“I have no idea what to wear,” I mutter as I rifle through my tiny closet. I can’t remember the last time I bought something new. I’ve been purposely forcing myself to wear clothes I already own, considering my old closet back home was as big as my entire bedroom here and full of the latest and greatest styles, including super hot shoes and expensive bags.
After all the bad shit went down, I returned a bunch of those unworn shoes and got my money back. A lot of those expensive bags have also made me good money at the consignment shop. Sandie is thrilled with how fast they’ve sold and keeps asking if I have anymore, which I so do but that warrants a visit to the storage place and I haven’t had a chance to make it over there in a while.
For some reason my life went from dull and lonely, to exciting and busy. I blame it on making new friends. And a certain arrogant, sexy dude.
“I’m sure you’ll find something,” Kelli says, clearly not paying attention to me. She’s sitting on my bed, flipping through a magazine she picked up at the grocery store when we stopped by there earlier. “Hey, wanna take this sex test?”
I pause in my search for the perfect thing to wear. “No.”
She makes a noise. “God, you’re no fun. Don’t you want to know if you’re a wild woman or not?”
I’m fairly certain I’m not a wild woman. “I’m pretty boring when it comes to sex. I don’t need a test to tell me that.”
“Oh, come on, you can’t be that boring. I bet you have a few wild secrets up your sleeve.” She glances up from her magazine and wrinkles her nose. “Is that what you’re wearing? Don’t you think that’s a little too much?”
Sighing, I tug the black sweater dress I have on over my head, leaving it in a crumpled heap on the floor. Kelli’s right. A dress is too formal. It looks like I’m trying too hard to impress and that is so not the image I want to portray with Tristan’s friends.
Ugh. I can’t believe I even agreed to do this tonight anyway. I think Tristan is a little stunned that he agreed to it as well. A double date with Gabe and Lucy, we’re going to dinner together. Tonight.
He’s picking me up in less than an hour and I still don’t have an outfit figured out. I’m already a massive case of jittery nerves. I haven’t seen Tristan since the night we watched SATC and that was days ago. We’ve talked. We’ve texted. But what if he acts weird?
Knowing him he might act weird. I’m still baffled we only kissed a couple of times and then he left. I figured he’d try to make a move. A big move. Involving his big D.
Oh my God, I’m starting to sound like him in my thoughts. Clearly I have a problem.
“Whoa, what in the hell are you wearing?” Kelli asks.
I glance down at myself before I lift my head and meet her startled gaze. “Underwear?”
“That is some of the fanciest schmanciest underwear I’ve ever seen.” Kelli actually whistles. “Where did you get it?”
See, here’s the thing. Back in the day, when money was no object and I used my daddy’s credit card to buy whatever I wanted, I developed an underwear fetish. As in, I liked to spend top dollar on the finest lingerie I could find. Not that I was wearing it for a special guy. The serious relationships I had were few and far between, and the ones I did have weren’t particularly passionate.
But wearing delicate lace panties and a matching bra that costs more than the actual clothes I wore over them gave me this weird sense of power. Like I was wearing my armor beneath the regular clothes and no one had a clue. Sexy lingerie made me feel untouchable.
After everything that happened with my parents, I lost some of that power, and I definitely didn’t feel untouchable. When we got kicked out of our grand mansion, I shoved all my pretties in a box and tried to forget they existed. When I went through everything and stashed so much of it in storage, I brought the box of lace and silk with me here.
So the money may be gone but the undies remain. Not like I can bring it all into the consignment shop and sell my used panties—that’s gross. Besides, I didn’t want to get rid of them. I’ve rediscovered my love for my expensive lingerie collection and I’ve been wearing all sorts of stuff since the night Tristan came over. I put on this particular bra and panties set with Tristan in mind, hoping he’d catch a glimpse of them later tonight.
I sort of forgot myself and let Kelli get a full-on look at them right now.
“Victoria’s Secret I think, a long time ago.” Years ago. Black silk with white polka dots and trimmed in fine black lace, this set probably came from somewhere way more expensive but I didn’t want to say it. VS is common ground. Pretty much every girl on campus shops there.
“Tristan is going to shit.” Kelli throws her magazine down and sits up on the edge of the bed. “Seriously, Alex, you look hot. You actually have boobs.”
