HOURS PASSED AND, one after another, the Cades took their turns on a bull’s back. All the while Monica and Cull sat on a bench close to the arena watching. She enjoyed that he didn’t leave her side and even held her hand at times.
“I didn’t realize you and your brothers are local stars,” she said.
He chuckled. “What? People just like to watch us make fools of ourselves.”
“No, I’m pretty sure I heard more than a dozen women yelling that they love you. And did that woman actually flash you her breasts, asking for your autograph?”
“Oh, you saw that, did you?” He lifted a brow.
“I think everyone saw that. I don’t have any paper, but since I’m a fan of yours, I’d like your autograph too.” She wagged her brows and held up the pen she’d borrowed from Ria.
“A cowboy is always ready and willing to oblige a pretty lady.” He took the pen. “Where can I sign? Hopefully no breasts. I mean, I’m not saying I wouldn’t mind, but I’m here to protect you, not to fight off men.”
“How about here?” She held up her palm. He took her hand into his larger one and he signed his name. “I’m never going to wash this hand again,” she teased.
“I have an idea.” He stood and helped her up.
“I’m not getting on the back of a bull,” she said adamantly.
He laughed. “Not on one of these, sweetheart. If you ever want to ride I know a place that has a mechanical bull that I’d love to see how you do on.”
“Slow down there, cowboy. Just because I’m wearing country attire doesn’t mean I’m ready to get on the back of a bull, fake or real.”
“Point taken.” He led her toward the back side of the fairgrounds and when they reached the Ferris Wheel, he stopped and nodded his head. “Let’s ride.” He handed the controller a few dollars.
Her stomach flip-flopped. “I don’t know about this.”
“What’s to know? It’s a ride.” He still held her hand.
A part of her wanted to refuse because the ride went up in the air, but another part enjoyed the idea of being next to him, alone, high up from everyone else. So, she bravely sat down with him in the cart, the controller locked the door, and the ride jolted forward. The cart swung back and forth, but it wasn’t too bad. No doubt that their bodies touching helped her relax. She was more focused on the waves of desire sweeping through her then looking down.
They rose almost ten feet higher as the controller allowed more people to board. The breeze was a bit cooler and Cull must have sensed that she was chilled because he put his arm around her, pulling her close in the nook of his body. Yes, that was exactly what she needed.
“Sorry you had to be stuck watching bull riding.” He removed her hat and set is aside.
She shrugged. “I didn’t mind. In fact, I enjoyed it.”
“Ah, you are getting used to all this country stuff, huh?”
“It was scary watching you, though.”
“Why is that?” His eyes were on her.
She swallowed hard, a tingle at the corners of her lips where a smile started. “I didn’t want to see you get hurt.”
His thumb made figure eights on her neck, causing an eruption of heat and desire in her bloodstream. “You must like me a little,” he teased. “That’s good because I like you too.”
She lifted her chin to look at him, nibbling her bottom lip. He liked her too? “I’ve come to count on you. If you’re hurt what would I do?” Over the time that she’d known him, which wasn’t long, she’d learned to care for him.
“I’m sure you’d go on.”
He misunderstood what she meant. “That came out wrong. I-I care about you but not only because you’re the person I can rely upon.” She moistened her lips, feeling her hands shake. He moved his fingers to the curve of her shoulder, caressing her with his callused palms. Then he tugged a tendril of her hair behind her ear and kissed that spot. His lips were so warm, inviting.
As much as she wanted to believe in this fairytale—hero saves heroine and they live happily ever after—she realized it wasn’t that simple. How could she plan her future without knowing who she was, what her life was like? “What are we doing here, Cull?” There was a tremor to her voice.
His beautiful blue eyes met her gaze, holding it, drawing energy from her. “I’m not the person to ask. I’m just as confused as you are.”
“Well, take a stab at the question. I need to know considering you have dodged me for days and now we’re here together. Am I wrong in believing there’s something between us?” The cart jerked forward again and they were now at the very top.
He blinked. “Monica…”
“Are you going to try and deny it? Am I imagining things?”
“No. You’re right. There’s something here.”
She shifted so that she faced him. “Is that why you’ve been away? I understand this situation…well, it’s crazy to say the least…”
“I have been intentionally staying away.”
