CHAPTER TWELVE
The next day, Alyssa isn’t very motivated to get to work. She gets out of bed later, does her morning routine slower and doesn’t even bother putting thought into her outfit for the day. Then, she drags herself to the car so she can drive to work. She doesn’t rush through traffic, curse at idiot drivers or sing along to her music like she usually does. Instead, she sits behind each car, blankly staring at the license plates. She hardly notices that the car in front of her has been doing seven miles per hour under the speed limit the entire time, which is usually a complete abomination to Alyssa on any other occasion.
Alyssa almost completely passes her shop, and just realizes it as she’s about to pass the entrance to the parking lot. She slams on her break and the car screeches to a stop. The car behind her screeches and swerves towards the curb. She mumbles something under her breath and turns into her boutique. She doesn’t get out of the car right away, instead it takes her several minutes to turn the car off, and then she just sits there.
She blames Vincent for this mood. It was the same mood that came over her when he left and never called. Maybe Jewel is right, maybe it isn’t meant to be. Maybe I got myself all caught up over him for no damn reason. Maybe I was only attracted to him, and wanted more than sex from him for no damn reason. Alyssa huffs as she gets out of her car. She’s reluctant but convinces herself to go to the shop and unlock the door.
When she gets in, her morning routine is completed haphazard. She doesn’t glance over her store as she walks to the counter. She throws her bag down on the ground and reaches for the power button on the computer and monitor. She misses the monitor and curses under her breath as she hits it forcefully. “Don’t wanna fucking turn on for me.” She mumbles as walks into the back room, right after the monitor light blinks on.
“Nothing wants to fucking turn on for me. Not the monitor. Not Vincent.” she mumbles as she looks at her boxes. She doesn’t really try look to see if everything is in stock, she walks back there for the sake of walking back there. She looks over everything, but just so that she can say she looked at it. She doesn’t actually take stock, then when she’s done she walks to the floor and just moseys about, looking through each of her sections. She passes multiple garments that are out of place, but only picks up one and moves it. Fucking people. Useless. She complains to herself as she walks back to the counter. Useless, just like fucking Vincent.
She forgets to turn her music on and she doesn’t have nearly the right amount of time to go through her social media like usual. Her lag this morning has given her only a few minutes left before she has to open up her store. She stares at her social media page for a minute before pulling her attention away from it.
Before she opens the shop she tries to talk herself into a peppier mood, if only to appease her customers, and to not drive anyone away. The work day goes by slowly, trudging along like an overweight alligator. Throughout the day, she finds herself pondering how she could have fallen for a guy that would just let things fall apart so easily. She wonders how the two of them aren’t together, considering how it seemed they were starting to get on the same page. ‘Maybe you’re not meant to be.’ Plays on a loop in her mind throughout the day, consistently bringing her back down when she finally brings herself slightly out of her funk.
Finally, when it’s time to close up shop, Alyssa gains a little more attentiveness. She’s ready to go home and relax, and drown the emotions out, preferably with beer. So she gets through counting her register and looking over her stock as quickly as she can. She’s so ready to leave, that she doesn’t even take one last look at the store, she just makes for the door.
As Alyssa walks out she nods to herself, A little rough for a day’s work, but I didn’t really want to be here. still...not bad, I guess. I can still give myself an Alyssa approval. Then go drown myself in beer. Bathe in beer. The thought makes her smirk as she locks up. When she turns around she sees a man standing behind her and she jumps back and screams. Immediately she adjusts her keys in her hand and swings. Her fist is caught by the man and then he comes into focus. It’s Vincent. He lets her arm go.
“While I may have deserved that… I figured doing it out of fear wouldn’t satisfy you… And I’m sorry for scaring you. I didn’t mean to.”
Alyssa puts her hand up for him to pause and she takes a moment to catch her breath. Her heart is pounding in her chest, the blood has flowed to her muscles and her body is just realizing it went into fight or flight mode. Alyssa takes a deep breath as she tries to calm her system down.
When Alyssa is ready, she stands up straight and looks at him, letting him know that he can continue.
“I just came to apologize. I’m sorry about how I acted… I know it wasn’t right. I feel bad about it.”
Alyssa raises her brow, “Yeah, you’re right, you do deserve that hit.” She shakes her head as she moves her keys from her palm to her purse.
“I’ve made a lot of mistakes. And about those girls… I know it wasn’t right, but I tried to drown my sorrows in them… I didn’t have any other way. I knew I couldn’t have you and there was no way to make that suffocating, strangling feeling go away. I figured if I could just drown myself in women, eventually I wouldn’t feel like that.”
“Vince…”
“Well… that’s not the end. When I got back here, and I saw you at the studio I knew that it didn’t work. I wanted you all over again. Just being here made me want to see you, Alyssa. You’re the one I wanted the whole time. I didn’t want those females. I wanted you, and I couldn’t have you. So, I’m sorry.”
Alyssa bites her lip. “Vince… I don’t know what to say. I mean yesterday I practically wanted to kill you… and now I’m glad I didn’t.” She says as she nods slowly. “It’s okay. I had the same suffocating feeling. I was angry that you didn’t call me. I was upset that you would leave and wouldn’t take me with you. But- I knew we had agreed on sex… It just wasn’t enough for me.”
“It wasn’t enough for me either.” Vince pauses, “Alyssa, I love you.”
Alyssa doesn’t respond, instead she leans in and kisses him. He tastes like beer and whiskey the taste of regret that pushed him to apologize, but she doesn’t care. Their lips mingle and their tongues dance. Alyssa is relieved, finally able to have her Vincent back and she never wants this moment to end, and all too soon. Vincent pulls away.
He puts his hands on her arms and looks at her straight, “Alyssa, I love you… but I can’t be with you.” Vincent’s face is solemn as he’s trying hard to keep his emotions inside, “I can’t be with you until I know that you’re not getting into something dangerous by being with me.”
Vincent doesn’t say anything more. He turns away and hops on his bike, revving the engine he drives off. Suddenly, the night isn’t brightly lit anymore. It seems darker, full of a void. Alyssa stands there all alone, biting her lip. Trying to hold herself together. How can he tell me he loves me and then crush it so quickly? How could he set me up at the restaurant and crush that so quickly? Alyssa pauses, her melancholy mood suddenly returns to her. And now I want to drown this emotion in alcohol, she thinks as she exhales sharply. “Okay then,” she says as she drags herself to her car. Driving home is the same as driving to work. She stares blankly at the car in front of her and just keeps driving.