11
A farewell kiss?
Killian sipped his coffee as he stole a glance at his wristwatch. He needed to leave soon if he was going to make any progress before tonight’s job, but he didn’t want to leave without seeing Nick first. He hadn’t heard Nick toss and turn much last night. Hopefully, the night had been kind to him and let him grab a few hours of sleep.
As if summoning him with his thoughts, Nick walked through the archway into the kitchen. “Morning,” Nick said, running a hand through his hair. The dark circles were slightly more prominent than Killian had hoped.
An ache swelled in Killian’s chest. He’d give anything to grant Nick the peace he sought. Killian pulled out a mug from the cupboard and filled it with coffee. He took the milk and sugar and mixed in the ingredients, stirring them before handing over the cup.
Nick took a sip and sighed, peeking up at Killian. “You remembered how I like it.”
Killian shrugged. He remembered every tiny detail relating to Nick he had heard and observed in the last few months. Whether it was paying attention to his preferred combination of milk and sugar for his coffee, or the way the corner of his mouth twitched before responding with a teasing remark. He remembered the way Nick had steeled himself with a ready smile before addressing an irate customer, and the way he’d pushed himself at the end of a double shift even though Killian had sensed his exhaustion. He remembered how Nick never complained and always had a positive comment or ready answer to a question. There was a lengthy list of mental notes of every nuance that defined this man’s character. And with each piece of knowledge he gathered, Killian fell deeper into that mysterious emotional abyss. Lost in everything that was Nick.
“Were you able to get some sleep last night?” Killian asked, wondering if the dark circles were because of stress or exhaustion. Nick was a good man. He didn’t deserve this gloomy cloud over him all because he had chosen to help an injured man.
“Enough.” The corner of Nick’s mouth quirked, revealing the dimple in his left cheek.
That slight dent in the otherwise smooth skin made Killian’s stomach flip. He cleared his throat as he turned to rinse his mug in the sink.
“You’re in your suit again. Are you leaving?”
Killian returned his attention to Nick. “I’ll be out all day.”
Nick quickly scanned the room. “Dex left?”
He nodded. “Before sunrise. He’s going to put his ear to the ground and find out if there’s any chatter about you or Petrov. I’ve already put out a few feelers as well, and I’m going to meet with a handful of my contacts before tonight’s job.”
Nick’s eyebrows twitched. A simple tell of his when he wanted to say something but thought best to remain quiet.
“Say what you’re thinking. Never worry about what you’re going to say around me.”
Those jade-green eyes snapped to him. “Are you going to kill someone tonight?”
He wasn’t expecting that degree of brutal honesty. “Not if things go well. I’m standing guard for a client just in case a deal goes south.”
“So you’re a bodyguard as well?”
“No. This is an exception for a long-time client.”
Nick nodded, taking another sip of his coffee as if mentally processing each response and preparing his next set of questions.
An odd ache swelled in Killian’s chest. He hadn’t ever cared what others thought of him, but with Nick, everything was different. He couldn’t erase what he had done and a complete about-face of his character was unlikely. After all, it was pretty much all he knew. He had been born into this life, and every action and thought revolved around refining his skills and fulfilling this role handed down from prior generations. But he needed Nick to be aware that he was consciously choosing to change and trying to walk away from the dark path before it was too late.
“I don’t accept many contracts anymore.” He quieted for a moment when those jade eyes stared back at him. “I’ve been slowly working my way out of the business and more toward something…normal.”
The corner of Nick’s mouth twitched. “You’re retiring?”
He narrowed his eyes at the man, recognizing Nick’s teasing twitch of his lips. Nick chuckled, the sound shooting a lightning bolt of need straight to Killian’s balls. He inhaled sharply, compartmentalizing his desire.
“I’m sorry. Dex mentioned teasing you about anything relating to your age was a surefire way to get a rise out of you. I couldn’t resist.”
Killian grunted and Nick chuckled again. He held back a sigh. That small, subtle, casual audible indication of happiness and joy pulled at something within Killian’s heart. “Will you be okay here alone?”
“You said it was safe.” Nick cocked his head, questioning. “Should I worry?”
He shook his head. “No. Let me show you the rest of the house?”
“There’s more?”
“Yes. Since I’ll be out, it’s important you see the other room.”
Killian led him down the hall and into the training room toward the long rear wall. He ran his fingers along the edge of the mirror and the tall, vertical mirror swung open like a door, revealing a space behind it.
“A secret room?”
“Yes.” He stepped over the opening in the wall, entering another hallway. “Come.” He gripped Nick’s forearm, keeping him steady as he stepped through the raised doorway.
Nick stood at his side, looking around the narrow space barely two feet wide connecting all the rooms via a secret hallway. They took two steps forward and stood in front of a second door, this one metal and sturdy like that of a bank vault, recessed within an alcove set in the wall. Killian placed his hand on the digital security panel mounted perpendicular to the steel door, then entered his code. Nick stiffened at the sound of metal pinging and locking into place seconds before the door slid open.
