CHAPTER ONE
I’d always hated the nursing home. Everything was so sterile and detached from the outside world, it felt unnatural. The nurses that pushed around the elderly all looked like they had been working for way too long. They had bags under their eyes and their demeanor suggested they only took this job ‘cause they had no choice.
I cringed, thinking about my mother. What had she gone through while I was away? Were they treating her properly or were they neglecting her? I quickened my pace, hearing the steps echo through the almost empty hall. Up ahead, an old man shuffled forward, holding onto his walker with shaky hands. A CNA walked behind him, holding onto a belt tied around his midsection to keep him steady. “How are you doing Mr. Freeman?”
The old man simply grumbled, as if he no longer had the ability to form a coherent sentence or even words for that matter. I quickly looked away, embarrassed that I had stared at the man for so long. My heart ached for him, but it also did so for my mother. She was still young. Only sixty and already in a nursing home. She was probably going insane surrounded by all these people, unable to even have a proper conversation. It was probably one of the reasons why her condition had worsened so rapidly.
As I walked past the nursing station, I tried to blend in, to make myself invisible, but Freddie still managed to spot me.
“Hey! Estella!” He called out and rushed forward, nearly tripping over a cart of freshly-washed towels. I stopped, summoning all my willpower to hold back my desire to sigh in exasperation. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with my longtime admirer. “I didn’t think you were going to drop by today.”
“How’s my mother been?” Freddie was the main nurse assigned to my mother. For the most part, he took good care of her, but I was also certain that he nagged her ear off most of the time. Freddie didn’t know how to keep quiet.
“She’s been good. A little forgetful lately, but what can you do?” He offered a sympathetic smile, about to reach out and touch my shoulder. I stepped away.
“Is the new medicine helping?”
“A bit, but a few side effects have manifested. We have to see how she copes with it.” Freddie stood there, looking awkward, shuffling from foot to foot. “There’s this new drug that’s supposed to do wonders for Alzheimer’s patients…” He trailed off, but my interest had already been piqued.
“Why haven’t you mentioned it until now?” I stepped forward. This time, it was Freddie who recoiled, his eyes wide at my sudden burst of dominance.
“Well… it was just recently approved by the FDA and is still rather expensive. I know you don’t really have the funds for that kind of thing…”
“How much is it?” I demanded.
“Each injection costs about $1,000 and they need to be administered five times a week.”
“So, $20,000 a month?”
“Give or take.” Freddie rubbed the back of his neck, seeing the grimace on my face. There was no way I could afford something like that. I barely made $20,000 a year with my minimum wage job, let alone in a month. Besides, how was I supposed to pay that and my college tuition at the same time? My head started to spin, just thinking about it. All the air in my lungs felt like it had escaped from my open mouth and it was no longer possible to take another breath. I felt like I was suffocating. This couldn’t be happening.
“Hey, are you alright?” Freddie touched my arm and I snapped out of it, pulling away from him. He looked hurt, his usually bright brown eyes dulling over. “There are other options… more affordable ones.” I could no longer stand to talk about this. I walked away, heading straight to my mother’s room. I had to see her.
My mother had the room to herself. I slowly pushed open the door and snuck my head inside. She was sitting on her bed, watching TV. There was a glazed-over look in her blue eyes. With my heart pounding, I stepped forward and painted a smile on my face. “Hi, mom.” My voice felt weak. She didn’t even seem to hear me. I cleared my throat and tried again.
“Hey, mom.” This time she looked up and tilted her head to the side.
“Oh! Hello! Are you a new sister? My, you’re a pretty one!” She chuckled. The same chuckle she had laughed all her life. I stared at her, feeling like I had just gotten slapped in the face.
“No… mom… it’s me… Estella, your daughter. You remember me, don’t you?”
“Daughter?” She laughed again as if I had just told a joke. “Nuns can’t have daughters.”
“Nuns? Mom, what are you talking about?” My legs felt like they would give out at any moment. I collapsed into the chair beside her and took her hand. I stared into her eyes, desperately hoping that she would remember me.
“There, there. God forgives all.” She squeezed my hand and ran her fingers through my hair, just like she used to do when I was a little girl.
“Mom. Please… It’s me… Estella.”
“Are you one of the new sisters?” She repeated herself, offering me a friendly smile. It felt like someone was stabbing my heart – repeatedly – with every word my mom said. I knew this moment would come. I knew that at some point, my mom would forget about me, but I couldn’t let myself think it would be so soon. I thought I’d have more time with her.
I couldn’t stop the tears that ran down my cheeks. I felt so helpless. If only I could afford her medication, maybe things wouldn’t be so bad. I sniffled, trying to stay strong for her. I reached up and moved her silver hair away from her face. “I love you, mom…” She just smiled at me, her eyes distant as if she was in another world.
