Chapter Seventeen
Greer parked on the street instead of going up her parents’ gated drive. She wasn’t ready to get out of the car yet and didn’t need a valet breathing down her neck.
Leaning her head against the back of her seat, she didn’t care about flattening her hair. Sleeping in rollers had resulted in long curls that her mom would approve of. At least she had that going for her, since she was wearing a black dress, and flats instead of heels. The pink dress hung on the garment hook in the backseat, along with three-inch nude Louboutin’s. She’d change.
Eventually.
First, she was going to finish processing. Luke hadn’t showed for the funeral this morning, nor had he answered her texts or phone calls. She’d waited for him until she couldn’t wait any longer, then went alone. Steaming. Hurt. Confused.
It wasn’t like him to ditch her. Was he going to show up for this damn party, or was he going to skip out on that, too? She checked her phone in case he’d texted. Nothing. This wasn’t like him. Should she drive to his place and check on him? What if something had happened, and he couldn’t call? Maybe he fell, or had an accident, or…
“Stop it,” she chided herself. He was fine. Being an ass for some reason, but fine. She was just in knots over the funeral, and her lover’s vanishing act was making it worse.
The funeral had been beautiful, the church packed with Eugene’s friends and family. She’d found a seat in the very back, taking care to stay to herself. The service passed with her safely inside an introverted bubble, no one approaching her to talk about the accident as she’d feared they might. She’d given Brent a hug on her way out and held back tears as she exited the church.
Coming face-to-face with the emotions of Brent’s family and the rawness of the way he passed didn’t offer any peace, or the closure she had hoped she’d feel.
Luke had told her early on in her training, “Don’t get involved. Drop them off at the hospital and forget about it.”
The advice had seemed callous at the time, but she saw the sense in it now. She was way too emotionally invested, and nothing was making it better.
She pulled her hair over one shoulder and grabbed her purse. Maybe everyone was right. Maybe she wasn’t cut out for this job. There was an intimacy to helping someone in their darkest moment, to holding the balance of their life in your hands, that made it impossible not to get involved. How did you just forget and move on to the next patient as if the patient before had never existed? It seemed cruel and impersonal. At least in law, she followed through with every client. From beginning to court to the final ruling, she was by their side. When the ruling came, it was done. Bam. Closure.
A knock on her window made her jump. Luke’s handsome face was close to the glass, his features etched with tight lines. Clearing her throat to steady herself, she opened the door and stepped out.
“I’ve been calling you all morning.”
He tried to smile, but it was as flat as cardboard. “You’re really wearing black.”
His black suit was perfectly cut and tailored to his athletic form. Greer wet her lower lip, taking in the gray vest that peeked beneath his suit coat, and the pop of his pale pink tie. The colors complemented his golden hair and tan skin. It was really, really hard to stay angry at him when he looked this good.
Adult, dressed-up bestie was freaking stunning.
“I had a funeral this morning,” she said. “Remember? The one you forgot to attend?”
He looked to the side and then to the ground. “Yeah, right. Sorry about that.”
She lightly gripped his tie and ran her fingers down its silky length. He wore a heavy air of sadness and, if the tense lines of his shoulders were an indication, anger. Soothing him, comforting his unknown demons, seemed incredibly important just then. Whatever had happened to him was profound enough to cause this change. Stepping into him, Greer tipped her face to give him a kiss, but he stepped back. Her brow fell at his blatant refusal.
“Luke?”
He wouldn’t meet her eyes. “I’m sorry I didn’t go with you. I should have. Come on, your mom has been asking for you.”
He’d professed his desire to make her his, and today he was colder than a meat locker. He’d never been one for cat and mouse, so what the hell was this about? He wasn’t looking at her, seemed to be making a point of it, and kept his hands to himself.
Fine. She’d feel him out later. Considering she was already an hour late, Greer shouldn’t keep her mother waiting any longer. She grabbed her proper dress and shoes from the backseat and gave him a glance. He took her dress from her, and offered his arm as they walked to the open gate.
“Christ,” she breathed. The place was packed. As she’d expected, a valet waited at the curve of the circle drive. The property was immaculate, fancy people milling about everywhere, sipping from expensive, rented flutes. She’d always hated her mother’s parties. They were nothing more than an opportunity to throw money around and compare cars, homes, and vacation destinations. She’d never had a stomach for conceited extravagance, yet she’d lived with it her entire life.
