I’m drunk. And I never realized this before, but when I’m drunk, apparently I get loose-lipped. As in, I say things I probably shouldn’t.
“I like her,” I tell Shep as we’re heading back to our house. “I like her a fucking lot. And I don’t get why but damn it, the way she looks at me is like…fuck.”
Shep barely glances my way. He’s paying attention to the road, which is a good thing because the weather is shit. He had one beer at the beginning of the night and then kept the Cokes coming for the rest of the evening. He’s my sober driver. Because I’m drunk.
Drunk as hell.
“Who exactly are you talking about?” Shep asks as he taps the brakes and the car slows. The rain is just as bad as was predicted, heavy and relentless. I really wish I would’ve stayed home.
Though if I’d done that, I wouldn’t have gotten so drunk and I am feeling good right about now. So no regrets. Fuck that.
“Alexandria.” I bump the back of my head against the seat and close my eyes, but I’m still spinning. This is a bad sign. “Alexandria the terrible, no good, rotten girl who plays hard to get.”
“She’s a challenge yet you keep chasing after her? That’s unlike you,” Shep says.
“Don’t read anything into this. I know how you are.” Like a doddering old woman thanks to Jade, always trying to set up his friends with another friend or some other thing. I refuse to let him play matchmaker.
“I’m not reading into anything. You’re the one who’s spilling his guts,” Shep points out.
I clamp my lips closed. I should shut up. Whatever I’m telling Shep, Jade will hear too, and what if she eventually spills it to Alexandria? I don’t know if I want her to know this stuff.
“I’m assuming you told her about the bet that you lost,” Shep prods. “Considering you like her and all.”
“Please,” I mutter, slumping in my seat. “It’s the alcohol talking. You shouldn’t take me seriously. And no, I didn’t tell her about the bet that I haven’t lost yet, thank you very much. What’s to tell?”
“Whatever. You’re just digging yourself a deeper grave I hope you know.” Shep chuckles and shakes his head. “I’m thinking this might be the only time you’re completely sincere. You like this girl, don’t you?”
“Hell no,” I say quickly. Maybe a little too quickly. “Fucking. That’s all. That’s all it can be. One and done. I’m sticking to the rules. Just like we promised.”
“Whatever. Keep living in denial.” He slows the car and makes a right turn. We’re close to home and close to the end of this conversation, thank Christ. “It’s not so bad you know.”
“What?” I ask warily.
“Falling in love with a woman. Wanting to be with her and no one else. Actually, that part is pretty damn easy. I can’t imagine being with anyone else. I don’t want to. Not when I have Jade.”
“You’re sick in the head.” I scoot further down into the chair, wishing I could tune him out and fall asleep.
“Naw, man. I’m serious. Sticking with one girl isn’t bad at all. The more time I spend with her, the more I realize just how much I love her.”
His sappy talk makes me feel sick to my stomach. “Next thing you know you’ll be planning your wedding and discussing flower options and all that shit.”
“We’ve discussed it all, bro. Pretty sure she’s waiting for an engagement ring for Christmas but I don’t think that’s on my radar. Yet. I’d rather wait until we graduate before I get that serious,” he explains.
I gape at him. He really is serious. He wants to put a ring on it and make Jade his permanent piece. I can’t even imagine…
“Someday it will happen to you,” Shep says confidently. “And I can’t wait to tell you I told you so.”
“You will never get a chance to say those words to me,” I insist, undoing my seatbelt the moment Shep turns his car onto our driveway. There are still a few cars parked out front but I don’t recognize them. I’m reaching for the door handle before he even has the car in park. “I’ll see you inside.”
“Dude, wait a minute, she might still have girls in there—”
I slam the door before he can finish his sentence. Fuck it. If Jade’s crazy sex party is still happening, I’ll sneak in through the garage and through the back hall. That way I won’t have to face any of them.
The moment I enter the kitchen I can hear the sound of girls giggling coming from the living room. One of them squeals and I swear it’s Kelli. She’s got a loud mouth so that’s no surprise. I glance around the messy kitchen. Two empty wine bottles and a few glasses sit in the sink. The island has serving plates scattered all over it, most of them empty but one still has a few appetizers on it. Grabbing some weird looking pastry thing off the plate, I stuff it into my mouth and go to the fridge to grab a bottle of water.
Hmm. The weird pastry thing is pretty damn good. I grab another one, about to shove it into my mouth when Shep enters the kitchen, his eyes about bugging out of his head.