“A panic room?”
Killian frowned. “I prefer to call it a bunker.”
“Of course you do,” Nick said, the twitch at the corner of his mouth making another appearance.
“You can access this same hallway from both your room and mine. The mirror in each room is exactly the same with the latch behind the edge to open it.”
Nick nodded, peering into the room.
“If the house alarm is armed, you will hear a buzz if anyone breaches the perimeter. If it’s not armed, I get a notification on my phone.”
“That’s why I didn’t hear a buzz when Dex arrived that first day?”
Killian nodded. “In here, that light in the corner will flash as well to alert you,” he said, pointing to the red bulb in the corner of the room. Killian pressed the digital buttons on the panel inside the bunker, turning on the monitor mounted on the back wall of the room. “I have a closed-circuit feed you can access on any TV in the house. Here, you access it through the panel, outside you access it with the remote control and the TV set to channel zero.”
Nick nodded, remaining quiet as his eyes swept the room, beginning with the shelves stocked with a mix of food and medical supplies and ending with the arsenal of rifles and pistols mounted along the back wall.
“I have more stashed in my room,” Killian added quietly when Nick’s gaze remained pinned on the different weapons. Nick turned toward him, zeroing in on his eyes, not giving away a hint of fear or worry so he continued. “I promise you’re safe here.” Killian tapped his finger on the panel and took Nick’s hand, resting his palm against the digital screen and programming Nick’s handprint into the system. “Your code is 1115.”
A small smile tugged at the corner of Nick’s mouth. “That’s the first day you walked into the restaurant.”
“I know.”
Nick cocked his head. “You remember that?”
“I remember everything.” He finished the programming and switched off the monitor. “You won’t get reception in here, so cell phones are useless. But if there’s a problem, I’ll get an alert on my phone the moment there’s a breach of the perimeter. I’ve got a separate encrypted hard line connection to the internet for this room. So the laptop can be plugged into this side slot. And if you hit this button, you can send me an encrypted text message straight from this panel.”
“Okay.”
“I promise you’re safe.”
“You said that already.”
Killian nodded, not sure whether he had said that for Nick’s comfort or his own. He hated the idea of leaving Nick alone. Nick was safe here, but he couldn’t help the worry that Nick’s survival instincts would kick in and drive him to run.
They locked the bunker and walked back out through the narrow door in the training room, closing the mirror-slash-door and locking it in place. He figured Nick’s curious nature would have him accessing the bunker again from this room and probably the others as well. They silently walked down the hallway and into the living room.
“I’ll be out all day,” Killian said, reaching for the keys on the side table next to the door leading to the garage.
“You already said that too.”
He sighed, finally glancing up and staring at the man standing before him, unable to fight the invisible pull between them. Killian couldn’t move or look away, mesmerized by some mystical power weighing his feet down, forcing him to remain where he stood.
Please be here when I get back.
He continued to stare, chanting the same words over and over in his mind, willing fate to turn a blind eye to his dark world and allow him this tiny chance to experience what a bright and colorful life could be like.
Nick returned his stare, equally silent, but something passed between them. Something far more powerful than any spoken words ever could. They stood in place, mirroring each other, the current between them humming louder than usual. Nick took a step forward, then another, never breaking eye contact.
Killian’s pulse spiked and his breath hitched when Nick’s hands slid up his arms and along his shoulders, finally wrapping around the back of his neck. Those pale green eyes looked into his soul as the thumb stroking a rhythm along the column of his throat soothed and seduced him.
Every hair on Killian’s body stood at attention. His muscles froze, yet remained alert. Each point of contact against his skin sparked to life. He closed his eyes when Nick inched closer, barely a breath away.
A groan escaped when soft lips pressed against his mouth, tentative yet firm. The demanding fingers at the back of his neck squeezed tighter, as if pressing a button that sent lust and need surging through his veins.
He reached out and gripped Nick’s waist with force, yanking him flush against his body. He snaked one arm around Nick’s lower back, locking him in place, as he slid his other hand up into his hair, angling his head exactly where he wanted Nick to be to deepen the kiss.
He licked the seam of Nick’s mouth, trying to control the possessive growl rumbling within when those full lips parted and granted him permission to explore.
Fingers dug into his biceps, pulling him closer as he devoured the man he had craved for months. He gripped Nick’s silky, golden, light-brown strands, groaning when Nick’s hard body rubbed against him, and his tongue slid teasingly against his own.
Nick gave and took just as much as Killian, desperately tugging and pulling to get closer. The steady hum between them now a deafening concert of drums, pounding as loud and as hard as his heart. He broke the kiss when he needed a breath, trailing his mouth down Nick’s neck, biting and tasting the saltiness of his skin and breathing in his earthy scent.
“Fuck,” Nick whispered, fisting the material of Killian’s suit and yanking him closer, encouraging Killian’s lips against his shoulder for more.
