Chapter Three
Lana
Back at college the next day, I was sitting on my own in the cafeteria during lunch. I was concentrating on proofreading the poster I had created for the town’s annual Valentine’s ball. Being known as a bit of a matchmaker around town had ended up with me being voted on to the organization committee six years ago, and then I ended up being in charge of overseeing the whole thing. It was a lot of hard work but I loved it. With only a month to go before the big day, I was in the middle of sorting out the marketing material. Not that it ever needed a lot of marketing because it was a popular night out within the town.
Carey dropped her food tray on to the table and sat next to me. “Jeez, I swear the servers in this canteen get slower every day. Lunch is almost over and I’m just sitting down. I’m going to have indigestion all afternoon.”
I laughed. “That will be great when you’re in class with Professor Wakefield all afternoon.”
Carey groaned and stuffed a potato chip in her mouth. “Don’t even, all right! That woman gives me indigestion just thinking about her.” Professor Wakefield was renowned for being so boring that at least two students fell asleep in her class every week. “I know I’m going to fail this semester,” Carey moaned. We were both taking an elective class on neurology to support our nursing qualifications at USD (University of South Dakota).
I looked up from the poster I was proofing and nodded at my friend in sympathy. She pointed at the large piece of paper in front of me. “What’s that?”
“It’s the poster for the valentine’s ball. I’m just giving it a final proofing before sending it off to be printed.”
Carey’s face lit up at the mention of the ball. “Oh awesome. I can’t believe it’s so soon. We’ll need to go shopping for dresses. I want something with a low back, very figure hugging, you know? I want Greg to be able to appreciate my fabulous booty.”
Carey would look fabulous in a dirty old sack. And I knew that Greg would appreciate her booty regardless of what encased it. I was glad my pet project had worked out. I knew Greg was right for Carey as soon as I met him. It hadn’t taken long for me to matchmake them into the adorable little lovefest that they had going on.
“I’m so happy you two are getting on so well.”
“Lana, the boy is a dream! He is beyond perfect. I don’t know how to thank you for setting us up.”
She was going to make me blush. “Just keep the fancy Belgian chocolates coming,” I grinned, wiggling my eyebrows and smacking my lips.
“How many couples have you set up now? Five?” I nodded. “I’m going to start calling you Dolly.”
I laughed. “As long as you don’t start following me down the corridor singing Hello Dolly, you can call me what you want.”
Carey went back to eating her lunch and I checked the details on the poster once more before rolling it up and putting it in my bag. “Right, I’m going to drop this off for printing and I’ll catch you outside class in five?”
I left Carey humming the tune to Hello Dolly under her breath as she ate her potato chips. Ah, that woman was crazy. I was just glad that I had been able to help so many people find love.
After dropping off the poster I headed across the quadrant and into the building where my afternoon class was being held. I could hear Carey before I saw her. She was waxing lyrical about how amazing Greg was, and it made me smile when she mentioned how thankful she was that I had set them up.
“Does Lana have a date for the dance?” One of the other women asked.
“I don’t know,” Carey responded.
“Jeez. You would think that Lana would just move on already. It’s been what? Three years since Kyle died? She needs to get a grip and move on.”
I stopped dead in my tracks in the middle of the corridor. Carey saw me and rushed over. “Lana, I’m sorry you had to hear that.” She glared at the woman who had made the comment, who at least had the good grace to look a little remorseful. “Don’t listen to her. You’ll get over Kyle in your own time.”
Not really knowing what to say, I pushed Carey away from me. “Um, I have to go. Can you take notes for me please? I’ll catch up with you later.”
I turned and walked away as quickly as my feet would propel me out of the building. I just needed to get some air. The knot that was always in my chest tightened and I felt like I was going to throw up. There was a wooden bench on the path leading away from the quadrant. I sat down and gripped on for dear life, staring at the paving below my feet, wishing for the ground to open up and swallow me whole.
Kyle. Oh Kyle. Why did you have to leave me?
Three years had passed since the day that Kyle died, turning my life upside down. And there hadn’t been a day since, where I spent every waking hour wishing that I could somehow bring him back. The feelings of heartbreak and loss hadn’t dissipated in three years. How could it? Kyle was my beating heart. We fit together perfectly. I knew no one else could match what I had with him. So what was the point in trying? Why did no one understand?
Determined not to cry, I stood up and walked towards the parking lot. I drove back to the farm in a daze, my head full of memories of his face, his laugh, his touch.
Mom was sitting in the living room darning one of dad’s old work shirts. She frowned when I walked in. “You’re back early. Don’t you have class this afternoon?”
“I…I have a headache. I think I’m going to go lie down in my room.”
“Lana, you look deathly pale. Has something happened?”
“It’s nothing. Just…I overheard some of my classmates gossiping about me and Kyle. Apparently I’m supposed to just get over it and move on. As if having a date to the Valentine’s ball is going to fix the fact that my beautiful man is dead and not coming back.”
Mom recoiled a little at the vehemence in my voice. Even I was struck by the anger coursing through me. But a nerve had been hit and I was mad as hell.
“Oh Lana,” mom sighed. The look on my face stopped her from saying anything more. I knew she found it hard to see me moping around the house all the time. I knew she wished that I could move on and find someone new.
Suddenly I felt the need for fresh air again. I excused myself and walked through the house and out the back door. The fields were brown and hardened with frost. The sun was low but there was a little warmth coming from it. I leaned against the wall and closed my eyes, trying to stop the pain from devouring me whole.
“Is everything all right?” I opened my eyes and cupped my hand over them so I could see. Gabe was standing on the track. “I’m not prying. I came over to speak to your dad about the funeral arrangements and saw you. You look really upset. Is everything okay?”
I smiled at his concern. He had always been a sweet guy. “I’m okay. Just having a moment.” He nodded and flashed that quick smile which had beguiled me so much when I was a teenager. I’m not going to lie. I used to moon over him something awful when we were younger. I had always been his partner in crime growing up, usually banding together against Matt. He had been my boy crush all through high school, and I concocted hundreds of fantasies about him falling in love with me. But he never seemed to see me that way. I was just the best friend, the partner in crime. I pined after him for a while, but then Kyle came along and stole my heart and mind.
I studied Gabe now. He had dark circles round his eyes and looked exhausted. I noticed that his dark hair was turning to grey at the sides. He kept it cropped short, probably a throwback from his military days. His deep blue eyes had a mischievous intensity that still hit that sweet spot in my groin. Which was a shock, considering I had just been crying about missing Kyle.
I cleared my throat, mortified about my thoughts. “Dad isn’t in. He’s probably down in the sheds or in the barn with the farmhands,” I said overly cheerful, cringing at how lame I sounded.
“Okay thanks. I’ll go find him.”
I watched him as he wandered off down the track and wondered how he was coping with Charlie being dead. I mentally kicked myself for not having the good sense to ask him, for behaving like a silly lovesick schoolkid. I knew he probably felt even more alone now, what with his wife leaving him to look after Louie and the elephant in the room that was his brother, Matt.
It just didn’t make much sense to me why anyone would leave a man like Gabriel Dawson, never mind walk out of his life and leave behind their baby boy. I wasn’t surprised when he packed up his whole life and moved to DC after Rebecca walked out. I sometimes wished I had gotten away from this place too, after Kyle died.
Pull yourself together, Lana.
I said the mantra to myself a few times before taking a deep breath, pushing back all thoughts of Kyle, and decided to focus on giving Gabe and Louie as much support as I could muster while they laid Charlie to rest.