Chapter Eighteen
“Come on, man, you’re getting your sadness all over me.”
Will pushed Luke away with a teasing grin as they stepped into Score. It was late on a Sunday, but the bar was packed, anyway, as people crowded in for one last hurrah before the work week started.
Luke tried to smile back at his friend, but his face was tight and his soul heavy. He really should have stayed home, but Will was persuasive in his craving of chicken wings and beer. So here he was, riffling through a crowd to find a table instead of sitting in his recliner at home, swigging a longneck, blissfully alone.
“Chicks like the tortured look, not this expression like you’ve got the stomach flu or something.”
He grabbed Will’s left hand and held it up. “Chicks also don’t like wedding rings.”
“I’m not looking, dumbass! You are.”
Was he?
Picking up a woman at the bar on a weekend night wouldn’t have bothered him a few months ago. Not until Greer’d stepped back into his life and fucked the whole thing up. He surveyed the crowd. The place was dotted with women. Maybe it was time to go back to his old game. Pick ’em up, boot ’em out, and get on with life. No emotions involved.
Sex with Greer was amazing, and he wasn’t stupid enough to ignore the reason why. Yes, she let him do some kinky things to her. She shocked him with the force of her sexuality. Underneath that, though, was the way he felt about her—and the way she felt about him. The emotions made having her, and kissing her skin, and waking to her pretty face in the morning extraordinary.
He’d never had extraordinary sex until her.
By some miracle, they found a table. Jackie, the waitress, spotted them right away on her rounds and nodded, already knowing what they wanted.
Will crossed his arms on the table and leaned over them. “Sorry about the director job, man. I was rooting for you.”
“Thanks.”
He didn’t want to talk about it. His ambitions had been too high, and look where it had gotten him. No promotion. No Greer. The only thing he’d gained was a shit ton of restlessness, and guilt that he’d fucked up the best friendship he’d ever had.
He’d done the right thing, pushing her away. She deserved better.
Will kept on talking about something. Luke hoped he was nodding in the right places to make it seem like he was listening. The hum from the crowd was almost overwhelming tonight. Laughter, loud conversation, music, and Will rolled together and pressurized the inside of his head. He wanted to combust and splatter this guilt all over the place.
Maybe then the hurt would stop.
Luke watched the crowd, jumping at a smack on his arm. “Damn man, stop talking so much. My ears are starting to hurt,” Will quipped. “What the hell is eating you? Is it the promotion?”
He made a dismissive face, hoping to discourage his friend. He didn’t want to talk about it. Any of it. “Nah. I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine. Your beer showed up five minutes ago, and you haven’t touched it.”
Absently, he grabbed it and took a drink. It rolled around warm and bitter in his mouth. Damn, he really was off if he couldn’t enjoy a beer.
“You hear what happened with Coss?”
Luke snapped to attention. That bastard had one coming. If what Marvelene said at the party was true, Coss had seriously smack-talked Greer, and Luke wasn’t going to let that shit go.
“No.” He took another drink, feeling like he was going to need it.
Will raised his eyebrows. “He went off on Cal about not getting the director job. Flipped a table and got right in Cal’s face. Chief stepped in and threw him out on his ass.”
He smirked. If there was one consolation about not getting the promotion, it was that Coss hadn’t, either.
“He get fired?” He hoped not. He just need a few minutes of Coss’s time to knock him on his ass.
Will’s eyes darted to the bar. He grinned as he took a drink. “We could go ask him.” He nodded to the left. Coss was pushing his way through the crowd to get to the bar, holding an empty glass way above his head. He barked at the bartender, his voice unsteady and loud.
Luke’s pulse picked up with a steady rush of adrenaline. He steeled his jaw and tempered some of the sparking anger inside. It didn’t take long, though, before the spark was a full-blown fire. He slid out of the booth.
“I’ll ask him myself.”
Will leaned to the side, swiping at Luke’s wrist. “Hey, man, wait.”
He ignored his friend and made his way to Coss. His middle clenched hard as he approached, years of dislike and irritation coming to a head. He was going to have to work hard to keep himself in check.
Coss accepted a full glass of beer and turned to take a drink, coming face-to-face with Luke. The older man snorted.
“Fuck off.”
“Come on, Coss. That’s no way to start a conversation.”
