16
Message received.
Killian enjoyed the island visits, the only real escape from the chaos he called his life. Here, he didn’t have the need to constantly look over his shoulder, assess and scan every person and location, or be on the ready with his gun in hand.
Here, he could just be.
It was refreshing and jarring at times. Flipping that mental switch wasn’t always easy after being conditioned to his everyday life, but something had finally shifted during this last year. He had reached that point, a destination he wasn’t sure he’d ever be ready to accept.
Retirement.
And for the first time, he didn’t cringe at the thought.
He craved the peace, the slower pace, and being able to sit out in the sun without worry of being in someone’s crosshairs. Here, his mind didn’t race with a million thoughts of potential entry points for an attack or assess the validity of escape routes should things go sideways.
He hid a smile, knowing exactly what variable had finally made him want to flip that switch on a permanent basis.
Nick.
Killian had hesitated to bring Nick here, but he wanted Nick to know there was, in fact, a safe haven solution—a place where he could escape his demons and find some much needed peace. And if Petrov came sniffing around like a bloodhound, Killian would flip that mental switch again and be ready for an attack.
He already had a plan. He never lost focus of who the island residents were, how they had arrived, or the risks involved. Only a handful of the residents knew about the arsenal he kept on the island for just that particular situation. He never wanted anyone here to feel as if they weren’t safe. But his protective instincts required him to have a backup plan, and a handful of the residents were equally protective and determined to guard the sanctuary and retain the peace they had found in this new life.
He just never would have imagined kicking in that backup plan for someone he wanted to bring to the island as his partner.
Here, there was peace. Harmony and the whole kumbaya vibe he had hoped to establish between the residents…but couldn’t have imagined they would hold those values so fiercely. It was amazing how shared goals and survival stories united people.
Nick could live here in peace. They both could. Together. He had already proven that since their arrival four hours ago. It was easy to see why the residents took an instant liking to him.
While Killian addressed some of the infrastructure issues, Nick had slapped on a pair of work gloves and jumped right in to help some of the residents with a building renovation project. It had been hard focusing on his own tasks, watching the sweat glisten on Nick’s lean-muscled body as he balanced himself on a high rung of the ladder to secure the roof of the structure. His physical strength was mesmerizing. And just as quickly, Nick had shown his compassionate side, racing down that ladder to check on a worker who had injured himself. Nick had been calm and in control, commanding while comforting…and fucking hot as hell.
Dex had caught him gawking…and so had other residents.
He rubbed his eyes, recalling the endless wisecracks. He had survived worse, and a little teasing seemed like an acceptable compromise if it meant he could have Nick at his side with that huge smile on his face.
That smile. That laugh. He’d do anything to have those take permanent residence in Nick’s spirit.
Killian subtly shook away the thought, trying to focus on Chris and his wife, Tali, as they updated him on the status of things since his last visit to the island six months ago.
Chris was the visionary and Tali, the executor. Her financial planning skills quickly came into play once Chris had shared his vision for the island’s growth.
She’d constructed the “departure plan”—as she had termed it—used for all new residents. The disciplined strategy of scheduled tasks and milestones that allowed these individuals and their families to relocate to the island without drawing attention, while still ensuring enough resources were available to fund their new tropical nest egg. New residents didn’t take everything with them or empty out their accounts, but with her plan in place, they managed to leave their other life behind while still having financial peace of mind for years to come…all while remaining under the radar.
In the meantime, Chris worked with the others to engineer water filtration systems, solar power resources, and everything else the island needed to function and sustain itself. Together, they adapted and established workable compromises. They were relatively self-sufficient, but a supply run to the mainland for building and health-related items was sometimes necessary.
Killian had purchased this tropical paradise years ago. And yet, this was the first time he felt genuine peace during a visit.
Scanning the crowd of residents as he received his periodic update, his mind wandered. Where’s Nick? Killian hadn’t seen either him or Dex since taking Jeffrey back to his house to recover from the injury.
“So when are you permanently joining us?” Chris asked, drawing his attention.
“Soon. Just have to resolve one more thing.”
