A new year should mean a fresh start, and when the new year arrives, it will mean the exact opposite for my sister. For her, it will mean the start of a horrible few months of chemo and radiation, a time when Abby won’t understand what’s going on with her mom and how to make her feel better. A time when Courtney may not even recognize herself by the end.

I need the stability while she goes through this. I put a plan into motion with Juliette to save money for my nieces, but I need to return to work if I’m going to maintain my lifestyle and put money aside for them. Stepping back into my previous role as a contractor at Security Haven is a start.

The doors that once welcomed me daily now overwhelm me as I open them to step through. I don’t know if my hands are shaking from the cold or because I’m nervous.

“Landon! Right on time!” Jeff meets me at the front door. “I’m glad you came to work for us again. I think this will be great.”

I wish I could say the same. While I decided to come back, the decision hasn’t been an easy one. It comes down to stability and sanity. There are only so many days I can frequent Starbucks before they hand over an apron and tell me to get to work. As much as I enjoy my coffee, a barista isn’t on my short list of jobs.

“Do you still have my office set up?” I haven’t been gone even two months. I can’t imagine my office is already empty and revamped for someone new. Not to mention when I did work here, I loved my office. Fifth floor, overlooking the park, an awesome view of the changing colors in fall and the newly fallen snow in winter. It’s perfection.

“Actually, Todd Waiters took that office.”

Todd. My replacement. I only met him a handful of times, and as much as I want to hate him, I can’t. The truth is he’s a stand-up guy. Married, three kids, supports local businesses. But he took my job. Took it. I can be upset about that, right?

If Todd has my old office, where will my new office be? Don’t tell me Jeff will shove me in a corner or downgrade me into a bunker like George Costanza when he worked at Play Now, and they tried to push him out. No. Jeff wouldn’t do that.

“We put you in an office with someone else.”

“With?”

“Yes, with. As in you’ll be sharing an office.”

I guess sharing with someone is better than being shoved in a basement. Though that’s usually reserved for newbies. Wait, I guess even though I’d been at the company for over a decade, I’m no longer an official employee. I’m the low one on the totem pole.

“Who is my office-mate?” Is that what this person is called? An office-mate? Like a roommate?

“His name is Michael Hughes. He worked for Denny Security Systems for about three years before he came over here. He’s real good at his job . I think you’ll like him.”

Three years? Michael “Stole My Job” Hughes had been with the company for three years, and they kept him on and not me. I don’t doubt I have more experience than this guy. By the time we arrive at the elevator, I’m already second guessing my decision. I’m sharing an office, I have more experience than my co-worker, and I have to start from the bottom up. I don’t like this at all.

Jeff chats about little stuff on the short ride to the third floor. I didn’t frequent this floor too often, and I’m only somewhat familiar with the layout. Jeff guides me through a hallway and into an office with no windows.

No windows. It’s dark, dingy, and might as well be the basement. The basement has a vending machine tucked away by the stairs. Maybe that would be a better option. A young kid sits behind the desk against the wall. He’s easily under twenty-five years old. Real young. Real young with his hipster glasses and button up plaid shirt and slacks that are too tight.

“You must be Landon. Michael Hughes. It’s great to meet you. Real great.” He stands from the desk and leans over to shake my hand.

His grip is weak, cold, and I could almost rip his hand off with mine. He seems eager for information, hungry in a way I was when I first started in the industry. I’m sure he’s a suck-up if I’ve ever seen one. Though I was probably the same way, too.

“Nice to meet you, too.” Is it, though? I go through the motions, eager to get through this first official day back. I want to be with Juliette, sipping wine and making love like we did on Christmas. I don’t want to be sitting in a dim office with this Michael kid.

Is it even only Michael? Do I want to be here at all? I spin slowly in a circle, surveying the room. From the plain metal desks to the desktop computers and the motivational posters hung on the wall, this doesn’t feel right. Is this a fit for me? Will I be happy here? I think about my sister and my nieces. I want to do this for them. I should suck it up.

Courtney is in my head rattling on about how life is short, and we should seize every opportunity to be happy. If anyone knows about not taking life for granted, it’s her. I want to be happy, and I don’t think I can do that here.

“Michael, I’m sure you’re very talented and will bring awesome things to this company.” I turn to Jeff who stands there with his arms crossed. “Jeff, thank you for the opportunity, but I can’t do this.”

“Excuse me?” Jeff looks at me dumbfounded, and Michael has no idea what to say, his mouth dropped open.

“Sorry.” I back out of the room as though a bomb will explode if I step wrong. “Sorry.” Before I can hear anyone’s response, I bolt for the door, racing to my car. Life’s too short to spend it where you don’t want to be. I can do this on my own.

Just watch.