How had my mother, a woman who had raised me all by herself while working two jobs to support us, fallen so fast? She had done everything she could to give me a better life and now, when she needed my help the most, I could do nothing to help her. “I’m so sorry…”
CHAPTER TWO
I stayed with my mother all afternoon. She fell asleep shortly after I arrived. I kept holding her hand, feeling how frail it was. Her skin felt papery and thin under my hand. My mother was the strongest woman I’ve ever known, but now, my heart broke every time I looked at her, knowing that her mind was betraying her. “I’m going to help you get better…” I promised.
I looked at the clock posted in the room, knowing I had to leave before someone pestered me about staying beyond the normal visiting hours. I kissed her forehead, my eyes surging with the desire to cry again, but I held back my emotions. Crying wasn’t going to do any good.
I gathered my things and walked out of the room. As I passed the nurse’s station, I half-expected Freddie to stop me, but he wasn’t at the desk. One of the other nurses looked up at me with a scowl. I quickly looked away and hurried down the hall.
With my mind elsewhere, I wasn’t really paying attention to my surroundings. I just wanted to get home, take a hot bath, and melt all this tension away. I closed my eyes for a split second.
Suddenly, I slammed right into someone’s chest. He grabbed me before I could fall and make a complete fool of myself. I looked up to see Freddie standing there, looking beet-red in the face. “E-E-Estella.” He stuttered, his arm still tight around my waist. “I… We… need to talk.” He sounded nervous. He kept looking all over the place, avoiding my eyes.
I pushed away and straightened myself out. “Sorry about that… guess my mind was elsewhere.”
“It’s quite alright.” Freddie’s face was still bright red. The arm he held me with now hung by his side as if he no longer knew what to do with it. “But we do need to talk. Would you step into my office?”
“What is this all about?” I asked, getting worried.
Freddie didn’t say anything. He just guided me down to his office.
The room wasn’t much bigger than a broom closet. Still, Freddie used it as efficiently as he could. Everything was neatly organized. Folders were alphabetized. The small desk was free of any clutter. He offered me a seat. “Is this really necessary? I mean, I should be getting home… I’m supposed to be studying for my organic chemistry exam.”
“Yes.” I had never heard Freddie sound so serious before. I sighed and sat down. “I wanted to tell you myself so you wouldn’t have to deal with one of the administrators. They weren’t too keen on the idea, but I told them it would be better this way.”
I couldn’t understand what he was going on about. “Administrators?”
Freddie pulled out a file from his top drawer and placed it on the desk. “It seems like you have a few overdue payments…”
“Yes… but I’m paying them in installments! I’ve only missed the last two because I had to pay the lab fees for school, but I’m certainly going to cover them next month.”
Freddie listened to me, looking sympathetic. I felt my skin crawl. I didn’t want his pity. I ground my teeth, my hands turning into fists in my lap. “I’m sure you will… Estella.” His voice was heavy, his shoulders sagged like he was carrying the weight of the world. “But the nursing home is a business. It doesn’t care whether you can afford it or not.”
“What do you mean?”
Freddie pulled out a letter and handed it to me. I took it with shaking fingers. “They aren’t going to tolerate any more late payments. They will cut your mother’s care if they don’t receive the back payments in three months.”
“They can’t do this! They can’t just stop taking care of my mom!” I shot up from the chair, feeling like I had been slapped in the face for the second time that day. My cheeks burned and I was shaking with anger. “They can’t… right?” By the look on Freddie’s face, I was no longer so sure.
“I’m sorry… Estella. I wish there was something I could do for you and your mom, but if you don’t pay, then your mom isn’t going to get treatment.”
“I… What am I supposed to do?” I collapsed into the chair, feeling like I was about to break down. I couldn’t stop the tears. With my head in my hands, I could do nothing but sob. Freddie awkwardly held me and I cried into his shoulder, my fingers holding on tightly to his shirt. This couldn’t be happening.
He rubbed my back, but no longer had anything to say. After all, what could he say? I pushed away, knowing that my eyes were red and puffy and my skin blotchy. “I’m sorry…”
“Please… don’t be.” He hesitated to let me go, his brown eyes full of compassion. While annoying at times, Freddie had a kind heart and I was glad he had gone through all the effort to tell me this himself. If some heartless administrator had told me… well, I probably would have picked a fight with him and caused myself even more trouble.
“How much do I owe?”
“In total?” Freddie looked at the file and frowned. “$546,899.”
“What?” I nearly choked at the number. “When did the bill get so high?”
“Do you remember when we did a few CAT scans on your mother? Those are very expensive. At least $5,000 without insurance.” I shuddered at the thought. My mother was the only family I had and I was the only family she had. After she had me, my father left her and her family disowned her and we moved to California for a fresh start. Now… all the burden of paying was on me.
“So the nursing home expects me to come up with half a million dollars just like that…?” I knew it was impossible. Where was I supposed to get that kind of money as a medical student?”
“I’m sorry…”