“Does that one thing have to do with the reason you brought a guest?” Tali asked.
“Maybe.”
“He makes you smile,” Tali said, almost shyly. “I don’t think any of us have seen you smile. Ever. We give you a hard time about it, but it’s nice to see you happy.”
“It’s all we want, Killian,” Chris said, clasping his wife’s hand. “We all just want you to have some peace and know what it’s like to be as happy as we are. Sometimes, it takes one hell of a jolt to your system to show you what life is like. To learn to appreciate it and enjoy the simpler things. You gave us that.” Chris swept his hand out to the crowd of residents, lounging in the early evening. “We all have a second chance because of you. All we want is for you to stay alive long enough to join us and know what that feels like.”
Happy?
The concept was foreign. He couldn’t remember the last time a full smile came easily or the sound of his laugh. His profession didn’t lend itself well to a happy vibe. Walking into a room with guns blazing, cracking jokes, and making his victims smile before they met their maker didn’t happen in his world. That shit only worked in comic books.
But Nick did make his heart beat faster.
He did trigger a swarm of butterflies in his stomach.
He loved that thing Nick did where he leaned his head on his shoulder.
He loved the way a fire burned in his jade eyes before a teasing remark.
He loved Nick’s strength, resilience, and control.
Nick was the one man who had showed no fear and dared take a step into his personal space. And he was the one man Killian welcomed without hesitation. But more than anything, Nick made him wonder what life could be like—a real life with hope, dreams, smiles, and laughter.
Happiness.
Killian ducked his head and took a deep breath. He had tried to atone for so much, but he didn’t think he’d live long enough to balance things. But that didn’t stop him from trying. He glanced up, sighing at the laughter rippling through the residents as they joked with each other.
He wanted that peace…that happiness. Not just for a quick visit…he wanted it every day.
And he wanted it with Nick.
“There you are,” Dex said, pulling a chair from a neighboring table, flipping it around and setting it next to Chris. He finally took a seat, straddling the chair.
“Where’s Nick?”
“He’s back at your place. He was going to take a shower and grab a nap.” Dex crossed his arms on the back of the chair, watching him through narrow eyes.
“What?” Killian prompted, his tone hard and crisp, recognizing that glint and expecting Dex’s snark to kick up a notch at any moment.
“He wanted me to give you a message. But I can’t make heads or tails of it.”
Chris and Tali chuckled. “It’s why it’s a message for him and not you.”
Dex waved off their comment with a shrug. “I know you want to resolve things before bringing him here, so that’s not it. And I know—”
Killian scrubbed his hand across his face. “Dex, what’s the fucking message?” At times, he seriously wondered how he had remained sane all these years.
“Yes.”
“What?”
“That’s it. He said, ‘give him a message for me.’ When I asked what it was he just said ‘yes’ and nothing more.”
Killian shot up like a rocket from his seat. “Excuse me.”
Dex dropped his arms with an extra pinch of drama. “Oh, c’mon. What—”
He quieted when Tali placed a hand on his forearm. “I think Alyssa was looking for you earlier.”
Dex immediately smiled and bolted up from his chair, forgetting the conversation.
Killian gave Tali a grateful look and stepped away, casually waving at a few residents as he worked his way out of the busy area.
It took sheer will and every ounce of strength in his body to walk calmly out of the clearing and onto the path between the trees as his heart thundered in his chest. Once he was clear of prying eyes, he launched forward at a dead run.
Nick had finally said yes.
And he wasn’t wasting another second of time.
═ ☼ ═
Nick gripped the edge of the bathroom countertop, gulping each breath. He had prepped, lubed, and stretched himself as much as he could, and if Ian didn’t show up within the next three minutes, he was going to get himself off. Trying to control this much desire and need zip-lining back and forth through his body required superhuman strength which he certainly didn’t have at the moment.
He closed his eyes and took a steadying breath. He prided himself on his resilience and adaptability, skills he had refined just as much as his strength. Everything about Ian knotted his stomach, heated his blood, and squeezed his heart. And today, he had let his guard down—exposing yet another side of himself for Nick to see and fall for.