“Holy hell, did you just eat one of Jade’s fancy appetizer things?” He sounds like I just risked my damn life for a mushroom puff or whatever the fuck it is.
I roll my eyes and bite into the pastry with extra enthusiasm just for Shep, then shove the other half in. “It’s delicious,” I say, my mouth full.
Shaking his head, Shep picks one up and takes a bite. “Huh, it is good,” he mumbles, sounding shocked.
Oh, if Jade heard his lack of faith just now. She’d give him endless shit.
“I know.” I swallow and take a drink from the bottled water, trying my best to ignore the laughter that’s still coming from the living room. I’m curious to check out what’s happening. “Sounds like they’re having fun in there,” I say casually.
Shep goes still. “Don’t go in there.”
Him saying I shouldn’t makes me want to go in there even more. “What’s the harm in seeing what’s going on?”
“Aren’t you the one who told me you didn’t want to see them passing vibrators around?” he points out.
I might’ve said that very thing back at the bar but that was hours ago. Now I wanna see it. I wanna see something.
I also want to know if Alexandria’s in there. I swear I can feel her presence but that’s ridiculous. I can’t want Alexandria. To want her is to want—more. More than I can give her, more than I can accept, more than I can deal with. Relationships are bullshit, all the girls I’ve ever been with are greedy bitches who demand the whole damn world and yeah…
It’s gotta be the booze affecting my mental state. I drank too much, my head is spinning, I’m starved for more mushroom pastry things and the need to see Alexandria is damn near overwhelming. Just to catch a glimpse of her, even for a few seconds. That’s all I need.
All I can want.
Pushing away from the kitchen counter, I head toward the living room, Shep falling into step behind me, right on my heels.
Fucker.
“Don’t go in there,” he warns me, his mouth practically at my ear. I swat him away but that doesn’t stop him. He just keeps talking. “Jade will murder us both if we ruin her party, you know. And you really don’t want to face her wrath.”
“I’m not scared of her. Besides, we’re not going to ruin shit,” I say. “Maybe we can be the entertainment.”
“I think they have enough entertainment,” he retorts as he grabs my arm, stopping me. “Come on, you should go to bed.”
“I don’t want to go to bed, Dad.” I jerk my arm out of his hold. I hate it when he tries to tell me what to do. “I’m not tired.”
Shep glares at me. “I forgot how belligerent you get when you drink.”
“Shut up. I’m fine,” I mutter as I stroll into the living room as if I didn’t have a care in the world. Shep doesn’t follow me and I’m glad. This is my moment to shine with a bunch of amped up women who’ve done nothing but obsess about sex all night. Talk about an opportunity.
“Good evening, ladies,” I say with my biggest grin, spreading my arms wide like I’m on display—just another sex toy for one of them to possibly enjoy.
Clearly, I’ve lost my damn mind.
I go completely still when Tristan walks into the room, looking so good I sort of lose my breath when I see him. Kelli’s sitting next to me on the couch and she jabs her elbow in my ribs, making me jump.
“What an asshole. He’s not even looking at you,” she whispers out of the side of her mouth.
I say nothing because there’s no point in denying it. Tristan doesn’t even look my way. And all I can do is watch him as his arms drop to his sides, his smile faltering the slightest bit. His eyes look wild. Bloodshot. And that smile on his face can only be described as sloppy.
He’s drunk. Or at least has a good buzz going.
“Tristan.” Jade sounds mad. She worried before the party started that the guys would show up and somehow ruin everything. “What are you doing here?”
“We just got home, baby.” He winks at her. “And now the party can officially start.”
“Where’s Shep?” She sends all of us a panicked look. The only ones remaining beside myself are Kelli, Lucy, and the girl who gave the demonstrations, Toni. And by the interested glow in her eyes, I can see she doesn’t mind Tristan stopping by at all.
“In the kitchen shitting his pants,” he says cheerily. “You scare the hell out of him I hope you know.”
“Fuck off, Tristan,” Shep yells from the kitchen.
Jade’s cheeks turn red and she rises to her feet. “Well, sorry to disappoint but the party’s over.”
“Hey Jade. Who’s your friend?” Toni asks as she gets up from the couch to stand beside her.
“Tristan,” he says, thrusting out his hand, one of those notorious charming smiles on his face. A smile I’d like to slap off if I could.
She takes his hand, shaking it slowly, not letting go. “I’m Toni,” she practically purrs. I swear she just batted her eyelashes at him. “Aren’t you delicious?”