Was his confession supposed to make her feel better? “That’s not right. You can’t stay away from home because of me. I can leave, Cull.” Tears filled her eyes and one slipped down to her cheek. “There are options and one of them isn’t you disappearing.”
“Hey, what’s wrong?” He tenderly wiped away the moisture.
“I don’t know. I-I just feel so overcome with emotions. Like this ride, I feel like I’m flying high in the air, then suspended.” A grinding noise sounded from the ride as the gears shifted and it lurched forward with speed. She gripped the bar tightly, feeling her stomach turn too.
“I don’t want you to leave the ranch, but I need to speak to you about a few things. I need to clear the air before we—” his eyes widened slightly. “Are you okay?”
“This might not be the time for me to realize this fact but I’m afraid of heights.” Her hands were tingling and her heart beat quickened. It could very well be a combination of Cull’s touch and the ride.
His arm tightened around her again. “Lay your head against my shoulder and close your eyes. It’ll help.”
His gentle voice soothed her and she did as he requested. It did help.
He touched her arm and in a soothing rhythm, he gently scraped his short nails over her skin. Goosebumps scattered her flesh and butterflies went crazy in her stomach. She’d totally forgotten the ride. The cool breeze swept against her face and his warmth surrounded her.
“I’m still upset that you’ve been ignoring me,” she said. “Don’t think you’re off the hook.”
He didn’t answer at first.
“Trust me, I know perfectly well that I’m not off the hook. More than you’ll ever know.”
The curious response left her with a bad taste in her mouth as the ride finally came to a stop. As much as she hated it, she had also loved it. Being held by Cull made everything better, even heights.
When he told her they should leave, she reluctantly agreed. She didn’t want the evening to end but knew there was a chance the night would go on once they reached the ranch. A girl could hope.
As they drove toward home, the windows were down and Monica removed her hat, placing it on the seat between them. Her hair fell to her shoulders and the wind caught the tresses. She couldn’t see them, but she could smell the wildflowers growing in the fields. She inhaled the sweet, rich scent and it mingled with his masculinity.
“I’m glad to see my crazy family hasn’t run you off,” Cull said, drawing her attention to his profile. “They can be a little much at times.”
She laughed. “Run me off? Are you serious? They make me want to stay here forever.” Realizing what she said and the conjecture in the words, she cleared her throat. “I mean, I won’t, but that’s how kind they all are. You’re lucky.”
“You don’t think you were just as lucky?” He had taken off his hat somewhere between the rodeo and now, and his thick hair was wavy. Her fingers ached to thread her fingers through the mass.
“I’d venture to say I don’t have anyone. Wouldn’t they have found me already?”
There was a long hesitation. “I don’t know.” He let out a harsh breath. “Right now, I’m just glad you’re safe.”
“Of course.” Were they back to this again? The wall was slowly coming back up. “So where have you been for the last few days?”
“In Cheyenne.”
“Am I overstepping boundaries if I ask why?”
“I’ve been investigating your case.”
She threaded her fingers through her own hair. “Isn’t there a detective that is on the case already?”
“Yes, but he didn’t get shot at. I did. That makes a helluva difference. I want to find out who was behind those bullets. And I will.”
The determination in his voice told her he meant every word. “So, have you learned anything?”
“Not enough.”
“I’m getting the feeling you don’t want to talk about the case.”
“No, I don’t, because there’s nothing I can tell you right now.”
“I can leave, Cull. I’m not stuck here.”
“You’re safer with me.”
“Yeah, the human water faucet. You go from hot to cold as quickly as a turn of the knob,” she grumbled.
****
The second he pulled up into the driveway in front of the garage, she was out of the truck. The rain was pouring down and he could barely see her as she raced for the stairs.
Damn. He should let her go.
But something in him wouldn’t let that happen.
He jumped out of the driver’s side and ran after her, his boots pounding the pavement and sloshing through puddles. By the time she made it to the door he’d caught up to her and he gently turned her around. “What are you wanting from me?”
Her bottom lip trembled, and she was soaked. “I’m not asking anything from you. I asked a question and you simply told me you don’t have anything to say. I’m just here waiting for the loose threads inside my mind to start connecting.”