Nick opened his eyes and stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, refusing to lie to the man staring back at him. He had begun sliding down that slippery slope soon after their first encounter at the restaurant. He couldn’t walk away from Ian, and when destiny had forced him to make that decision, he had chosen to step into that car with him.
Time. That was what Nick had worked toward all these years while running and hiding—extending his time on this earth. And for what? He had been miserable without family or the ability to make long-term friends. He had made enough sacrifices over the years. And he refused to add “surrendering a chance with Ian” to that list.
He didn’t know where things could lead, but he wanted to take that leap and explore the flame that sparked between them. One look or touch from the man awakened his body and heightened his senses unlike anything he had ever experienced in his lifetime.
He took another deep breath, accepting a fact he already knew as truth in his heart—his strength and resilience were no match for the powerful pull between them. If surrendering to this magnetic force meant his time would be cut short in this world, then he was resigned to take that chance and enjoy every waking second of whatever time he had left.
With Ian.
A few weeks of pure bliss were better than a lifetime of misery.
He secured the towel around his waist and walked barefoot out of the bedroom and into the living area. The open floor plan was quaint and functional. Technically, the house was a two-room home. The en-suite bathroom connected directly to the single bedroom, and a large secondary area doubled as the living room and kitchen. But both areas were connected via an open pass-through—much wider than any double door entryway—creating the illusion of an expansive, single open space without sacrificing the solitude of each private area.
He glanced over to the open door by the sitting area. A welcome. Something he would never consider while on the mainland. But he wanted Ian—now—and didn’t want a closed door standing between them.
A small smile tugged at his lips as he watched the rays of light filter in through the entrance, lighting the entire living room with an array of patterns. He loved watching the light and how it created its own special elegant decorations, like snowflakes, each unique in their own way. Each day brought gifts of beauty he refused to ignore. Gifts that both amazed and inspired him. He listened and heard the faint chirp of a bird, the rustling of the leaves, and the splash of a crashing wave. Here, every visual was magnified and every sound amplified to showcase even the tiniest of details.
Movement in the distance caught his eye, pulling him from his reverie. Ian.
Nick’s pulse spiked as Ian ran toward him, abruptly stopping after an obvious full speed run from the path.
Ian gripped the doorway, his knuckles turning white from the pressure of his hold on the frame. “I got your message.” He stepped inside the room and kicked the door shut behind him. His entire body heaved, from his deep breaths, the run, or maybe as an attempt to control the same amount of need coursing through Nick’s own veins.
Nick didn’t know or care. The only thing that mattered was each slow, prowl-like step Ian took toward him, and the ravenous look, dilating his pupils so much it melted the ice in his blue stare.
Nick’s breath came at a clipped place as he took a step back, a natural instinct while being targeted by a fierce animal with that much hunger in its eyes.
Ian lunged forward, closing the distance between them in an instant. He slammed his body against Nick’s and crushed their mouths together in an all-consuming kiss, stopping only when Nick’s back hit the dividing wall leading into the bedroom.
Nick moaned as fingers dug into his hair, gripping his scalp, guiding him deeper into the kiss. His body weakened, held upright only by the arm wrapped around his waist and the hard body pressed against him. He reached up and gripped Ian’s shoulders, trying to keep pace with Ian’s demanding mouth, switching between taking and tasting, pulling and biting.
Grunts echoed between them as Ian pushed closer, harder, pressing Nick’s back flush against the wall.
“Take your damn clothes off,” Nick said, in a tone akin to a growl. Something had possessed him, a desire he hadn’t ever known commanded every molecule in his body to taste, mark, and own every inch of skin before him.
They moved together as Ian pulled the T-shirt up and off his head, pitching it to the side while Nick ripped open his jeans, almost tearing at the zipper as he slid his hands inside and yanked down Ian’s pants and underwear in one sweeping motion.