Kelli starts to giggle uncomfortably while anger simmers in my veins. Fine, we’ve all been sipping on wine and munching on delicious food the entire night, talking about the dirtiest things possible. When a handsome man walks into the room, of course someone is going to start flirting with him.
It’s been an evening of revelations. I heard stories about Shep that I can never scrub from my brain. Lucy blushed so hard whenever someone asked her a question we just knew that Gabe does all sorts of dirty things to her. She even admitted she freaking loves whatever it is that he does, making all of us extremely curious—and a little jealous. Kelli shared a few escapades, Toni is dirty as hell and doesn’t hold back, Jade’s other friends spent a ton of money on various sized vibrators, heated lube and edible underwear. And I sat there like the most boring person in the world, keeping what few stories I do have to myself.
I had a great time.
And now the guy I’m interested in, the guy I’m hot for, who kisses like a dream and acts like a nightmare is flirting with some woman who’s at least ten years older than him.
What the fuck ever.
“I can be as delicious as you want me to be,” he says, making Jade growl and Lucy groan.
“I’m out,” Lucy says as she hops to her feet, grabs her purse and goes to give Jade a hug. “Thanks for a great time. Nice meeting you Toni.” She approaches Tristan and lightly pats his cheek. “You should go sleep this off before you do something you’ll regret.”
“Ooh, burn,” Kelli mutters under her breath as Lucy leaves the room. “I don’t know if that was directed at him or at Toni.”
I can’t help but watch as they chat each other up. Toni steps closer. Tristan smiles. Toni touches his chest. Tristan doesn’t stop her. They both laugh and I know I can’t stay here much longer and witness this bullshit that’s unfolding.
“Let’s go,” I tell Kelli, tugging on her sleeve.
“Way to ruin the party, Tristan,” Kelli says as she gets up from the couch and then offers me a hand. I take it and she pulls me to my feet. “You walk in and we all bail,” she calls over her shoulder.
“I’m not bailing,” Toni says innocently.
I bet she’s not.
“You guys.” Jade steps in front of us as we make our way to the front door, wringing her hands and looking completely stressed out. “You don’t have to leave yet.”
“Ah, I work tomorrow so I should probably get home,” I tell her.
“And since I’m Alex’s ride, I have to go too.” Kelli shrugs and smiles. “But we had a great time, Jade. Seriously. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to look Shep in the eyes again.”
Jade laughs, the tension seeming to ease out of her. Somewhat. “I should’ve never told you guys any of those stories.”
Kelli laughs along with her. “Yeah, you really shouldn’t have but still. It was fun.”
I’m not even sure if Jade realizes that Kelli isn’t joking but hey, it’s all good. TMI was the name of the game tonight.
Avoiding Tristan as best as I can, we walk past where he and Toni are still chatting. He never once looks our way and my dumb, ridiculous heart feels like it’s going to crack.
Stupid. I knew what I was getting into, dealing with Tristan the asshole Prescott. After approximately ten days of not seeing each other, he forgets I even exist. This guy doesn’t deserve me. I need to focus on the good in my life. School is going well, I have a job, I have friends and a nice guy who’s interested in me.
The last thing I need is Tristan.
We enter the kitchen, where Lucy and Shep are saying goodbye to each other. Jade practically runs into the kitchen seconds later, startling all three of us. “You need to get Tristan out of there,” she tells Shep, waving her hand in the direction of the living room. “I think he’s going to jump Toni at any second.”
Shep makes a frustrated noise. “He’s drunk and irritable. I’ll go get him.” He stalks out of the kitchen, Jade following after him.
Kelli turns to look at me, rolling her eyes. “He’s a dick.”
“Who, Shep? I disagree. I mean, according to Jade he has a big di—”
“No, not Shep. Please. Tristan.” Kelli rests her hands on her hips, her eyes flashing with anger. “Why would he ignore you like that? And flirt with stupid Toni right in front of you? She’s kind of tacky.”
“I thought she was nice,” I start but Kelli cuts me off with a wagging finger in my face.
“Don’t you dare defend her! She was coming on to him like a cat in heat. I think all that dildo talk she does for her presentations leaves her constantly wanting,” Kelli says bitterly.
I want to laugh but I don’t. My friend is mad on my behalf and I appreciate her so much. I never have anyone run to my defense. It feels good.