Ah, the brutal honesty of a friend. I know I’m flat chested. So does Kelli. She has no problem calling me out on it either. “This bra has really great lift.” I mess with the underwire and readjust the cups. Some guys call this false advertising. I just call it enhancing what I’ve already got.
“I’ll say. Tristan will want to lift those suckers right out of your bra.” She shakes her head. “God, I sound like a pervert. I blame my lacking sex life for this.”
Steven and Kelli are slowly circling around each other. They hang out. They talk. They text. They met for coffee twice. They went to a movie. He held her hand once—when they had to cross the street really fast. Otherwise, nothing is really happening.
And Kelli is frustrated.
“You need to make the first move,” I tell her as I go to my dresser and pull open a drawer, withdrawing my favorite dark blue sweater and shaking it out before I slipped it on. The color looks good against my skin and makes my eyes appear bluer. I shove up my sleeves and reach for the thin gold and silver bangles I used to wear all the time, stacking them on my wrist. “He’s afraid.”
“Scared guys are a pain in the ass,” Kelli mutters.
I slip a long necklace on over my head and turn to face her. “I had to be the one to make the first move with Steven. I advise you do the same.” I hold my arms out. “What do you think?”
“Great sweater. Love the jewelry. But you need pants.” Kelli narrows her eyes. “And what do you mean you had to make the first move?”
I can’t believe I frickin’ forgot to put on pants. Grabbing my favorite jeans, I slip them on hurriedly and then go in search of my knee high black leather boots that are underneath my bed. “I kissed him in the car the night we went to the movies.”
Kelli sucks in a loud breath. “You whore! Why didn’t you ever tell me this?”
Shrugging, I sit next to her and start pulling on my boots. “It was totally boring, that’s why.”
“It was bad? He’s a bad kisser? God, don’t tell me that. All the anticipation is starting to kill me.” She sounds worried.
“Between us it was bad. We had no chemistry. That was the night we decided we were better off as friends and he admitted to me that he liked you.”
“He has a funny way of showing it,” Kelli mutters.
“Please. You’re still getting to know each other. Steven moves slow, you knew this. But you two seem to have lots of chemistry. I’m sure when you finally do kiss Steven, it’ll be amazing,” I reassure her as I pull on my other boot, readjust them both around the knee and then stand. “Okay, now how’s my outfit?”
“Awesome. Pants really complete the look.” I stick my tongue out at her and she laughs.
“I’m nervous,” I admit as I slip the tiny diamond studs my parents gave me for my thirteenth birthday into my ears. “What if Lucy hates me?”
“Lucy adores you,” Kelli says. “You two already know each other. What’s there to be nervous about?”
“We barely know each other. I’m closer to Jade.” But Shep’s working at the casino tonight so he and Jade couldn’t go with us.
“You’ll be fine. Lucy won’t hate you. How could she? They might both hate Tristan on occasion but they definitely won’t hate you.” Kelli pauses, watching as I roam around my room, picking the discarded clothes off the floor and throwing them in my closet before I shut the door to hide the mess. “What should I do about Steven?”
“Are you two doing anything tonight?”
“I’m just hanging out here with the guys.” She shrugs, looking disappointed.
“Maybe you should suggest the two of you go out and do something, then make your move while you’re out? Or take him back to your place.” Kelli hates her roommate. They share a tiny apartment and her roommate’s dickish boyfriend is always there, making a mess and lazing around on the couch all day. “Get him in your room and work your magic on him.”
“What if he’s not interested in my magic?” she asks forlornly.
“Then he’s an idiot,” I say firmly, smoothing the front of my sweater out. “Do you think my idiot will like what I’m wearing?”
“He’s going to die when he sees you. And then when he gets your clothes off later and sees what you’re wearing underneath all that, he’s going to die all over again. It’ll be awesome. Make sure you take some pics on your phone and post them on Instagram to capture that moment.”
“Right. I’ll be sure to do that,” I say dryly, making us both laugh.
I can’t stop staring at Alexandria. From the moment I arrived at her house and caught sight of her standing in the open doorway, I about swallowed my tongue. That blue sweater she’s wearing hugs her in all the right places and for some reason her tits look extra amazing. The fabric is soft, making me want to constantly reach out and touch and her jeans are extra tight, those knee high boots emphasizing her long as hell legs.
My girl is hot as fuck. I distinctly remember telling her exactly that the night of the Halloween party. I still agree with my early assessment.