Ian toed off his shoes and pulled off the rest of his clothes. In the rush of movements, they had made their way into the bedroom space, leaving a trail of clothes behind on the floor. Ian flicked away Nick’s towel and pressed their hard bodies together, groaning when flesh finally met flesh. “You feel so fucking good,” Ian moaned, reaching behind Nick. Their mouths reconnected in a greedy kiss as Ian’s fingers slid along Nick’s spine, down the trail between Nick’s cheeks. Ian quickly tore away from the kiss a moment later.
The absence was immediate and jarring. “What is it?” Nick asked, breathless.
A slow, wicked smile spread across Ian’s face as he trapped his lower, kiss-swollen lip between his teeth. He leaned forward, pressing his forehead to Nick’s as he reached behind, easily sliding a finger then another inside Nick’s already lubed body without meeting any resistance.
Nick dug his fingers into the hard muscles of Ian’s shoulders, welcoming the teasing invasion. “I got tired of waiting for you to get here,” he said, panting each breath as he spoke. “I figured I’d save us some time.” The fingers stroking in and out of him continued, building the humming need in his body.
Ian kept their foreheads pressed together as he peered over to the small table next to the bed where Nick had set out the lube and condom packs. His jaw muscle tensed as he stared at the table and withdrew his teasing fingers. “I…” His mouth clamped shut again and his brow lowered, his chest heaving with the desire obviously vibrating inside him.
For the first time, it was as if the barrier had melted away and Nick possessed the secret decryption code, revealing every thought racing through Ian’s mind. “You don’t want to use them.”
Ian tore his gaze away from the table, their mouths lingering close together, sharing the same breath. “I’ve always used them. But…” He closed his eyes and quieted, swallowing heavily.
A million hummingbirds flapped their wings in Nick’s chest. He reached up and held Ian’s face, speaking so quickly his words ran together. “I haven’t been with someone since Chicago over two years ago. And while I was there, I was tested every six months.”
“Over a year for me. I swear I’ve been tested since.” Ian’s eyes slid open, his stare, heavily lidded as if drugged with the desire enveloping them. He leaned forward, brushing his stubbled cheek against the side of Nick’s face. “It’s different with you.”
Nick closed his eyes, reveling in every tiny detail of those few seconds—the sincerity of his tone, the warm breath skating across his skin, and the tender kiss pressed below his ear.
“Everything’s different with you.”
“Yes,” Nick whispered on an exhale.
“I fucking love that word,” Ian said with an almost possessive snarl. He stepped away and grabbed the lube from the table, slicked himself, and reached behind Nick to apply a little more. He pitched the lube aside and picked up the towel Nick had worn to wipe the excess from his hands.
Nick didn’t know if he should look at the desire burning in Ian’s gaze, the rise and fall of his chiseled chest, or the blatant arousal pointed right at him at full attention. His own desire weakened him. He absently took a step back, then another, seeking some sort of support. He flattened his palms against the bedroom wall behind him as Ian stepped forward. He closed his eyes as a strong arm slid around his waist, pulling him up off the ground and flush against a hard, lean-muscled chest. He instinctively wrapped his legs around Ian’s narrow hips, locking his ankles against Ian’s ass, trusting the strength and force of the man’s grip and body to hold him upright.
A slow, long moan escaped them in unison when Ian finally entered him.
Nick reached up, cupping Ian’s head, holding him close as each warm breath puffed against his skin. Every touch and gesture had fueled his fantasy for weeks, but the closeness, the comfort, the ease with which they fit together was better than he had anticipated. The chaos often nudging the back of his mind evaporated, leaving only this moment, the tenderness of the fingertips tracing the edge of his body, and the whispered words of need in his ear.
He dug his teeth into his lower lip, stretching his neck and arching his torso, enjoying the mix of heat, burn, and passion stoking the flame inside him as Ian slowly inched deeper into his body. Kisses trailed up his neck, mixed with a teasing scrape of teeth, a strangled sound—something between a moan and whimper—escaping him.
He wanted this…he needed this—to surrender to the only man who would guard his heart as much as he would guard his body. He wrapped his arms around Ian’s shoulders when Ian withdrew, then gasped when he quickly returned with a deep thrust. Nick bit back a teasing smile when the palm of Ian’s hand slapped against the wall with a loud smack, balancing their bodies as he amped up the rhythm of each possessive thrust.