So, she’d escaped to paramedic school and started living life on her own terms.
They stepped onto the lawn and were immediately swallowed up by a sea of pastel-clad money huggers. Moving away from her, Luke dropped his arm, and her hand fell away. She gave him a questioning look, but he avoided her eyes again. The sinking feeling in her gut became worse. Had he changed his mind about wanting her?
“Greer Imogen Worth, it’s about time!”
Her mother’s chastising voice chimed out as she came forward with arms outstretched. Leaning in for her mother’s kiss was rote, a task to be checked off rather than affection. Marvelene moved to kiss her daughter’s other cheek when she did a double take.
“What the hell are you wearing?”
She glanced down at her mother, so filled with sudden disgust she could barely breathe. What was she doing here? This isn’t the life she wanted. This nonsense might represent her mother, but not her.
“I had a funeral,” she said tightly. “Someone died, and I wanted to pay my respects.”
Her mother sighed. “Fine. Now go change. Immediately, before everyone sees you looking like a black cloud.”
“Everyone has already seen me.”
How could they not? She’d greeted about a hundred people in the five minutes she’d been here. The rest were flocking around, looking for new people to bore. She spun and grabbed the dress from Luke, then hurried into the house. She slipped into the pink froth, put on the heels, reapplied her lipstick, and tried to hold it together.
She wanted nothing more than to draw Luke aside and find out what was wrong. She’d give this party an hour, tops, and then she was leaving. She stepped back out into the sunshine, and Luke was waiting for her like a good plus-one. He held his arm out to her and met her eyes this time.
“Pink is a good color on you.”
There was no affection in the comment, no sparkle in his expression.
“Thanks, I think.”
They started walking to the back lawn where two large white tents were set up. Keeping a pleasant, neutral smile on her lips as they greeted people was as easy as breathing, though she let it slide when they entered the drink tent. She needed champagne to get through this. Screw the flute, just give her the bottle.
“So, do I need to be worried about something?” she asked him while nodding a greeting to someone she knew.
He paused. “We can’t be spotted being affectionate.”
“Understood, but why did you ditch me this morning and refuse to answer my texts?”
Grabbing two flutes of golden champagne, he handed her one. Greer took both, downed one, and handed the empty back to him. “I mean, since you said you wanted more, I figured we’d have a longer honeymoon period than, you know, a few days’ worth.”
His expression didn’t change. No remorse. No hint of love and affection. Nothing. Unease crept up her spine. Was this a classic Luke move? Get the girl, get the sex, get her heart, and walk away?
He was going to crush her pathetic heart into a million pieces; she could feel it coming like a freight train.
Catching a stray lock of her hair, she fiddled with it to give her hand something to do. He watched as she downed half the other flute and handed him that one, too.
Keeping her voice low, she erased the inches between them and put her lips close to his ear. “I’ve loved you for years, and you’re going to rip my heart to pieces now?”
She cocked her head and looked at him as she snatched a full flute off the table. He didn’t even blink. Heavy tears brewed behind her eyes. Keeping her head up and holding the burn at bay, she swallowed hard and walked away. He didn’t follow.
If she’d learned one thing from her mother, it was how to keep her composure no matter what. Greer’s spine was so straight it hurt. The smile she wore was unflappable. And when she greeted people and made small talk with old men whose names she couldn’t remember, she did it with charm no one would know came at a heavy cost.
Spotting her mother speaking with a group of men, one of whom looked familiar, she tried to divert her path, but her mom’s voice chimed out to catch her. She approached the group, recognizing Denny Klein, the one who’d offered her the lawyer job. No wonder her mom seemed so damn happy. Luke’s parents were there, too, his mother looking amazing in a lilac dress.
“Greer! I was just telling Mr. Klein about your exciting job as a paramedic.”
“I see. Well, it’s not always exciting.”
She greeted Luke’s mom with a kiss on the cheek and a comment about her beautiful outfit. Not to be outdone, her mother waved a dismissive hand.
“It must be the excitement that keeps you going. I mean, we all know you don’t do it for the money.”
