Chapter 10
Erin
As I run away from my boss, I wonder what I’ve gotten myself into. I know what we did was wrong, and that I barely know Mr. Reed, but I also know I want to do it again. The way he touched me, my skin was on fire. Not only that, but I want to feel him inside me.
I want to watch him as he fucks me. I don’t even feel too big now. Since he likes my body, I was silly to have any issues with it. I want to watch his big cock go in and out of me.
No! Bad thoughts lead to questionable actions...
I reach the elevator and do my best to shake these feelings. There’s just so much wrong with wanting to sleep with him. For starters, I don’t even know the guy and he’s at least twice my age. Also, sex should be the last thing on my mind. I need to focus on less… improper thoughts. I get to my desk and make a mental note to see my pastor after work. He’ll know what I need to do.
The day finally comes to an end and I’m out the door. On my way to the church, I try and organize my thoughts.
What am I going to tell Pastor Nichols? I can’t tell him everything, it’s too scandalous. And what if he tells my parents?
I know confession is supposed to be private, but my parents and the pastor are very close. If he felt my immortal soul was in danger, without a doubt he would tell them everything. But I still need to talk about it. Figure out a way to deal with all these… feelings.
I arrive, head straight for his office, and knock on the door.
“You may enter.” I open the door and the pastor looks happy to see me. “Erin! What an unexpected pleasure. Please sit.”
I close the door behind me and sit across from Pastor Nichols. He’s been our family’s pastor ever since I was a baby. He’s been my parent’s pastor even longer that that. I trust his judgement and know he will give me the advice I need.
“What may I do for you?”
I twist my hands in my lap. I've been so nervous thinking about how to say this and I still don't have the slightest clue.
“I'm here because I’ve been having some… impure thoughts lately.”
I’m so ashamed, I can’t even look him in the eye. He leans back in his chair and maintains a contemplative look.
“What kind of thoughts?”
“I started a new job—”
“Yes, your parents told me,” he cuts in. “At a law firm?”
I nod.
“I wasn’t sure that was the wisest choice,” he says. “Those places can be dens of sin. You are still quite an innocent young lady and I don’t see why you couldn’t have come to work for me, doing administrative work here at the church.”
I blink, wanting him to stay on topic. Folding bulletins and writing to missionaries is stuff that I did when I was in middle and high school. It’s part of my past experience that I used to get this job. It’s not what I wanted to keep doing forever.
I don’t even know what I want to do forever, although that certainly isn’t it, and working at a law firm isn’t either. It’s just a stepping stone, so that I can move out of my parents’ house and figure out what’s next. But I’m not about to tell Pastor Nichols that, since he doesn’t even like I’m working as a receptionist. I clear my throat, and start over.
“So, I started a new job and on the first day we had this thing where we met the various bosses. I met one of the owners and he took me upstairs…” I trail off, unsure of myself.
“Continue.” I can’t tell what Pastor Nichols is thinking. His face is a wall of neutrality.
“He took me upstairs and he hit on me and I kind of liked it,” I smile, remembering our meeting. I decide that’s the best way to say it for now— it gives Pastor Nichols a hint about what’s going on, without having to tell the whole story, for which I could end up ostracized.
I can’t help but think back to my rendezvous with Jameson Reed. It wasn’t just sexual desire, at least on my end. I also liked his personality. Plus, I felt comfortable around him. I wouldn’t have let him do all those things to me if I didn’t. It has to mean something.
Stop thinking that, I will myself. He does it with lots of girls. He’s a pro. It means nothing.
“What exactly do you mean?” Pastor Nichols asks.
Darn. Guess I won’t be let off the hook that easily.
“He started touching my arm and my neck and I let him kiss me. I started to think about letting him do other things, but I know it’s wrong and I—”
“Did you let him do anything else to you?” Pastor Nichols is almost shouting at me; he looks furious.
I knew it. I’m depraved. I’m a whore. Lord have mercy, I’m going to burn in hell for eternity. And he doesn’t even know how far I let Mr. Reed go.
I shake my head furiously, lying to save my ass.
“No. He only kissed me,” I whisper.
The pastor nods and some of his anger dissipates.
“That’s good, that’s good. What you did is still very sinful, Erin, but it’s good you didn’t let it go any further. I’m not surprised this ‘man’— and I say that with sarcasm— hit on you like this. It’s exactly what I was afraid of and why I wasn’t happy to hear you had started working for a law firm. You can’t let this man take advantage of you, even if he is your boss. You need to avoid temptation and to do that you must avoid him. You need to hold onto your purity. Do not let him take it. You can never sleep with him, no exceptions.”
I nod. I’m a little confused because he’s making it sound as if I had no mind of my own— just like my parents always do— and that Jameson drugged me or something. Clearly, I was quite into it. But, that’s besides the point and I can’t exactly tell him that.
Pastor Nichols is right. No matter how much my body wants it, I cannot have sex with Mr. Reed. I can’t do anything of a sexual nature with him.
I thank the pastor and leave, mulling over his words as I drive home. From now on, I decide, I’ll avoid Mr. Reed, just like I told him I needed to do. It’s for the best.