Chapter Eleven
Rhys
I stood in front of my refrigerator with the door open and stared inside. I was uncertain what I wanted to eat and my stomach was growling angrily. Since the day I’d kissed Savannah in the garden, my appetite for food was unpredictable. I wouldn’t feel like eating a single bite for days at a time, and then I was ravenous. I knew that I needed to eat, but everything tasted like dust. I hadn’t gone to the grocery store in over a week and my pantry was very nearly bare.
I hadn’t been sleeping well since that day either. My dreams were strange and frightening. A woman with long dark hair and black eyes haunted me. She looked exactly like Rhiannon Temple but she was dressed in clothing from centuries ago. After I absorbed Cornelius’ power, I often had peculiar dreams and I realized I was experiencing his memories. I couldn’t decide if the recent dreams I’d been having were Cornelius’ memories with Rhiannon’s face injected or my subconscious response of dealing with the suspicion she roused in me.
Then there was the kiss. As the weeks wore on, I began dreaming of Savannah more and more, reliving the moment of that kiss. Sometimes the memory would meld with the dream and I wouldn’t stop kissing or touching her. Other times I had to experience the moment I told her it was a mistake over and over. The pain in her eyes and the way her expression shut down when I spoke made my chest ache. It wasn’t surprising that my appetite was ruined.
The doorbell rang, saving me from searching for food that wasn’t there. I shut the fridge with a sigh and walked to the front door. When I saw who stood outside, I was tempted to ignore her presence, but she was my landlord and I knew she had a key.
“Good evening, Ava,” I greeted her when I opened the door.
She didn’t reply as she walked past me into the house.
“Please, do come in,” I commented dryly.
Ava turned on me. “What exactly are you doing with Savannah?” she asked.
I frowned at her, not sure I understood why she was here. “Nothing. I haven’t spoken to Savannah in weeks.”
“I know!” she exclaimed. “Why aren’t you talking to her?”
My body tensed at her question. “I’m not sure how any of that is your business,” I replied, my voice cold and harsh. “You’re my landlord, not my friend.”
She winced briefly and tried to hide it, but I saw it all the same. Still, her voice was gentler this time when she spoke. “Do you know why I offered you this house?”
I shook my head and shut the door I was still holding open.
She took a deep breath. “I saw in you what I see in Savannah. You’re looking for your place in this world. But your place isn’t in a particular city or country, it resides within another person.” I shook my head in denial, but Ava just smiled and continued. “You’re not the only one who can see into the heart of people, Rhys. As soon as I met you, I saw your deepest desire. You want someone to love who will love you in return. You want to go to sleep every night knowing that there is someone in this world who cares for you. And I can’t blame you for that. It’s one of the most basic human desires, the desire to be loved. Yet it’s the most difficult to confess.”
“But I’m not human,” I argued.
Her expression grew alert at my words. “Out of everything I just said, it’s interesting to me that you latched on to that particular statement. You won’t deny your deepest desire, but you deny your humanity.”
“I’m not human,” I repeated. “I haven’t been human since Gaius made me what I am.”
Ava considered me, her gaze strangely intense. “Maybe not completely, but you’re still mostly human. You may need something more than food and water to survive, but you’re not a monster.”
I didn’t disagree with her aloud, but she seemed to read my thoughts clearly.
“That’s why you stopped talking to Savannah, isn’t it?” she asked. “Because you believe you’re evil and you don’t want to taint her.”
I jerked my chin. “I think it’s time for you to go.”
Ava moved toward me, her eyes shifting and shimmering, becoming more blue than purple. I watched in awe as her face seemed to glow with an inner light. I realized it was her power. Ava Amaris held tremendous magic within her body, so much that it bled from her skin and eyes, lifting her hair with an invisible wind. How she leashed it, I couldn’t understand. From this distance, I could feel the pulse and weight of it.
“Rhys of the Dark, you have never been a monster. I can see inside you. I know how you were made and what you carry within you. If you were what you believed yourself to be, I would never have allowed you into my shop, much less into my life. It is time for you to release the past and move toward the future.” Even her voice resonated with magic.