Dinner with Gabe and Lucy has gone well so far. I can admit I was a little nervous. We’ve had our moments in the past. Hell, only a couple of weeks ago I was in deep shit with Gabe after insulting Lucy like the asshole that I am. I couldn’t wrap my head around my friends wanting to be with only one girl so I lashed out and said some shitty things. Didn’t help matters that I was drunk.
Being drunk never helps matters, I’m starting to learn.
Lucy and Alexandria get along great—so great they do that girl thing and leave together to go to the restroom.
“Why do they do that?” Gabe asks as he watches them walk across the restaurant toward the ladies room.
“I don’t know.” My gaze is stuck on Alexandria, the way she tucks her hair behind her ear, smiling politely at a group of guys as they walk by. Half of them turn and check her out as well as Lucy and I clutch my hands into fists, ready to chase after them so I can tell them to keep their eyes to themselves. The fuckers.
“Get over yourself,” Gabe mutters, noticing my clenched fists and no doubt the deadly look in my eyes. “They can look, they just can’t touch. If they ever try, that’s when you go and kick their asses.”
I slowly unclench my fists and reach for my water glass, taking a big gulp. I still can hardly believe the way I’m behaving. The last few days Alexandria has been busy with work and school. So have I, though our schedules never seem to coincide. So I spend a lot of time in my room working my way through the entire Sex and the City series.
If the guys found out I’d be dead. But holy shit, that show is good. I’ve learned a lot about women and their views on sex and relationships. Yeah, it’s a little dated but I don’t think women have changed that much. Before I met Alexandria, I didn’t give a shit about women’s views on sex and relationships. Now here I am getting in touch with my feminine side and watching a show women still praise today.
Clearly I’m hanging on to my man card by a thread.
I’ve already figured out who Alexandria is among the girls on the series. She’s a Charlotte. And Charlotte’s my fucking favorite, all prim and proper yet totally wild beneath that calm exterior. I’m neck deep in season five and Charlotte just slept with her lawyer. She was making that guy crazy with lust.
I can totally relate to his problem.
“What’s your deal?” Gabe asks, nudging my elbow and knocking me from my thoughts.
I send him a dirty look. “What do you mean?”
“You and Alexandria. You’re acting…serious, bro. It’s weird.” Gabe shakes his head. “I’m nervous for the future of humanity.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Gabe is the weird one. He’s also a romantic who’s totally gone over his girl. I sort of get it now.
Fucking scary.
“I never thought I’d see the day that you would want to get serious with a girl. You act like you…like her.”
“Yeah, I do like her. But I don’t want to get serious with her,” I mumble, nerves eating at my gut. I don’t think I want to. But then again…I do. I’m conflicted. Imagining a future with Alexandria by my side freaks me out. Imagining a future without her also freaks me out.
Clearly, I’m confused.
“Could’ve fooled me.” He polishes off the last of his beer and pushes his glass away from him. “When was the last time you banged another chick?”
I have to think about it. And that’s unheard of. “Uh…two weeks? Three?” Since Halloween night, the night I met Alexandria. No one else has interested me.
Only her.
“Right.” Gabe nods, his expression amused. “So you’re having sex consistently with one girl. Amazing.”
“Uh. We’ve actually not had sex yet,” I admit, regretting it the moment I see the expression on Gabe’s face.
His eyes look like they’re bugging out of his head. If I weren’t so annoyed, I’d find it downright comical. “Are you fucking serious? Damn it, I wish Shep was here. He needs to hear this.”
“Don’t tell him anything—” I start but Gabe shakes his head, cutting me off.
“I have to tell him. It’s my duty as his friend.”
“You’re an asshole.” I scowl at him but he just starts laughing.
“So are you. Guess we’re equal. You know we’ve been waiting for this moment though truthfully, I never thought I’d see the day. You can’t keep it in your pants. We’ve said this. You’ve said this.” His laughter dies. “This has nothing to do with that bet you made with Shep, does it?”
“How the hell do you know about that bet?” I forgot all about it.
“Shep told me.” He hesitates for a moment before letting it all out. “If that’s the only reason you’re seeing her, then that’s fucked up.”
“The reason I’m seeing Alexandria is none of your goddamn business but just so you know—it has nothing to do with that bet,” I tell him vehemently.
