hands and teeth, she combed her locks. Her sandy-brown roots were coming in more. If she weren’t pregnant, she’d buy a box of dye to get rid of the two tones. At least they weren’t drastically different.
She grabbed a sweatshirt from the closet and donned it over her tank top. She’d gone to bed in thin pajama bottoms and pink fuzzy socks. Matt had seen her under worse circumstances so she didn’t feel the need to change her attire. With one hand on her baby bump, she headed out the door.
The smell of bacon grew stronger as she strolled down the staircase. Grease popped and sizzled. She entered the kitchen and found Matt standing barefoot in front of the stove. He wore a gray t-shirt over black sweatpants. Strips of bacon lay on a plate near him. She fought the temptation to take one. Instead, she stopped at the center island where a laptop resembling hers sat propped open on the counter. She scooted back one of the chairs and it scraped on the tiled floor.
Matt glanced over his shoulder. “Morning.”
She climbed onto her seat. “Morning.” Her greeting didn’t sound anywhere as chipper as his.
“How are you feeling?” He set the fork on the counter and then lifted the plate of bacon.
She sighed. “Okay.”
He set the dish in front of her. With wide eyes, she counted six slices on the dish.
“That’s not all for me, I hope,” she said.
“It can be. I have more in the pot. The eggs are almost done too.” He returned to the stove. From the cabinet, he withdrew another plate.
While Matt continued to monitor the food on the stove, Emily reached across the counter for the laptop. She pulled it closer to her and found a crib on the screen. “Looking at baby furniture?” She took a piece of bacon and bit a small piece off the strip.
He strode to the refrigerator. “You have less than two months to go before the baby is due.” He strode toward her with the bottle of orange juice. “It’s time to start preparing.” He set the jug next to her.
A loud pop from the pot called him back to the stove.
“Do you need any help?” she asked as she set the strip on the plate.
“No, I’ve got this.”
She returned her gaze to the laptop. The baby was due to arrive in late April. While she couldn’t wait to hold the gift Andrew had helped create, she couldn’t help but feel blue. He’d miss getting to see and hold the baby. For the longest time he’d talked about wanting offspring. He’d created a life and now it seemed as if he wouldn’t be here for it.
Matt appeared at her side with an empty glass. He set it next to the bottle. “What do you think of the crib and changing station?”
“They’re fine,” she said in a dismal tone. “Get them.”
“Did you look at any other furniture on the site?” He poured the orange juice into the cup.
“No. Pick whatever you want. I’m sure it will be fine.”
He handed her the drink. “Did you sleep okay?”
“Yeah, but I’m still tired. I think I’ll go back to bed. Can you save the bacon for later?”
He set the jug on the countertop. “I think you should take a shower and get dressed. We can go out to look for furniture.”
“I’m really not feeling up to it.”
“It would be good for you to get out of the house and look around.”
While she appreciated his effort, she preferred staying in bed and hiding under her warm covers. She could dream about being with Andrew. The last month without him had been excruciating, especially Valentine’s Day. She’d spent most of her days and nights in a hotel room. Matt managed to talk her into attending the closing on the house with him. After they’d moved in, he’d insisted she go to the grocery stores with him. She had and then she’d returned to the cozy confines of her bed for several hours.
“We can go tomorrow. There’s still plenty of time left before the baby arrives,” she said.
“You said that two days ago. You need to walk around and interact with society. Or we can go on a light walk through the park.” He snapped his fingers. “There’s a yoga place I drove by not too far from here. I think it would be good for you to check into classes.”
Her eyes widened as she stared at him. “Yoga?”
Walking in the park tempted her a little, especially since the house sat near one. But yoga? It didn’t appeal to her at all.
“It’s something to think about,” he said. “You need to stay active and healthy for the delivery.”
The baby kicked and she rubbed her belly. “I wouldn’t mind taking a walk sometime, but I don’t think I’m up to any yoga.”
“How about this… You clean up and get dressed after you eat. We’ll stop at one of the furniture shops and see what they have. We can grab a bite to eat for lunch while we’re in town. Then later this afternoon or this evening, we can go for a walk in the park.”
Hearing sizzles from the pot, Matt darted to the stove. Glad for the break in conversation, she lifted her glass of orange juice and took a few gulps. She wiped her mouth as she set the drink down.
She couldn’t be angry with Matt for trying to get her out of bed and away from the house. His intentions were well and good to help her, but the heaviness in her heart and soul weighed too much. She preferred to be alone so she could imagine her loving husband with her.
Matt moved the pot off the burner and it clanked. Grabbing the handle of the other pan, he lifted it and brought it to her. He dumped a portion of the eggs onto her plate. The food smelled good. A shame she didn’t have an appetite.
“Eat something,” he said before he returned to the other plate near the stove. He pushed the remaining scrambled eggs onto the dish. Once he snatched utensils from the drawer, he headed toward her with them and his food. He gave her one of the forks.
She stared at the food as he took a seat next to her. “I appreciate what you’re doing, Matt. I hope you know I’m very grateful for your help. But I’m not sure I’m ready to do much yet. I feel so… Tired.”
“I know you do. You’re still in mourning. But you can and will get through it. I’m here to help.” Fork in hand, he pointed to the window over the sink. “Look at the beautiful day outside. The sun is shining. There are mountains to gaze at and parks to explore. Wouldn’t you like to feel the warmth of the sun on your skin, breathe the fresh air, and discover the life and beauty surrounding us?”
The only life she wanted was with Andrew. As for warmth, she wanted to feel it from Andrew.
She swallowed the lump crawling up her throat and fought the tears building in her eyes. Head lowered, she turned her gaze away from the window and from Matt. “It’s nice, but, uh…” She cleared her throat. “I think I’ll stay in today.” She lifted the bacon she’d nibbled on earlier and took another small bite.
Matt sighed heavily. “Will you at least take a shower and put on some clothes?”
“Do I stink?” she asked after she finished chewing.
“No, but you should freshen up. And it would be nice to see you in something other than pajamas.”
Her mouth twitched. She’d been wearing the same PJ bottoms for the last six days. Maybe it was time to change them. “I can manage a shower and different clothes.” She grabbed another piece of bacon.
He finished chewing. “Do you think you could walk around the block with me later?”
She lowered her gaze and set the bacon on the plate.
“I’m just asking you to walk around the block to get some fresh air,” he said.
She’d learned his routine from the last few weeks. He’d convince her to walk down the street or around the corner. Once outside, she’d always felt better. With gentle persuasion, he’d talk her into going to a store. She couldn’t deny leaving the house lifted her mood for a little while. She needed to get out and do more things, but the steps required to move past the door were the most difficult ones for her to take. Matt was a good and patient man for dealing with her.
She sipped more of her juice. “All right. After I clean up and dress we can take a stroll around the block.”
He gave her a wide grin. “You won’t regret it.”
She never did.