He laid his hand on her shoulder and an electric tingle shot up his arm, but she didn’t pull away, only stared up at him. He couldn’t control himself. He lowered his mouth to hers, kissing her with an energy of a starving man. Her lips were soft and she tasted like chocolate chip cookie dough and something else…something primal and irresistible. He pushed his tongue past her lips, tasting her, exploring her. Her arms came up around his neck and she pressed her body against his, soft meeting hard. He could feel her heart racing or was that his own.
Breaking the kiss, he inhaled sharply, letting the breath out with a hiss.
Taking the key from her hand, he unlocked the door and pushed it open, walking her backward until they were inside. They were dripping wet and she was shivering.
He placed his thumb on her chin, lifting it so her gaze met his. “You’re cold. You should go take a shower.”
“But…I thought…”
“I-I can’t,” he whispered.
She dropped her arms to her sides. “Okay. You can’t. I got it.”
“Monica—”
“No, don’t. I don’t need some excuse. I’m going to take a shower.”
His heart dropped into his boots. He could only stand there paralyzed by his concerns. He should have told her the truth, but if he did, would she disappear?
What was he truly afraid of?
The truth stared him in the face. He was falling for her and he knew once he told her the facts things would change.
“Go take your shower. I’m staying,” he commanded.
Her hip tilted. “I don’t need you to stay.”
“We’re going to talk when you’re finished.”
She shrugged, turned and headed for the bathroom.
Cull knew exactly what he needed. He searched the cabinets until he came to the bottle of whiskey he had hidden there, uncapped it and poured himself a shot glass full. He kicked it back in one gulp and it burned all the way into his stomach, but at least he no longer felt the chill of turning Monica away.
Fifteen minutes later, he was sitting at the table when she stepped out of the bathroom. He blew out a long breath and swiped a hand down his face. She was wearing a short, white nightgown and her wet hair hung around her shoulders and down the front. He believed this wasn’t intentional, but she turned him into a blubbering idiot.
“You’re still here?” she asked in confusion.
“Yes, I told you I was staying,” he said in a hoarse tone. “Did you have a good shower?
She frowned. “No. Just like all of the other hours of the day. I spend it wondering who I am—but all the thinking never gets me anywhere. I have moments of clarity when I think I remember something, then I hit a brick wall. I can’t begin to explain how this all feels, Cull.”
His chest tightened. “I get it, but give it some time.”
“It’s been forever already.”
“It’s been a little over a week.”
She brushed by him, the scent of soap and coconut shampoo intoxicating his senses. He closed his eyes for a moment, breathing her in, feeling an overwhelming desire in his body, praying that he wouldn’t give in to the boiling need. He could lose himself in her smell, her touch, her…Just her. Why? How? Was this some sick joke on fate’s part? Wrap him up in her web only for him to face heartbreak when she got her memory back. He’d kept a steel wall up all these years, protecting himself, and now those inner walls were crumbling.
How long could he keep her there?
“One minute I think you want me here and the next I think you regret asking me to come.”
His throat constricted. “I don’t want to take advantage of you.”
She turned and smiled. “I’ve made it obvious how I feel. I wouldn’t consider that you taking advantage of me.” She placed a small glass in front of him. “Care to share some of that liquid therapy?”
“Are you sure?”
She laughed. “Yeah, more than sure.”
He poured her some and watched her bring the glass to her lips and take a sip. She squinted. “Holy crap. I didn’t remember that taste.”
Cull laughed and poured himself another. “Have a seat. Take a load off.”
“Fine.” She took another sip and this time she didn’t react so strongly.
Once they were sitting, he rubbed his whiskered jaw. “This isn’t so clear-cut and I do owe you an explanation. I want you so damn much that I’m afraid every time I’m around you, I’m going to blow my top. I can’t allow these emotions to get out of hand, not when I feel like...” His heart pounded. Three shot glasses later and he was feeling less tense but he still couldn’t figure out what to say.
Several seconds passed as well as many different expressions. She reached out and cupped his cheek, her eyes burrowing into him. “I might not have my memory, but I am an adult and I can make decisions for myself. You are the only one I truly know right now. I realize you want to protect me, but I feel as if you’re keeping something from me. You get close and then it strikes you. I believe it has something to do with why you were at the apartment.”
