Chapter Nineteen
The hand Greer held was covered with wrinkled skin and age spots.
The elderly man sitting next to her on the ambulance bench seat was even more wrinkled, more aged. He was ten years older than his wife, Beth. He’d robbed the cradle and married her sixty-five years ago. She swatted him with a wooden spoon when she got angry at him. But it was okay. She made a mean peach pie and knew he liked his socks starched.
It was true love, he said. And he didn’t want Beth to die without him by her side.
She sat quietly, feeling equally hidden and in the way. There wasn’t anything she could do for Beth as terminal cancer took its final toll. Her patient had orders for no CPR, no resuscitative efforts. She made her as comfortable as possible and sat quietly holding one hand while her husband held the other. He spoke to his wife in low, comforting tones, quietly reliving a story of going ice skating in Central Park on their thirtieth anniversary.
Beth didn’t open her eyes, but her mouth twitched now and then, and her fingers curled lightly. Even in this fading state, she was responding to the sound of her husband’s voice. The almost peaceful expression on the woman’s face made Greer believe she was comforted by it.
The way it should be.
It was touching, this display of pure love and devotion. But it ripped her up inside a bit, too. Even though Luke had left her several generic messages over the past week, she hadn’t called him back. She just didn’t have it in her to face his rejection again. After all these years of hoping, and loving, and wanting, and then finally getting him in her arms…only to have him send her on her way.
It was devastating. And she wasn’t going to do it again. She deserved this, what Beth and her husband had. ’Til death do us part, literally, and all the romantic clichés that went along with it. She’d held out for Luke so damn long that Greer didn’t know if she’d ever find herself ready for love in any form, even if she might want it.
“I’m going to make some notes,” she said quietly to the man beside her. He nodded. She let Beth’s hand go and moved to the captain’s seat where her clipboard lay.
She’d walked into work Monday morning to find Luke had taken the opening on the transfer crew across town, effective immediately. And Coss had been fired for unbecoming behavior, though she didn’t have all the details. Something about him getting pulled over for a DUI after leaving Score on Sunday night. She was glad he was gone, and her new partner, a transfer from night shift, was a nice, placid older woman who seemed genetically unable to cause any drama.
Luke’s sudden departure weighed heavily on her. Yet another sign that he wanted her to move on with her life. As if it were that easy.
She finished with Beth at the hospital, then completed her shift and went home. Her mother’s car was parked out front. Doing a double take, Greer cautiously got out of her vehicle. Her mother never visited. It hadn’t quite been a week since the birthday party, but she had put it behind her. She’d made a call to Luke’s mother to apologize, but beyond that, didn’t want to relive any of it.
Marvelene got out and clipped on high heels up to the sidewalk as Greer approached her front door.
“Mother,” she greeted her flatly, digging out her keys. “What brings you by?”
She was impeccably dressed, as always. Her suit, nylons, and heels seemed excessive in the heat of the day. Greer figured she’d fall over in shock if she ever saw her mom in shorts and flip-flops.
“May I come in? I’d like to speak to you.”
She shrugged and opened the door. The inside was a chaotic mess, but for once, she didn’t care if her mother saw. She was cleaning and purging, boxing up things she didn’t need or use, rearranging furniture and getting ready to paint the walls. Changing up her space was cathartic, and she needed that right now.
“Oh my,” her mother whispered as she squeezed by boxes in the entry.
Greer tossed her keys onto the side table and untucked her uniform shirt. “If you’re here to apologize for being horrible, it’s not me who needs to hear it. Call Luke’s mom. She deserves your apology more than anyone.”
Marvelene let out a deep breath. It was a sound of resignation she had never heard from her mother before.
“I…already spoke to her. I understand that my behavior was out of line. I figured if I could just show you what you’re up against, that you’d come to your senses.”
Oh fuck this. She unbuttoned her shirt as she walked into her bedroom. She changed with the door open, out of her mother’s line of sight.