I shook my head. “Stop it, Ava. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Slowly, the glow that emanated from her receded and there was one last pulse of her power before it withdrew. Once again, she was the small blonde woman with strange purple eyes. She appeared completely normal, as though the last few seconds had never happened.
“I do know,” she replied in a whisper. “I know what it’s like to walk around in your body, feeling as though what’s inside you is dangerous. And it is, but you are what you are and you can choose how you wield your strength. Those choices are what make you a good man instead of a monster. I know, Rhys. You and I are more alike than you realize.”
Her words were insidious, creeping inside me and creating cracks in the shield I’d created around my heart. Though I would never admit it, I wanted to believe her. I wanted to believe I could have someone like Savannah in my life. No, not someone like Savannah, but Savannah herself.
“If you give her a chance,” Ava murmured. “Savannah will show you exactly how she sees you and you’ll understand that she is right. She brings out the best in people because that’s what she sees. If you give her time, you’ll realize that she does the same for you.”
I hesitated. Ava was telling me everything I wanted to hear and my own heart yearned for the picture she painted regardless of the possibility that I might hurt Savannah.
“Give yourself a chance, Rhys. And give her a chance. I’ve never seen her like this.”
That got my attention. “Like what?”
Ava shook her head. “No, it’s not my story to tell. I shouldn’t have even mentioned it, but I can’t stand to see her hurting.”
I knew I’d hurt Savannah after I kissed her, but I thought she would recover quickly. We barely knew each other.
“Will you talk to her?” Ava asked.
I relented. “Yes, I’ll talk to her.”
Ava smiled brightly. “Great. Then you should put some shoes on.”
“What? Why?” I asked, frowning at her.
“Because you’re coming with me to Savannah’s house for dinner. She’s making my favorite—Salisbury steak and mashed potatoes.”
“Ava, maybe—”
“Go put your shoes on and come with me,” she commanded. Her tone brooked no argument.
Unaccustomed to someone telling me what to do, I balked.
“Rhys, this is your opportunity to get what you want and to give the same to Savannah. Take it or regret it for the rest of your extremely long life.”
With that, she walked out the front door, shutting it softly behind her. Without thinking about what I was doing, I went into my bedroom and grabbed my sneakers. I tied them on quickly and left the house.
As soon as I knocked on Savannah’s door, it opened to reveal Ava. “I knew you’d make the right choice.” She turned away from me and called out. “We’ve got one more for dinner!”
“What?” Savannah asked, her voice floating out of the kitchen. “Who?”
Ava led me into the kitchen. “I invited Rhys. I thought he could use a good home-cooked meal.”
As soon as I saw Savannah’s face and her demeanor, I regretted what I had done weeks ago. The light I was so accustomed to seeing within her was snuffed. I felt like shit.
She was staring at me in surprise, the spoon in her hand poised over the pan on the stove.
“Hi, Savannah,” I said.
When I spoke, she visibly gathered herself. “Hi, Rhys. How have you been?” Then she peered down into the pan in front of her, stirring the contents.
The stiff formality in her voice made me wince. And the fact that she wouldn’t look at me? I hated it. I’d broken something between us when I kissed her and then turned away. I sensed it would take quite a bit of work to fix it.
I glanced at Ava, who nodded and left the room, and then stepped closer to Savannah. “Not so good,” I replied.
Her head came up then and she peered at me. “What?”
I turned so that I faced her, keeping space between us, and leaned a hip against the counter. Crossing my arms over my chest, I answered, “You asked how I’ve been. I haven’t been doing well.”
Some of the blankness left her eyes as concern crept in. “What’s wrong?”
This would be the difficult part. I wasn’t accustomed to talking to other people, much less admitting my feelings. “I hurt you and, in the process, hurt myself.”
Her brows drew together. “What do you mean?”
“I made a mistake at the park a few weeks ago.”
She turned her face away from me then. “I know, you said as much then.”
“That’s not what I’m referring to,” I stated. When she still wouldn’t look at me, I continued, “I shouldn’t have said that to you because it wasn’t a mistake.”
