~Chapter 19
~Peach
This thing that has been between us, these last two years has only added to my confusion having me ready to get the fuck outta town. After the first time at The Dungeon two years ago, I ran to Irene’s and Pearl came and shared so much with me, I thought that I would be able to stay away. Keep my thoughts off the man that seems to consume me. I couldn’t have been more wrong.
I was back at The Dungeon about three months later. After spending that three months talking with my therapist and working through the trigger that forced me to run, I think I am ready. The ink that followed that episode was cathartic and helped me to be reminded that although I had been through so much, nothing has broken me, yet.
The triggers that happen during those episodes with him at The Dungeon, each take months to work through with each followed up by some heavy therapy with Dr. Feelgood and some sort of fresh ink. When I would finally get a handle on one trigger or episode, I would head back to The Dungeon and think I was ready, but another trigger would come out. Then I would work through that one for a few months, before returning. The pattern repeating every three or four months for the next two years. Pearl or one of the other ol’ ladies would take turns watching over me the nights that I would finally decide to give The Dungeon a try again.
Knowing that this thing between us, is not only a struggle in me, but now is affecting Shadow- I know that it is time for me to finally leave. As Shadow is in talking with Blaze and Tank, I am packing up my stuff outta my locker, with Ember sitting watch. Pearl comes in a few moments later and looks to what I am doing, nodding to Ember, “Little treasure, where is it that you think that you are going? It looks to me that you might be running away, and now when you have just started to make progress.”
Dropping my head down, “It’s just too much, Pearl. I have struggled with this whole thing for a long time, and now that Shadow is getting in trouble by being with me, it’s time for me to leave.”
Raising my eyes to her, I see a flash of something in them before going on. “For fucks sake it’s not like Shadow and I are even together or have even done anything outside of The Dungeon. Pearl, you know as well as I do that just because our attraction to each other is off the charts doesn’t mean that we would make it. Sometimes the world just gets in the way I guess.”
Moving towards me she takes a seat on the bench patting the space next to her. Waiting for me to sit, she smiles and takes my hand in hers before speaking. “You have to know how much he cares for you, Rebecca. Emmanuel is a good man and has struggled with the idea of being with you. Not because of you but because of your past.” Seeing my face drop at the memories, Pearl tugs on my hand causing my head to shoot up. “STOP it little treasure! He has never once made you feel any less about what has happened to you no matter how much time you have spent together.”
“Pearl, he has brought up my past, multiple times and each time has not ended so well.” I say looking from her to Ember and back again.
Ember is the next to speak. “Rebecca, this shit has been going on for years, it needs to fucking stop. We each can see the struggle in you and feel for you each step of the way. You know that we,” pointing between herself and Pearl, “have been dealt rough fucking hands in life. We have seen you overcome one obstacle after another and watched you become so much stronger as you have gone. Let me tell you from personal fucking experience, that running is not going to make anything easier.” Losing herself in thought, Pearl heads over to her, wrapping her arms around her tight before she continues. “Shadow is a good man, just like Doc, and I know that you two are meant to be together. I think it is time for you to deal with it head on- instead of this pussyfooting around.”
“But, what if he loses his job or gets in trouble with the brothers because of me?” I say pushing more of my belongings into my bag.
“My husbands are making sure that his shit is in order if I know them. Giving him a push to finally claim you in the way that he should’ve years ago.”
“Blaze was so angry though, the way he spoke to Shadow. I’m not sure if you are right, Pearl.”
The wide smile that comes to her face makes me think I might have misjudged the situation. Because she surely knows her husbands more than I do.
“That’s where you are wrong, little treasure. My husband’s may seem like they are big badass bikers, which they are, but their hearts are even bigger than that, especially where one of their brothers is concerned. They will do anything that is needed to make sure that everyone gets exactly what they need.” Turning from me to Ember, she strokes a hand down her face, going on, “Especially, if it is something that they would like to see happen as well.”
With that thought, my hand falls away from my bag. Looking at these women, who are both married, yet clearly have something between them, makes me think about what may be possible. That they, and all the ol’ ladies, have been through so much yet, they have all blossomed into such great people and friends to me. From Pearl and Ember, to Sara I know that these women are what I can only hope to become.
“He has done countless things to prove that he loves you Rebecca, you might not have knowledge of any or all of them, but trust in it.” Pearl stands making her way back over to me. “Can you honestly tell me that he doesn’t make you feel? Have you sick to your stomach whenever he gets near?” A grin spreads wide as a dark gleam comes to her eye. “Have you dreaming of him every night? That he isn’t the man that you picture when you touch yourself when you wake up wet?”
“Pearl,” the blush that comes to my cheeks is easy to see I am sure. “Of course, but fuck, I don’t know.” Running a hand through my hair, I run it against my neck rubbing the tender flesh before going on. “He touched me like no one had before. Not out of hate, violence, or malice. But, out of LOVE.” Stopping on a very tender bit of flesh at the thoughts of his hand there, cutting off my air just mere minutes ago, I go on, “He made it hurt so good!”
The laughter I hear from not only Pearl, but Ember and now Sara, who has come into the locker room, has me knowing that they have all been in exactly the same place as I am now.
“I know that pain,” Sara says rubbing a hand over her butt. “My husband was nice enough to give me some last night.” Smiling at the thoughts she moves over to a bench opposite me and Pearl. “Are they finally giving Shadow the talk?” She asks, looking towards Pearl.
“Yes, well it seems that way.” Is all that is spoken before there is a heavy hand knocking at the door before a loud voice that I would know anywhere speaks.
“Peach come out here to your Papi. These games end tonight. YOU ARE MINE!”