There was a snicker from the group. Luke’s parents looked at each other. In all the years they’d lived across the street from each other, her mother had never invited the Almedas to a party. Never. So…why now? It stabbed Greer in the gut to see their discomfort.
“I know this is hard for you to believe, Mom, but serving others and saving lives is rewarding.”
“Yes, but emotional reward doesn’t pay the mortgage. Or get you to Cancun.” She laughed again, waving in her lawyer cohorts, all of whom joined without pause. Marvelene turned to Luke’s mom.
“I mean, you know how hard it is to live on a blue-collar income. The struggle is real.” She let her mouth fall open like she just couldn’t believe how hard life could be. “I was just telling George, from Harper and Hannifin, that the airfare to Punta Cana is up four hundred from last year. How can anyone with budgeted income ever hope to get away?”
“Mom,” Greer snapped. She tried to swallow down her anger, but it crept up like bile. “That’s enough.”
Suddenly, Luke was there in her peripheral vision, standing with his arm around his mom. Marvelene wasn’t done. She shot her daughter a look and refused to back down.
“As for saving lives, I mean, really. That nice man at the station, Coss, is it? He told me how you almost killed that child.”
Greer’s limbs went ice cold.
“How you didn’t react fast enough. She could have died because of your misjudgment, and I have to wonder…”
Marvelene made a sympathetic face and spread her hands wide, her rings glinting in the sun.
“I have to wonder, is it worth it? Is it worth it to let children die, just to be middle class and struggle like the Almedas the rest of your life?”
She could barely pull in a breath. Her pulse rushed in her ears, the facade of composure cracking like old porcelain. Every nightmare, every doubt she’d had about her ability as a medic came pouring back, dumping her into a pit of insecurity and dread. She’d made one mistake, one horrible mistake. And her own mother didn’t bat an eye at tearing her down over it. This is why she never confided in her mom about anything. If it didn’t have to do with money or prestige, it was ridicule worthy.
“Mother,” she breathed. “What are you doing?”
Luke turned his mom away and shot Marvelene a look. “Is this why you invited my parents? To make them some kind of example?”
“You’re reading too much into this.” Her exasperated tone cut Greer straight through. “I’m simply trying to make her understand that her life as a lawyer comes with a lot more…security, than what the two of you currently have. Let’s face it. How can you support a family—really, really support them—on a paramedic’s salary? It’s ludicrous.”
Luke’s throat moved, swallowing slowly, as if he was keeping his cool. He handed his mom off to his dad. “The only example you’ve made here is how to be a first-class bitch, Marvelene. Happy birthday.”
Greer stepped after him, but he waved her off as he turned to catch up to his parents. She put a hand over her mouth. The rest of the group didn’t even have the grace to look uncomfortable.
“How could you?” Greer shook her head. “How the hell could you just do that?”
“I hope I got my point across,” her mother said.
“You mean the point you just made about what a…” She stopped before the rest of the words could fly out of her mouth. Insulting her mother, hell, calling her out on her bullshit, wouldn’t accomplish anything. Marvelene was too full of herself to care.
Greer turned and hurried after her retreating friend. She ignored her mother’s voice as she called her back. Ignored the painful pumping of her heart. Ignored the voice in her head warning her that Luke wasn’t going to listen. She found him on the curb in front of his parents’ house, his mom and dad just shutting the door behind them as they went in.
She tried to say his name, but the sound wouldn’t come.
“Just…don’t.” He turned to face her. She stood in the quiet street, wanting to go closer. But the poisonous look on his face warned her to stay away.
A bitter grin crossed his face. “I didn’t get the director job. They offered me a crew chief position at 115 doing transfers instead. I’m taking it—more money, chance for further advancement, and all that.”
She closed her eyes against the disappointment thick in his voice. He’d wanted director so much. No wonder he’d been so indifferent earlier today. His hopes had been riding on that promotion, and she’d wanted nothing more than to see him get it.
“Luke, I’m sorry.”
He ran a hand through his hair. “Don’t apologize. I wanted too much. You, that job so I could do exactly what your mom said I couldn’t. Support you. Give you more in life than a lowly medic can afford.”
He put out a hand, not giving her a moment to react. “Don’t try and placate me, Greer. You were always out of my league. Always. From the first day I met you. Why I ever thought I’d be good enough for you…” His voice trailed off in a laugh. “Your mom is right. Take the lawyer job. Go back where you belong.”