“We’ve got nothing to talk about.” He tried to push past, but Luke checked him in the shoulder with his own. He recalled the look on Greer’s face when her mother had called her out with words Coss put in her head. She’d been devastated, and he wasn’t going to stand for it. He might have pushed her away, but he still had her back.
“What’d you say to Greer’s mother about the pediatric call?”
Coss’s eyebrows came together for a second before a slack grin pulled his lips. He reeked of alcohol, as if he’d been here a while. There was a slight sway to his stance and a glaze to his eyes. Coss was already a mean fucker. Luke had no idea what the man was like drunk. He was about to find out, probably.
“The truth. Something wrong with that?” He took a drink and looked away with a dismissive gesture.
“You weren’t on that call, so you couldn’t know firsthand what happened out there. You had no business telling anyone anything.”
Coss could have said anything to Marvelene, just made shit up just to stir the pot. The older medic downed his beer and tossed the glass onto the floor. It bounced and rolled under a table.
“Maybe I told her mama what a nice piece of ass her daughter is. How about that? She’s a mediocre medic, but fuck, that girl’s got an ass I’d like to—”
He grabbed Coss by the shoulders and drove him back to the bar. People scattered. They locked arms, but Luke broke free and wedged his forearm against Coss’s throat.
“All I need is a reason, old man. Keep talking about her. Go ahead. Keep talking.”
“Trouble in paradise?” Coss spit out as he pushed against the hold. “I’m happy to stop by and be her rebound.”
The fire inside Luke blazed. His vision blurred as he pulled Coss forward and tossed him to the side. Coss crashed into two barstools, toppling them over, his body following suit. He caught himself on one hand before he hit the ground, and with more grace than a drunk man should have, jumped upright, grabbing for his opponent’s head, but Luke diverted, looping his arm around Coss’s neck. They were wedged side-to-side, Coss hunched from the hold around his upper body.
“Your sorry ass got fired, huh? How’s it feel to lose everything, old man?”
A slow smile broke Coss’s rugged face. “I don’t know. How does it feel?”
Fuck! Luke raged inside, his muscles quivering from the need to smash this guy in the head and keep going. Why not? He was already a blue-collar underling in Greer’s mother’s eyes. A good fight was just glitter on the image, right? He wasn’t the man Marvelene wanted for her daughter, so why not take it even farther south and be the absolute loser they thought he was.
“Hey,” Will said. “That’s enough. Come on.”
Coss pushed off, hard. He heaved erratic breaths and wiped the back of his hand over his forehead before digging a wad of bills from his pocket, pulled a ten out of it and tossed it on the bar. With a sneer, he turned on unsteady legs and left. The bartender watched him leave, then picked up the phone. He pointed at Luke and indicated he should pick up the toppled barstools.
Will helped and then followed him out into the balmy night.
“You okay?”
Luke huffed and looked up at the stars. They twinkled despite the glow of the city lights, not really in competition but in complement.
“Never better. See you at work tomorrow.”
Will clapped Luke on the back and headed for his car, leaving him to take long breaths of warm air and watch the sky.
How did it feel to lose everything? If everything meant Greer, and it did, well, it sucked ass. It hurt. It was devastating. And it was his own fault.
She was right. He’d spent more time pushing her to do what he thought she should than he had listening to what she wanted. Yep, the promotion would have provided more money. Money that would allow him to give her a good life. But it wasn’t enough to elevate her to the life she’d grown up with.
Even if he’d gotten that job, the money wouldn’t have been enough to satisfy Marvelene Worth or change her perception of him. He still would have been lacking in her eyes. Greer had never once made him feel that way. Instead, she’d given her body and her affection to him freely, with more passion and grace than he deserved.
He’d never even bothered to ask her about the life she wanted for herself.
Not once had he considered what she might want.
The guilt returned with boxing gloves on.
Pulling out his cell phone, Luke dialed Greer. His heart flipped into his throat as it rang. And rang. He clicked off before her voicemail could pick up. Why leave a message when he didn’t know what to say?
I’m sorry I hurt you? I’m sorry I’m a dumbass who doesn’t know how to love you properly?
I love you.
I’ve always loved you.
He slipped the phone back into his pocket. Tomorrow started a new phase in his life. It was best to sweep the old out the door and get on with it.
Except…he didn’t want to. He pulled out his phone again and opened his messages. Then he started typing.
He didn’t want a new phase without her. He didn’t want anything without her.