“I knew he was trouble from the moment I met him,” I reassure her, grabbing her shoulder and giving her a little shake before I let my hand drop. “He’s not worth your anger, trust me. I’m over it.”
Kelli studies me, her mouth turned into a little frown, her gaze full of disappointment. “Are you sure? I don’t want you to be all butt hurt over him. I know you kind of liked him.”
“I so didn’t like him. There’s nothing to like. He’s all flash and no substance, you know? Heartless and like a machine, always looking to find his next victim and use her up before he spits her out.” I press my lips together, shutting myself up a little too late. Bitter much? Ow.
“Tell me how you really feel,” Kelli says, arching one brow. She touches my arm and moves past me. “Let me use the restroom before we go. Gimme a minute.”
“No problem,” I tell her retreating back.
Blowing out a harsh breath, I go to the island and snag the last mushroom pastry puff that Jade made. They’re delicious, though not as good as they were when they were warm and fresh out of the oven. Still, it’ll hold me over until I get home.
Where I will drown my sorrows with a tub of ice cream, a giant spoon and a Sex and the City marathon on Netflix.
Ugh. Men suck.
“Alexandria.”
I whirl around at the familiar shitty voice saying my name, narrowing my gaze when I see Tristan standing in front of me. Alone.
“Go away.” I turn my back on him and continue leaning against the counter, ignoring the way my heart bounces around in my chest.
“I thought you already left.” I can feel him approach and I stiffen my spine, hoping he can read my don’t touch vibes.
“We’re leaving now.” I cross my arms in front of me, keeping my gaze straight ahead. I refuse to look at him.
“Whose we?”
“Me and Kelli.” He needs to go. Like, right now. I send him a quick glance before I look away. “Where’s your friend?”
I did not mean to ask that. I sound like a jealous shrew.
“If you’re talking about Toni, she left. Shep and Jade are helping her load up her car.” He moves so he’s standing directly in front of me and I tear my gaze away from his. I don’t want to look at him, stare into his pretty eyes, hear his pretty words. They’re meaningless. “You’re mad at me.”
He’s so infuriating. Why can’t he not speak his mind for once in his life? “I’m nothing at you. I wouldn’t care if you started fucking her in front of us in the living room. You can do whatever you want. I don’t own you.” I dare to look at his face just in time to see pain flash in his eyes.
Good.
“I don’t owe you anything.” His words are like a knife to my heart and I start to walk away but he grabs my arm, keeping me from leaving. I keep my head bent, trying to ignore the way my skin sizzles from his touch. “Yet I feel like an asshole for what I did.”
“You should.” I look into his eyes again, searching for the lies, the arrogance, the mocking. But none of it is there. The mask has dropped. He looks downright tortured.
Exposed.
He nods. “I do. I don’t understand why. What are you doing to me, Alexandria?” He says those last words in a harsh whisper and my resistance starts to crack.
“Oh, no you don’t.” Kelli’s voice startles us both and we spring away from each other, Tristan releasing his hold on me. “Let’s go, Alex.” She takes my arm and starts to tug me away from him. I let her.
“We need to talk,” he says.
“You had your chance,” Kelli tells him.
“Wait.” I stop her from dragging me to the door by digging in my heels. “I want to hear what he has to say.”
Kelli sends me an incredulous look. “What are you saying? You’re insane,” she whispers.
“You’re right. I am.” Oh God, I really hope I don’t regret what I’m about to do. “I know I shouldn’t, but I want to hear what he has to say. I’m curious.” How can I explain that I’m so drawn to him I can’t help but agree to whatever he requests? If I admit that I’ll sound like an idiot. One of those submissive girls who’ll do whatever the big macho man says.
It’s not about that with Tristan and I. There’s more here. I think we’re just scratching the surface. And though it might be a mistake and I might be setting myself up for a lot of pain later, I need to hear him explain his actions.
I need to figure out if he’s with me or if I’m alone in this…mess.
She glares at him for a long, tense moment before returning her gaze to mine. “You shouldn’t,” she says loudly. “He’s not worth your time.”
“You’re right. I know,” I whisper. “Just give me—ten minutes. Text me and I’ll meet you out at the car.” I reach out and grab her hand, giving it a squeeze. “Please?”
“Everything is telling me I should just shove you into my bug and get us the hell out of here,” she says, her voice low. “But whatever. It’s your funeral. You’ve got ten minutes and then I’m gone.”
With that, she walks away.
Leaving me alone with Tristan.