Chapter Ten
Lana
I woke up the next morning feeling like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders. I looked at the time and realized I had slept through my alarm. All I wanted to do was stick my head back under the comforter and forget the world. But it was the day of the ball and I had lots to do.
My thoughts flashed back to the way I had left things last night. I felt hollow, as though all the joy had been scooped out of me. The worst of it was that I didn’t know why I was so upset at what Gabe had said about not being able to love anyone from here again. But it struck me and I felt floored by his words.
I touched my lips, remembering the warmth of his breath as he had kissed me. I had almost forgotten what it was like to be kissed. Even thinking about the kiss brought memories of Kyle flooding back. He had this way of making everything better with a kiss. Even when we fought, he would come find me and kiss me, saying that he couldn’t bear to fight with me.
The day he had the car crash rushed into my head. I closed my eyes as the memories washed over me. The sheer panic of not knowing where he was. The temporary relief at being told that he was in Dakota Med in the trauma unit. Then the shock and disbelief when I arrived to see him, only to be told he had died on route to the hospital.
I refused to believe he was gone. I sat for hours in the waiting room, just staring at the walls, praying that I was locked in a nightmare and that Kyle would come and shake me awake. Mom and dad eventually coaxed me out of the hospital and into their house, where I proceeded to shut down completely, just sitting and staring into space.
When it finally hit me that Kyle was gone I was inconsolable. Once I started crying I couldn’t stop. He was my best friend, my lover, my everything. When he died, a huge part of me died along with him.
I shifted in the bed and stretched. My mind immediately went to the night Gabe and I were frantically tangled in each other. It was crazy to think how close we had come to actually getting naked and having sex. I wasn’t used to being held in that way, never mind being kissed and touched like that. Tears threatened to stream down my face, so I took a few long, slow, deep breaths and tried to calm down.
I could hear Gabe moving around downstairs, but I didn’t really want to talk to him. I was tired of feeling awkward, and this was supposed to be the big day. All of my hard work over the last few months would come together for the party of the year. I was determined to make the most of it. So, I waited until Gabe went into the shower and I quickly headed over to mom and dad’s house.
The familiar smell of mom’s cooking made me feel infinitely better. She smiled and gave me a massive hug when I walked in. I let my body collapse into her warmth, relieved to be somewhere that I could just be myself.
“You’re just in time for some lunch.”
“Good. I’m starving.” I helped her set the table and we busied around the kitchen until dad came home. After more hugs we sat and got down to the business of eating.
I was happily stuffing my face with fried cornbread when I noticed dad was eyeing me up.
“What’s wrong dad?”
“I could ask you the same thing, babygirl.”
I frowned and shrugged it off. “Nothing’s wrong.”
Dad pointed his fork at mom. “Do you see that, Marta? She thinks we don’t see that something’s wrong.”
Mom nodded sagely. “It’s almost as if we didn’t bring her up from being a baby.”
I sighed and put down my fork. “Things have just been a little strained, is all. I’m finding it hard to adjust to this fairytale that we’re spinning.”
Dad spooned some more salad on to his plate, his face a mix of understanding and disapproval. “I can see it’s having a strain on you. I’m not sure I entirely approve of the situation, but I know what’s driving you to do it.”
“We’re so grateful that you’re doing this for us, Lana,” my mom agreed. “But we want you to know that we don’t expect you to do it. If Matt gets the farm and we have to leave we’ll figure something out. You don’t have to burden yourself with all of this.”
I smiled at them. “I know, but you don’t have to worry. I’m a big girl and I know what I’m doing.” Mom and dad didn’t look convinced. Time to change the subject. “Anyway, it’s the big night tonight. I’m going to make sure it goes off without a hitch and have a great night of dancing.”
“Good for you,” dad smiled.
My dress for the ball was still over at my parents, so I decided to get ready at theirs. That way, I didn’t have to spend any time around the farmhouse with the chance of having to deal with Gabe.
Mom helped me do my hair and I fixed my makeup. Dad offered to drive me to the dance, so I kissed mom goodbye and headed into town with him. He smiled adoringly at me as I got out of the car.
“You look beautiful tonight, Lana. Is Gabe going to meet you in there?”
“Um…no. He’s not coming.”
Dad looked surprised. “Okay chica. Have fun. Give me a call if you want to be picked up later.”
I waved as he drove off and headed into the town hall. The caterers were setting up and the hall had been decorated to my specifications. Carey was standing chatting to a member of staff when I walked into the ballroom. She waved me over.
“Hey babygirl. You look amazing!” She gushed.
I smiled and pulled her into a hug. “I could say the same about you, Miss Thang!”
She giggled and gave me a twirl. Her pleated gold gown swirled around her legs and accented her in all the right places. “Why thank you. I thought I would come down early to help you get organized. Greg will be down in a bit once he’s picked up some of our friends.”
“Okay great.”
Within an hour the ballroom was ready, the band was warmed up, and the main doors had been opened to the general public. Guests in their finery streamed into the ballroom, spirits high, and ready to party. The band began to play swing music and guests immediately filled the dance floor. I stood and watched from the sidelines, happy that everything seemed to be going smoothly.
Greg and his friends arrived and Carey and I greeted them. “Wow, this is another great party, Lana,” Greg enthused. “Is Gabe about? I wanted to talk to him about an idea I had.”
“He can’t make it,” I replied, my heart sinking that I couldn’t escape from the link that had been created with Gabe.
“Aww, that’s a shame. I’ll catch him another time.”
I smiled as Greg spun Carey on to the dance floor. Looking around the room, I could see that everyone was happy. Couples everywhere were dancing closely to each other, whispering sweet nothings, and generally enjoying being together. I kept a mask of happiness on my face as I toured the room, welcoming everyone to the party.
I felt sure the strain must be showing on my face. There was a horrible lump in my throat and it took me all my strength to stay in that room and watch everyone having a good time.
A few hours into the evening, there was a break for the buffet. I took the chance to get some fresh air and slipped out of the ballroom on to main street. There was a small bandstand in the center of the square. Usually there would be local kids hanging around, but they had obviously moved on elsewhere for the night. I sat down on the bench and let out a sigh of relief. It was cold but I was just glad to be out here on my own. People walked past but nobody even noticed me.
I looked up at the stars and wondered what Gabe was doing.