We’re still arguing when the girls return to the table, Lucy tactfully changing the subject and forcing us to quit our bickering. Swear to God, I feel like Gabe and I act like an old married couple sometimes. Shep has said more than once he believes we’re secretly gay for each other.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that but Jesus.
“Do you have Thanksgiving plans, Tristan?” Lucy asks. I’ve noticed she’s like a little mother, wanting to take care of everyone. Even me, though I don’t deserve her kindness, considering what an ass I was to her when she first started coming around.
I shrug, glancing over at Alexandria before I answer. She’s ducking her head, checking her phone real quick. Huh. “The usual. Spending it with the parentals. How about you?”
“I’m going to my mom’s. Gabe’s going with me.” She smiles at him and he slips his arm around her shoulders, pulling her in close. “We’re going to make him lots of food and fatten him up.” She pats his flat stomach.
“Her mom is the best cook ever,” Gabe agrees.
“How about you, Alex?” Lucy turns her attention to Alexandria. “What are your plans?”
Alexandria lifts her head, her expression guarded. “Um, I have no plans. I’ll probably just end up staying here.”
“Oh, you don’t have family close by?” Lucy frowns, concern written all over her face. I know she doesn’t like the idea of her being alone during the holiday.
I don’t either.
Alexandria shakes her head but says nothing.
Odd. She doesn’t talk about her family ever. Only the brief mention about her mom owning the Sex and the City DVD set. Otherwise, nothing. Rather mysterious—and unusual. Girls love to talk their heads off about everything and nothing. At least the girls I’ve spent minimum time with. Not that I have room to talk.
I don’t share that much about my parents either, mostly because I don’t like them. Or worse, I’m afraid I’ll grow up to be just like them. Maybe she feels the same way.
So I guess that’s not so odd after all.
“I’d invite you to come with us but my mama’s house is so tiny. Only two bedrooms and she makes Gabe sleep on the couch,” Lucy says, the disappointment clear in her voice. Then she brightens. “Tristan, you should invite her to your parents’ place.”
Panic clutches at my heart, puts it in a stranglehold. I don’t want her around my parents. Bringing her with me not only says this is serious business but shit. My parents suck. I don’t want her meeting them and thinking, is this how Tristan will be later on in life?
Gotta play this off and quick.
I laugh but it’s halfhearted at best. “What and torture her? I don’t think so,” I mutter, shaking my head.
Lucy glares. Gabe sends me a, you’re a dumbass look. But hell, that’s the truth. She doesn’t need to go to my fucked up holiday dinner where Mom won’t make turkey because it’s fattening and Dad might never show up at the table because he’s too busy working. I’m trying to reel this girl in not drive her away.
“It’s okay,” Alexandria says, offering a timid smile. “I’m probably going to dinner at Steven’s house anyway.”
“Wait, what?” I turn to look at her, trying to tamp down the irritation that rises within me at hearing that jackass’s name. “You’re going to Thanksgiving dinner at Steven’s house?”
She shrugs. “His parents don’t live too far. Kelli and I are going with him. He didn’t want us to be alone.”
How did he know she was going to be alone for the holidays when I didn’t? How often is she talking to this guy? I think he’s over at her house every day. He has the perfect excuse since he’s friends with her roommates and now supposedly trying to move in on Kelli. But who knows if that’s for real.
I don’t like him spending so much time with Alexandria. At all. But how can I protest without looking like a jealous asshole? I can’t. So I’m stuck.
“He was just being nice,” Alexandria adds softly, only for me to hear. Her hand rests on my thigh. She gives it a squeeze and normally I’d be all for this. Her hand is on my thigh, nice and close to my dick, why wouldn’t I like it? But I’m irritated.
That guy Steven is always just being nice. They might’ve agreed that they’re better off as friends but why do I get the distinct feeling he’s waiting in the wings, ready to sink his claws into Alexandria as soon as he gets a second chance? What if he thinks she’s just getting me out of her system? Good girls are drawn to guys like me. I’d have to be blind not to see it.
I definitely see it. And in the past, I always took advantage of it. Good girls looking to break out and be bad. I was always a willing partner. Is Alexandria one of those types? I’m kind of thinking yes. But am I something to work through before she ends up with a nice guy who will offer her stability and snuggling on a Saturday night? Like stupid ass Steven?
The idea of her being with another guy—or worse, going back to Steven—tears me up inside. What the hell does that mean?
I’m almost too scared to explore the possibilities.