Chapter Thirty
Emily stared at the colorful stained glass in the center of the back wall behind the preacher with his head bowed, leading the congregation in prayer. The mosaic showed a portrait of Jesus with his arms outstretched and children near his feet. Although the image was meant to comfort, to be inviting, and to show his love, it failed to offer any positive feelings for Emily.
The pastor had spoken about fear and letting go of pain, hate, and anger during the service. His prayers asked for God to help all release their doubts and worries. Then the Father called for everyone to have faith in the Lord as he will show us the way. Emily cracked a smile. Why have faith when the world was a shitty place, evil demons wreaked havoc on others, and the big kahuna didn’t care if people died? Faith was a joke.
“Amen,” the preacher said.
She rubbed her belly as he gave his closing statement. The life growing inside her would arrive in three to four weeks. She doubted Andrew would return for the birth since he hadn’t yet. She’d prayed daily someone in charge would let him see and hold his baby. Did anyone listen? No. It seemed those in charge in heaven cared little for the people on Earth.
Her gaze rose to the artwork of Jesus again. Her faith in him had decreased since Andrew’s death. How could the chief upstairs send such a wonderful, loving man to her and then strip him away from her life? How could he be so cold as to not return Andrew to see his only child? The holy man couldn’t be as compassionate as religion made him out to be.
The organ began playing and people started to leave. Emily remained on the pew, staring at the children in the picture. She counted six of varying ages. It seemed so unfair for any child to die so young, whether from illness or by the hands of someone. Life was precious. She’d do anything to protect the babe inside her. Hope and faith couldn’t shield the young and innocent from the evil walking around or the selfish seeking to take from others. Strength, determination, brains, and defensive skills would help keep them safe.
“Hey,” Matt said, gathering her attention. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” She looked around and noticed most of the people had left. A few chatted with others. She rose from her seat. “I was waiting so I wouldn’t hold anyone up.”
“After one look at you, I think people would understand and be willing to wait,” Matt said as he followed her to the end of the pew.
He looked nice, dressed in a white button-down shirt, blue tie, and dark-blue slacks. He’d gone to a barber a few days ago and had his hair in the back and on the sides shaved shorter. His large muscular frame and hairstyle screamed military man. Emily had seen a few women eye him before and during the service.
“I don’t mind waiting. It’s not like we have to be somewhere,” she said.
Matt pushed the door open for her and she stepped outside. The bright sun blinded her while a strong breeze tossed her dress to one side. The length reached her ankles so she didn’t have to worry about her garment exposing her body. She took the steps slow to reach the main sidewalk.
“Another gorgeous day,” Matt said.
“Up for a walk later?”
“Absolutely.” He walked beside her as they headed to the Jeep.
Over the last few weeks she’d enjoyed strolling through the nearby state park. Matt would drive to the top of one of the mountains. They’d walk for a little while then she’d rest on one of the large stones. A sense of peace filled her as she marvel at Earth’s beauty.
Reaching the car, Matt opened the door and held it for her while she climbed onto her seat. A few empty parking spots to her side, she noticed a couple with two school-aged children talking to another young woman wearing a light-green dress. All the adults had their gazes directed at Matt.
A touch of guilt pressed upon her as Matt settled behind the steering wheel. He’d helped her in countless ways since Andrew’s early demise. She’d thanked him plenty, but she never felt as if her words were enough. She’d started cooking and doing light chores, too. She planned to resume managing everything on her own after the baby’s birth. Even though he’d agreed to assist, he deserved to enjoy his own life and be happy. She wanted him to meet someone who could love him without any boundaries day after day.
“The more people see us together, the more they’re going to think we’re a couple,” she said as she lowered her window to let a breeze into the Jeep.
Matt backed out of the parking spot. “I’m not interested in what people think.”
“Well, I am. I could be ruining your chances of meeting that special woman who will steal your breath away.”
He snickered as he steered toward the road. “If there is such a woman out there, then she’ll have to wait. Your baby is priority number one.”
“Okay, but after the baby is born I think it would be good for you to mingle with the female locals.”
He grinned as he drove along the two-lane road. “I’m glad you’ve been getting out more. I can tell you’re getting better.”
“Better or fatter? I can’t fit into any pants anymore.”
“Better. And you’re due in a few weeks. What did you expect?”
She turned her gaze out the window and sighed. Her mood had improved, but she continued to think about Andrew. The sadness that had filled her heart had morphed into anger. And from there, she’d come to accept her situation. Life was cruel and unfair, but she’d fallen in love and had been blessed with a gift. She’d protect and teach it so he or she could live a happy and safe life. The baby took precedence over everything.
“I’m also glad to see you going to church more,” Matt said with a glimpse at her. “But I am curious… What were you thinking earlier, after the service? You looked in deep thought.”
The baby jabbed at her insides. She smoothed her hand over the area near her belly button.
“I was thinking faith and hope are pointless. If you want something done, you have to take action. And praying is a waste of time. Nobody is listening. Nobody cares,” she said.
He glanced at her once and then again. “Are you saying you don’t believe anymore?”
“No, I’m saying that it’s wrong to send a man back to Earth and then take him away from his wife and child. I’m saying someone has zero compassion.”
“I realize you’re still getting over what happened, but—”
“Someone wanted Andrew and me to meet. Me picking him up on the road wasn’t an accident. Maybe they didn’t know we’d fall in love, but we did, and now I’m carrying his child. He shouldn’t have gone back early. They should’ve returned him. But no, they haven’t, and I doubt they will. So, Andrew can’t see his baby. To make this kind of decision leads me to believe the person or persons in charge don’t care about him or me or others in general.”
“You’re angry. You’re trying to put blame on someone. You don’t know the reasons for what God does and doesn’t do.”
“If God cared so much for mankind, then why does he allow demons to hurt and kill others? I saw a demon abuse children. Other demons raped women. I believe in heaven and hell and the in between, but the person running the show must not care to allow so much misery and evil to exist. Religion is bullshit.”
“I get why you question him. But please, don’t give up on hope or your faith.”
“Hope is a fantasy. Andrew isn’t coming back. I have to move on and think about my baby. Hope isn’t going to protect it from the bad elements we have to deal with. Neither will faith. We have to be the ones to teach it to defend him or herself and make the right choices so he or she doesn’t end up in some wasteland or worse.”
“What we do matters, I believe that. But I also believe God brings people together and creates events for a reason. We may not see it until sometime in the future, but with faith, everything will be revealed. If we follow his teachings, we can lead productive and happy lives.”
“You have your belief, and I have mine. You and I are the only ones who will be able to guide this bundle of joy to do the right things, not some fantasy of a righteous person.” She moved her hand up over her stomach.
Matt said nothing more on the way home. She knew his faith in religion was strong. It had helped him survive and deal with his time in the service. The belief in a supreme being helped millions of others cope with their struggles. She didn’t think religion was a bad thing. But she couldn’t understand why God would allow such death and violence. Moreover, she was angry with him and anyone who thought it best to refuse Andrew a chance to see his baby be born.
Making the right choices and taking the appropriate actions were important. And she was going to make sure her child learned to do both. If she could make it to heaven, she wanted her child to make it up there one day too.