They gripped and pulled each other, battling to get closer.
Sweat trickled down the side of Nick’s face as he pushed his torso toward Ian, meeting every urgent snap of his hips with equal fierceness. Each powerful plunge delivered with a driving purpose of melding their bodies together and strengthening the bond between them.
Ian withdrew, an ache of loss leaving Nick lightheaded and disoriented until strong arms grounded him, encasing him in a tight embrace and peppering kisses along his heated skin before setting him on the bed. A desperate sound tore from Nick’s throat, his body begging for more as Ian pulled him along the sheets, drawing him closer to where Ian knelt on the mattress.
Please.
He hadn’t ever felt this loss of control or this intrinsic, frantic hunger to join with another.
Only Ian.
The need was an all-consuming lava spreading throughout every inch of his body, leaving him racked with an unquenchable thirst. Nick writhed and reached for him, letting out a long moan when Ian responded with one swift plunge, immediately setting a merciless rhythm that left him breathless again.
Everything faded into a blur of sensations and sounds. Every touch sparked another flame and every sound fueled his desire. Grunts and growls battled with the sound of slapping flesh and the pounding thump echoing in his ears. His breath came in gasps with each primal, relentless piston of Ian’s hips—claiming him, owning every millimeter of his body with frenzied passion, cementing every unspoken promise exchanged between them.
Harder. Faster.
It wasn’t enough.
He wanted every ounce of unrestrained intensity as much as his next gasping breath. He reached behind Ian’s powerful thighs, digging his fingers into the tight muscles, urging him closer, deeper, willing their bond to braid into an unbreakable force as bold and powerful as the man thrusting into him.
Strong fingers wrapped around his hard shaft, driving him to the edge with each upward and downward stroke. A strangled sound escaped him when warm lips pressed against his shoulder, leaving a trail of wet kisses on his skin. It was all too much—the hard thrust into his body, the firm rhythmic up and down stroke, and the cool air against his sweat-slicked skin.
“Ian,” he begged, digging his fingers into Ian’s strong, muscled back when Ian nestled his face into the crook of Nick’s neck.
A cascade of lights and sounds burst and flared behind his eyes, muting his senses to everything except the strong body pinning him in place, grounding and tethering him to this world. Teeth suddenly dug into his shoulder with a growl, and a final, deep thrust nailed that bundle of nerves inside him, filling him with heat and shoving him off that virtual cliff with his own yell. He gripped the hard-muscled shoulders tighter, holding on for dear life as he soared, freer and lighter yet stronger than he had ever been.
He lay as still as his heaving chest allowed, absorbing every microscopic instance of time and space. An air of calmness enveloped him and settled in his spirit. The sound of crashing waves worked in harmony with the strong, bold beat of his heart and each huff of breath skating against his neck. Everything was in sync, as if the rightness between them worked in concert with the world and every tiny element, creating a peaceful symphony that calmed his soul.
They lay together, both breathing heavily, their bodies still joined and huddled together, neither one wanting to break their connection.
Nick tightened his hold around the strong shoulders above him and brushed his lips against the corded muscles of Ian’s neck, sighing with the heavy weight pressing his body into the bed. He rested his head against Ian’s shoulder and stroked the back of Ian’s head in a gentle caress.
“If I’m too heavy—”
“Don’t you dare move.” Nick hooked his ankle around Ian’s calf to hold him in place, smiling when an almost quiet chuckle vibrated by his ear.
Ian slid his arm under Nick’s shoulders and held him close, refusing to break the connection of their still joined bodies as he repositioned the sheets over them. “You’re going to have to pry me away from you.”
Never.
Nick smiled, tracing his fingertips along each curve of Ian’s body. “I think you’ve ruined me for all other men.”
“You ruined me the day we met.”
Nick screwed his eyes shut, trying to tame the emotions squeezing his throat. He slid his arms around Ian’s neck and pulled him into an embrace, praying life would grant him a chance with the man in his arms who had stolen his heart.