Killian nuzzled his way up Nick’s neck, breathing him in. He pressed their foreheads together, craving the closeness, the intimacy, yet needing to cool the desire burning through his body. All this from a kiss? If this was how he felt in that moment, he couldn’t imagine how it would feel to be buried inside him.
Nick grabbed Killian’s face and pushed him back, drawing his attention. Nick’s pupils were dilated with desire, his cheeks flush with a hint of color, and his lips swollen from their kiss. His eyes scanned Killian’s features a moment before he parted his lips, as if ready to say something. Nick slammed his mouth shut until his lips tightened into a straight line, quieting and controlling whatever thought had crossed his mind, silencing any words and thoughts threatening to escape. Something flickered in his eyes before those green pools cleared and a veil of steadiness locked into place, just as firmly as the steel door of the bunker.
Killian’s heart thundered to break free.
Staring back at him was Nick’s clinical side, the one Killian had seen emotionally disconnected while handling a crisis at the restaurant.
Not the side that teased and chuckled or revealed that dimple on his cheek.
Or the side that contemplated taking a chance at whatever this was brewing between them.
No.
Killian didn’t want to let his mind wander, knowing exactly where it would lead. A searing pain sliced through his heart at the thought of getting shut out.
No.
Nick opened his mouth to speak, and Killian crushed their mouths together with a groan, not wanting to hear the words that would devastate him.
He gripped Nick’s ass, hefting him closer against his body, willing the man to surrender to the desire that burned between them rather than the worry and fear of what threatened him. Killian walked the two steps needed and pushed Nick against the wall, pinning him in place as he reached up and gripped the sides of Nick’s head, holding him still and kissing him with every ounce of need and want he could summon, begging and hoping it was enough to keep him by his side and in his life.
Shoving aside the ache swelling in his heart, he licked and bit, pushed and pulled, until the taste of copper tinged his taste buds. He eased back to gasp a breath, desperately fighting to breathe with the rock of emotion that had lodged itself in his throat. He would never take from Nick what wasn’t given to him freely. But he hoped this wasn’t fate’s way of taunting him—showing him a spectrum of light, colors, and happiness only to then plummet him back into the darkness.
Please be here when I get back.
Killian’s unsteady breath sawed in and out of his lungs as he fought the single thought racing through his mind, realizing he didn’t have the strength to let go.
Please.
Emotions he couldn’t decipher twisted and turned in his chest, wringing his heart into submission. He softly pressed his shaking lips to Nick’s in a final, tender kiss filled with the longing for a dream he craved with every ounce of his being. He brushed his nose against the side of Nick’s face, inhaling, cataloging, and savoring every hint of scent in his hair and skin. His eyes remained shut as he brushed his fingertips along Nick’s cheek, jawline, and down his neck, tracing his features, memorizing them, storing every dip and curve in his memory bank for safekeeping.
He didn’t know how to do this, how to say the right thing to make him stay, or how to open himself up to someone. But he wanted to learn and Nick had both the power and patience to teach him. Killian had revealed more truths to this one man than he had to others in his life. And dammit, he’d give anything for the chance to do more. To protect him, to care for him, to worship him. To earn the right to stand proud by a man like Nick.
Killian took a deep breath and steeled himself, finally opening his eyes.
Nick gazed at him, his expression questioning. He schooled his features before he spoke. “Be safe out there.” This calm, steady version of the man before him was Nick’s protective facade.
While the kiss had shaken Killian, Nick appeared unfazed. His strength and resilience were respectable, but in that moment, Killian sensed those same qualities had a different kind of power.
The power to destroy him.
Killian had heard a saying or proverb. About setting something free and having it return. He had always thought it was utter bullshit. A contradiction in logic. But now, it was as if the saying suddenly made sense. It was Nick’s choice to stay. It had always been Nick’s choice whether something would happen between them or not.
Killian would move mountains and kill legions of mercenaries for this man.
But only if Nick said yes.
He wouldn’t push. Never with Nick. His heart splintered as the realization sliced through him. He had to set him free, give him the freedom to decide on his own without Killian’s hovering presence. Keeping Nick captive under the guise of protection was a different prison than the one Nick had lived in for the last two years, but still a prison of sorts. Staying would have to be his choice.
Killian reluctantly released his hold, a sudden ache blooming in his chest.
Please be here when I get back.
Stepping away, he swallowed heavily when every pinpoint of contact still tingled with a teasing hint of the fire that burned between them. He reached for his keys on the table, refusing to glance back at Nick and risk seeing the disconnected emotion in his eyes. He fought to remain poised, struggling as he placed one foot in front of the other. His soul thrashed and roared in protest to keep Nick at its side as the ache in his heart grew with each step he took, the distance like a growing chasm dividing the earth between them.
He opened the driver side door of his car and slid in the seat. He shut the door and leaned his head back against the soft leather, hoping his gut was wrong, and that the kiss they had finally shared hadn’t been a kiss goodbye.