Chapter Eight
Lana
The next day, Gabe had to go into town to take care of some business and I agreed to look after Louie. I think we were both quite relieved to have some time apart after the fight with Matt and whatever the hell it was that happened between us the night before. We didn’t talk about it before he left. I wanted to scrub all memory of it from my mind.
I threw all of my energy into looking after Louie. It was the only way I could get through the day without falling apart. Luckily me and the little guy had already developed a good bond, so it was easy to spend the time with him, and to stop my mind from wandering towards guilt and shame.
Louie exhausted both of us, running round the farm all morning, playing hide and seek and petting the cows and horses. We made mud pies and threw them at the old dilapidated cow shed down the back of the farm. For lunch, we ate sandwiches while sitting on the old hay bales, and watching the farmhands go about their business.
After making a mess of the kitchen while helping me to make cookies, Louie informed me that I was the best friend ever, before he curled up on the couch next to me and fell asleep. I soothed myself by stroking his hair and listening to him snore. Yawning, I settled in for a snooze beside him. After all the emotions from recent events, I was pretty tired.
I always thought that Kyle and I would have kids together. When he died, I pushed the thought of ever having children out of my mind. It wasn’t even conceivable that I would find a man to replace Kyle, never mind consider having kids. I had to admit though, that I enjoyed having Louie around, even though our living arrangement was hard to get used to. He seemed to accept that I was living with his dad, and didn’t kick up much of a fuss about anything. In fact, out of the three of us, Louie was the one who simply accepted what was happening and got on with it.
I shifted uncomfortably in the chair, trying to find a more comfortable position without waking Louie up, just as Gabe arrived home and dumped his laptop bag on the kitchen table. He smiled when he saw Louie lying asleep beside me. His face always softened when he looked at Louie.
“He’s out for the count. He ran me ragged around the farm today. I honestly don’t know where he gets his energy from. It’s hard to think we used to be like that.”
“Thank you for looking after him today. I’ll take him up to bed.” Gabe lifted him off the couch and climbed up the stairs. I followed him up and watched as he tucked the little boy into bed, gently kissing his forehead and wiping a wisp of dark hair away from his forehead.
“He’s lucky to have a father like you,” I said as Gabe closed the door to Louie’s room.
“No, you’ve got it the wrong way round. I’m the lucky one.” I couldn’t disagree so I smiled and wandered into my bedroom and sat on the bed. I patted the bed and he came to sit next to me. “Listen, about last night…”
I stopped him. “Let’s not go there. We were both stressed out and things just got a bit out of hand. I think it would be a good idea to forget it happened.”
He nodded in agreement. I searched around for something else to talk about. “Do you think Rebecca will ever get in contact with you, or try to get custody of Louie?”
He let out a long sigh, and I immediately felt guilty for bringing up the subject. “No, I don’t. And I would fight her tooth and nail if she tried to take Louie away from me after the way she walked away from us.”
“You must have been heartbroken.”
He chuckled softly. “That’s putting it mildly. Of all the things that Rebecca could do to me, I never once imagined that she would ghost me and Louie like that.”
“Ghosted you? She didn’t even tell you that she was leaving?”
He nodded. “It didn’t feel real, you know? For the first six months, I thought that she would come back and everything would be okay. I had this crazy thing in my head that she was just gone on an extended vacation, not quite able to believe that she was gone. But then six months passed and she still hadn’t contacted me. I couldn’t understand how she could do that to our child, how she could just walk away from our adorable little boy.”
“I’m so sorry Gabe. You and Rebecca always seemed so happy. I didn’t realize that she had ghosted you like that. Of course, I was wrapped up in my relationship with Kyle while most of it was going on so I was never entirely sure what had happened. It doesn’t make sense though, Gabe. She used to pine for you whenever you were on a tour of duty. I remember thinking that it must have been hard for her, when you were away so much.”
He rubbed his neck and smiled wryly. “I’ll never know, since she didn’t bother to give me a reason for leaving. She didn’t even wait for me to finish a tour. She just dumped Louie at the farmhouse and disappeared. I had to get special dispensation from command to leave the army.”
I felt the confusion, anger and sadness emanating from him. It made me want to take him in my arms and tell him everything was going to be all right. But I knew that would be a lie. After all, Gabe had experienced almost the same type of grief that I had, with the only difference being that Rebecca was still alive, carrying on with life somewhere else. But the intense loss of a loved one being there one moment and gone the next was the same, regardless of whether that loved one was dead or alive.
“How are you holding up?”
“Huh?” I looked over at him in confusion.
“This thing we’re doing. I feel pretty awkward pretending to be in love, so I can only imagine how you’re feeling. And then we go and do…what we did last night, and it muddies the waters, and…” He tailed off, his face flushed red with embarrassment.
“Uh…it is awkward,” I conceded. “It doesn’t feel right to lie to everyone, and I’m so paranoid that people can see right through me. I just wish I was a better actress.” I pointedly didn’t remark on the previous night’s events, in the hope that he would drop the subject. The flash in his eyes told me he got the hint.
He chuckled awkwardly. “Is it so hard to pretend to be in love with me?”
“I didn’t mean it like that!”
He stood up and laughed. “Oh, look at you backtracking your foot all the way out of your mouth.”
“Hey! Stop teasing me, Gabe Dawson. You know exactly what I meant. Anyway, you just said yourself that you feel awkward pretending to be in love with me.”
“Yeah, awkward doesn’t even come close. I mean, coz you’re so ugly and all that!” He laughed, then darted away as I threw a pillow at him. I followed him down the stairs, both of us laughing at the situation we had gotten ourselves into. He poured me a glass of wine and opened a beer for himself.
“At least it won’t be forever. If we can get through the wedding and sit it out for about six or nine months, then we’ll be in the clear and you can get back to your life and do whatever it was you were doing. What were you doing, by the way?”
I snorted at him. “Nothing. I was just coasting. Getting on with life, studying hard for my nursing degree, passing time like most people do.”
He took a swig from his beer. “No boyfriends in the picture?”
I shrugged. “Nah. Not for me. I don’t have the time.”
There was an awkward silence. I silently begged for him not to bring up the night before.
He threw a curveball instead. “Speaking of the wedding, have you chosen your dress yet?”
“What? No!” I hadn’t even considered that I would have to get all gussied up for the wedding. “Do I have to wear something froufrou?”
“If you like, but I never took you for a frilly doily type woman.”
“Oh, if you want frills, you can have frills,” I grinned.
“I expect you think it’s fine to walk down the aisle in a pair of jeans and sneakers,” he goaded.
“You know me so well, Dawson.”
He grinned back, and for the first time it felt like we were able to relax into each other’s company. Maybe we could get through this thing without any more issues.
I suddenly had a thought. “Hey, if we want to make a big show of the whole being in love and being engaged thing, you should probably come along to the Valentine’s ball with me.”
“Valentine’s what now?” His eyebrow arched as though I had just told him pigs could fly.
“I organize the Valentine’s ball in the town every year. Everyone goes along. Fancy black tie and ball gown affair.”
He took a huge glug of his beer and shook his head. “It’s not really my thing.”
“I know that. But it would shut up all those town gossips and make everyone believe that this love thing we’ve got going is real. Maybe word will get back to Matt and he’ll start to see that you’re serious about the whole thing.”
He thought for a minute, and I was starting to wonder if I should have kept my mouth shut. He put down his beer and nodded. “Okay then, Ms. Torres. You shall have a handsome fella to go to the ball! Just don’t expect me to dance, okay?”
I grinned at him. “We’ll see about that, soldier boy.”