Her legs went weak. She almost sat right there in the street. This couldn’t be happening. She’d finally gotten into his heart, into his bed. His pride had always been a powerful thing, but he’d never held back from doing anything because he didn’t feel worthy. He grabbed life by the throat.
“Fine, I’ll take the lawyer job and support us both. Isn’t that the same end goal? To have a comfortable life?” Her words hung in the air, begging him to respond.
He looked at her as if it were obvious, as if his deep inner thoughts and emotions were clear for her to see. Lately, though, she couldn’t read him like she used to. Since they’d started sleeping together, his wires—her wires—were all crossed and short-circuiting. Honestly, there’d been warning sparks and glitches in their relationship since she’d joined the paramedic service. She’d been so eager to be with him again… But maybe that was the problem. She’d been too eager and she’d forced it. And now the ship was going down.
He loosened the knot of his tie with two fingers until it hung in an uneven mess around his throat.
“My father has had to bust his ass every year for nearly thirty years to pay the property taxes on this damn house. They can’t afford it, but he does whatever it takes to make sure my mom gets to stay here. Why? Because she loves the prestige of this house, this neighborhood.
“He’s afraid that she’s going to wake up someday and realize he’s just a grease monkey who works himself to death to make ends meet. One day, you’ll be sitting in your fancy company office, planning our next trip to Europe, and realize I’m a city-paid paramedic who will never rise above a pathetic wage bracket. You know you can do better. I know you can do better.”
She wiped her eyes. The motion left black streaks on the sides of her finger from her mascara. She wiped it on her dress, not caring about the tracks it left on the soft pink.
“You’re overthinking this.”
He shook his head. “You’re too stubborn to see the big picture. What you think you feel for me is an extension of the crush you’ve always had, Greer. You want to hang on to the good times we had as kids, but it’s time to be a grown-up now.”
He said it without malice, but the words still stung. As if she didn’t know her own heart or what was true inside of it. She crossed her arms as if she could hold back the hurt. “I know what you’re doing. You’re trying to drive me away.”
His lips parted then closed again. Greer smoothed her hands over her middle, trying hard to ignore the slight tremble that had taken over every inch of her body.
“You’ve been trying to tell me what to do since I started working with you. Now you want me to get pissed and say ‘fuck you’ and walk. When do I get to decide what I fucking want?”
She knew what he was going to say, and her brain screamed against it.
“I want what’s best for you.”
She put her fingertips to her temples and pressed. Why, why did he always say that? Fine, they wanted what was best for each other because they were friends. That was how friendship worked. But Luke had some skewed idea that he was her protector, her guide, and it was his single-handed job to steer her down the right path.
“It’s your job. I know.” She didn’t hold back the sarcasm. It was hard to temper her emotions while her heart was breaking. “You wanted to know why I left law. I left so I could be closer to you. It was a risk, but I took it. I missed you so much. I couldn’t stand to be away from you anymore, so I enrolled in paramedicine at the tech school. Being with you again…it felt like my life made sense again.”
He looked up at the sky and shoved his hands deep into his front pockets. His posture was stiff, his shoulders rounded just slightly, as if he were trying to protect himself. With a breath, his shoulders softened, his expression going slack.
Say something! Her mind shouted it, but her heart begged him not to respond. His expression already spoke volumes. Tears slipped down her cheeks. Every word she’d said was the truth. Being away from him had been painful. Being together again gave her a sense of meaning.
“Luke.” She hiccupped his name around the lump in her throat. “Love isn’t measured by a bank account. I don’t love you because of what you have or don’t have.”
He put a palm out to her. “Don’t be a cliché. It’s time to move on. Go home, Greer. Forget about us.”
The finality in his tone punched her in the gut. “I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to lose your friendship.”
Please, she begged inside. Please, just let me hold you. Let me take this pain away from us both.
“You know what? Now’s a great time for you to finally learn that you don’t get everything you want.”
He turned as he spoke, his words trailing but loud enough that she felt the cut of each one. He walked up the sidewalk to the front door and hesitated only slightly before yanking it open.
Tears rolled down Greer’s cheeks as he paused at the threshold, then stepped over it.
And out of her life.