Three days pass with extreme slowness. First I delete Tinder. I delete every conversation I’ve ever had with any of those freaks. It’s not the place for a woman like me, and I know that, but sometimes it’s really tough feeling this lonely and helpless.

Next, I start to go to the gym. I’ve had the membership since I moved down here. It was something I got with the money I grabbed from Dennis before I left. I just want to tune things out. I want to feel like the world is normal.

Third, I clean my house, organize my clothes, and I even get a new haircut. I don’t know what’s making me do this. Maybe it’s my new boss and the way he looks at me. I get the feeling that he wants more than another worker to help out at the shop. When he looks at me, his eyes dart away. When they come back, they remain steady and hold dark truths.

For, behind every nice and docile gesture he makes, is a darker side to him. I’m not saying it’s bad. I don’t think he’s abusive or crazy like Dennis was. It’s more of an intensity that I’m sensing. When he fucks, I bet he doesn’t let go. I bet he devours you. I bet he goes full force, every single time.

But I can’t think of him like that. He’s my fucking boss, for Christ’s sake, and he’s married with a kid. It’s just bad fucking news, altogether. Honestly, I’ve been pretty excited to come into my first day of work, but now I’m completely dreading it. Will I meet his wife on the first day? Will she eye me up and down, figure out what she hates about me, and throw me to the curb? And of course, he’ll endure it all with a nod and a smile. “Yes, honey.” Like all men do.

I hate that I am so bent out of shape over this. It’s definitely unbecoming, but this is all so unbearable. I know what he’s thinking when he looks at me. Last night, he called me sexy. You don’t just call a woman sexy if you don’t want to take her home.

Do you?

I really don’t know anymore. I’m all confused over this, and in reality, I just need the job. Well, today is the big day, and I’m not about to cross any lines. I get in my car and tilt my seat forward. I turn on the engine, but I just sit there. “You have no idea what you’re doing,” I tell myself. “You just sit there and pretend like you know where you’re going. But you’re just drifting through everything.”

I look at myself in the mirror. Behind the pretty lies, there’s a small girl, full of worry and regret. I never knew growing up would be this hard. I always thought it would mean freedom. You know, getting your own place, falling in love, and having sex whenever, and wherever, I wanted. That’s what I thought it would be like.

They all tell you that it’s not like that, but when you’re younger, it’s impossible to listen. You just hear what you want to hear, and continue down that path of self-discovery. Now that I’m older, all of those things have worn off. The sex wasn’t as satisfying as I thought. The love was hardly even there. The apartment was more money and effort than I expected.

I don’t even want to know what it’s like to be forty. Kids, a husband, and a life of regret. Is that what it all leads to? Surely, there’s something better than all of that. There just has to be a better way.

I put my foot on the pedal and float over to the Vanderbilt house. I get out, lock the car, and look up at the cloudy sky. No rain today. That’s something at least. When I walk into the open garage, both men look up at me. Michael smiles. “You’re early,” he says.

“Sorry, should I come back later?” I joke.

“No, it’s a good thing,” he says. “I’m just surprised, really. I’m sure you had a long night.”

“Actually, I kind of just left,” I say. I don’t want to talk about last night. There were so many things I had wanted to happen. None of them came to fruition.

“Me too,” he says.

Hanson shakes his head and drinks a Coke. “You guys are dumb. I stayed the whole damn night. I’ve never felt so good in my life,” he says.

“Did you get the hi-score on the pinball machine or something?” Michael asks him.

“Fuck off,” he says.

“So you want some training or what?” Michael turns to me and stretches.

“You know it,” I say. Training. Yeah, I’d like him to train me. I’d like to prove to him that he’s the boss, and that I can do better. Teach me, Mr. Vanderbilt.

“Alright, so have you ever used a hammer before?” he asks.

I put my hands against my hips and roll my eyes. “Seriously?”

“No, not seriously. In all seriousness, safety is key, always. When you’re in here, you wear these safety glasses. Always wear long sleeves and gloves. You don’t want to end up chopping your finger off,” he says.

He gets into the nitty-gritty, and extra boring details about sawing, dusting, hammering nails, and everything else you’ve never wanted to learn about. All in all, however, I’m surprised. It actually seems kind of fun.

Eventually, Hanson chimes in. “I’m going to run to get some Chinese food. You guys down?” he asks.

“Sign me up,” I say. Michael nods. “Always.”

When he leaves, it’s just us. We’re alone now and there is no sound except for the beating of our hearts. I can’t tell if he can hear mine, but it’s reverberating through my ears. “So,” I say.

“So, that’s really it. You’ll have to watch us to get the hang of it, but I think you’ll be fine. You’ve done a good job today, honestly,” he says.

“Thank you,” I say. I look down at those rough hands of his. The ring on his finger flickers at me. “How long have you been married for?” I ask him.

His eyes widen. “Oh, this,” he laughs and pulls it off. “I don’t really know why I keep this thing on.”

“Wait, what do you mean?” I ask him.

“I haven’t been married for a while now. Me and my wife, Susan… well, it’s sort of out in the open now, I guess. We got divorced,” he says.

“I’m so sorry,” I say. Deep down, my heart is full of excitement. I can feel the butterflies filling my stomach.

“Don’t be sorry. It’s for the best, really. We both sort of just went separate ways,” he says. But deep in his eyes, I can see the anger and frustration, as well as pain, pierce through the veil.

“Sorry I even asked. It’s none of my business,” I say.

“It’s fine.” He smiles. “You told me something personal, so it’s only right to return the favor.”

“That’s a philosophy I can support.” I smile.

We come to a standstill in the conversation and everything begins to feel heavy. “So what about you?” he asks me.

“What about me?” I glance into his eyes and give a smile of embarrassment. What is going on here? Is he thinking the same thing as me or is this all in my head? We’re alone. We’re at his house. It’s just a small trip upstairs to his bedroom. I quickly ignore the stupid idea. This is, after all, my new job. I can’t complicate things any further in my life.

“You have a boyfriend out here?” he asks. Okay, so he’s definitely thinking the same thing as me, right?

“The Tinder date, remember?” I remind him.

“Shit,” he says. “Somehow, I completely forgot about the Tinder date.”

I laugh and run my hands through the sides of my long hair. “It’s okay. You’re old. I don’t expect you to know about these things called dating apps.”

“I’m thirty,” he scowls. “Sadly, you’re right. I’ve never used one before. Never had the need.”

“Maybe we should sign you up for one,” I say.

“Me? Hell no. I don’t really have trouble meeting women,” he says.

“It’s not about that. It’s just… you know, an option,” she says.

“You guys talking about getting this guy to go out with someone again?” Hanson steps back in with the Chinese food in hand.

“I was just—”

“Don’t waste your time,” he laughs. “Michael is too stuck up for any woman. He’d rather take care of his kid than nuzzle on some sweet—”

“Hanson. Come on, man,” Michael sighs.

“I think that’s really sweet,” I say. “There aren’t too many good dads in the world, are there?”

Hanson rolls his eyes. “I think I need a kid. Women love that shit way too much,” he says.

Michael shrugs. “It’s just one of many responsibilities. Hey, I think I’m going to sign up for that thing. I mean, why not, right?”

“Why not,” I say.