Savannah looked at me then. “It wasn’t?”
“No, it’s not something either of us should regret.”
“Then what are you talking about?”
“I shouldn’t have said what I did after,” I admitted. “I shouldn’t have hurt you.”
“But if that’s how you feel, you should be honest,” Savannah replied, her face sad.
“Maybe, but I don’t truly feel that way. I didn’t want to push you away, but I felt I had to.”
Her dark eyes moved over my face as though she were trying to get a sense of what I was feeling. Or if I was telling the truth. “Why did you think you had to push me away?”
“Because I didn’t want to hurt you.”
Savannah frowned in confusion. “So you hurt me in order not to hurt me?”
I ran a hand over my hair, feeling as though I were fucking this up somehow. “I didn’t see it that way at the time. I thought…” I stopped speaking, unsure if I could admit what I was truly thinking.
“You thought what?”
“I didn’t think it would truly hurt you. I wasn’t sure you felt more than a passing attraction for me,” I confessed. “I didn’t expect it to affect you much.”
Savannah stared at me for a long moment. I realized that I couldn’t read her as I had before because she had erected barriers around her heart. The knowledge stabbed into my chest like a knife. Savannah had always been completely open with me and now that trust was gone.
“The last time I kissed a man before you was my junior year in college,” she admitted quietly. “That was nearly eight years ago. I haven’t even been on a date since then, much less kissed someone. You weren’t an experiment or a passing fancy. I liked you a lot.”
I noticed that everything she said was in past tense and it hit me hard that I might have ruined something special before it had a chance to begin. “I’m sorry, Savannah.” She didn’t speak and I asked, “Would you like me to leave?”
“No,” she replied quickly. “No, I don’t want that. I’m just not sure…” She hesitated. “I’m not sure things can be the same.”
Though I hated the words, they also gave me hope. She wanted me to stay but she was guarded. Ava had been right when she hinted that my rejection had affected Savannah deeply. I wondered if she was also correct that Savannah and I could find what we both wanted with each other. I wanted to find out.
“Then they’ll be different, but I don’t necessarily think that’s a bad thing.”
Savannah looked surprised at my words, but a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. “You don’t think so?”
I shook my head. “We were friends before. This time I’d like to try something different.”
The light I’d become so fond of began to return to her eyes. “I don’t think you understand what I’m trying to say. I’m not sure I can handle a romantic relationship with you.”
“Then we’ll date until you do.”
“Date?” she asked, her voice high and thin.
“Isn’t that what modern couples do when they want to get to know each other? Go to dinner? The movies? Hook up?” I’d heard the last term on television a few days before but I still wasn’t completely sure of its meaning.
“Hook up?” Savannah choked, her eyes wide.
“That doesn’t mean what I thought it did, does it?”
She laughed, pressing a hand to her stomach. “Hooking up is a euphemism for, well.” She paused, a look of consternation on her face.
“Euphemism?” A pretty pink blush spread across her cheeks and I knew she was embarrassed but I wasn’t entirely sure why. I couldn’t resist teasing her a bit. “What’s that?”
She bit her bottom lip. “It’s a vague or different way to describe something.”
“So what does hooking up describe?”
The pink in her cheeks intensified into a bright red and I began to understand what it meant.
Before I could tell her not to worry about it, she muttered, “Sleeping together. Uh, having sex.”
“Okay, maybe that could wait.”
Savannah choked again and the blush moved down her neck to her chest. I wanted to kiss her then because she looked so pretty and flustered, but Ava returned to the kitchen, cradling Satchel in her arms like an infant.
“If you two are done having your awkward discussion, could we eat soon?” she asked. “I’m starving and that Salisbury steak smells amazing.”
The moment was broken. Savannah turned back to the stove with pink still staining her cheeks. “Yeah, it’s nearly ready. I just need to mash the potatoes.”
“Then Rhys and I will set the table,” Ava volunteered, gesturing for me to go into the dining room. As I walked past her, she whispered, “I’m glad you took my advice. I accept thank you gifts on Tuesdays and Thursdays.”
I smiled for the first time in weeks.