“But I realize now, that it was an awful way to go about it and I’m… I’m sorry.”
Her mother had never apologized for anything. Not once. She had no memory of those words coming out of her mother’s painted lips, nor did her brain quite know how to comprehend it. She peeked her head out of the door.
“You’re sorry?”
She must have shown too much bra, because her mother turned away. “Yes. I am. I also understand that Lucas may have taken it out on you.”
Chills went down her spine. She whipped a T-shirt over her head and came back out. “What do you mean?”
Her mother waved a hand absently and looked at a box by her feet. “His mother mentioned that, well, he’s been interested in you romantically for a while. But he changed his mind after my outburst, apparently.”
Tears hit her eyes. She couldn’t forget the feel of his hands on her body, or the steady rhythm of his heart beneath her hand while they slept. She couldn’t forget the ease with which they breezed through their days together, or the way he made her laugh.
“He said he’s not good enough for me. I wonder where he got that idea?” She sank down onto her couch and eyed her mother steadily. For once, her mom didn’t wear that permanently smug expression. Resting bitch face, as internet memes liked to call it. Her features expressed “what was that” dismay.
“Mom, I don’t want to be like you. I don’t want a cardboard life where my value depends on how much money I make, or the car I drive, or the vacations I take. I want life on my own terms, whatever that ends up being. And that’s it.”
Marvelene gave a tight grin and began riffling through the large box next to her. Greer could tell she was trying to school her composure. She didn’t expect a response, and it looked like she wasn’t going to get one. Eventually her mother pulled a canvas from the box. Greer had the urge to rip it out of her hands, but what did it matter? She was throwing it out—throwing all of them out—anyway.
“This is quite good.” Marvelene put a hand to her chest and cocked her head. “This is very good. What are these?”
She pulled the remaining two from the box, set them against the wall, and studied those, too. Greer looked at the lines she’d sketched and painted, the blocks and whimsical washes of color she’d used to bring the images to life. They were only test paintings that she’d created from scribbles on a napkin.
“You’re throwing these away?”
She couldn’t answer. Being upset with Luke had made her look at the paintings in an unfavorable light. He’d sparked the idea for them anyway, and she didn’t need the reminder.
“Take them if you like them so much.”
Marvelene’s back went straight, her no-nonsense face back on. She spun on a heel to face her daughter.
“Darling, what do you want to do with your life? Do you want to be a paramedic?”
There it was, the question she’d longed for her mom to ask. The interest she’d longed for her to show. Now that the question was broached, she didn’t have an answer. She didn’t know.
“Sometimes, yes. Sometimes, no. I’m going to take a little more time to figure it out.”
Her mom gathered up the paintings, the large canvases fitting awkwardly in her grip.
“Do you love Lucas?”
Well, that was a blindsiding question. Greer stood and ran a palm over her hair. “It doesn’t matter how I feel. He told me to move on, so I am.”
She crossed the room to help her mom with the paintings. Marvelene stepped out of the way and headed to the door. Greer opened it for her as she headed to the porch.
“Have a good evening, darling. I do love you.”
With that, she clomped down the steps in her too-high shoes, gripping the paintings awkwardly with all her might. Greer watched down the street long after her mother drove away. In what universe did her mother apologize and take an interest in her life outside of approved things, like law school? She felt as if she’d been plowed over by an unexpected storm.
Just then, her phone beeped. A new voicemail popped up. Funny, she hadn’t heard it ring. Her middle tightened. It was probably Luke again, leaving another “call me” bid. She’d ignore it, like she had the others. It was just easier this way.
Curious, though, she went inside and played the message. Before she had a chance to really listen, though, another buzz came through.
Can I stop by tonight?
She started at the words, absorbing them but not really seeing them. He’d stop by, and they’d end up in bed. She’d fall even more, give more of her heart and her love, and he’d walk away again. She’d put too much of herself into her love of him to let this continue.
No, she typed back.
Then turned off her phone.