He blew out a frustrated sigh. “You just make me nervous.”
“You? Nervous? I find that hard to believe.” Her smile returned.
“I am a gentleman. I want to do the right thing.”
“You have been a gentleman, but sometimes a woman needs a little dirty in her life.” She laughed and downed her whiskey. She reached for the bottle and poured herself another.
His cock jerked. Hell, he’d loved to give her dirty, but an image of Yates flashed through Cull’s mind. What if she got her memory back and she realized she was in love with the man? What if she did play a role in his death? No, Cull didn’t believe it. “We all need a little dirty at times.”
“Where’s the but?”
“Excuse me?”
“Come on, Cull. It’s you, me and a bottle of whiskey. Let’s be honest.”
“In time, I’ll tell you everything.” He shifted, remembering that he was still damp. “I better get out of these clothes before I turn into a prune.” He stood and started for the door, ready to get out before he did or said something stupid. Here lately he’d been disproving the fact that he’d graduated top of his class and aced every test he ever took. He realized this was what his brothers were taking about. Caring for a woman could do crazy things to a man’s brain…and his heart.
At the door he turned and looked at her over his shoulder. “Take it easy on the bottle, baby. I have a feeling you haven’t drank in a while.”
“Don’t worry about me, Cull.”
“Sure.” He took in her sweet, smooth complexion and her damp wavy hair. He wasn’t sure how old she was, but she wasn’t as young as he’d first thought. She was more beautiful than imaginable, and each day he looked forward to seeing her. His gaze naturally fell to the neckline of her shirt that had fallen over one shoulder. The rise and fall of her breasts had become quick. His hand ached to touch her, hold her, be near her. He knew she was as soft as he’d fantasized she would be. The smell of her was so strong in the air that it wrapped him in a lustful cloud. Could he just hold her and not take things to the next level?
Her eyes widened slightly as he stared into the green pools. He clenched his hands into fists, his chest was tight and his hips ached. A rosy flush settled on her flawless cheeks, stirring up an excitement in his belly. The devil was on one shoulder encouraging him to do what he’d wanted from almost the beginning.
She moistened her lips as if she begged to be kissed…made love to. Did she realize what she did to him? Her nipples pressed the fabric and he rolled his tongue over his lips, wanting to suckle every part of her.
He had to get the hell out of there. Fast.
But what would just one more kiss do?
Just. One.
It was a terrible idea. A shitty idea in fact, but he didn’t care.
Even as he retraced his steps back to her he warned himself that this was trouble. He had a shitload of reasons why he couldn’t get involved with her, why he needed to keep his emotions as far away as another galaxy. But his logic was on vacation and his libido was sunny side up.
Even as their lips touched, he lost his sanity.
He swiped his hand across the table, knocking the bottle and glasses to the floor with a loud shattering crash. He’d worry about that later. He grabbed her ass and lifted her, placing her on the edge of the table, then stepped between her legs. She was so warm and sweet, so delectable. A gift made just for him.
Cull focused on her lips that were soft and full, and they opened to him so easily. An invitation to do to her what he wanted. Hs tongue moved into her mouth, slipping in like an intruder into the night ready to steal her heart. She pressed against him, their breaths melding together, sounds of pleasure mixing like two life flows.
He buried his fingers in her damp, tangled hair, and she tousled his, nicking his scalp lightly. The feeling was unbelievably amazing and there was no doubt he’d never be the same after meeting her.
Pulling away, he sucked in a calming breath, but it wasn’t enough.
“Stay with me,” she whispered.
He wanted to stay with her. More than anything. He wanted to hold her all night long and make love to her, hear her call out his name in the height of passion. This was a huge problem. When he was near her, he was sidetracked when for years he’d been married to his job, dedicated to bringing in the bad guys. She was one of those people…wasn’t she? He didn’t want to believe it. His instincts told him that she found herself in a bad situation. He took a step back. “Monica…”
She nodded. “I understand.”
But did she really?
“These emotions are strong, but tonight is not the right time,” he said, but why didn’t he feel it in his bones?
She met his eyes and he could see she might cry. “You should go now.”
He nodded and didn’t say a word, just took his leave. How many people would think he’d lost his mind?